Title: ‘Nightmare in County General’

Series: Counting Sheep II/III

Author: Anna Rousseau <annadelamico@yahoo.co.uk>

Genre: ER/Multi-Crossovers/Off-Beat Humour

Rating: PG-13

Summary: See what else happens when more of the ER team cross over into

La-La Land.

Notes: Thanks for all the suggestions and comments- muchos appreciated. Only two crossovers this time as it is a pretty long one and if I did other ones in this fic it would be ages until I would've got round to posting it. Hope this is amusing- can't promise anything though, comedy is very hard to write. Sorry this fic took so long, what with the 3 other fics I'm on with and a very lenghtly 'Death of a Salesman' Coursework Essay for GCSE. Hope it is semi-funny, enjoy.

"COUNTING SHEEP II - NIGHTMARE IN COUNTY GENERAL"

================================================

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

She quickly minimised the window open on her desktop when she heard the sound of footsteps behind her, not wanting anyone to spy on her latest piece X-Files and Chicago Hope NC-17 rated fan fiction. It was slow and she needed to get it finished, as her fans where pleading for the next part.

"How long has he been like that?"

"Twenty, twenty-five minutes."

"Should I wake him up?"

"He's on a double shift, let him sleep."

Randi Fronzak turned back to the computer she was working at, saved the file and closed it quickly then glanced at Carter who was slumped over the other computer, fast asleep.

"Y'know," Randi said to Chuni as she pulled up the CGH website, "he's pretty cute."

"Carter?" Chuni asked as she filled in a set of abdominal T-Sheets.

"Yeah," she replied, looking over the young resident, "clumsy, but I suppose that's endearing. Come to think of it, we must've known him for what...five years."

"Time flies," Chuni replied.

"When you've got a hectic job," Randi concluded.

"Can't understand why he can't get a girl," Chuni stated, "the last few have been real bitches."

Randi nodded as she moved the cup of luke-warm coffee away from Carter so he couldn't knock it over, "That insurance woman and the family divorcee."

"Hmm, he needs to get out more."

Carter stired and moved his head upwards, opening his eyes and then quickly shielding them with his hand, "Oh, man! How long have I..."

"Thirty," Randi intercepted, "Don't worry, you don't talk in your sleep...much."

"Why didn't you tell us before that you think Dr. Greene's hot?" Chuni asked, her face straight.

"Wha-," Randi quickly caught on as she popped a floppy disk out of the A drive. "Yeah, we thought you were a ladies man. I guess the grass is Greener..."

Both the women laughed at the obvious pun and the confused look on the poor man's face.

"Hey, hey," Carter protested still extremely fatigued and now terribly disturbed," I didn't...I'm not..."

Randi and Chuni grinned at him and he reluctantly smiled back, "Oh, a joke- very funny, thanks very much for that. You certainly know how to shock a man."

"I have other ways," Randi whispered into his ear suggestively, quickly concealing the floppy disk in the pocket of her red PVC skirt.

Chuni put a hand on Carter's shoulder, "I also promise not to tell anyone what you said about Dr. Romano."

"Ha ha, very funny," Carter replied, still slightly anxious.

Randi pulled a package out from under the desk and handed it to Carter before moving over to the phone, "This came for you."

"Thanks," he replied absentmindedly opening up the cardboard postal container. A pager, he already had a pager. He was just about to put it back in the packaging and give it to Randi when it beeped shrilly.

No one else seemed to notice its insessant beeps. He was starting to get extremely creeped. Carter looked at the display and jumped.

HI CARTER.

He blurted out what he was thinking, no-one else noticing his mad delusions, "What- how, how?"

DON'T MOVE.

He stood still, pinching himself to see if he was dreaming, "Ow!" Dammit, he was awake and insane, a deadly combination.

THERE ARE THREE MEN OVER THERE IN LAB COATS. THEY'RE AFTER YOU.

Carter looked around, "That's not very descriptive, everyone here wears lab coats," he hissed, not quite sure why he was talking to his pager.

THE ONES WEARING THE SUN GLASSES, THEY'RE GOING TO GET YOU.

"Jesus Christ!" he saw the three figures appear out of no where. Something fishy was going on. "Oh I get it, nice try Malucci, Deb put you up to this, I bet."

THIS ISN'T A JOKE.

The people moved over to the admit desk, "What- what do I do?"

THE LOUNGE IS EMPTY. NOW.

Carter bent over double and quickly moved across the hallway, a nurse dropped a blood sample on the floor as she walked past him, which caused the people in the sun glasses to look up and point at him. As the lounge door closed behind him he leant against a wall, panting with fear, "Shit. What the hell is going on? What did I do to deserve this?"

YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR US.

Carter read the message and looked at it with puzzlement.

YOU CAN NOT SLEEP FOR THINKING OF US.

He frowned, his only explanation seemed very far fetched, "What?"

YOU KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG. YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, YOU NEED THE ANSWERS.

"Lucy?" Carter asked, he felt stupid calling his pager by the name of his dead medical student, but he had seen weirder things on The X Files recently.

YES?

"Oh my god, my pager is possessed!"

QUICK, THE ELEVATOR.

