Title: "Big Brother V - The John Truman Carter Show"

Series: 'Big Brother'

Author: Anna Rousseau <annadelamico@yahoo.co.uk>

Genre: Cast/Humour

Rating: PG-13

Summary: The ER team are stuck with each other in Kerry's house, all in the name of science.



a) Carter <7 votes>

b) Dave <3 votes>

c) Jing-Mei <1 vote>


a) He lets them free

. Backpain <1 vote>

. Dare <3 votes>

. Food ambush<7 votes>

b) He keeps them together <2 votes>

Notable ideas: Many wanted Carter to throw up somewhere during the next scene because of the squirty cheese dare in "All About Abby". Quite a few were in favour of a full fledged food-fight ambush (because of this idea, I was going to call this installment 'The Good Food Fight' but opted for the above, after another 'Big Brother-esque' movie).




DAVE: [with a flourish] Abby Lockhart must five minute kiss.......

ABBY: [shuts her eyes and prays silently] Get on with it, Dave!

DAVE: You've gotta kiss Carter.

ABBY: [shocked] Great.

CARTER: [rolls his eyes] Well, don't look too pissed off!

ABBY: [smiles] Sorry, I'm just really, really tired, I would be asleep if it wasn't for Butt Head over there.

DAVE: [pats Jing-Mei on the shoulder] Hey, Abby, don't talk about Dr. Chen like that, she's very sensitive!

JING-MEI: Do you want a black eye, Malucci?

DAVE: What's the other option?


BIG BROTHER: So, Dr. Carter gets to tounge wrestle with the lovely Ms. Lockhart RN, let's just recap on their present relationship so far...

[series of sound bites, we cannot hear the questions that are being asked]

ABBY: Hi, I'm a third-year med-student on my ER rotation...what'dya mean, still?...other students take second rotations, doesn't mean I'm not good at it....yeah, I know Carter, I...um...kinda told everyone he had a narcotics addiction and so he had to go to re-hab...does he hate me? I'm not sure...but I can tell you one thing, he is a very good teacher, and it would've been a shame to see him mess that up....bye.

CARTER: Uh, Abby? Yeah, I've -uh- supervised her, yes....I would say that, yes. She still has to make that transition from nurse to doctor though, but I understand that....how do I feel about her, well, I was pretty angry at her about the <coughs> drug incident...but she was just looking out for me....hard feelings? Maybe for a while, but it's not like I have a grudge or anything...you too, bye.

BIG BROTHER: So, they have made an amicable start in the Big Brother house, the first development being Abby's drunken confession that she has the hots for young Dr. Carter, and the second being their friendly demeanor when they were handcuffed together, when all the others just wanted to get it on with the nearest breathing object, maybe there was something in the barbeque...


ABBY: [looks at Carter nervously] OK, then. Are there rules?

DAVE: [looks at his watch] Just kiss for five minutes. Starting from...three...two...one...now!

ABBY: [inches closer to Carter and rests her lips on his cheek, he follows her and kisses her cheek too, Abby giggles] Oh, god.

CARTER: [laughs as she plants kisses on his high cheekbones] I think this was rigged.

DAVE: [looks annoyed] You two call *that* kissing?

CARTER: [inbetween pecking Abby's cheek] You didn't specify where or how.

JING-MEI: One minute... four to go.

DAVE: [rolls his eyes] This is pathetic!

ABBY: [her eyes meet Carter's and she takes on a look of determination] Pathetic, eh? [Abby pushes Carter onto the floor and presses her lips against his passionately, she brings both of their arms over his head and pins Carter to the ground as she smothers the doctor with kisses]

CARTER: [his eyes wide open in surprise, turns his face away and pants] Uh, Abby?

ABBY: [sighs, and rolls him on top of her] Just kiss me!

CARTER: Fine, [leans forward and kisses Abby on the neck, Abby moans as he works his way to her jaw line]

JING-MEI: [fuming with envy] Two down, three to go.

DOUG: [places a hand over his mouth and mocks a sports commentators voice] Welcome to 'The Five-Minute Kiss-A-Thon 2000' live and uncut from Kerry Weaver's basement.

DAVE: [tagging along with Doug's idea] Two minutes into the bout and Abby Lockhart, the attacker is seems has already got John Carter on the floor.

DOUG: Yes, as Dave was saying, due to the 'hand-cuffs class' that Carter and Abby are competeing in, where she goes, he has to...and by golly it makes for exciting viewing.

DAVE: I didn't know there were so many ways to kiss someone on their face...what we wouldn't give for the intubocam at the present moment.

DOUG: Oh, yes...

DAVE: What?

