Tulips Interlude 6B:
The Envelope Please
Disclaimer: We all know that they don't belong to me, and
I promise to put them back when I'm done. Vic, Mac, the Director, the Agency
and pretty much everything except the neighbors belong to John Woo and
Alliance Entertainment. Just let me win the lottery though....
Vic flipped through the mail indifferently while Mac rummaged around in
the fridge, trying to find something to eat. "Bill, bill, junk mail, Ed
McMahon wants to make me a millionaire, more bills... hey, maybe I should
send them to Ed? Something from my mother -- God, what does she want?
The sudden exclamation and the tone of horror brought Mac's head out of
the fridge. "What's wrong?"
Vic waved an envelope at him with an expression of dismay. "It's our
invitation to the Agency Awards. Do you suppose we could get ourselves blown
up again to miss them again this year?"
Mac looked at him like he was nuts. "Oh, come on, they aren't that
Vic regarded him pityingly. "You've only been once, and for whatever
reason, the black widow was on her good behavior that year. You know all
those so-called joke categories she keeps threatening us with? Well, they're
"Huh? Not what?" Mac was understandably confused.
Mac snorted. "Yeah, right. Gimme a break. I didn't fall off the
turnip truck yesterday, Vic."
"Fine, don't believe me. But ask around the Agency about Sven and
Inge. They were agents who were a couple when the Awards night rolled around
three years ago. Ask others about how their night went."
Mac was starting to feel a little uneasy. "You're kidding me, right?
She wouldn't actually do that. I mean...Best Performance, Best Swordsman,
Best Vocal Chords?" he finished with a wail, naming just a few
of the categories the Director had suggested since they'd gotten together.
Vic shook his head unhappily. "Yeah, she would. Some of the
categories she came up with for those other two made me cringe. God,
I'd settle for another gun-toting, homicidal clown right now."
Mac frowned and moved closer. "Don't even joke about that, babe. I
nearly lost you before I ever found you."
Vic snorted. "You'd found me; you just couldn't see what was right
under your nose. For that matter, you weren't so eager to see my life saved
when we were hanging off that building and Li Ann hauled me up."
Mac shrugged sullenly. "So I run off at the mouth when I'm scared.
You already knew that."
Vic ran the back of a finger lightly over Mac's cheek. "I know, Mac.
You'd nearly died. It's understandable that you'd be a little scared and
Mac stared at the floor. It would be so easy not to say anything and let
Vic go on believing that. "It's not that," he said reluctantly.
"What do you mean?" Vic asked curiously.
"I wasn't scared 'cause I almost died; I was scared because
you did. But I couldn't admit that to myself or you or Li Ann, so I
convinced myself I was jealous because she picked you. But really I was
ready to scream because I'd had to imagine a world without you in it."
"Why didn't you say something?" Vic was beyond stunned.
He'd had no idea that Mac had cared anything beyond a grudging partnership
"I couldn't even admit it to myself. How could I tell you? Besides,
on the rare occasion when I'd let myself think about it for an instant,
usually just before I fell asleep, I was sure that you'd punch me if you had
any idea. I figured you for 100% heterosexual."
Vic laughed softly. "I'd probably never have looked at a man -- or
at least not acted on a vague curiosity," he admitted honestly,
"if I hadn't met you. I wasn't interested in men until you got under my
skin and started driving me crazy. I wanted to kill you when you were going
to marry that arms dealing bimbo."
"She wasn't a bimbo," Mac protested, only to be silenced by
"Whatever," Vic muttered, turning away.
"We've gotten kind of off the topic here. You were telling me about
these agents who were a couple."
Vic shrugged. "I already told you; the Director will make use
of those oh so delightful categories she revels in dreaming up to embarrass
the hell out of us."
Three weeks later, sitting back down at the table he was sharing with
Vic, Li Ann, Jackie, Dobrinsky, Nathan, Allegra, and the Director, Mac
wished he'd taken Vic's warning more seriously. He looked down at the trophy
he and Vic had just won for "Most Improved Partnership" and prayed
for this evening to end.
After the applause and sniggers died down, the Director went up on stage
to personally announce the next category and nominees. "Ladies and
gentlemen, the next category, my own personal favorite," she purred,
"is 'The Agent Most Often Caught in Compromising Positions.' It will be
no surprise to anyone to learn that among the nominees are Victor Mansfield
-- stand up and wave to the nice people, Victor -- and Mac Ramsey. The other
nominees are Jackson Benteen, Raine, and Dobrinsky." The others named,
a southerner who gave poor white trash a bad name and a slutty-looking young
woman in neon-pink spandex and feathers, acknowledged their nominations.
