Friday, February Twenty-fourth, 2006What's up, Mike? You ever met a man of his word like K.C. Forester?
But the people I really want to address are the lady and the gentleman (your names are long gone) who gave me the excellent grooming advice.
Next stop, Beardsville!
Thursday, December Twenty-ninth, 2005
So, now that it's almost the end of 2005, we can really just forget about all the promises we made, like in the last Dose!
Anyway, here's to a fresh start, that hopefully includes tons of new Daily Doses!
Although, to be perfectly honest, we're giving some serious thought to just blogging on myspace. Seems like a better way to meet girls.
Saturday, December Third, 2005
We had a serious talk with webmaster Mike the other day and realized what an important duty we've been shirking by failing to update here at the Dose.
So we'd like to announce some big plans!
We are now embarking on a project of RETROACTIVELY updating the Dose. That's right, we're gonna go back and fill in ALL the dates we've missed.
We gotta go right now. More later.
Sunday, November Thirteenth, 2005
Why did we start writing the Dose again after oh so many months?
Because we just didn't know who else to talk to.
Now we're REALLY blogging.
Saturday, November Twelfth, 2005Were you with us when we bought our Adidas and got that free pair of Phat Farm ankle socks? Somebody was, but we forgot who.
Anyway, we came to really really love those socks, and then we did our laundry a couple of days ago and BAM! we're missing one of them! We also seem to be missing one part of a pair of white Hanes socks and black Jockey dress socks. What a disaster of a laundry trip.
And then a couple of weeks ago , we lost one of our gloves!
Monday, June Thirteenth, 2005
Well, I think we all owe the Hare Krishnas a big THANK YOU for a wonderful day in the park on Saturday!
We learned about reincarnation, ate vegetarian food, watched reenactements of scenes from the Bhagavad Gita, and really really enjoyed the colorful tents!
Sunday, June Twelfth, 2005
For a while, we were starting to really think that we could tell the difference between different regional British accents, but we're starting to think we were really just kidding ourselves.
Monday, June Sixth, 2005
Ever since we ran out of decaffeinated tea here at HQ, we've been thinking a lot about INNER calm, and how to spell "chammomile" (sp.?), cause we need to put it on the shopping list.
Sunday, June Fifth, 2005
Everytime we sit down to do this, we're reminded that we have no idea what the date is. Then we find out. Sometimes we ask somebody, sometimes we count from our mother's birthday, which is next Friday.
Tuesday, May Thirty-first, 2005
Man, why didn't anybody tell me I spelled "birthday" wrong back on May Sixth? Well, there's nothing that can be done about it now! That stuff is PERMANENT, like a tattoo!
Monday, May Thirtieth, 2005
Happy Memorial Day, everybody! I've said it to you individually and I'll say it to you collectively, you and me are going to have a GREAT summer together!
Sunday, May Twenty-ninth, 2005
Well, obviously we here at the Dose have been kind of wandering in the wilderness for a while now. But I think we've finally found a reason for being again: to document and comment on the new New Yorker cartoon caption contest and the cultural response to it!
So, in the big news of the week, the cartoon "Tom the Dancing Bug" by Ruben Bolling seems to have produced the first satire of the "NYCCC" that WE'RE aware of. See for yourself at tomthedancingbug.com!
Wednesday, May Eleventh, 2005
Man, everytime we see webmaster Mike he's a little bit cooler! It's getting kinda crazy.
Tuesday, May Tenth, 2005
Well, some of you may know that it was our birthday two days ago! And of course, some of you were so nice and got me things, so thanks a lot. You're all real wonderful.
Friday, May Sixth, 2005
If you come out for my birhtday on Monday night (Otto's Shrunken Head, at 14th and B, at 9 or so), I promise to start writing entertaining things on here again (or start writing entertaining things on here, dependeing on your point-of-view!). Speaking of entertaining, myself and others will play and sing on Monday night. Be there!
Thursday, May Fifth, 2005
I think that "Mozilla Firefox" makes the Dose look all f'ed up! Man, that is not cool at all. Mike, you should fix that. Somehow.
Wednesday, May Fourth, 2005
This is the Daily Dose in exile, reporting from a place far far away. Being away just reminds us more of the importance of updating your website. I mean, the Dose is really what we're going to be remembered for, after all.
Anyway, the most important piece of wisdom we've picked up on this particular set of travels is that the pirate's favorite Beatles song is "A Harrrrrrd Day's Night." Pretty interesting.
