Well, I've finally established an actual home page on this. Until now I hadn't bothered because I figured all I'd need is the music review "blog". However, since I got this program OurTunes, which is significantly worrying the music purist in me, I am able to download any album off the Oberlin campus network in a matter of seconds. At least it's full albums; I never used Kazaa much because of my vague disdain for basing opinions of bands on singles.
Anyway, I now have the ability to find albums that I've read much about (I frequently peruse* metacritic, allmusic, rateyourmusic, acclaimedmusic, cokemachineglow, pitchfork, and I have a cheap lifetime subscription to Rolling Stone haha) but just haven't shelled out the cash for. If I'd put some effort into it, I could've burned them from people with which I'm on a friendly basis but of whom wouldn't want to demand too much. Examples? Well, the obvious ones are Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, Brian Wilson's Smile, Magnetic Fields' 69 Love Songs, etc. I'm trying to take my time, so I have at this point downloaded more than I've heard, and I plan to make the CD to listen to them more than once. But consequently, my collection is probably going to explode, seeing as I had something over 200 CDs before the program, some burned, many not (I know, I know, this is pathetic next to Jim Perkins or David Fricke, and I don't even like to admit how few that is to anyone who is trying to judge how good a reviewer I am. Conversely, most peers of mine are baffled by how many that is, which warms the cockles of my heart). I don't want to go overboard, but it's probably good to get some recent classics reviewed, to show where I disagree with critics in general and where I agree. I've made this vow before, but I do declare to write reviews more often, at least once a week, starting now. Oh yeah, and for the record:
A+ = Amazing, Brilliant, Masterpiece, etc
Virtually "perfect" masterpiece, classic, what have you. Demonstrates the stunning ability to contribute a plethora of songs to the body of greatest songs of all time. Often near-impossible to pick out even the four or five best songs on the album. Too many techniques used to be pigeonholed into any one genre, there is an aspect of each song that distinguishes it from the others without losing an overall mood, atmosphere or identity lacing the album together.
A = Extremely Good
Amongst the best albums I've ever heard. May have a very slight redundancy of style or loss of momentum at some points, but overall is a moving and identifiable work. Undoubtedly contains at least a few songs that could not be changed for the better in any way. Contains a charming distinctiveness and obvious effort on the part of the artist to make every song very worthwhile. Most likely has several moments that are so surprisingly good and consistent with the goal of the artist that it makes me want to cry of joy.
A- = Very Good
Demanding a level of respect that not every artist can pull off with effort and meticulousness alone. While not defying natural fallability that's evident in almost every album, there are still elements that carry through to the end and will not let up. Maybe there is something about it that makes it more than just "fun" to listen to, but it is hard to put one's finger on it. One of those albums that might be traditional if they didn't pull in something that's completely new to the world of music and can't be found anywhere else.
B+ = Enjoyable
Probably the upper limit of what is simply extremely well-constructed pop music. Also may be something that I've always felt I like but don't want to put it in, like, ever, for some reason; it's never grabbed me like I think it ought to. This is the borderline about where true interest really kicks in. "Filler" is not frequent on these albums, maybe because there's nothing that could be done away with without losing the identity of the album, or they simply put something irresistable into each song.
B = Solid
I can respect someone who considers this or anything higher one of the greatest albums of all time, but only barely. If it is one of those albums I consider "solid" I probably can't particularly complain about anything on it, it just isn't my cup of tea. I wouldn't be ecstatic if it were put in at a party, but I might discuss it agreeably unless I just wasn't in the mood. It could be something I kind of like overall but it contains elements that holistically cripple it.
B- = Satisfactory
Most of the time I prefer not to have this played, unless it's easy to ignore. I can probably pick out a couple of favorites and let myself really enjoy them, but overall the album drags and feels basically uninspired. Cutting it close to the wire in terms of albums I'm ashamed to own, or an album that demonstrates an unrefined taste in music. I won't go on a tirade against it for hours, but I won't smile and nod most of the time either.
C+ = Barely Worth Noticing
This could be tragically propelled to above-average simply because I want a good band not to have made such a blah album. Could be obscure and obsessed about for being obscure by someone who isn't really that sharp with music, and yeah, I can see their points about the very few things that make it more than just your average album, but there's almost nothing that can be praised by a sharp listener.
