THESE ARE SO TRUE YA'LL. ENJOY!..ANDGUYS...THINKABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOINGNEXT TIME. HA. JUST KIDDING.40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITHWOMEN
1) NOT KISSING FIRST.Avoiding her lips and diving straight forthe erogenous zones makesher feel like you're paying by the hour andtrying to get your money's worth bycutting out nonessentials. A properpassionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.Admit it, some kid at school told yougirlslove this. Well, there'sadifference between being erotic and blowingas ifyou're trying toextinguishthe candles on your 50th birthday cake.Thathurts.
3) NOT SHAVING.You often forget you have a porcupinestrapped to your chin whichyourake repeatedly across your partner's faceandthighs. When she turns herhead from side to side, it's not passion,it'savoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.Most men act like a housewife testing amelon for ripeness when theygettheir hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, andsmooththem.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES.Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples,then clamp down likethey'retrying to deflate her body via her breasts?Nipples are highly sensitive.They can't stand up to chewing. Lick andsuck themgently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretendingthey're adoggie toy isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.Stop doing that thing where you twiddlethenipples between fingerandthumb like you're trying to find a radiostationin a hilly area. Focus onthe whole breasts, not just the exclamationpoints.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.A woman is not a highway with just threeturnoffs: Breastville EastandWest, and the Midtown Tunnel. There arevast areasof her body whichyou'veignored far too often as you go bombingstraightinto downtown Vagina. Sostart paying them some attention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.Poor manual dexterity in the underskirtregion can result in tangledfingers and underpants. If you're going tobe thataggressive, just askherto take the damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.Condom disposal is the man'sresponsibility.You wore it, you store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.Direct pressure is very unpleasant, sogently rotate your fingersalongside of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.Women, unlike men, don't pick up wheretheyleft off. If you stop,theyplummet back to square one very fast. Ifyou cantell she's not there,keepgoing at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.Women hate looking stupid, but stupid shewill look when naked atthewaist with a sweater stuck over her head.Unwrapher like an elegantpresent,not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.Stroking her gently through her pantiescanbe very sexy. Pullingthematerial up between her thighs and yankingit backand forth is not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.Although most men can find the clitoriswithout maps, they stillbelievethat the vagina is where it's all at. Nosooner isyour hand down therethanyou're trying to stuff stolen banknotes upachimney. This is okay inprinciple, but if you're not careful, itcan hurt- so don't get carriedaway. It's best to pay more attention toherclitoris and the exterior ofhervagina at first, then gently slip a fingerinsideher and see if she likesit.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.You're attempting to give her a sensual,relaxing massage to get herinthe mood. Hands and fingertips are okay;elbowsand knees are not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.Don't force the issue by stripping beforeshe's at least made somemovetoward getting your stuff off, even if it'sjustundoing a couple ofbuttons.
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.A man in socks and underpants is at hisworst. Lose the socks fist.
18) GOING TOO FAST.When you get to the penis-in-vaginasituation, the worst thing youcan dois pump away like an industrial power tool-she'll soon feel like anassembly line worker made obsolete by yourtechnology. Build up slowly,withclean, straight, regular thrusts.
19) GOING TOO HARD.If you bash your great triangular hipbonesinto her thigh orstomach,the pain is equal to two weeks of horsebackridingconcentrated into a fewseconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON.Every man's fear. With reason. If youshootbefore you see thewhites ofher eyes, make sure you have a backup plantoensure her pleasure too.
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.It may appear to you that humping for anhour without climaxing isthemark of a sex god, but to her it's morelikely themark of a numb vagina.Atleast buy some intriguing wall hangings, soshehas something to hold herinterest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.You really ought to be able to tell. Mostwomen make noise. But ifyoureally don't know, don't ask
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer ofmilk. Get your whole mouthdown there, and concentrate on gentlyrotating orflicking your tongue onherclitoris.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.Men persist in doing this until she'seyeball-to-penis, hoping thatitwill lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis.Allwomen hate this. It's aboutthree steps from being dragged to a cave bytheirhair. If you want her touse her mouth, use yours; try talkingseductivelyto her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with eggwhite. Not everybodylikesit. When she's performing oral sex, warnherbefore you come so she can dowhat's necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.Don't thrust. She'll do all the movingduring fellatio. You just liethere. And don't grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORNMOVIES.In X-rated movies, women seem to love itwhen men ejaculate overthem.In real life, it just means more laundry todo.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.Asking her to be on top is fine. Lyingtheregrunting while she doesallthe hard work is not. Caress her gently, sothatshe doesn't feel quite somuch like the captain of a schooner. Andlet herhave a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING ITWAS AN ACCIDENT.This is how men earn a reputation for notbeing able to followdirections. If you want to put it there,ask herfirst. And don't thinkthatbeing drunk is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES.When a man says, "Can I take a photo ofyou?" she'll hear the words"__to show my buddies." At least let herhavecustody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.Imagination is anything from drawingpatterns on her back to pouringhoney on her and licking it off. Fruit,vegetables, ice and feathers areallhandy props; hot candle wax and permanentdye area no no.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.There is no less erotic noise. It's assexyas a belching contest.
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed,fine, but unless she's aRomanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious.Askyourself if you want asexualpartner with snapped hamstrings.
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.Read this carefully: Anal stimulationfeelsgood for men becausetheyhave a prostate. Women don't.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES.It is highly erotic to exert some gentlesuction on the sides of theneck, if you do it carefully. No womanwants tohave to wear turtlenecksandjaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.Don't shout encouragement like a coachwitha megaphone. It's not abigturn-on.
37) TALKING DIRTY.It makes you sound like a lonely magazineeditor calling a 1-900line.If she likes nasty talk, she'll let youknow
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.You have to finish the job. Keep on tryinguntil you get it right,andshe might even do the same for you.
39) SQUASHING HER.Men generally weigh more than women, so ifyou lie on her a bit tooheavily, she will turn blue.
40) THANKING HER.Never thank a woman for having sex withyou. Your bedroom is not asoupkitchen.
send this to everyone you know or elseyou'll have bad sex forever!!!