Saturday, April Twenty-third, 2005
I better find that thing I read I was gonna write about before I write about it. Don't want to say anything I'll regret, you know.
Friday, April Twenty-second, 2005
Good morning? It's already three in the afternoon!
Thursday, April Twenty-first, 2005
So, how's was every one's 4/20? Here at Dose HQ, we celebrated by just drinking a lot of coffee! Have you seen the Rutles movie? Our favorite part is the "Sgt. Rutle" part where the narrator says, "Yes, the Rutles were drinking tea." And then it has that great montage of people drinking tea.
Wednesday, April Twentieth, 2005
This summer. Expect the Daily Dose to be updated. Don't expect any apologies.
Saturday, April Ninth, 2005
From everybody here at Dose HQ, we would like to offer our sincere congratulations to Prince Charles of England and Camilla Parker-Bowles (sp.?), on their wedding day!
May your union be royally blissful!
Saturday, April Second, 2005
Obviously everybody here at Dose HQ has pretty ambivalent feelings about the whole internet thing.
But then we find a website like jewsharpguild.org, and we remember why we don't need libraries anymore!
By the way, if you want to want to go to jewsharpguild.org, consider finding a copy of the Rhino "Classic Albums" video about the making of the Band's second record, "The Band."
Friday, April First, 2005
Please send any good April Fool's stories to us. We would appreciate it.
Was anyone else listening to Brian Lehrer this morning? Was it our imagination or did he never actually reveal that he was playing an April Fool's joke? Isn't that against the rules? Like going up to someone's door on Halloween and not saying "Trick or treat"?
Sunday, March Twentieth, 2005
It's the first annual Daily Dose grammar contest! Award to be announced!
1.Lying? Laying? What's the deal?
2.How do you spell the adverbial form of "geniune"? How do you spell "geniune"? Is that right? You know, it's this problem that's led us to use that stupid word "earnestly" so much!
3.What is it that you're not supposed to end sentences with? Is it words like "with"? "In"? What are those called anyway?
Saturday, March Nineteenth, 2005
EXCITING NEWS!
The other day, we got up out of the corner, made our way through the unwashed clothes and empty honey jars that cover the floor here at HQ, and sat down at our desk.
We opened the top drawer, and wouldn't you know it! We found all the goddamn Daily Doses that never got posted for the past couple of months! Then we fell asleep at our desk.
But you can be assured that we will definitely get around to posting all those missing Dose entries, at least by the end of the summer!
Friday, March Eighteenth, 2005
Coming soon will be the full correct text of the best put-down I ever recieved. It was today that I recieved it!
It's a nice day. Take a walk.
Tuesday, March Fifteenth, 2005
The beginning of April is generating a lot of excitement here at HQ! April 1st is the birthday of Daily Dose favorite Sophia Naess (sophynaess.com), and April 2nd there will a terrific show at Pete's Candy Store! At 8 PM, Joshua David Stein and Kyle Forester (of Kyle's Daily Dose!) will be performing songs. It's "Jonathan Richmond with balls" according to SOMEBODY!
(Did I spell "Richmond" right? Or "Jonathan"?)
Monday, March Fourteenth, 2005
The great philosophical question of whether people are basically good or basically evil was answered for me the other night when that car service driver got the bus to stop for me. Thanks, man.
Sunday, March Thirteenth, 2005
Well, there's so much to say, but what can we say?
Saturday, February Nineteenth, 2005
A little apologetic verse for all the long-suffering Dosers.
You must all imagine,
Me slimy and scaly,
Cause I've been neglecting,
The "Dose that is Daily"!
But don't think that I'm dead,
Or that I've retired,
I've just been too drunken,
Or too uninspired!
[By the way, the "drunken" thing is a joke. Last time I complained of an ailment (remember the SAD?) I got all sorts of unneccesary medical advice via e-mail. Not that I didn't appreciate every last bit of it, I just felt like a bit of a boy crying wolf. So send any good "drunk" remedies my way, for certain!]
Saturday, February Twelfth, 2005
Well, we've heard that some Dosers out there are having trouble with their "in heat" cats. To help deal with this, we here at the Dose are now offering, free of charge, Q-tip vulvic massages to any cats in need of such a service. Give us a call. That means you, Sammy.
Saturday, February Fifth, 2005
For those of you who have been eagerly awaiting Groundhog's Day to see if this suffocating idleness at the Daily Dose would finally end, all we can offer at this time is this press clip.
"Groundhog Fray: Forecasts Differ" (from the New York Post)
February 3, 2005 -- Those of you who take weather predictions from large rodents are in for a difficult winter.
