Title: "Big Brother III - My Best Friend's Bedding"

Author: Anna Rousseau <annadelamico>

Series: 'Big Brother'

Genre: Cast/Humour

Rating: PG-15 [suggestive]

Summary: The gang are cooped up in Kerry's townhouse competing for a promotion when Dave sets the task of being cufflinked to another person for 24 hours. It's night and this is what happens next.


What does Jing-Mei do next?

a) Jing-Mei returns and does the nasty with Dave. <0 votes>

b) Jing-Mei throws cold water over his head and goes to sleep on the couch. <10 votes>

c) Jing-Mei leads a revolt against Dave's tyrannical leadership. <3 votes>

d) Jing-Mei comes on to Dave, but he rejects her advances. <4 votes>

What happens during the night?

Many are in favour of Abby comforting Carter after he has a nightmare (Carter Nightmare Plot TM); Cleo wanting a three some; Mark throwing up; midnight snacks; Hagen Daaz; videos; Doug mistaking Kerry for Carol; Luka dragging Elizabeth across the room half naked to wake up Carter and Jing-Mei pouring water on Dave.

Read to see what happens in the next episode...




BIG BROTHER: Last time we saw Jing-Mei start to get up close and personal with Dave whilst Cleo tried to get it on with her boyfriend whilst she was attached to Dr. Greene. THe only people who don't seem to be up for some late night hedonistic romps are Carter and Abby who's libidos seem to be under control.

NIGHT ONE - 12:21 am



DAVE: [watches as Jing-Mei leaves the room for the bathroom. Talks to himself] Wow. I can't believe this actually worked. [He glances at his wrists which are tied to the bed frame].

JING-MEI: [enters room wearing very revealing lingerie, her hands behind her back] Why hello there.

DAVE: Whoa boy! [he watches as she climbs up on top of him and straddles his torso]

JING-MEI: [unbuttons his shirt and leans over him provocatively, breathing on his lips] Miss me?

DAVE: [gulps as her hands reach behind her and lift the elastic on his boxer shorts] Oh...baby!

JING-MEI: Y'know [she traces a line down his chest] I thought you where an inconsiderate male chauvanistic pig.

DAVE: [he smiles] But?

JING-MEI: Now I *know* you are an inconsiderate male chauvanistic pig. [raises a concealed glass of water and tips it down his underpants at the same time as she produces another glass of water from the bedside stand and throws it in his face]

DAVE: [shocked and drenched] Aggh, but I thought...

JING-MEI: [gets up and puts a robe on before she grabs both the pillows- she storms out of the room] Go jerk yourself, Dave!

DAVE: [the door slams] Oh man. [he tries to move but he is tied to the bed] Women!


BIG BROTHER: In the next bed Kerry is talking in her sleep...

DOUG: [gets kicked by Kerry who is asleep] Ow!

KERRY: [muffled] Oh yes!

DOUG: [kicks her in annoyance] Shut the hell up!

KERRY: [mumbles] Oh...Rocket...take me!

DOUG: [stops kicking her and listens] Oh really!

KERRY: Oh- Rocket, you're a sex-machine!

DOUG: Eww...[pulls out a dictaphone] come on, Kerry what else do you love about Romano?

KERRY: What a butt! Ohh- Rocket you take me to the moon!

DOUG: [chuckles] I'm sure he's glad to hear that- aren't you? [he asks the camera, beofore finishing a bottle of bourbon]

BIG BROTHER: Shh! Don't give away my identity- Kerry Weaver thinks I'm hot stuff eh?


[Meanwhile in the same bedroom we hear some weird noises. Cleo is fondling Peter whilst they are attached to Mark- who has gone back to sleep]

CLEO: [she is laying topless on top of Peter] Oh, baby- is that a flashlight in your pocket, or are you just glad that I'm on top of you?

PETER: [does stuff we cannot mention in a 15 rated piece with his mouth] Mmm, honey - [slips into an Austin Powers accent] yeah, baby, yeah!

CLEO: [stops kissing Peter and looks at his face] Peter, what's with the accent?

PETER: [stops and looks back at her, ashamedly] Umm, I just- well,...umm... I thought it would turn you on?

CLEO: [she smiles] God, yes! [she sits on top of him, her knee hitting Mark's face]

PETER: [his accent returns] Shagadelic, baby!

CLEO: Light my fire! [in a corny voice]

MARK: [does a double take as her wakes up to see Cleo and Peter in the middle of something steamy] Uhh, guys...do you want me to leave?

CLEO: [beckons Mark with her finger] Hey, Mark- you wanna join us?

MARK: [goes all Greene and pale] Uhh, a three-some?

CLEO: It'd be fun- com'on, please?

MARK: [Gets up quickly and runs to the bathroom, dragging them with him] Uh, I'm going to be sick! [he throws up on himself and on the others]

PETER: Ugh, Mark!

MARK: [they get into the bathroom] Umm, Sorry [hands Cleo a towel]...Umm, Dr. Finch - you're slightly...um, naked.

