.::Red Meat::.
June 25th 2003
most peopel woudl feture there intermost thought on there cp page and tell you all these gooffy things that has happend to them in past lives, yesterday and some of them even paste what they think will happen tomrrow. I am not One of those people. to sit here and fritter away at my key bord and think to my self what i did today, is well just plain a waste of time. I have 3 main rules of being me. 1...is clearly the fatc that i dont put up wiht nay nonesense. Why should i sit here and waste my time on someone whpo wannts to tell me a story about my dentist?! I am a play hard work hard kinda girl. dont bore wiht your small anictdotes on how "brown" or how "white" u are, once you;ve heard one too many white jokes...its not funny anymore! I kno those who do kno me are prbly sitting htere beign like..."niti ur the biggest liar" i kno i make alot of brown jokes, but hey atleast im oringal about it. 2) ok all u little tupac gangster wanna-be's he is not comming back. Please dont idolize things that never exsited or dont anymore...what is gone is gone...tough nuggies! idolization is one of the god awful things this word has developed! and i can under stand the idolization of, Gandhi, and Princess Diana....but TUPAC?!?!?! we all have idol's but brown boys...lets not get carried away! nad last but not least 3) U tell ur best frined not ot buy a shirt because it makes her butt/thighs/boobs/nose/chin/face/hands/left arm look to big and then what do you hypocriticle people do, you go right out and what!? buy the shirt...if there's one thing that gets under my skin its hypocrites..maybe because im the biggest one! i kno i kno, look at this girl, who thinks shes perfect! im no sayint that i am just saying that...we coudl just stick to our word? maybe? please? and if all you abnormal humans who think your normal would stop being so....try hard to be normal..maybe you would be normal? anyways thats my peice for today...sorry for the typo's....in conclusion...if we didnt Idolize/talk nonesense/be hypocrits then maybe this would be a better place.
June 27th 2003

Neways, i hate everyone, maybe i am being resntfull or soemthing...but peopel just cant seem to forgive and forget...i feel as htough i have been betrayedx in the fatc that, i waited. It is understandabe to not forget but you can try to forgive. Life is just one of those things were you dont kno what people are gonna do or say. Only if the world came wit a magic crystall ball....and only if some people just came wiht them ;-)
June 28th 2003
i have deicede to not make this about me but to make it about everyone else. Im sure no one wants to sit here and think about me...or do they? i wonder if i were to write a book about me would anyone actully read it? sooo glad skools over i dont want to do anything tonight but i still might i need the sleep. anyways...i foudn my self thinking today about well, wha other people think? no in the "does my hair look ok?" sense but in am what does he/she think of the world, what their out look. It kinda creeped me out. but i couldnt stop thining...do you ever wonder if your a figment of my imagination? and if truly you are...then i supose u have a purpose to serve me and well, only me.
June 29th.. some peopel just shock you sometimes, you think there gonna be well....ugly, but i guess to me now, it what inside that matters, and some p eople awfull personalty and awesome face. I guess oyu cant have both! anyways, i guess u have to look deeper then the out side and...i supose to quote some rapper whos qouteing someone else, still waters...run deep.
June 30th...
no one i repeat,.no one, not even you there pikin you nose, can not bring me down. Im gonna stay where i am and love it for the rest of my life. You tryed to get under my skin....Try again. all i have to say....People are gonna talk *beep* about me...fact is i affeted your life and you didnt even begin to touch mine....
July 1st!!

it would be nice to have some recignition in the world of truth and lies. Im done w ith everyone. causes a little bit to much stres... Im debating wither to even attend private skool next year. or even move out of the city. but i refuse to let somethin gay liek this get me down. You cant push me away. I will not just get up and leave. I...am here to stay.
July 14th 12:20am

life has sudnly got a little biy brighter if you kno what i mean...with summer blazing across the sky and everyone just reaxing a little, it seems to be easier to get along. stampede kept me busy pretty much all week beucase causes and etc etc, stampede was good has fun....casino time ;) i plan on killing any one else who comes and stays at my hoseo! 13 ppl?! less for pakkis isnt it? i new revolution has ocme to my mind,...when ppl you dont get along wiht or resently fought wiht call you there frineds (i think u kno who you are) anyways so if you by mistake have me as a friend then lets just forget it..but if you s eriously mean it not only am i shocked but i do not accept...been th rew too much shiet for ur ass....imm donne....like an over baked cookie!....im outZ
July 15th 8:27 pm