In a small town in Pennsylvania, famed weather prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow — which, as legend has it, means six more weeks of winter.
Meanwhile, in Lilburn, Ga., his bitter rival, Gen. Beauregard Lee, did not see his shadow, which means an early spring.
New Yorkers hoping for something definitive were sadly disappointed. Staten Island Chuck, whose accuracy rate is 84 percent, did not see his shadow. But the area's two other celebrated weatherhogs, Corona Kate and Flushing Meadow Phil of the Queens Zoo, disagreed over the forecast. Kate saw her shadow, Phil did not.
Thursday, January Somethingth, 2005
A message from the Daily Dose staff, to YOU--
Well, Kyle's going through his whole wintertime Seasonal Affective Disorder thing. We haven't really been able to get him to do anything. So, listen, we'll do what we can. Meanwhile, everybody should just be really nice to him, and not ask too much. We'll try to get him writing again real soon. Hopefully by Groundhog's Day. Thanks for your patience and understanding.
Friday, January Twenty-first, 2005
I think the other reason that those lyrics were on our mind is that they have to do with weather, and we had a PREMONITION that the weather would soon get dramatic. And look! It's a blizzard out there! Or will be soon! Or was some time in the past!
Thursday, January Twentieth, 2005
See, what we like about those John Lennon lyrics we posted the other day is that it's as if John Lennon were writing lyrics for the Band, which pretty much makes it the stuff of our dreams here at Dose HQ! Are you listening, Levon?
Wednesday, January Nineteenth, 2005
Well, we're glad we got that off our chest about that old man (the PERSONAL letter to the old man, not posted here on the Dose, was considerably more lengthy and vitriolic). It's just that, this year we even made an important New Year's resolution to use assertive but non-aggressive body language here at the Dose. You see, we're a pretty tall staff, and we're aware that that sometimes makes us an oppressive presence in movie theaters, subways, etc. This year at the Dose is all about gettin' small.
Tuesday, January Eighteenth, 2005
With apologies to anyone else who might be reading, today the Dose is addressed to one person only, and that's the old guy that called me an "asshole" on the train yesterday.
Listen, man, I was getting off the next stop, too. You can't tell me to get out of the way of the door and then call me names when I don't. I was carrying some heavy shit! You're the asshole, asshole!
Monday, January Seventeenth, 2005
Thank you very much BobbiAnn Zaccarelli, for letting me borrow your "ipod" to listen to "Street Hassle" by Lou Reed. Now I don't have an "ipod" but if I did I would lend it to you so you could listen to "Old Dirt Road" by John Lennon. Anyway, here's some of the words. Let's read them together now!
Ain't no people on the old dirt road
No more weather on the old dirt road
It's better than a mudslide mamma when the dry spell come, yeah
Oh oh oh old dirt road
Friday, January Fourteenth, 2005
Ah, it was so warm last night.
Thursday, January Thirteenth, 2005
Thursday the Thirteenth?!? Oh no!
Oh wait, that's "Friday the Thirteenth"!
Wednesday, January Twelfth, 2005
To avoid mix-ups like last weekend's, and also because of our recent hostile takeover by the Dow Jones Company, the Daily Dose will henceforce be published Monday through Friday only, like our sister publication the Wall Street Journal.
Tuesday, January Eleventh, 2005
Today's Daily Dose is dedicated to all the wonderful people who helped make our late-night subway ride home last night SO MUCH fun! Including, but not limited to-
1.The guys that had just gotten a ticket for jumping the turnstile, but who kept joking that he had gotten a ticket for "humping the turnstile."
2.Musician and acquantiance of mine, John Rossman, who I ran into and called "Sam." Sorry, man. I'll never forget your name again.
3.The girl with the very nice scarf and coat, who was talking to that other guy about the show they had just seen ("I wouldn't really buy the CD, but I would go to the show three or four times"), and also the job in Washington, D.C. that she was applying for.
4.The British guy with NEWS OF THE WORLD who asked the MTA worker how long he thought it would be until the next train came, and then thanked him for answering by grabbing his arm (it looked like it was a pretty firm grip) for a second.
Monday, January Tenth, 2005
Sorry about the still-missing Daily Doses from this weekend. We were sure we left them on the kitchen table, but when we got home they just weren't there. They must be around here somewhere...
Friday, January Seventh, 2005
Speaking of all the recent correspondence, we've taken some suggestions under consideration and are proud to announce (new for 2005!) guided tours of Dose HQ, given by none other than "webmaster Mike." He can probably be easily reached somewhere on this web site.