CLEO: [rejects the towel and leans over Mark] What about it?

MARK: Ughh! [throws up]


BIG BROTHER: Mean while in the next bed, Kerry who is hot for me, is fast asleep and so is Dr. Ross.

KERRY: Umm [she stirs to see Doug hugging her] Doug!

DOUG: [murmers] Oh, Carol...I love you.

KERRY: [starts to push him off, then has an idea] I love you too.

DOUG: [kisses Kerry] Oh Carol!

KERRY: [kisses him back] Doug!

DOUG: [opens his eyes] You're not Carol! [he is drunk]

KERRY: [rolls her eyes] Well, duh!

DOUG: Never mind [he kisses her again and Kerry responds enthusiastically]

BIG BROTHER: Hope the wife isn't watching! Our first adulterous affair- time to crack out the champange...that reminds me, lets see what's happening with Luka and the lovely Dr. Corday...Kerry and Lizzie, wow, that makes for an interesting fantasy...


LUKA: [kisses her with passion] Oh, Elizabeth!

ELIZABETH: [breaks the kiss and reaches for something] Luka, if we're going to do this, we need to use this.

LUKA: [looks at the object] Hagan Daaz?

ELIZABETH: [holds up the carton] Cookies and Cream.

LUKA: But what about...?

ELIZABETH: Oh- don't worry about that. [she smiles and produces a spoon]

LUKA: No I meant...

ELIZABETH: [frowns] All out of Ben and Jerry's I'm afraid.

LUKA: [acts if she has read his mind] Dammit, I really like Chunky Monkey!

ELIZABETH: [accidently breaks the plastic spoon] Shit. Well, I guess I'll have to use my fingers.

LUKA: [smiles as she digs out some ice creams and puts her fingers in his mouth] Surgeon's hands- so talented, eh?

ELIZABETH: [Luka takes the tub from her and lays her down on the bed- putting the ice cream on her stomach] Oh, my! [he licks it off her skin] Surely we can think of something more...well...inventive?

LUKA: [smiles wickedly as she scoops her fingers into the dessert] What do you have in mind?

ELIZABETH: [pulls her bra straps down] Well...

CARTER: [from across the room] I'm sorry...Lucy....no- I didn't mean....oh....[delusional].

[Luka leaps out of bed, dragging the half naked Elizabeth with him, she looks digruntled as she nearly had the Croatian hunk]

ABBY: [distressed] Carter?

LUKA: [shakes Carter] Wake-up!

ABBY: Carter, [Carter opens his eyes], oh...

CARTER: Where- where am I?

LUKA: You're at Kerry's- remember.

ABBY: You had a nightmare [very concerned] do you want to get something to drink?

CARTER: [looks at his wrist] Yeah, but you'll have to come with me- I guess.

ABBY: That's OK. Are you feeling alright- d'ya need an aspirin?

CARTER: Mmm, let me get that water first.

[Abby and Carter leave the room and go to the kitchen. Carter is still dazed, Abby talks to him soothingly]


BIG BROTHER: In the bathroom- its getting pretty heated...

MARK: I've had enough! I want out of this, now.

PETER: OK. [he finds pulls a hair grip out of Cleo's hair]

CLEO: Hey!

PETER: [picks the lock on Mark's wrist with some difficulty] There you go!

MARK: Thank you- now if you don't mind, I think I heard something and I'm going to check it out. [he storms out of the bathroom]

CLEO: Shit!

PETER: [aware of the presence in the handcuff where mark had been] Cleo, you didn't!

CLEO: [they are now locked face to face] It isn't such a bad position to be in Peter!

PETER: [grins stupidly] Shagadelic!


[Carter and Abby finish their glasses of milk]

CARTER: umm, Abby?

ABBY: Yeah?

CARTER: Thanks for...y'know [hangs his head] waking me up.

ABBY: Any time [she grins] I just wish we were sleeping together under better circumstances.

CARTER: [his eyes wide] Was that milk laced with 100% proof, Miss Lockhart?

ABBY: [slaps her forehead] Umm, that came out the right way, not!

CARTER: [grins] Yeah, I know. I only open my mouth to exchange feet.

ABBY: [smiles] You're a contortionist too?

CARTER: I can think of a joke but I'm not going to say it.

ABBY: [laughs] So, I think it wouldn't be wise to go back, I think Dr. Kovac and Dr. Corday are...

CARTER: Doesn't waste time, does she?

ABBY: She's a surgeon- they are very quick and precise.

CARTER: Couch?

ABBY: [smiles as they get up and push the doors open to the lounge] Sounds like a propostion Dr. Carter!

JING-MEI: [from the couch] Get lost!

CARTER: [jumps] Sorry! [cautiously]

JING-MEI: [gets up] Oh, I thought it was Dave.

ABBY: What happened?

JING-MEI: It seems this whole task was to get me into bed with him.

CARTER: [sarcasm laces his voice] Really?

JING-MEI: [gives him a look] So, I chained him to the bed.

CARTER: So what made you think we were him when we came in, did we sound as if we were dragging a bed behind us?