C = Average
The only thing to rant about this is how average it really is. It's hard to find anything specifically wrong with it other than that it doesn't do anything. Ever. Lack of ambition, lack of anything distinctive, could succeed maybe at being pop rock if it was actually catchy in the slightest. Concievably it could also be a huge ambitious step in totally the wrong direction, but if I had any respect for its distinction it'd be higher.
C- = Weak
What I notice about this music is vaguely stomach-churning under almost every mood circumstance. There may be some aspects of catchiness or originality, but they are completely cancelled out by the destructive nature of the musical techniques. If the music is at all popular, it's upsetting to me, a testament to low standards and cultural decay. Any argument in favor of this music can be swiftly shot down with just a look.
D = Bad
This is frighteningly bad. I'm amazed that someone actually bothered to make an album with so little class, care, or melody. I honestly do not believe anyone in the world could consider this music good without having some kind of problem with their brain. If it sold any, it must be based entirely on moldy hype and lies and deception. Shit on a stick.
F = Shotgun?
Hopefully I will never encounter a record that is so god-awful. If I started fresh and began to buy albums en masse with no regard for reputation or style, I might be able to find one or two of these that actually made it onto shelves. I'll be honest, the odds are this is Hip-Hop, R&B or Country because very little else by virtue of it's style could make it below a D no matter how pukingly awful it is. This is an album of which I want to destroy every copy made. I feel genuine anger towards it for it's existence. I feel genuine anger towards myself for liking "music" if this is called music. Why "Shotgun", you may ask? The could be as damaging to me as a shotgun. Or I'm asking for a shotgun, to kill myself. Or the band. Or anyone. It's open to interpretation, which makes sense because an "F" album will probably upset what rationality and sanity I have left.
Yeah yeah, melodramatic, okay. This is just an idea of how I scale my reviews, I don't really expect or want people to read a "B+" review and lunge back to this page to check what it means. What it means should be evident in the review, though one friend of mine says that my ratings are surprisingly high considering the review. If this is true, it's because I tend to pick apart music, because it's much easier to quantify the summation of flaws in an album than the summation of virtues. Ideally, I expect they'd fit into a bell curve, but it's really impossible to know that without simply buying random CDs to have a random sample, and I'm certainly not going to do that**. At the moment, my collection is skewed, needless to say, because I try to obtain the best music I can. Much of the time I'm mistaken, and I still have relics from my very early days of listening when the stuff I was blown away by wasn't really that great. I do need more experience reviewing random albums, so feel free to suggest albums for me. Oh, here's something else to provide context for reviews:
I believe there are three main aspects of music that can be judged relative to other pieces of music, and these are
I. Accessibility (includes catchiness, songwriting craft, comfort of structure, pleasantness to ears, flow during jamming, etc.)
II. Originality (includes uniqueness of production, choice of instrumentation, assertiveness of pace, surprise of structure, profundity of soundscaped theme, etc.)
III. Talent (includes technical skills, guitar solos, raw ability, complexity of instrumentation, any awe that could be attributed to a live show when you know the band, such as synchronization during jamming)
I believe that all music can be expressed in the context of these three aspects. Ideally I would provide a rating for each of these for every review, but don't you think they're pompous enough as they are? I'm open to those of you who would like to question this holy trinity, but keep in mind I think the balance provided by a triangle is very, very powerful and even if my justification for these particular three aspects might be weak, it feels right to me and I'm frankly very attached.
Well, this turned out to be one long stream-of-consciousness and I doubt anyone will have read it all, and if you have, hey, make yourself known to me because I am sure as hell not aware of anyone I know who really would listen to just me for this long.
If you really like the reviews, it'd be something of a help if you'd vote yes on all of them at amazon, but my rank isn't too great due to my hypercriticm, especially of one, say, Franz Ferdinand. Also if you like them, comment, either on the page (I wish I could remove that feature actually, it shows how unpopular I am) or IM me, sn enigmatichowler though if you don't know that who are you and how did you get here if not through my profile?
Thanks for visiting.
Collin Anderson.
*These can all be accessed at url www.whatever-its-name-is.com. I recommend them all, but metacritic is probably the best link to many many others.
**For the record, my short-term goal is to get a job at cokemachineglow.com as a writer or contributor. Take a look at the application on their site. It's daunting. But I think I can I think I can.
