"I'm HIV positive."
Everything froze at that moment. Ben, gorgeous, smart, sexy, wonderful Ben is positive? Fuck. What am I supposed to say to that? 'It doesn't matter'? Well, it does. I've seen what Uncle Vic has gone through, what Ma's gone through dealing with him.
But Ben is... I mean, God, look at what he wrote to me in his book. He's amazing; should I let the fact that he's positive make me shut him out? I mean, hell, a lot of people are positive; that guy I went home with last week could have been. We were safe, but still, accidents happen.
Just because he's positive doesn't mean we couldn't touch each other, and I want to touch him, to get on with what we'd started before his confession. I want to feel his body everywhere, listen to the way his voice changes when he's about to come, lick that adorable cleft in his chin...
Okay, I guess my mind's made up then, and with that, time snaps back to normal.
"I'm negative, does it matter?"
His eyes widen, the pupils dilating until the blue is almost lost in a wash of black. "To some people it does."
"So we be careful, for both of us," I murmur and run my hands up his chest, one curving around his neck to pull him in for a kiss, the other resting over his heart, feeling it beat faster as our tongues slide together. God, he tastes good, feels good. I want more. No, I need more.
Maybe it's being away from David, maybe it's finally getting out of the Big Q and on my own, maybe I'm finally growing up, I just know I've never felt this aggressive before. Ben's still kissing me, his hands working on my buttons much as I undid his moments ago. While he's occupied with that, I'm busy with his pants again, finishing what I'd started before his confession.
"You know, I have a perfectly good bed in the other room." His voice is hoarse and uneven, and just the sound of it makes me shudder, knowing he's as turned on as I am.
"Then we probably should get in there and use it." I grin, and he laughs aloud, kissing me once more before leading the way down the hall to his bedroom. I'll admit I don't even notice anything about the room except that the bed is big and comfortable and that both our clothes are on the floor, which is a good thing.
Then we're in bed together, and this is a very good thing. I can't get enough of Ben, want to touch him all over, taste him all over. I give a small growl of frustration, knowing this is one thing I can't do, but there's plenty that can be done.
We're kissing again, and his hands are on my ass, my hips, my back. Our cocks are rubbing together, and while I want to look at him, I can't pull away from the amazing feel of his body. Our legs are wound together, hands groping, hips thrusting, mouths everywhere they can reach. This isn't going to take long; I'm so turned on I could scream, and I have the feeling that Ben's not far behind.
Oh God, that sound, that's it. His hands tighten on my ass, and warm wetness bathes my stomach seconds before my own orgasm hits me like a steamroller.
"Ben. Man, that was..." I give up trying to talk and kiss him instead, our frantic motions calming until we're just stroking each other. I pull back to look at him, a silly grin on my face, one that widens when I see he has an identical expression. We burst into laughter and hug, and nothing has ever felt this good.
"Can you stay the night?" He's reaching for wipes to clean us up, and I shiver at the feel of the wet, soapy square moving over my stomach and groin.
Sure I can; I don't have to be at the shop until ten, and the apartment is on the way there, so I can swing in to change as well as fill Em in on the details when he asks. Do I want to? Hell, yeah!
"You bet." He tosses the soiled wipes away, and we curl up back together, arms around each other, legs intertwined, content and sleepy.
I feel him shift, and a sighed out breath moves my hair. "Thank you, Michael."
I push up on an elbow just enough to look at him, brows furrowed in confusion. "For what? I should be thanking you for asking me to stay."
He shakes his head, and a lock of his hair falls down on his forehead, one I have to brush away. "Once I tell people that I'm positive, most take off, unless they are too. But you, I was right when I wrote that to you. You are a superhero, Michael."
Now it's my turn to shake my head. Superhero, me? No way. Brian's the hero; I'm the sidekick. But maybe...
"If I am a hero, then you're my weakness," I smile, brushing a kiss across Ben's lips and feeling his arms tighten around me, holding me close. Wow, he really thinks that. Nobody's ever seen me like this; it's a weird feeling, one I really like.
"Really?" His eyes light up again, and we're both smiling again.
"Yeah, really, my own personal kryptonite."
"Hmm, I'd rather be your Lois Lane."
That comment sobers me for a moment, bringing on its heels thoughts of Brian. Brian who's with Justin, Brian who would more than likely never see me as anything more than his friend - and I suppose that's enough. For once I'm not going to worry about what he or anyone else thinks about my choices; I'm making them and living with them.
"How about you just be you and I'll be me?"
"Mmm, sounds perfect to me." He sighs and relaxes back against the pillows, and I follow, resting my head on his shoulder, feeling the even rise and fall of his chest as he breathes.
"Yeah, it does." I don't know what's starting here, but I know I like it. With David I always felt insecure, out of place, but with Ben it just feels good. I guess I'll see what happens next, but I'm really hoping this one has a happy ending.
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