Thursday, January Sixth, 2005
To everyone who has been contacting us here at HQ:
We really appreciate all the feedback, but the pseudonyms are going to have to go. Unmask yourself!
Wednesday, January Fifth, 2005
As we reread yesterday's Dose, it occurs to us that the phrase "Let's give this some thought" might sound like we think that that kind of organization of society is a good idea. Not at all. In fact, we don't think ANYBODY should work for ANYBODY! If the DOSE ruled the universe, we are all independent contractors baby!
Tuesday, January Fourth, 2005
We try to keep really good track of everything we do. You know, money we spent, number of times we ride the subway, etc. But we realize that in order to really keep perfect track of everything we do, we would have no time left for actually DOING anything. So really we need to hire an assistant to do all the record-keeping. Then we were thinking that if everyone lived this way, there would really have to be two classes of people- one class of people who DO things, and one class of people who just record their exploits. Let's give this some thought.
Monday, January Third, 2005
Keep moving. Nothing to see here.
Sunday, January Second, 2005
The Daily Dose, see, is a metaphor for the days of our lives. Sometimes it comes easy, and sometimes you spent twenty minutes trying to come up with something that rhymes with "asleep" (other than "sheep," etc.) so you can write a poem about how you had a little bit of trouble falling asleep last night. But nothing comes to mind. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
You know the joke at the end of "Annie Hall" about the guy whose brother thinks he's a chicken? Let's talk about that joke sometime, and whether we really understand it.
Saturday, January First, 2005
Happy New Year, everybody!
Just think...2005!
It's the first year since 1995 that ends in a "5"!
Friday, December Thirty-first, 2004
As usual, we have a long list of New Year's Resolutions this year. But the one which is perhaps most dear to us is the one we make every year to join some kind of religious order. But don't worry, we'll still keep in touch.
Thursday, December Thirtieth, 2004
What was our favorite movie we watched in 2004? Why, HUMAN HIGHWAY by Neil Young! Thank you Ben Simon (from Rusty Blades vs. the Bones Brigade) for the excellent recommendation!
Wednesday, December Twenty-ninth, 2004
Some people say, "My feet hurt."
Some people say, "My back hurts."
Some people, "My feet and back hurt."
George Harrison said, "Used my body like a car/ Taking me both near and far/ When I was living in the material world."
Tuesday, December Twenty-eighth, 2004
The snow is falling down,
And all around the town,
There is no one with a frown,
Except for you.
Baby.
Monday, December Twenty-seventh, 2004
With so much of the staff away for the holidays, things here at Dose HQ have really been different. Last night we stayed up late watching this show on PBS about how the Soviets got the plans for the atomic bomb. There was this one spy named Saville Sax and he was really creepy-looking and I think that gave us trouble getting to sleep.
In more upbeat news, we gave a very thorough cleaning to our tea pot and now, after being covered with this weird residue for months and months, it's white and shiny like new! We're thinking of this as a metaphor for our new start coming up with the beginning of the new year!
Sunday, December Twenty-sixth, 2004
Yesterday at the grocery store, the manager suspected me of shoplifting. I could tell because he was following me around. And then at one point he asked me if I was looking for anything and then I saw him try to see in my jacket pocket!
Saturday, December Twenty-fifth, 2004
Everything's closed on Christmas, you say?
Well, you know what's never closed? Your MIND!
Merry Christmas, Dosers!
Friday, December Twenty-fourth, 2004
I think 2005's gonna be a really great year for the Dose, don't you?
Thursday, December Twenty-third, 2004
Ah, yes, Winter Time is here!
But what did I do with my hat?
Wednesday, December Twenty-second, 2004
Well, what would Dose HQ like for Christmas?
Where do we start! Mostly we want some comfortable sandals and a less heavy bike chain.
I mean, what do YOU want for Christmas, man?
Tuesday, December Twenty-first, 2004
Today is the Winter Solstice (sp.?)! It's the shortest day of the year, but LONG on FUN!
Monday, December Twentieth, 2004
After making almost all year without vomiting, we here at the Dose have begun in earnest this December! Sometimes with no explanation at all!
Sunday, December Nineteenth, 2004
This is a story that was told to me by Brian Perkins of Milwaukee, WI.
"I just left a coffee shop. I had to wait in line behind this couple that was really short. The man looked angry and tough, like he had a Napoleon complex or something. And his girlfriend looked really happy, she kept on affectionately touching him. He was unresponsive. They left just behind me and as I was walking toward my apartment, they started walking in the other direction.
