Tangled Webs: Prelude
Hurt

Angyl

Disclaimer: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace is the property of Lucasfilm Ltd.

"I take Anakin as my Padawan Learner."

What? You can't! You have me...

"An apprentice you have already, Qui-Gon, impossible to take another."

Thank you, Master Yoda.

"The code forbids it."

Listen to Master Windu, Qui-Gon, please.

"Obi-Wan is ready to take the trials. He is headstrong and impatient and needs to trust more in the living Force, but there is nothing else I can teach him."

How can you say that? We are life-bonded - aren't we? Oh Force, you don't want me any longer. Why didn't you teach me this, Master, teach me how much a shattering heart can hurt? Have you stopped loving me? No - I will not show you how you've ripped my heart out; I will not be weak in front of you.

"I am ready to face the Trials."

"Our own judgment we will keep as to who is ready, Padawan. Young Skywalker's fate will be decided later, more pressing matters we must deal with now."

Do you sense my distress, Master Yoda? Is that why you are delaying the inevitable? He doesn't want me anymore.

"The Queen is returning to Naboo; this may escalate the conflict"

Force above, no more, don't do this...

"And draw out her attacker."

The mysterious thing from Tatooine, the one who almost took you from me, Mas... No, you no longer wish me to call you that, do you?

"You will return with her to Naboo; this may be the clue we need in solving the mystery of the Sith."

And then you will reject me... deny my place in your life as you are denying I have a place in your heart.

"Yes, my Masters."

Damn you, Qui-Gon.

Bow to the Council, Obi-Wan, don't forget your manners, the traditions you've been taught.

I should wait for Qui-Gon to precede me from the room, but...I need to get away from here. Gods, it hurts. He's probing my shields, trying to get under them. NO! I won't let him hurt me any more. I can't let him in; that last rejection, his disappointment and disapproval of me would kill me, and I know it.

I'm walking faster and faster; he has longer legs, but he also has the boy clinging to him, so he can't catch up. For once I am almost grateful. I can't really blame the child; he can't help what he is, but he is dangerous. No - I will not give in to those unworthy emotions. The boy is blameless - an innocent in all this. It is Qui-Gon who chose to thrust all of us into this maelstrom. I will not take my anger and pain out on a child; to do that would make me unworthy to be Jedi, and if I have my trials to face soon, I must be prepared.

I had to try and understand what Qui-Gon was doing, but did he have to thrust the blade deeper into my already shredded soul?

"It's not disrespect, Master; it's the truth."

"From your point of view, perhaps."

"The boy is dangerous. They all sense it; why can't you?"

"The Council will decide Anakin's fate. That should be enough for you. Now get on board."

"Master sir - I don't want to be a problem..."

He is so gentle and loving with the child, the way he used to be with me. Even breathing hurts now, the pain is so all encompassing. Can't he even feel my pain in the slightest? We have a life-bond; if he wanted to know my feelings, he could discover them no matter how much I shield myself.

Face the facts, Obi. He doesn't want to know your feelings. He no longer has room for you in his life; he has "the chosen one." You know he didn't really want you as Padawan in the first place; after all, remember Bandomeer. It took nearly dying to make him realize that we'd already bonded. And now... now he has a grand and glorious destiny. Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master to the Chosen One.

Gods above - I hurt.

If only I could make this pain go away. Please - Force be merciful and please make this pain go away.

END

  since 02-17-07

 

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