Ok this is getting old....liek the cookie ;-)...whatever imm over it...get a life! Anyways, Back to me...ive decided to nto stress abotu what you all think..i kno ima biicth, and i kno who i am and where im gonna be in five years...can you say that about your ronchy selves?! i didnt think so. Fact is, to mee you amount to my shoe...maybe even less, yes im right less. i dont care! so do utterly prove that i have offically decide t o nto mention yoru ronchy ugly names again! ur no longer apart of my life.ok so whats up wiht all the brown guys asking chicks ex's if its "ok" Who gives a fuk what her ex thinks?! if you ask me all desi's have a good bad issue, in tha fact that they think there rebels but need premission for everything, call it being true to your bros or whatever, but buddy....its getting old, just like milk in the firge....outZ
July 18th 1:57am
what makes me me? no idea. why do i think im diffrent then the rest? no idea. why does everyoen claim to not be typical, when in realty were all just running from the same thing? we dont wanna be catagorized? when in actullalty were all the same the same pair of clones just diffrening in size! ita agreeabel to say that you meet that one in a million person whos diffrent not liek the rest, but can u actully say there diffrent? or is it more or less the fact that there unique? now in realty are those the same things? is there actully i difrense between unique and diffrent? if someone is difrent deos that eman there unique? why do we all fite to be somothing, somthin diffrent and end up all the same? the answer.....no idea.
Juy 19th 2:20am....
ok just because i waste my time talking to u...doesnt mean i want to be wiht u. pssssh, puhlease, where i can find one i can find another and so on and so on....and for the clarifcation, too quote the wor lds gayest song "i dont wanna be your chick, i an't looking for no love" get it straight u homospeians. anyways,whats with everyone looking good for summer?! ppl please, summer was made to sit aorudn in not to go out! pssssh, sit ur pakki asses home. wear pajams all day :D.....annyways, to u kno who out there. What makes u so sure this girl, wantZ u?
July 19th 2:25pm

Isnt it quite funny, when those you seem to hate, end up being a great asseste in ur life? i dont kno if this has ever happend to anyone before, but sreuly enough in my odd little world it has. you think someons one way and then you look beyond the skin and see somethin completely difrrent. i supose liek i have said before still waters run deep. Maybe everythigns goign up hill for the first time in my life or somehin like that, but everything just seems to click. and im not to sure how i feeel about it. in all honestly, is everything actully uspoissed to click? are we all suposed to be happy?
July 20th 12:22am....
I kno i kno your prbly thinking...its on 12, niti shou,ldnt be writeing yet beut what can i say i lead an ultra boring life. ever wonder to your self about how much in realty your life relates to movies? muahah, not alot eh? i belive all movies were desighned to be gay.there simple objects to amuse our minds. its funyn how humans will spend millions on making fagalicous movies liek titanc, when we coudl do somethin better like buy me gifts!?and does anyone else feel that therea chairty for everything? like specific ones, whats the big diffrense? they all go to the peopel anyway right? anyways, people never stop amzing me. you think someosn gonan be completely awful adn there not, or vise versa in this case. and why is it MOST guys have one and one thign consasntly on there minds, NO i will not sleep with u in ur car, i will NOT sleep wiht u in a bar......i will not eat green egss and ham...sam i am :D. now has a guy ever thought of a good lookick anythign more then *beep*in material? not to say im quite the catch, but guys...maybe being frineds woudl lead to the benifts *light bulb goes on* maybe if you only thought wiht your head anyour penis ud realize, Chicks are better frineds then fukkerZ. OutZ
2:34am..
ok ur worth my timme....drop of fear lover...whahahah....im awesome arent i? feel special cause your in here :D
July 20th
11:10pm
Ok so ima huge flirt...whats the big deal here ppl?! sure ive prbly told more then my share of guys *beep* i dont mean but honestly i move on they move on its all good,all in a pimp day right? well i just wanted to say im sorry to most of the guys ive played. i think if your dumb enough to get played then your deserve it right? but anyways....peopel confuse me just like everythign else. i wish we cudl all just walk aroudn wiht our thouights duct taped to our forheads, everyuch simpler, there owuld be less msn converssations that go "no no u tell me"..."no! you tell me!"...pssshhh whatever. from now i on ithink ima just say whatevers on my mind. tera bina neh jeena......(what a lie)