I overheard the man say in a loud, serious voice: "That's it, I'm getting a fucking beret!""
Thank you Brian! Go to the website for Brian's movie at whoistheredfox.com!
Saturday, December Eighteenth, 2004
Woah. I had a good time.
Friday, December Seventeenth, 2004
What? TODAY is Mike's birthday?!? I better go down to Union Pool tonight and wish him the best for his twenty-fourth year!
Thursday, December Sixteenth, 2004
What? Mike's birthday is tomorrow? That's in LESS than a day!
Wednesday, December Fifteenth, 2004
Only two days until our "webmaster" Mike's birthday. His birthday party is at Union Pool at 8 PM, and if you have time to read this and don't have time to come to that, then I think we need to take a look at our priorities!
Tuesday, December Fourteenth, 2004
Still working on the "It goes on and on and on and on" thing...
Monday, December Thirteenth, 2004
Songs that have the line "It goes on and on and on and on"--
1.Journey, "Don't Stop Believin'"
2.A little help here would be appreciated.
Sunday, December Twelfth, 2004
Sorry we're having a little "Dose delay" problem, but we've been really busy here at HQ putting up Christmas decorations and narrowing down our list of possible New Year's resolutions!
Saturday, December Eleventh, 2004
Paul Richards from England, if you're reading this, the e-mail was really appreciated and we WILL write you back! Rule Britannia!
Friday, December Tenth, 2004
Alright, so yesterday's Dose was really lacking, I know. But I really am interested in this grammatical question, and also that Lou Reed lyric. I am for real.
Thursday, December Ninth, 2004
"Homonyms" sound the same but mean different things. But are they necessarily spelled differently? Let's talk about the Lou Reed lyric, "Just like poison in a vial/ She was sometimes very vile." That's how it goes, right? I might have to correct that later.
Wednesday, December Eighth, 2004
I can't remember my horoscope for this week(I'm a Taurus, ladies), but I can remember Sagitarrius' very well. I'm starting to feel like THAT's my horoscope. I better watch out before I anger the astrological higher-ups.
Tuesday, December Seventh, 2004
Ouch.
Monday, December Sixth, 2004
Sometimes you think you know the meaning of a word, but what you really know is the meaning of another word that is spelled almost the same. For example, this morning I looked up the word "indolence," which is not at all the same as "insolence," even though they have all but one letter in common! I think there's a more general lesson about life to be learned from this spelling lesson. Let's think about THAT today, Dosers!
Sunday, December Fifth, 2004
I went to Connecticut today and saw this Christmas tree and now I've got holiday cheer comin' out of my you-know-what, so watch out! Ka-blow!
Saturday, December Fourth, 2004
Wait, I'll be right back.
OK, here I am.
Well, yesterday I had the distinct pleasure of being interviewed about records I'm listening to for sophynaess.com. But appearing on another website has depleted my Internet powers so thoroughly that I find myself unable to "Dose out." It'll happen, though. I promise. But maybe not till Monday, cause I gotta go somewhere.
Friday, December Third, 2004
Hey, I believe I'm signed up for computer #3 at 2:00, and it's now 2:05, so it's my turn. No, you can't have two more minutes. Let's follow the rules here, people!
Thursday, December Second, 2004
Last night on Inside Edition they had this thing about a dog that opens doors. They had video of it in the pound letting all the other dogs out of their cages. Then when it got adopted by this family, it was just letting itself out the front door. Anyway, then I had a dream that that fucking dog was in! I'll tell you about it later.
Wednesday, December First, 2004
Today, frequently asked questions (FAQ) of the Daily Dose!
Q:Do you update the Dose EVERY DAY?
A:Yes!
Q:Even when you have NOTHING to say to ANYBODY about ANYTHING?
A:Absolutely!
Tuesday, November Thirtieth, 2004
Good afternoon, everybody!
Today, we would like to highly recommend that you go to our new favorite website, sophynaess.com. There's even a picture of us on it!
Monday, November Twenty-ninth, 2004
Today, Dosers, let's just take a moment with some Rolling Stones lyrics from "Between the Buttons."
"Someone says there's something more to pay,
For sins that you commited yesterday.
It's really rather drippy,
But something oh so trippy,
Something happened to me yesterday."
Sunday, November Twenty-eighth, 2004
All we here at the Dose seem to hear these days is, "The Dose is TOO SHORT! Blah blah blah!"