"And the winner is..." the Director opened the envelope and pulled
out the name. "Oh my, this is a first, everyone. We have a tie.
Vic, Mac, you both win." She smiled fondly at them, ignoring
their shudders. "Do you suppose it could have anything to do with the
fact that you're always caught in compromising positions with each
other?" She kissed each lingeringly as they accepted their trophies and
slunk back to their seats.
It was Dobrinsky's turn to stand up and go to the stage to present the
next award. "I'm sure all you have your own personal favorites for this
next category: The Most Distracting Agent. As you know if you've been here,
Raine has won it for the last ten years, and she's one of this year's
nominees." He paused for the catcalls and wolf whistles to die down as
Raine stood up and blew kisses, dropping her pink feather boa to reveal she
wore nothing but pasties above the waist. "But this year, she has some
competition. Also nominated are Jackie Janczyk, Victor Mansfield--"
"Eyelashes!" somebody yelled.
Dobrinsky continued unheedingly, "Mac Ramsey--"
Dobrinsky glared the culprit into silence. "And the Director,"
he finished. Total silence fell as the agents absorbed that last name and
turned as one to stare at the serene woman. They eyed her as they would an
unleashed tiger in their midst, and every person there knew she had to win.
What could possibly be more distracting than her air of benevolent
malevolence? Then they followed her gaze to Vic and Mac, who were petting
each other despite the public setting, and their only question was whether
this would be the second tie.
Raine, ignored as she hadn't been in years, pouted at her table. She
didn't like having the attention taken away from her like this, but watching
the heat the two men generated, she figured she didn't have a hope of
winning this year.
Dobrinsky was enjoying the suspense and took his time opening the
envelope, eyeing the nominees consideringly all the while. He pulled out the
single sheet of paper, read it, shook his head, and read it again. He stared
from it to the Director to the others in the running, then burst into
laughter. He nearly doubled over as he howled, unable to speak for some
time. Finally, he regained control of himself and straightened up, though
his shoulders still shook suspiciously. Even the Director looked surprised
by his reaction.
"Well, it looks like we have another first, boys and girls,"
Dobrinsky announced, wiping the tears of mirth from his face. "We had a
write-in candidate who won. Come on up here and accept your prize..."
he paused dramatically, "Nathan."
They could have heard a pin drop in the room. Nathan peered around
nervously, clutching a clipboard to his chest. No one was quite certain why
he had a clipboard or what he was talking about when he launched into some
long-winded diatribe about Alex Trebek and giant insects, but he certainly
Vic gaped at Nathan in disbelief, then turned to Mac. "We lost to Nathan?"
Mac bit his lip hard to hide his laughter. "It's okay, babe, I
still think you're the most distractingly beautiful thing on the
Vic sulked. "You're just saying that. I don't believe Nathan
beat me. I could see the Director or you, or even Raine, but Nathan?"
He shook his head.
Mac chuckled and drew Vic to his feet while everyone was distracted by
Nathan's speech and his antics when the Director approached him. "Come
with me, and I'll show you how distracted you make me."
Vic laughed. "That has to be the corniest line I ever heard."
"Does that mean you don't want to get out of here?"
"Far from it. Just try not to get us in trouble again."
Mac looked put upon. "I don't make trouble," he protested,
pouting when Vic laughed at him. "Fine, whatever." He drew Vic
toward the door and out into the hallway.
"We can't stay here," Vic pointed out. "The Director'll
come after us and just drag us back in there. I'm waiting for her to demand
demonstrations of some of these things she's nominating us for." He
Mac looked horrified at the very idea and headed down the hall
purposefully. Vic followed him, then stopped short when he realized where
"Are you insane?" he demanded in a harsh whisper, looking
around nervously. "This is the Director's office, for crying out
Mac dropped down into her chair, wriggling enticingly as he settled.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Mac grinned. "You can't tell me you've never thought about it."
"Thought about what? Getting killed? I can think of much more
pleasant ways of dying!"
"Making out in the Director's office, in her chair, on her desk.
Fucking ourselves silly right here when she's just down the hall," Mac
"You are insane! Get the fuck up and let's get the hell out
of here!" Vic stopped talking and gulped when Mac unfastened his fly,
reached in, and started stroking himself.