DOUG: I think their going for it...

JING-MEI: Three down, two to go...

DOUG: Yes, past the half-way mark, there is definately some tounge action on Abby's part...yes the attacker in being very dominant, pinning Carter to the floor.

DAVE: Yep, she is not letting him go anywhere, hey, is that...

DOUG: I haven't seen that move since the famous final of '99, held live from Exam 6, that was when Carter and Lucy Knight passed the twenty minute mark...wow, the doc still remembers his famous technique...

DAVE: Oh, there it is, some reciprocation from Carter on the tounge front, and Abby looks like she wants to move this to the next level...but, the handcuffs are in the way...

DOUG: Whoa- she's got some vice-like leg movement going on...this girl from OB can really keep a guy in his place-

JING-MEI: Four down, one to go...I don't think they're going to do it [she looks at Abby furiously as if she would rather be in her position]

DAVE: Carter's looking pretty cyanotic.

DOUG: I don't think it was a good idea to try and do this after the Cheez Whip dare, the guy's turning from a shade of blue to a sort of green.

DAVE: Yeah, this could get pretty nasty for Abby.

DOUG: For the viewers at home, we'll remind you of the mouth-to-mouth incident of Hallowe'en '98 when Carter got a mouth full of vomit helping an OD'd med student, not a nice thing to happen.

DAVE: Luckily for Abby, he seems to have recovered and they're both going strong.

JING-MEI: Twenty...and counting...

DOUG: Whoa- look at that! The famous 'goodbye kiss' from May 2000, the triple-way technique, yes Abby - you still have enough time.

JING-MEI: Ten...nine...

DOUG: Kiss on left cheek...

JING-MEI: Seven...six...

DAVE: Right cheek...

JING-MEI: Four...three...

DOUG: [cheers] And the forehead, woo-wooo, gooo Abby!

JING-MEI: Two...

DAVE: Uh-oh, she's got him in a lip lock...

JING-MEI: One...TIME UP, get off him you slut!

ABBY: Ummm [she and Carter are still kissing]

JING-MEI: [unlocks them and pulls Abby off Carter] Five minutes are up, come'on.

CARTER: [blushes as much as Abby is an sits up, out of breath] Right.

ABBY: [pants and looks at Dave pointedly] Was that pathetic?

DAVE: Uh- no, not at all...uh-

ABBY: [looks at Carter and sees he is really green] Uh, Carter? You OK?

CARTER: [waves a hand] Oh, I'm fine, just a little- [runs up the stairs to the bathroom] <yeah, I know there is a bathroom in the basement, but just go along with it>

ABBY: [runs after him] Carter?

JING-MEI: She is so good, that the guy has to vomit after she's kissed him [jokingly, but half believing she's still in with a chance].

DAVE: [heads up the stairs] Uh, I'm gonna go check on him.

DOUG: [chuckles] Shouldn't have eaten the Cheez. Monopoly?

JING-MEI: Sure [grabs a piece], I'm the dog.

DOUG: Aww, I love being the dog, it's so cute.

JING-MEI: You can be the boot.

DOUG: Like *that* makes it all better!


BIG BROTHER: The next installment in our series of profiles on the 'Big Brother' inmates portrays Dr. Jing-Mei Chen, the woman, the doctor...the legend.

[series of sound bites]

CARTER: Deb? Ambitious, determined...hates it when I'm right.

DAVE: [dazed] Gorgeous brown eyes, beautiful silky black hair, flawless skin, great bre- oh, personal qualities?...uh-

CARTER: She plays really lame practical jokes...

DAVE: Personal qualities I like...uh...er...

CARTER: She'd like to think she's always right.

DAVE: Err...this is a hard one....oh, she's a sassy chick, there you go.


DAVE: [opens the kitchen door] Carter, you OK man? [some squirty cream squirts him in the face] Ughh!

CARTER: [laughs] Serves you right!

DAVE: Hey, man, that's not fair- you ambushed me!

ABBY: [rolls her hair as she grabs some ketchup from the fridge and pours it down his back] Tough luck, maybe we would've given you a bottle of salad cream if you didn't make me kiss Carter.

DAVE: [reaches for a bowl of jelly and pours it on top of Abby's head] From what I saw, you were both enjoying it.

CARTER: We're against the principle, Dave. [grabs Dave's arms and sprays cream up his nostrils]

DAVE: [Blows down his nose to remove the cream] Yeah right, you seemed to be enjoying Abby *a lot*, man!

CARTER: That's it [sprays cream in Dave's eyes and ears].