Yeah, well, listen people...we've been very busy here! Making DAILY DOSE t-shirts, corresponding with the editors, responding to fan mail, there's hardly time for doing what matters most, which is writing the highest quality DAILY DOSE we possibly can!
On THAT note, I had a dream last night that the bike path/pedestrian walkway of the 59th St. Bridge had been covered in sand. But I rode my bike over it like a champ! I think the sand represents the difficulty of writing THE DOSE, and I represent the writing of THE DOSE, and the bicycle represents the computer on which I write THE DOSE! What do YOU think?
Saturday, November Twenty-seventh, 2004
We here at the Dose realized last night that we forgot to pay our Con Ed bill this month! Let's be thankful we never did THAT before!
Friday, November Twenty-sixth, 2004
Sleeping.
ZZZ...ZZZ...
ZZZ...ZZZ...
Still sleeping.
Thursday, November Twenty-fifth, 2004
Still busy. Talk later.
Wednesday, November Twenty-fourth, 2004
We're in hurry right now, but we'll talk soon about what we're thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving, Dosers!
Tuesday, November Twenty-third, 2004
Did you have THIS conversation with me??
YOU: No, I've never seen the Frank Zappa movie "Baby Snakes."
KYLE: I would totally watch it again with you. I love that movie!
If so, please contact me so we can make plans to watch "Baby Snakes" together. I love that movie!
Monday, November Twenty-second, 2004
Well, yesterday we here at the Dose went to the movies and saw the SpongeBob movie as well as The Incredibles!
The Dose would like to formally encourage everyone to talk to JOHN ERIK JORDAN about the Sponge Bob movie! If you don't know him, I'll introduce you! I would post his phone number, but I should probably ask him first. Anyway, he's a busy guy.
I would also like to thank PETER LEVENS for buying the popcorn!
Now, what do these two movies have in common, othere than animation and terrificness?
Former cast members from "Coach," that's what! (You're on the Internet, look it up, lazy!)
Where did "Coach" take place?
Minnesota, that's where!
What else comes from Minnesota?
Husker Du, the Replacements, Prince, and 10 electoral votes that went to John Kerry, that's what!
Three cheers for Minnesota!
Sunday, November Twenty-first, 2004
Today let's just take a moment to think about the good times we had during limerick week. Can't wait for the next limerick week. Or SONNET WEEK! Coming soon, Dosers!
Saturday, November Twentieth, 2004
Here's a California-centric limerick for you. From the archives!
There once was a lady from Fresno,
Often accused of being a "lesbo,"
But this all ceased when,
She made love to over forty men,
In the town of San Luis Obisbo.
Friday, November Nineteenth, 2004
There once was a fellow named Kyle,
Who was sick of the restrictions of limerick form,
So he stopped writing them,
Before the end of LIMERICK WEEK!
Thursday, November Eighteenth, 2004
Let's continue to explore this very interesting pronounciation particularity! In limerick form, of course!
There once was a fellow from Gloucester,
'Twas often requested, his ouster.
For he just wouldn't drop it,
And would never stop it,
That, pronouncing "Gloucester" as "Glou-ces-ter."
Wednesday, November Seventeeth, 2004
As you may have already noticed, this week is LIMERICK WEEK here at the Dose! Or maybe it should just be the inauguration of a weekly limerick day. I can't decide. Anyway, let's write a limerick!
There once was a Yank, from "Wor-ces-ter",
All his fellow townspeople he'd pester,
He's say their town name,
Not really the same,
As was done by all else there in "Worcester."(pronounced correctly, like "Wooster")
Tuesday, November Sixteenth, 2004
There once was a Welshman, from Wales,
They say he was tough, tough as nails.
He'd invite you to sup,
Then he'd fuck your shit up,
"'Tis a formula that never fails!"
Monday, November Fifteenth, 2004
There once was a Welshman, from Wales,
They say he was tough, tough as nails,
To be continued...
Sunday, November Fourteenth, 2004
Good afternoon, Dosers! The latest news in our ongoing series of improvements here is the institution of the Official Daily Dose song, which is the whistling part of "England Swings"
by Roger Miller. If you've never heard it, visit me at work and I'll play it for you.
Saturday, November Thirteenth, 2004
In order to more effectively compete with Chinese fortune cookies, we here at the Dose will soon announce some important changes to official Daily Dose policies. These will include-
1.Free Coke with any Dose purchase over $10
2.If you read the Dose with me, at my house, I'll serve you Jasmine Tea.
3.Specials, like Thursday "General Tso's Daily Dose."
