Title: "Big Brother IV - All About Abby"
Author: Anna Rousseau <email@example.com>
Series: 'Big Brother'
Summary: The gang have revolted against King Malucci's tyrannical 2 hour reign and have untied themselves, but Abby and Carter don't know this as they are fast asleep...
Notes: Please archive, just tell me where. Thank you all for voting and for all the ideas, I would be stuck without them! I hope the humour is holding up.
a) They wake them up for a late night games session. <10 votes>
b) They follow the example. <2 votes>
c) They play a practical joke - what. <9 votes>
Lots of great thoughts on the eviction programme. I've been watching the UK version recently. What do people think of someone being the 'Nasty Nick' figure? Who should scheme and bribe others into voting certain members out, Elizabeth, Cleo, Carter (well you never know, he may be aching for that Chief Resident spot)? Any more ideas for future tasks would be appreciated, as long as it isn't naked clay body painting. You may grin, but someone has to write the stuff you suggest!
'BIG BROTHER IV - ALL ABOUT ABBY'
[In the basement, everyone is watching Abby and Carter]
PETER: Come on, people. It's late, let's get some sleep while we can.
CLEO: [leads Peter up the stairs] If anyone needs us, we'll be in the spare room.
KERRY: Spare room? [hobbles after them] It's my house, you ask permission before you start having sex in people's spare rooms!
MARK: [can see Kerry getting fustrated] Uh, I'll go. [he helps her up the stairs as she starts yelling abuse at the two doctors]. Uh, Elizabeth, you coming?
ELIZABETH: Of course. I wouldn't want to miss a Kerry/Cleo slanging match, would I? [dashes after Mark]
DAVE: OK, so I still have about, say 20 hours of power - right?
JING-MEI: [rolls her eyes] I suppose-
DAVE: So you lot would technically have to help me to handcuff Abby and Carter face-to-face if I asked, right?
DOUG: [grins] Practical jokes and Carter, Dr. Dave continues the tradition.
LUKA: [ignores Doug] Ummm, Dave, that's not very fair.
DAVE: All's fair in love and war, my friend - if you don't like it, then go spiff up your barbeque skills, or wash your hair!
LUKA: [fumes, and talks to Dave as if he were talking to Benton] You have a problem with my hair?
DAVE: Yeah, it looks like you were attacked by a bottle of oil.
DOUG: [laughs] What'cha do, buddy, get jumped by a hair gel factory? [he and Dave high-five each other]
LUKA: At least my hair isn't grey! [tries to keep calm] This is how we do it in Europe.
DAVE: Europe, Smurope. [ignores Luka] So, how about it?
JING-MEI: This might be the only good idea you'll ever have, Malucci.
DAVE: [looks flattered] This appeals to the natural born practical joker in you, does it, Dr. Chen?
LUKA: Can't we just...I don't know, play board games instead?
DOUG: [puts on a fake European accent] 'Board games'?
JING-MEI: [looks at him and laughs] Yeah, right. Like that's as much fun! I can't wait to see the look on John's face.
DAVE: [with the help of Jing-Mei, cuffs Abby and Carter face to face] OK, I'll make a compromise with you...we do this, and then we play some 'games' so they have to earn their freedom.
DOUG: Oh, 'games'.
JING-MEI: [an evil glint in her eye] I like the sound of that!
DAVE: At last, one thing we agree on - while I'm on this winning streak, how about a date?
JING-MEI: [rolls her eyes again] Let's just do this, OK, Malucci?
DAVE: Is that a no?
DAVE: [smiles] So it's a yes?
JING-MEI: No. Not a yes, not a no...try and work that one out [she locks the last cuff in position] Right! What next?
BIG BROTHER: With the younger members of the team playing pranks in the basement, Mark, Kerry and Elizabeth are fast asleep whilst Cleo and Peter are...well if you want to know, visit out site and check out the webcam. Some how, I don't think we'll get many hits.
In the meanwhile, let's see what the ER braintrust brought into the compound with them.
[series of sound bites]
ELIZABETH: Umm, let's see....cocktail shaker of course...a box of tea bags, naturally,.. clothes...a bottle of vodka for those Cosmopolitains...
ABBY: Some, uh...nicotine patches, I'm trying to quit you see...med textbook...camera so I can blackmail Dave with embarrasing photos of him sleeping...
LUKA: Uh...hairgel...a photo...hairgel...styling mousse...uh...
CLEO: Anti wrinkle cream...weights...lots of spandex...