ABBY: [tackles Dave to the floor and pours ice cubes down his jeans] Take that! [pours the rest of the ketchup on his chest]

CARTER: [stands over Dave and tries to open a packet of pre-grated cheese with a knife]


MARK: [walks over to Elizabeth's bed and taps her on the shoulder] I'm going down for some water- want some?

ELIZABETH: [mumbles from under a pillow] Go away, Mark!

MARK: [miffed] Alright, alright- excuse me for being a considerate 21st Century male!

KERRY: [pokes her head out of her comforter] Hey, Mark. I'll take you up on that.

MARK: [hands her the crutch and they walk down the stairs] I can't really get to sleep.

KERRY: [pushes open the kitchen door] I know what you mean...[she hears clattering and voices before she sees inside] What the...

MARK: [mouth open wide as he sees the scene, Carter over a blood splattered Dave holding a knife] Don't do it Carter!


CARTER: [looks at Mark who is taking the knife away from him] What's the matter?

ABBY: [looks up] Oh, Dr...Weaver...I...

MARK: What have you two done to Dave? [is distressed by the ketchup on his body]

ABBY: [laughs] Oh, that's just ketchup!

DAVE: [sits up] Hey, cheif!

KERRY: [mouth-wide, she takes a deep breath and yells] WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

CARTER: [helps Abby and Dave up, they shuffle their feet and are silent for a while] We...uh....Dave [prompts the other man]

DAVE: Well....I....Abby [prompts the med-student]

ABBY: We...

DAVE: [interupts] Hey...who do you think you are!

KERRY: [disbelief] Excuse me?

DAVE: You heard me...remember, I'm in charge...[grins wickedly] So, there! [Carter, Abby and Dave produce some pies from behind their backs and run past Kerry, getting her squarely in her face]

KERRY: Come back here!

DAVE: [yells back at her] Don't forget to clean up, Chief!


BIG BROTHER: Well, as you know, 'Big Brother' has cameras every where, even in the the showers, but they don't know that, so here are some of the crew in the tub, and who knew they had so much musical talent...

[clips of various nude ER team members]

LUKA: [sings as he scrubs his back] I'm singing in the rain- just singing in the rain...

KERRY: [also sings as she suds her hair] I believe in miracles, where'ya from you sexy thing...

JING-MEI: [loudly singing off key as she shaves her legs] The best thing about being a ER doc, yeah, is the perogitive to have a little fun-un-un, oh-oh-oh ohhh go totally crazy forget I'm a res-i-d-ent, scrub shirts...short skirts...

MARK: [singing] ...when I take you out in my surrey with a fringe on top....

PETER: [altermating between alto and soprano] ...they say that Shaft is a bad mother, shut your mouth...we're talking about Shaft....Shaft!

DAVE: [brashly] Give it to me baby...a ha a ha...give it to me baby...a ha a ha...and all the girlies say I'm pretty fly, for a white guy! Du-du-du-du-du-da-da-da...

BIG BROTHER: We're sure that you all want to see Dr. Carter in the shower, but that's what the website is for, www.bigbrother.shower.com. I'm willing to bet it's going to get more hits than the Cleo and Peter webcam. I'll give you a hint though- Lizzie in the shower, wow.


BIG BROTHER: On with the show, and speaking of showers.

[In the bathroom]

ABBY: [brushes her teeth at the basin, she sees Malucci in the mirror as he steps into the shower and laughs] Dave, you look ridiculous!

DAVE: [glances at his reflection] Well, if it weren't for you, I *would* be looking my usual hunky self!

ABBY: Shut up, you had it coming! [she sighs] You ER guys are so fun, you'know in OB...

DAVE: [slides open the shower cubicle and shouts at Abby] If I hear you compare the ER to OB one more time, I swear...I'm gonna...

ABBY: [giggles] Gonna what?

DAVE: Do this [sprays her with the shower head, soaking her white tee-shirt]

ABBY: Aggh! Da-ve!

DAVE: Serves you right [imitates Abby] in OB we do this, in OB we think that...the doctors in OB...

ABBY: [fills up a mug with cold water and chucks it over the cubicle]

DAVE: Shi- Abby!

CARTER: [walks in and pulls a towel out of the cupboard, glancing at the cream on him] Hi Abby, do you want the other shower?

ABBY: You take it, Dave's getting out soon, aren't you Dave?

DAVE: [grumbles] Right.

CARTER: Thanks, [he takes his stuff inside the cubicle and tosses them on to a clothes rack] Is there a good way to get squirty cream and chocolate ice cream off someone?

ABBY: [grins evily] Well...







a) They all sleep in

b) Malucci orders them about. Specify.

c) Another ex-ER member turns up. Specify.

d) Another supporting character turns up. Specify.


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