"Your wish is my command," Mac laughed, his breath catching as
his thumb rubbed the ultra-sensitive head of his cock. "I'm up to
fuck," he added, purposely misunderstanding Vic's comment.
Vic groaned, but he didn't move away from the arousing sight of Mac
caressing himself. He watched avidly as the outline of the long, clever,
thief's fingers moved under the trousers, licking his lips when Mac shoved
the pants and boxers down over his hips. Vic found himself closer without
any recollection of moving. He sank to his knees between Mac's widespread
legs, close enough to smell the musk of his lover's arousal. He couldn't
resist and swayed toward him, his tongue flicking out to run along Mac's
Mac gasped and sank lower in the chair, spreading his legs even wider. He
leaned his head against the back of the chair, looking down at Vic. He
watched as Vic slowly licked him, making sure not to miss a single
centimeter, occasionally nipping gently at the sensitive flesh. Mac
shuddered, his eyes half closing and his hands clenching on the arms of the
chair. Vic closed his lips around the head of his cock and sucked lightly,
his tongue swiping over him, and Mac's hips rose off the chair.
Vic released him and sat back, grinning up at Mac and licking his lips.
"We really should get out of the Director's office," he said
huskily. "God only knows what she'd do to us if she found us making out
here. I haven't forgotten her threat to castrate us."
Mac flinched at the memory, but it wasn't enough to distract him from the
arousal pulsing through his body, not with Vic kneeling between his legs.
"I want you so bad, Vic."
Vic's eyes closed briefly in reaction to that fervid statement, the
pupils dilated till his eyes appeared black when they opened again. He stood
up, bracing his hands on the back of the chair on either side of Mac's head,
and leaned in for a kiss. Their mouths clung, tongues exploring familiar
territory, parting only to gasp a breath before seeking one another again.
Finally the awkward position and increasing pain in his back from bending
over forced Vic to pull away. He straightened up long enough to shuck his
trousers, draping them carefully over the desk to prevent telltale crumpling
that the Director would be sure to comment on. Naked from the waist down, he
climbed into Mac's lap, wrapping himself around his lover. He settled his
head on one shoulder, snuggling into Mac, and his tongue lapped languidly at
the tanned skin.
Mac wrapped his arms tightly around Vic, holding him close. "I know
you're only happy sleeping on top of me, Vic, but don't fall asleep here.
The dragonlady would not be amused."
Vic chuckled and squirmed, aligning his ass with Mac's erection. "No
way I'd let this go to waste." He frowned when Mac didn't move. He
jabbed back with his elbow, getting a grunt in response.
"Hey! What was that for?"
"Just making sure you were still awake. If you want me to play by
myself, just say so."
Mac had to swallow hard a few times before he could speak with the image
of a naked Vic playing with himself in his mind. "I was just enjoying
the moment...until you prodded me, that is. So much for romance."
Vic snickered. "Mac babe, I love it when you get romantic, but could
you not draw things out when I'm in the Director's office without my
Mac choked trying to hold in his laughter. "Good point." He
licked the side of Vic's throat, shifting the older man so that he sat in
his lap, back to Mac's chest. "Put your legs over the chair arms,"
Vic gasped softly but followed Mac's directions, hooking his knees over
the armrests. Mac wished for a mirror in front of them to be able to see Vic
spread open like that, and he promised himself to pose Vic sometime for
their pleasure. He ran his hands over the muscular thighs, petting his lover
but mindful of the fact that the Director could come looking for them or
simply want to use her office at any moment.
Vic was panting, aroused by the vulnerable position, desperately wanting
to feel Mac's touch on more of him. As if hearing his thoughts, or perhaps
simply getting the message when Vic grabbed his hand and placed it on his
cock, Mac slowly stroked the hardening flesh. His fingers explored the rigid
length, then reached below to gently knead the heavy sac, making Vic moan.
His hand continued its journey, rubbing lightly over the sensitive area
behind the balls before tracing the length of the dark crevice between his
Vic squirmed helplessly, caught up in the sensations caused by Mac's hand
moving over him. He whimpered when the errant finger reached his anus and
slowly circled, brushing teasingly over him. His hips rose, trying to force
that finger inside him, but Mac's other hand pressed down on his belly,
holding him still. When he subsided, pleading with Mac to stop teasing him,
that second hand rose, stroking his belly and coming to rest over a nipple.