"Why?"

JUST DO IT.

He moved out of the lounge through the side door quietly, and moved down the hall, the men in glasses unaware of his movements. A nurse in front of him dropped a blood sample.

"Whoa," he whispered, "de ja vu."

ELEVATOR QUICK - COME ON.

Carter rounded the corner and stood in front of where the elevators should be, to find a solid wall and a line of plastic chairs, "Uh...someone stole the elevators."

THEY CHANGED THE PROGRAMME. TAKE STAIRS TO ROOF.

Carter did as he was instructed and rushed up the flights of stairs, closely followed by the men in the white lab coats.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The wind was shrill, he had never seen it so blustery and Chicago was knick-named the windy city. Carter's lab coat swirled around him as he turned around to find he hadn't been followed. He reckoned that he had lost them around the fourth floor.

"Lucy? What the hell is going on?" Carter shouted into the air as he rubbed his head which was aching severely.

WELL, IF YOU'D GONE TO THE JAZZ NOTE LIKE I ASKED YOU IN MY E-MAIL THEN YOU'D KNOW BY NOW.

"I never got it," Carter replied as he sat down near the spot he and Lucy had sat over a year ago when they had one of their 'talks'.

DAMN PALMTOP'S ACTING UP AGAIN. I THINK MALUCCI BROKE IT.

"Why don't you go haunt him, then you don't have to drive me insane," Carter replied studying the pager.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KNOWS THE QUESTION.

"What on earth are you on about?"

WAIT A SEC

Carter jumped as a phone rang, he was certain that his mobile was switched off in his locker. As he reached into his pocket, a hazy patch appeared before his eyes.

"Jesus Christ!" Carter exclaimed as Lucy Knight, the one and only extremely dead med-student appeared in his lap, dressed top to toe in skin tight black PVC and sporting a short Meg Ryan hairdo.

Lucy looked up at Carter who was shaking his head and looked like he was going to faint, she hopped off his lap and stood up, "OK, Dr. Carter, breathe!"

Carter looked up at her as he started to wheeze, "Can't...breathe...can't.."

Lucy racked her brains, "Ummm, geez, I never was any good at this medical stuff...head between your knees," Lucy forced Carter's face down.

He yelped, "Geez Lucy! You trying to break my neck?" Carter asked as he breathed deeply. "OK, so I'm thinking...I'm either totally crazy....or someone's drugged me and ....I'm having a necrophiliac S & M fantasy...got any better suggestions, because both those options scare the hell out of me."

"S & M fantasy eh?" Lucy chuckled as she pushed his chin up with a perfectly manicured finger, "Remember Exam 6..."

"Aggh, Carter- stop thinking these thoughts," he hit his head methodically if it would erase the image of Lucy before him.

Suddenly, Lucy pushed him up and led him to the stairwell, "Where we going?"

"You want the answers, don't you?" Lucy asked as she diverted their path to the edge of the roof. He followed her gaze as their stalkers seemingly materialised on the roof, drawing futuristic pistols.

Carter stuttered and said the first thing that came into his mind, "Uhhh..."

"OK, Carter, we're going to jump," Lucy told him in a very calm matter-of-fact kind of way.

Carter's eyes opened wide, "Are you crazy!"

"No, it's easy, all you-"

Carter retorted quickly, "Easy for you, you're dead, you float through walls and drip ectoplasm on Dale Edson. I'm alive, Lucy. I can't do stuff like this."

Lucy looked at him as she placed a pair of sleek sunglasses on her nose and answered cryptically, "If we need to bend the rules- we bend them a little- remember? You said it."

Carter recalled that conversation with Deb earlier in the year just as Lucy pushed him over the edge of the hospital roof. He closed his eyes and his life flashed before his eyes.

It was pretty boring.

>>>>>>>>>>>

When he opened his eyes, he was shocked to find himself still breathing, let alone in one piece and in a car with a black interior. He looked around him.

Next to Carter was Lucy who was fiddling with a strange gadget that wouldn't look out of place in a science fiction movie. Opposite her was Maggie Doyle, and driving the car was Jerry Markovic.

"Whoa-" Carter exclaimed, shaking his head, "what are you lot doing?"

Maggie rolled her eyes, "What'cha think?"

Lucy interjected as she powered up the instrument she was holding, "I'll explain later, Maggie, will you help me?"

"Hey, you lot can see Lucy?"

"Yeah, well duh!" Maggie replied, sarcastically.

Lucy pointed the 'thing' at Carter and gave her orders promptly, "Take off your shirt."

Carter looked down at himself, he was clad in clothes he had never seen before, a T-shirt, a zip up jacket and jeans, all in black. This was equally as shocking as Lucy's command, "What?"

"Stop the car!" Maggie ordered. Jerry complied, before turning on some loud music by Rammstein.

Jerry chanted in a deep voice along to the music, adding a bit of air guitar to compliment the song, "DU! Du Hast! Du Hast Mich!"

"We think they 'bugged' you," Lucy explained as she lifted up his shirt and placed the machine over his navel.

"What?" Carter asked, totally confused, "Who's they?"

