FRIDAY: me and dibs bussed ourselves down to philadelphia. as neurotic new yorkers, we're always alarmed at how relaxed things are in west philly. nothing seems terribly urgent. no one seems terribly rushed. everything was mild and gorgeous. we met up with katherine to go see a performance artist downtown. this performance artist will go unnamed. i had a lot of fun during her show, and afterwards she was going to sign books next to the stage, so i went over to say hi. there were like 5 people in line behind me, tops, and i was the second person in line. so i said, "i just wanted to let you know that whenever i'm feeling uninspired, i watch your videos at the nyu library"....and she just sort of opened her mouth real wide and said, "oh! well i can't really have a conversation, cuz i have a lot of people to get through, and we have to do another show tonite." ...it was really jarring. i wasn't really trying to have a conversation with her -- i just wanted to say something nice to her. i felt really unsettled all night long. so much of this woman's work is about the importance of artists, and how much artists need to support each other, and yet i walked away from her show feeling totally belittled and most definitely un-supported. i know i'm probably overreacting. i know she can't have meaningful conversations with everyone who gets an autograph from her. but i wasn't even trying to do that. i dunno. blah blah blah. i should know by now never to say hi to my heros.
SATURDAY: things picked up! i spent all day with sara and matt and dibs and kevin, rehearsing for our Dan Fishback Band show that night. they're all such great musicians. i don't think kevin had ever heard those songs before, and yet he caught on really fast. we took a lunch break at katherine's place, where she made us all these delicious steamed vegetables. this week, dibs and i are going to crate and barrel to get the bamboo steamer she used. i'm obsessed. anyway, sara matthews showed up in the late afternoon to join the band as a backup singer, and soon enough, cesar had arrived, and we were driving all our gear to writers house. it feels so good to play in that space. i had been fantasizing about doing a big return-to-penn show for such a long time, even before i graduated. i remember being a freshman in my dorm, dreaming about one day being able to write songs, and one day having a band, and one day performing right across the street at writers house. wish-fulfillment had never gone so well! the room was packed, and the energy was so positive! cesar played a great opening set, and everyone was really into it. blake martin and his friend mike made flirty gay noises in-between his songs, and i was very proud. our own set was so much fun. the band sounded great, and the audience was really spunky and attentive. i had a little two-song solo interlude in the middle of the set, which was another fantasy i've had, ever since i saw my first tori amos band show, back when she was writing good albums, and she had "secret time" in the middle of her big rock concerts. it felt so intimate and warm. i played "if i was you," a very slow and tinkly song that i like NEVER do, cuz i'm always worried people will get bored. but when i opened my eyes at the end, i saw everyone staring at me, and one woman was nodding pensively. it was just perfect. the band came back to jam while i did my new "gay marriage affirmative action" monologue from boi with an i. katherine and some other people stood up to cheer at the end of that bit, and i almost peed my pants. at the end of the show, the crowd cheered for an encore, which i don't think has ever happened during a non-cheese on bread show before. i did "silent tea" -- a song i always thought would be my big hit, but usually doesn't get a very good response. but people seemed to really get into it. i know this sounds like bragging, but i mostly just wanted to express my gratitude for the outrageously gorgeous and sparkley audience for which i had the honor to play. they were so nice afterwards too. one boy told me he felt "challenged to be a better person," and i had to fight back tears. ...that night, we came back to sara's house for a slow-dancing party in her living room, where they stuffed huge tree branches and christmas lights in the ceiling and walls. i got to dance with steven and joshua and shevaun and sara matthews. it was all just gorgeous and misty. we played a mix cd i made, with michael leviton and regina spektor and even a hot lippe track. it was the perfect end to a cosmicly beautiful day.
SUNDAY: cesar and i had to go to pep boys to get his break pads fixed. the guy behind the counter had this amazingly powerful presence. his name was clarence and he had one arm. at one point, his wife or someone called on his cellphone and he was like, "i don't want broccoli tonight, i'm sick of broccoli." and he kept trying to get off the phone, but he couldn't, so finally he was like, "hey, you know what? i got something to tell you!" and he hung up the phone. it was hilarious, though i'm glad i'm not his wife. anyway, we said goodbye to everyone and took off on I-95 for maryland, with a stack of sweet mix cds. highlights:
"hey ya" -- yoko kikuchi and dream bitches
"be mine" -- soce the elemental wizard
"baobabs" -- regina spektor
"she used to be cool" -- prewar yardsale
"she's losing it" -- belle and sebastian
"diaryland" -- dibs
when we got to my parents' house, cesar thought his back breakpads weren't working, so he touched them and nearly burnt his fingers off. he spent dinner with his hand in a bowl of ice and his brain in world of misery. we played that night at renzo's in silver spring. it was a really friendly place! when we came in, there were all these people watching the el salvadorian election on telemundo. they all seemed very opinionated. my whole family came to the show, including my grandma, who thought cesar played too loud, and said so. (the funny part is that she was also too loud.) my high school english teacher mrs. wilchek came too! she's the coolest. she saves lives. cesar and i both kept breaking strings. it felt very slapstick. i was expecting a really awkward show, but i think it went really well! cesar's friends stayed to hear me play, and they were all really responsive and nice. i saw the owner of the bar laughing good-naturedly during my songs, which was a big relief. i never know how straight bar audiences will react to songs as gay as mine. but this time i didn't have to worry. cesar and i got home late and ate ice cream and watched chappelle's show on cable.
MONDAY: we got to new york in time for the anti-hoot at sidewalk. it was a really fun night, with my favorite people all around. jason trachtenberg of the trachtenberg family slideshow players came up to me after i played, and we talked about performance and stage presence and irony and humor. he's hilarious and really smart. there was one person at sidewalk that night who i kept wanting to say hi to, but i was shy and embarassed, cuz i went to a few of her shows before i ever moved to nyc, and i would say hi to her afterwards, and i think i was always really over-bearing, and i would always hit myself on the head afterwards, paranoid that i made her uncomfortable. she probably doesn't even remember me, but i'm just scared i'll say something dumb, especially after my bad experience with the aforementioned unnamed performance artist. anyway. i'll figure something out. i think she's one of the most important songwriters ever (sounds like a hyperbole, but it isn't).
TODAY: i gotta get a lot of work done this week. cesar and i are playing at sidewalk on friday, and i have to send out a bunch of grant applications by then. can anyone help me make copies of a vhs tape? lemme know daddio! dan@cheeseonbread.com
anyway. back to productivity.
what a crazy and ridiculous life.
i can't believe it's mine.
xoxo
love
dan
ps: i cannot believe the israeli government assassinated the leader of hamas. i don't care how much he deserved to die -- it's just going to cause so much MORE violence, and embolden so many MORE potential suicide bombers, and make the whole mess so much harder to fix. oy!