DAVE: Some 'Annals' to put me to sleep if Carter snores...
CARTER: Some photographs...medication...clothes...some self-help books...
KERRY: This is my house you idiots! The stuff's in there, though I did pick up a new copy of 'Modern Architecture in Emergency Medicine - Volume 2'...
BIG BROTHER: That's my girl! Now, back to the compound...
ABBY: [Opens her eyes after rolling over to find herself on top of Carter] What?
CARTER: [wakes up] Uh, hi Abby...what's up? And why are you on top of me?
ABBY: [looks at her wrists, then under the covers at her ankles] Uh...Carter...we've been tied like this.
CARTER: Wha- [attempts to sit up, but Abby falls off the bed, bringing them both to the floor]
CARTER: Agh! [lands on top of her]
ABBY: [concerned] Carter, are you OK?
ABBY: Well..uh....stay where you are.
CARTER: Like I can go anywhere! [he looks down at her] Are you OK?
ABBY: Slightly squashed, [she blushes] Dr. Carter, we must stop meeting like this!
CARTER: Don't you go slushy on me...
ABBY: Slushy? Me? Only after a few drinks, and I'm quite sober at the moment, thank you very much.
CARTER: [laughs] We do seem to be good at getting into comprimising situations though- don't we?
[Dave, Doug, Jing-Mei and Luka appear from the stairs]
DAVE: Well, well, you can't seem to pull yourselves apart from one another, can you?
CARTER: I think that's because some idiot decided to tie us together.
DAVE: Well, can't of been me, 'cos I'm not some idiot.
JING-MEI: [quickly] No, he's *the* idiot. [Dave gives her a look] So, the deal is, we set you loose...but only if you play a game first.
ABBY: [rolls her eyes] What would this 'game' be?
DOUG: [produces a bowl with pieces of folded paper in it] Well, pick a few and we'll play them, you and Carter are team 1, Dave and I are team 2 and Deb...sorry, Jing-Mei and Dr. Kovac are the third team.
CARTER: What's the choice?
JING-MEI: [check each game off her mental list] Monopoly, Scrabble, Twister, Girl Talk-
DAVE: Where *did* you get that?
LUKA: Kerry had a copy. Apparently she has some nieces...
DOUG: Well, that's what she says-
JING-MEI: [vexed] ...Strip Blackjack...
CARTER: Whoa...I never heard of that before!
DAVE: Hey, I'm the boss-what I sat goes. If I say there's Strip Blackjack, there's Strip Blackjack, capiche?
CARTER: Yes, sir! [sarcastically, mutters] Strip Blackjack?
JING-MEI: As I was saying, before someone interupted...Truth or Dare and Rummikub.
DAVE: So you pick three games, play well, you get untied.
ABBY: [picks a piece of paper] OK then...first game...Twister.
CARTER: [sighs] Great! How are we supposed to do that?
DAVE: So, this is the idea. Me versus Jing-Mei versus Abby and Carter.
DAVE: Who's in charge, me or you? [pointedly]
BIG BROTHER: Here's what the gang had to say earlier about Dr. Dave...
ELIZABETH: Sloppy, puts patients in danger. A liability.
MARK: Umm, impatient.
CARTER: Well, he's just...Malucci.
KERRY: Don't get me started.
JING-MEI: He's a jock.
CHUNI: Girl, he's cute, and don't he know it!
RANDI: Dave...the word jerk springs to mind [she whispers] but he looks great in jeans.
BIG BROTHER: I'll take your word for it...
[Dave, Jing-Mei, Carter and Abby are all contorted on the Twister may]
DOUG: Why do you suppose Weaver has a Twister set...you think she and Ellis West...
CARTER: [looks up, he is bent over backwards and Abby is laid on top of him] They went out?
DOUG: From what I here, she-
LUKA: [annoyed at Doug] Next...[spins the Twister wheel] Umm, right leg...yellow.
DAVE: [Jing-Mei puts her leg over his torso, he shifts in his crab postion] I knew you wanted me.
JING-MEI: [scowls] This is the nearest you'll ever get, Malucci.
ABBY: Left foot...is that your left, or mine?
DAVE: Both of you.
ABBY: This is ridiculous! [their limbs move]
CARTER: [their legs start to do the splits] Uh, we're slipping...
ABBY: Slipping, slipping...nooo! [they collapse to the ground, bringing Jing-Mei toppling on to Dave's body]
DAVE: I told-
JING-MEI: Shut up, Dave!