Friday, November Twelfth, 2004
If that deaf, dumb, and blind kid Tommy was so good at pinball, why can't I be any good at pool? Or Risk? Or any kind of card games?
Thursday, November Eleventh, 2004
Tonight I will be at Tommy's Tavern with some Texans! It'll be terrific and tempting and totally tremendously tantalizing!
Wednesday, November Tenth, 2004
It may be getting colder,
And you may be getting older,
But the weight upon your shoulder,
Will soon be lifted.
Baby.
Tuesday, November Ninth, 2004
Yesterday, I bought a new jacket. In my dream last night, I left the jacket on the train, and then ran around trying to catch back up with that train. During these travels, I visited Screamin' Jay Hawkins, who was living in a small office cubicle.
Monday, November Eighth, 2004
The other day someone said to me, "Can I have one of those mints you're eating?" I said,"Silly! That's Pepto Bismol!"(sp.?)
Sunday, November Seventh, 2004
This morning I got to ride my bike through streets that had been cleared for the Marathon. It was like the Bob Dylan song "World War III Blues" or the Stephen King movie "The Langoliers"(five stars!) or something like that. I'm gonna write a letter to my city council member asking if we can have a marathon every Sunday! Who's with me? You're either with me or you're against me!
Saturday, November Sixth, 2004
I'm wearing a scarf. But I haven't worn a coat yet.
Friday, November Fifth, 2004
So, if Christian Scientists, Scientologists, and Mormons all merged into one church it would be called the "Church of Jesus Christ the Scientologist of Latter-Day Saints." You couldn't go to the doctor, but you could be a celebrity with a bunch of wives.
Thursday, November Fourth, 2004
Complaints about the length and quality of recent Daily Doses have been taken under consideration, and I will now go into a Daily Dose spiritual retreat of the soul. Hopefully emerging daily.
Wednesday, November Third, 2004
It's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game, people!
Tuesday, November Second, 2004
Here's a poem about democracy. You should pronounce "aren't" as "AR-ENT".
If you aren't a witch,
You'll sink and not float.
If you're aren't a bitch,
You'll go out and vote!
Monday, November First, 2004
The Daily Dose officially endorses John Kerry for president and oatmeal for breakfast.
Sunday, October Thirty-first, 2004
Happy Halloween, everyone! I am wearing a skeleton shirt. But I would like to dedicate today's dose to the people I know who are in Ohio working hard for our side. Let's not TRICK anybody, but let's TREAT George Bush to a resounding defeat on Tuesday!
Saturday, October Thirtieth, 2004
We here at the Daily Dose haven't really dressed up for Halloween in a number of years. But this year we're feeling a little more in the spirit. But not THAT much more.
Friday, October Twenty-Ninth, 2004
I don't want anyone to think that I have been ignoring the complaints which have been flooding in at Daily Dose headquarters over the recent failure to get the Dose up in a timely manner. Let me assure you that this problem is of a purely technical nature, and does NOT reflect any lack of caring or effort. Our faithful donkey Pedro, who has been delivering the Dose since day one, has fallen quite ill. As soon as he's back on his hoofs, we can expect to really put the DAILY back in DAILY DOSE!
Thursday, October Twenty-Eighth, 2004
Any Dosers out there who are interested in a little history project are welcome to help me in my quest for more information about the historical personage Charles Horse, author of the famous quote, "Goddamn, I've got one hell of a cramp!"
Wednesday, October Twenty-seventh, 2004
I wonder if, in heaven, you get to wear all the clothes that you lost when you were on Earth. If so, I'm really excited about my outfit.
Tuesday, October Twenty-sixth, 2004
I can't write what I was going to write for today until I figure out how to spell "PA-CHEW-LI." I think it's "patchouli" or something. Somebody let me know. We'll get back to this one next week.
Monday, October Twenty-fifth, 2004
I have decided to be one of those people who believe that humans are the descendents of a race of slaves bred by aliens from the sperm of bonobo chimps. And I don't wanna argue about this, either. That's the end of the discussion.
Sunday, October Twenty-fourth, 2004
We should all be thankful for what we have, especially if we have a functioning gastro-intestinal system.
Saturday, October Twenty-third, 2004
I really thought this weekend was gonna be the one when we got an extra hour on Saturday night, but I'm starting to think that it isn't. You know, there's a part of Indiana that doesn't observe daylight savings. To me, that seems as bad as not having the four seasons.
Friday, October Twenty-second, 2004
So, if George Martin was the "fifth Beatle," who was the "sixth Genesis"? Or the "tenth Earth, Wind, and Fire"?
