mother

hate me now, kill for fun, know that i really love you, reach for the gun, i dont need this anyway, my minds too strong, now ive got somethin to say, leave me alone, you will not see me, as i lay here, you will not feel me as i die in your arms, you will not hear me, like you dont care, you do not care about me, like my scars dont show, i know you lie

congregation

your gods are lies, your pain is gone, so hollow, tearless now, take desire, follow her, to nothingness, see how far you can go, hit me, now you have controll, do you want to see me die? do you want to know my love? do you hear me? just push a little deeper, i can almost feel it now.

p.d.s.

conviction, i need your silence, this is not for sale, show me your lost, find your place in the dirt, come and get me mother fucker, do this for me so i can show you pain, bare your throat for my knife, hand me the bloody pieces of your heart, everybody gets theirs, this is what you get, now hit me, fuck you.

fatalism

envy, greed, conciet, pain, love, desire, masochism, hope, drugs, life, solitude, confusion. do they see? can these scars called regret exist? honesty, lost through sobriety, whos fight is this? how can i, seek out heaven with my eyes sewn shut? thread called fear, forgotten past, who am i? pages of pain, too sterile white, like scriptures, teaching how to be pure, so tainted, ashes and cloves, sadness burns, slow death, what is this life anyway? confusion.

alarm

say you want to know me, say it with a smile, act like your human, act like your worth my time, dont see the hatred, so far back in my eyes, fall in love with me, and watch your heart, die. pretend you can feel this, pretend you dont know, so much closer to hell now, you should know. hate, life, love, nothings sacred anymore. i am so corroded, chewed up, lost and crying, for no ones help.

fall

its so false i feel this pain in me, i cant take it away, sure cant figure it out, been so long since this thing in me has been satisfied, just gotta let it out, fall from the pain, fall from the hate, fall. feel so alive its what this does for me, you know my pain, want you to know how it feels, understand its not the same for me i bleed it all out, can you know what i feel? fall from the pain, fall from the hate, fall. i show you my pain, i give it away, nothing the same, i bleed for this day, fall.

paradoxial dementia

wanna cry wanna die, wanna get away, so confused and abused i dont know what to say. wanna shout want let out too much pain to take, bored to tears wasted years, what was my mistake? wanna kill wanna thrill im hyper to the bone, nothing gained i feel no pain and im so all alone, wanna run, wanna gun, i just want to feel alive, feel this need, so i feed, and on your hate i thrive. why must i decide? why must i destroy? what is there to hide? whats left to enjoy? why fit like a glove? why i feel its too late? why cant i feel love? without ever feeling hate? feels so right inner light i know it cant be good, by myself on this shelf, im so missunderstood, in the night im alright until the break of day, sit and stare, but i dont care cause im pissing my life away.

paroxysm

its that dark place, locked deep in your mind, its like death to face, or that love you cant find, its the razorblades, calling with relief, its the broken heart, dying of grief. all your gods and all your tears wont take this away, all your prayers and useless fears will just kill your light today. its the fate that hates you, the addictive disease, its the god that fucks you, bent back on your knees, its the world that cares, like you love pain, its the crooked players in this losing game. all this time, holding hope, faking fine the fire stoked, the ticking bomb, filled with disease, the devout follower, praying on his knees.

sweet release

i refuse to bow to your expectations, i wont be held by your discriminations, i cant stand the worlds fascinations i wont be crushed by your mental mechanations. this is the path that i must take, my life has led me to this place, through the paths of darkness i found a light, by following wrong, i found what was right, in a world of anger i found inner peace, and through my love i find sweet release. you try to cage me up when you know ill break out, you try to shut me up, and ill just shout, you just leave me alone, and go away, and youll live to see another day. never begin to fit in break the mold or die in the fold.

proclimation

i want to feel you, deep inside now, i wish i could kill you, turn you inside out, now look at me, standing so proud, not one tear, and no shame, a rose in one hand, a gun in the other, looking down on you, defeansless prey. i need your hate, flowing through me, proclaim me god, and tear me down.

open

say you care, say it with a smile, look in my eyes, make me whole. lock this box, gaurd it tight, save me. manipulation. show me how you really care, leave me so fucking alone, give the blades a reason, let me hate you. look into my eyes when you fuck me, kill me, i know i dont matter. manipulation.

war

i cant see whats real today, i cant find the truth, how is love so far away, how do i know you. why do i die every time, why does no one care. my heart my mind all filled with lies, i know nothings fair. so i love you so i hate you, i cant take this fear, need something good in life i need you, need to escape from here. we just need to live, love so far away, all i have to give, now take this all away.

suicide

i cant see the way through to the place where emotion exists, and ive lost all sight of hope. i dont know how to feel and this hate is taking hold, i need something even to make me hurt. all the words and the promises seem all to hollow now, and im so slowly killing myself. so dont come crying to me, i dont even really care, your not going to help me, im not going to cry for you, can you feel the hate in me, i think i kinda like it, no remorse no turning back, this is my life. not the way i want, but the way i need.