Vic moaned eagerly, but Mac just let it lie there, motionless, the heat of
his hand soaking into Vic's body. While Vic was distracted by the hand on
his chest, the other moved and one finger slid inside him.
Mac chuckled throatily. "Already lubed, babe? Isn't that just a
Vic managed a broken laugh. "Yup, and you know you love it."
"God, I can't believe you've been sitting there all night, ready for
me." Mac added a second finger, both moving easily inside Vic. He could
feel his own cock jerk at Vic's needy whine, and he reached between them,
urging Vic to raise himself slightly. Mac held his cock steady with one hand
and drew Vic toward him with the other. Both men groaned when they brushed
against each other, and Vic pushed down at the same instant Mac pushed up.
Vic yelped when Mac rammed into to the hilt, both of them taken by surprise.
They remained motionless for a moment after the abrupt entry, allowing Vic
to grow accustomed to Mac's presence inside him.
Mac's hands now gripped Vic's hips, his fingers unconsciously kneading
the muscle. Vic started to move as much as he could in his splayed position,
urging Mac to move as well. Mac arched his hips in minute fractions of an
inch, barely shifting, despite Vic's pleas. He loved to tease the older man,
drive him into a frenzy until he came screaming Mac's name when Mac finally
let him come. He held Vic still, not letting him move and not touching his
Vic swore viciously, twisting in Mac's grip as he tried to free himself
to move. "Fuck me, damn you!" he snarled, his hands clawing at
"Well, why didn't you just say so?" Mac gasped out, releasing
Vic's hips and gripping the arms of the chair to brace himself as he thrust
up into his lover.
Vic moaned loudly, his head falling back against Mac's shoulder, and he
matched Mac's rhythm. Mac nipped at the side of Vic's throat, then caught
his ear between his teeth, nibbling lightly. Vic grasped his cock in one
hand, pumping it rapidly as Mac thrust into him. He could feel his climax
approaching when the door opened and the Director walked in.
A supercilious eyebrow rose, and she folded her arms and leaned against
the door behind her. "Moving into my office, boys?"
They stared at her in horror, frozen in position with Mac buried in Vic's
ass and Vic's fist around his cock. Vic flinched involuntarily, making his
muscles tighten around Mac. Mac groaned and thrust into him, unable to help
himself. Their eyes were fixed on the Director, who watched them with a
smirk, but despite their dismay, they couldn't control their bodies. Even
the shock of her appearance hadn't shrunk their erections at all, and they
knew that they couldn't stop.
Under the Director's unblinking attention, Vic and Mac closed their eyes,
trying to ignore her presence and concentrate on the pleasure coursing
through their bodies. Their arousal didn't flag, but it was increasingly
hard to pretend the Director wasn't standing in front of them, watching ever
movement. In desperation, Mac raised one hand to Vic's chest, pinching and
tugging on a nipple, and Vic's eyes flew open as he cried out.
His hips arched convulsively as he began to come, then he dropped down
into Mac's lap, driving Mac as deep inside him as possible. Mac groaned
hoarsely, pulling Vic even closer as he exploded.
They remained draped bonelessly over the chair for a few minutes until
the Director's voice reminded them of their situation.
"Very nice, boys. However, I'm certain that you're supposed to be in
the hall where the awards are being presented. Get dressed and get back to
the table." She smiled toothily at them. "Unless you want me to
consider the two of you naked in my office as an invitation?"
She smirked at the speed with which they leaped to their feet and grabbed
for their clothes. Seeing that they were going to obey, she patted them on
the cheeks and left to go back to the presentation ceremony.
Grumbling and tousled, the two agents entered the room a few minutes
later, just in time to hear the Director announce, "And the final entry
for Most Photogenic is Mac Ramsey and Victor Mansfield." She directed
everyone's attention to the large screen at the back of the stage.
Vic and Mac slunk to their seats, watching the screen nervously. As they
sat down, a film clip started, set in a suspiciously familiar room.
"Oh shit! That's not..." Vic moaned.
"Fuck! It is." Mac seemed to be thinking about crawling
under the table.
Both men turned a vivid shade of red as video footage of their little
excursion into the Director's office rolled on screen. The entire audience
erupted in applause and wolf whistles, along with several yelled offers to
They buried their faces in their hands as the Director announced,
"And the winner is... Vic and Mac!"
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