"Agent Romano," Jerry replied, as he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. Carter thought he had recognised that shiny bald head.

Lucy was fiddling with some buttons and levers, "You're gonna loose it!" Maggie warned.

"What are you doing to me?"

"Romano secretly left a swab inside you, we have to get it out," Lucy told him, she addressed Maggie, "I've got it, clear!"

An electric shock pulsed through Carter's body, "Shit Lucy! Didn't I tell you not to shock a patient who's concious?"

"Apparently not," Maggie quipped as she tossed whatever they had found in his abdomen out of the window. The car started up and within minutes they were outside a run down apartment block.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Carter stepped into the room and was led to a large leather chair which was ripped in places. Opposite him sat a young black man he knew too well.

"Dennis."

Dennis Gant smiled, "Carter, my man!"

Carter gave a half-smile at his dead friend, "What's going on."

"You want to know what's going on?" Dennis asked, leaning forward, his eyes covered with a pair of pince-nez sunglasses. He produced two candies. "Take the toasted mashmellow jelly belly and you walk up, this has all been a dream - choose the Big Red flavoured bean and we'll show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes."

A figure walked behind Dennis, "Susan?" Carter asked, looking up, "I thought you went to Phoenix!"

Susan Lewis smiled and didn't reply, he turned back to Dennis, "Which one-" he mused, Carter saw his hand reaching forth for the cream sweet. After all, it was a dream and he could always wake up- couldn't he?

>>>>>>>>>>>

He struggled to surface from under the liquid, it seemed to pull him futhur into it's depth, what was this stuff, jello? After that he could not remember the series of events, until he woke in an unfamiliar environment and met a team of people he had not seen in years.

"Hmm," Doug Ross though out loud as Carter was strapped into a dentist's chair, "Basic programmes- boring, no, no, no...sports! Yes." He loaded something into a computer and a sharp pain seared through Carter's brain. A strange sensation penetrated every cell in his body as he retained the information.

Carter opened his eyes and came face to face with Doug and Dennis. He took a breath.

"I know basketball."

"Show me."

>>>>>>>>>>

^^^^^^^^^^

Abby watched Carter's deep sleep as he lay across the admit desk, she really didn't have the heart to wake him. Watching him sleep from curtain one had made her realise how tired she was, and without a second thought she settled back onto the bed and let her mind mute the hustle and bustle of the active ER as she drifted off.

^^^^^^^^^^

"Hey, Buff!" A voice called out from behind her. She gazed at Malucci who was dressed in a really weird Hawaiian print shirt and jeans. He seemed to be addressing her.

"It's Abby. What's wrong Malucci?" Abby corrected as she laughed at his attire then realised that she wasn't actually in the ER, but some sort of High School.

"OK, Buff, if you insist I'll call you Abby- but please, my name is Xander, Malatucci - what sorta crazy noodle dish is that?" He replied as she looked down at her self and gasped.

She looked like a slut. She wore high heeled leather knee-boots, a short shirt and a dangerously low halter neck in bright red. Abby caught a glimpse of her hair, and was shocked to find it bleach blonde, "Aggh!"

Someone tapped her on the shoulder.

"Buffy," an English voice addressed Abby, she turned around to see Elizabeth Corday in a man's suit and rimless spectacles, "Remember, the harvest tonight."

Abby stared at the surgeon, "You want me to assist on an organ harvest?"

Corday stared back, "Uh, no. I want you to assist in slaying the Master."

"Romano?" Abby replied staring at her long laquered nails- she had never managed to grow them this long before. Maybe this dream wasn't so bad, she had better hair, nails, and...oh...her boobs had never been this big before. She looked like Britney Spears for heaven's sake!

"He prefers to be called the Master, or Rocket-" Corday replied as they left the building. It was as dark and as silent as night outside.

All of a sudden she was in a very dark, very spooky grave yard, a piece of meat in her left hand (she got it, a steak- ha ha, her dreams were always pretty corny).

"Umm, Da- Xander, Dr. Corday?" Abby called as she stumbled over a grave stone.

She heard a swoosh behind her, "Ahh, Buffy," a lispy voice called, "we meet again."

"Romano," Abby hissed as she turned around striking him with the piece of beef and executing a series of perfect tae-bo kicks and punches. Those classes she had taken with Lucy had paid off.

Suddenly he grabbed her and lunged his teeth into her neck, "Umm," he gasped, "tap and pump!"

"Get away from her!" A Croatian accent ordered from their side. Luka. Every dream she had- he was her hero... and god he looked good in black.

"Angel!" Romano cursed as they approached each other, Abby laid back on the mossy ground. Just admiring the view...of Luka, admittedly- but my, it was a good view.

"You will never suceed!"

"Oh yeah?" Romano challenged.

"Yeah!" Luka spat back, as the 'Rocket' drew a box out of his satin lined cape.

"OK then," he laid a plastic sheet across the ground. "Twister- to the death!"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

TO BE CONTINUED....

More ideas? Parodies? Helpful hints? Story lines? Ways to make this vaguely amusing?

Feel free to comment on alt.tv.er.creative

Archive if you want, just tell me where at <annadelamico@yahoo.co.uk>