ABBY: [bangs her head on Carter's chest as she collapses in a fit of giggles] We lost!
CARTER: [picks a paper] Oh, no...
DAVE: [Peers at the paper] Truth or Dare.
BIG BROTHER: Whilst they squabble amongst themselves, there have been some visits to the pantry today, sorry- communication booth, to talk with Big Brother...
MARK: OK, a question- do we have to eat the stuff Luka cooks? And what happens if he gives us all food poisoning?
KERRY: [drunk after a couple of Cosmopolitains] Can we have some more lime, please?
CARTER: Umm...I just dropped one of Kerry's ornaments...does superglue work on bone china?
KERRY: [mad] Who's idea was it to get Doug Ross over here? I would really like to have a little 'chat' with the smartass who decides these things.
JING-MEI: Um, hi. I would just like to go on record and say that Dave Malucci is the biggest jerk ever [she is starting to sound like a girl from the 'Valley'] and, umm...all men are pigs.
CLEO: Why do men throw up when they see my body? And why do men think women like it when they impersonate Austin Powers?
LUKA: Is my hair really as greasy as people say?
BIG BROTHER: We'll let the audience decide, shall we?
DAVE: [they are all sat down, and Carter and Abby are, but with great difficulty] So, let's go clockwise, starting with...Jing-Mei.
JING-MEI: Why me?
DAVE: Cos I said so. [he grins] So truth or dare?
JING-MEI: [cautiously] Truth?
DAVE: I have a great one. Truth. If you had to go with Elizabeth or Chuni, which one would it be?
ABBY: Yikes, if this is what the truths are like, I'd hate to think of the dares he can make up.
JING-MEI: I don't think I-
DOUG: You have to answer, it the rules.
JING-MEI: [sighs] If I had to, life or death...this is a hypothetical, a very big IF...Elizabeth, I guess.
BIG-BROTHER: That conjours up an image, whilst they get on with the dares and the truth, let's have a look in Kerry's video cupboard...
[Dave and Abby look through Kerry's video cabinet]
ABBY: Whoa, about every Sean Connery film on earth, you think she has a thing for men with accents?
DAVE: She was postively drooling over Dr. Kovac when he was serving those burnt steaks. So were you.
ABBY: What's not to drool about!
DAVE: Is it just me, or do you have a thing about ER docs?
ABBY: Just the ones who don't try and hit on everything that female with a pulse. What's here? Chicago Hope...that is so unrealistic.
DAVE: How to Intubate - thrilling viewing, would be better if they had a nude model intubating.
ABBY: We know what you want to do with the intubo-cam Dave [rolls her eyes].
DAVE: Hey...look at this 'Disclosure', 'Indecent Proposal', 'Eyes Wide Shut'...
KERRY: [yells at them] What so you think you're doing?
DAVE: Um, sorry chief...[whispers to Abby]...she likes porn!
DOUG: Next time someone dares you to eat a whole can of squirty cheese, just say no, OK Carter?
CARTER: [looking nauseous] I'm OK.
ABBY: You'd better be, I don't want you puking on me. I have that enough in the ER.
CARTER: Well it was better than having to choose between a threesome with Romano and Cleo or with Kerry and Mark. [he says pointedly] Your mind must be totally twisted, Malucci. What'cha do, fall into a vat of paint when you were three?
DAVE: Ha ha, cheese boy. OK, the last person. Abby.
ABBY: [sighs] Oh, god!
DAVE: What will it be?
DAVE: OK. [he scratches his head, then a wide grin spreads over his face] I pick a name out of this bowl, of one of us, and you have to kiss them for five minutes.
ABBY: Dave, you can't- Truth, truth...please- pretty please with a cherry and sugar on top! Ask me anything, ask me if I would rather have sex with Romano or Kerry Weaver...come'on. You can't do this, I'm older than you! [she pouts]
DAVE: Yeah, and I have complete power for another 19 hours.
ABBY: I want to tell the truth!
DAVE: Too late...[he scribbles down some names]...OK then. You Abby Lockhart must five-minute kiss-
TO BE CONTINUED
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
Abby kisses a) Carter
Abby e) refuses
If she kisses someone, what happens during the kiss?
WILL DAVE LET THEM LOOSE JUST YET?
a) Dave sets them a task - what is the task?
b) Dave lets them go after they get him in a food fight ambush.
Feedback welcome, please archive just tell me where <firstname.lastname@example.org>