Thursday, October Twenty-first, 2004
Congratulations Boston Red Sox on winning the oppurtunity to try to win your first World Series since 1918. Daily Dosers, let's think of things in our own lives that haven't happened since 1918, and try to fix those the way the Sox just fixed their's.
Wednesday, October Twentieth, 2004
I am developing a small belly. The next time you see me, ask to touch it!
Tuesday, October Nineteenth, 2004
The rain is falling down,
But my spirits are bright,
Baby, let's hang out tonight,
And get jolly together.
Monday, October Eighteenth, 2004
My dear Daily Dosers, I am very deeply sorry that I haven't updated the Dose all weekend. Trust me that, like Elvis said, you were always on my mind. If it makes you feel any better, I also haven't changed my underwear or brushed my teeth.
Sunday, October Seventeenth, 2004
Last night I had a great time. I hope you did too.
Saturday, October Sixteenth, 2004
In England, if you're "pissed," you're drunk. In the U.S.A., if you're "pissed," you're angry. But what about other places? What are you THERE if you're "pissed"?
Friday, October Fifteenth, 2004
"King of Beers?!? I can think of at least one brewer/patriot who would take issue with THAT!"
Thursday, October Fourteenth, 2004
Caution is the most important ingredient in "Long Life Stew." Use liberally.
Wednesday, October Thirteenth, 2004
This wonderful weather has me feeling poetic. Here's a little verse to recite to your lover or lover-to-be.
"The Sun
Is so Bright,
And I feel
Oh So Right.
So, baby
Let's not Fight,
Let's Make some Love."
Tuesday, October Twelfth, 2004
Tonight is the Mob Stereo CD release party at Sin-E!
Monday, October Eleventh, 2004
Happy Columbus Day!
Today's Daily Dose is dedicated to making a really weak argument about Prince. Enjoy!
Prince's new album "Musicology" (FIVE STARS!) is outwardly a tribute to his heroes in black music, like James Brown, Sly Stone, and Earth Wind and Fire. But Prince has, I think, very subtly placed several nods to his white rock heroes in the album. Three examples-
1.Track one on Neil Young's "Everybody Knows this is Nowhere" = "Cinnamon Girl"
Track six on Prince's "Musicology" = "Cinnamon Girl"
2."I can't wait till my 'fro is full grown..." - from "Uncle Remus" on Frank Zappa's "Apostrophe"
"Remember way back in the day, when we would compare whose afro was the roundest" - from "Reflection" on Prince's "Musicology"
3."There's some little jerk in the FBI/ Keepin' papers on me/ Six feet high/ It gets me down" - from "Fingerprint File" on the Rolling Stones' "It's Only Rock 'N Roll"
"They can bug my phone/ Peep around my home/ They'll only find you and me makin' love inside" - from "Call my Name" on Prince's "Musicology"
Sunday, October Tenth, 2004
Maybe it should be the "Weekly Dose."
Saturday, October Ninth, 2004
Today would have been John Lennon's sixty-fourth birthday. Would Yoko still have needed him and feeded him?
Important part of last night's debate = the "timber company" dispute. "I own a timber company? That's news to me!" - George W. Bush
Friday, October Eighth, 2004
Q:What was there when the Devil went bald?
A:"Hell tou-pe" ("to pay")
Thursday, October Seventh, 2004
Today's Daily Dose is dedicated to all my friends, such as dear Tianna Kennedy, who are suffering from the autumnal cold that's going around. I had it last week. Here's a little "get well" recipe for all of you--
Bring one cup of water (Brita filtered, please, it's better for you) to a boil, add two Benadryl tablets (generic diphenhydramine ok), one half cup Jim Beam Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, and one tablespoon of honey. Stir vigorously. Then down the hatch and sweet dreams!
Wednesday, October Sixth, 2004
Welcome everybody! To the Daily Dose! I'm really excited about all the fun things I have planned for us to do together!
So, today I have been thinking about the stars, like Janet Leigh from the movie "Psycho" (and other films), who recently passed on. And, you know, you have to "carpe deim" and all that. So today's Daily Dose is about how to make the most of our time here alive together.
Let's try this. Every day, try to wake up with one less goal than you had the day before. Here's an example-
MONDAY 1.Learn to make a good omelette 2.Have, like, five kids. 3.Become an astronaut.
TUESDAY 1.Have, like, five kids 2.Become an astronaut.
WEDNESDAY 1.Become an astronaut
THURSDAY = FREEDOM!
kyle@fadem.net