July 21st 3:03 pm
anyways....back to the ultimate fag....or yes, u manrohit. what kind of sick child sits at my page adn read shiet out to me that i wrote??? anyways. just needed to prove to ur asss that ur annoying. :D.......dont worry i love u....as much as a i love onions. anyways, sittin here deicede what else i shoudl say to you but thats about it. anywaya dont take anyting personaly, you kno i love you! (faaggggg)

July 22 3:00pm
hmmm....between ebing confuse (once agian) and sitting heren is new. i have no insights on anything anymore. i read "go ask alice"...kinda got me thinking...what if that was to happen to my self and i was to die...would my fagalicous journal entires be the last reminder of me? how sad is that? or maybe its a wonderful thing and i should never stop writing? but ultimately how many ppl can read my thoughts? half the time i scare myself. in between my gay thoughts and everything, is it actully worht continuing doing something that makes the smallest diffrense in the world? or by discontinuing something that a truly enjoy am i cheating myself and the rest of everyone? why does it seem to me that i make such a large difference when in actulty, im not affecting anyone? i belive i keep this thing because it keeps me sane. although i cant realy exprese my self to a full extenet because it is being well "pubished" for millions to have acsess to. I think it has really kept me sane. because who else woudl i tell since my belif in frineds has slowly devowred during the year and what not. i never belived in them. friends are somthin that are now are of little importance to me, maybe i was just born this way. But whatever it is its working for me and im sticking to it. but back to the importance of this in my life, its become a daliy retual and although the day is not done i still have somthin to write and i like that. but still the age old question remains...if i continue would anyone actully care?

3:13pm...
And for all those wonderful people out there who constantly annoy me...look at the status bar wahahah! but not to say that there are only awful people in my life, there are many grea ppl, who suport my thoughts and my wishes. and then there are those, who u meet and have an instant connection with, not the romantic kind but i kind of understanding when u've been thru the same hardship adn someone can truly relate wiht out sitting there and just nodding there head because they feel liek it. those kinda people just make me angry, fags who sit there and are like uh huh i understand wat ur saying when in actuality, they have no idea. How sad is that? where someone has to LIE to get close to someone! psshhh, i thought i was sad. those kinda peopel really tick me off, there genral being in the fact that they have such a low life that they must sit here adn lie to me as tho i wouldnt figure it out. but hoenstly i dont have many problems as other ppl would, i come from a loving yet tempermental family (where mangats what do you expect?!?) no real prblms but to me they seem as tho there huge.
hahahh 3:15pm
i had to start a new paragraph just seemed right. anyways, whats up wiht people swearing for no F U C K I N G reason?!?!?! what a bunch of weridos! i could understand to a point if you were angry but saying something like i am goign to the fu cking mall, well now buddy, ur just gay. what the point of swearing if thats not the way u feel? (which by the way catorgerizes u as FAKE) i often find my self thinking (what a shock) that maybe some people swear just to feel cool, i used to do it when i was liek 4, but that was diffrent. but peopel who are 16/17 really ppl, i am a very understanding individual (yeah right) and i can understand sometimes but consantly?!?! and then they wonder how come kids of today are screwed up i will tell you why, there parents are PHYCHOS they all swear and do stuoid shiet for no reason. now kids, when your parents swear pretend liek yor not listening. because the sooner u pick up that kinda languge the sooner your gonna end up right here, in my journal.

july 23rd...1:11am
anyone else feeling useless and annoyed of them selves right now? i sure am. feeling like crap shoudl bea part of me but some how i had convinced my self that this frined wasnt ognna be liek all the rest. i dontmind u beign embarsed of me, i dont mind u not wanting to speak to me. but lieing about it and then reacting poorly? thas one thing i wont let go. i never under stood how u coudl never forgive and forget...and now....i do...somethings are left better unresolved....

July 24th 6:36pm..
ok so yesterday i was a little negetive and i agree i did blow *beep* outta propartion but it shppaned right sexxi ones? hahaha, anyways, i supose the things that are better left unresovled is compete bull. i guess you weill never really get complete closer (if that whats you want) if you leave things unresolved.i supose when two peopel have an argument u basicly have to either work it out and remain frineds or agree to disagree and never talk again. somethings end better, and somethings? are ment to last.

July 26, 2003
unforuntatly time has surpased me once again,, i havnt wrten in this thing for a while. i ve been spending time wit my cousin! wwooohoooo....except the only thing on my mind is msn (apparntly, im quotin holly), anyways...noothin new cause i havetn been in the Ne! wahahahha....anayways outZ for now!