JING-MEI: Shut up, John.

ABBY: You could nominate Dave tomorrow.

JING-MEI: Don't worry, I was...[looks at Carter] If you're not careful, you're going to get my vote.

CARTER: I'm scared!

ABBY: Calm down, children! [pushes Carter towards the door]. G'night Dr. Chen.

JING-MEI: Night.

[they leave the room, quietly laughing at Jing-Mei's story]

ABBY: So where do we sleep?

CARTER: [points to a door in the corner of the kitchen] I used to room down there, there's a bed, bathroom, TV...

ABBY: [laughs] Weaver kept you in the basement?

CARTER: [leads her to the door] You been talking to Malucci?


LUKA: Sorry, I can't- it wouldn't be right [he pulls away from Elizabeth]

ELIZABETH: Don't worry about Mark.

LUKA: [sighs] Sorry, Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH: Fine then! Anyway, from what I've seen so far Mark was much better than you.

[Mark has just entered and he heard what Elizabeth said, he also sees her and Luka in an amourous state]

MARK: Kovac, you...[searches for a word, secretly pleased that Elizabeth thinks he is studly]

LUKA: ...you?...

ELIZABETH: ....you?...


LUKA: [amazed] She's the one who seduced me.

ELIZABETH: You asked for it, if you weren't so damn sexy...

MARK: Face it Kovac...you'll never be as good as me! [he takes Elizabeth in his arms and kisses her passionately]

ELIZABETH: [shoots a glance at Luka] This is how it should be done.

MARK: [gives Luka a triumpant look as he drags the two to the floor]


KERRY: [stops kissing Doug] What's that noise?

DOUG: [sobers up] Uggh! Kerry why am I kissing you?

KERRY: [absentmindedly as she drags him along to the other bedroom] You were so drunk you thought I was Carol.

DOUG: Why didn't you stop me.

KERRY: Blackmail. [she stops and looks at him] I'm going to use it as blackmail.

DOUG: Ah ha! [displays the dictaphone] If you do, I'm going to let everyone hear this tape in which you say how much Romano 'Rocks' your world.

KERRY: [grabs for the tape] Lemme see that!

DOUG: This never happened, right?

KERRY: [reluctantly] Right.

DAVE: [calls out] Umm, hey cheif...can you- um let me go?

KERRY: [sees his drenched boxer shorts] Are you incontinent, Malucci or just a bed wetter


ABBY: [laughs and falls back onto the bed, dragging Carter with her] So Weaver woke you up every morning singing Grace Jones?

CARTER: I really figured her for classical music.

ABBY: Yeah- I envision her at home, with some Vivaldi on the stereo doing air-violin.

CARTER: [Laughs as he sees Abby's eyelids flutter shut] Night, Abby.

ABBY: [murmers as she snuggles under the blanket and wraps her arms around Carter] Night.

CARTER: [pulls blanket around them and settles back, closing his eyes after planting a kiss on Abby's forehead] Sweet dreams.


BIG BROTHER: After a few minutes, everyone is assembled in the bedroom, and the hand cuffs are removed, every one is in heated argument about the task.

JING-MEI: It was a stupid idea Dave!

DAVE: So was chaining me to a bed!

LUKA: Who's bright idea was it to force people to sleep with each other.

ELIZABETH: Like you weren't fighting me off!

LUKA: That has nothing to do with it.

MARK: Yeah right!

LUKA: Oh, shut up!

CLEO: Why'd ya have to spoil our fun, just because you lot do wanna do the nasty?

PETER: Yeah- you know what, that's discrimination.

KERRY: Be quiet.

LUKA: I can't run away, Mark, if I'm chained to her.

MARK: Well...you could've picked it...or don't you Croatians do that stuff, like you can't barbeque?

LUKA: If you don't like the way I barbeque, do it yourself!

KERRY: Shut up!

MARK: Fine.

LUKA: [points out] Carol never minded when I burnt the barbeque.

DOUG: [strangles Luka] You barbequed with my wife.

LUKA: [struggles to breath] Yeah, it was great- the best barbeque I ever had, it was so hot it set alight.

DOUG: [tightens his grasp] Why you foreign...

KERRY: [hits Doug with her crutch] SHUT UP!


KERRY: There's more order in deathmatch than there is here. Has anyone actually realised we're missing Carter and Abby.

ALL: [shuffle feet] Uh...well...we...uh...no...

KERRY: [rolls her eyes] Well, what are you waiting for?


[They all pile down the stairs to the basement and see Carter and Abby snuggled up in each others arms, asleep and peaceful.]

ELIZABETH: Ahhh [in a hushed tone] aren't they cute?

JING-MEI: Makes me sick.

ELIZABETH: I'm nominating them for eviction. [everyone nods].




a) They wake them up for a late night games session.

b) They follow the example.

c) They play a practical joke - what.

d) Other [state- this was a pretty useless piece, I need to liven it up]




Feedback appreciated. Please archive, just tell me where at <annadelamico@yahoo.co.uk>