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Christian Burns' Diary

*(this is based on the book Bridget Jones' Diary, by Helen Fielding)*
*-This is COMPLETELY fictional. I do not even pretend to know what Christian is thinking, but I doubt any of this has anything to do with him.-* And I DO NOT think of Christian as being so shallow, it's just funnier if he is.

New York City

New Year's Resolutions
I WILL....
1. stop playing tricks on Mark and Ste.
2. stop ringing Mum so much.
3. write songs when I say I'm going to.
4. find a girlfriend.
5. stop eating pizza before I turn into one.
6. cut down on all chocolates.
7. watch my weight because of being on TV so much.
8. get next single in top 10 in both America and Europe.

I WILL NOT....
1. smoke (not a hard one to keep seeing as how I've never started).
2. play tricks on Mark and Ste.
3. spend more than an hour on my hair each day.
4. wear anymore pink.
5. tell any interviewers I wear boxers
6. lie in interviews
7. sleep nude anymore
8. spend all my money on clothes.
9. look in mirror so much.

PART ONE: New York City

Monday, January 1
Alcohol units: 1 (v.g) Lottery tickets: 0 (great) Cigarettes: 0 (GREAT!) Pizzas eaten: 2 (improvement) TV appearances: 2 Hours spent fixing hair: 2 (will try and work on that) Hours spent looking at self in mirror: 3 (g.)

10:09am- just rolled out of bed and saw that hair was completely plasted to one side of face! Sacre bleu! Sorry, no need to use any French.

10:11am- in the bathroom, trying to fix hair. Have got to go to interview in 30 minutes. Will not, I repeat, will not answer the inevitable question, "Boxers or briefs?"

10:15am- Mark is yelling at me to hurry up. I'm bloody hurrying! Does he want me to look horrible on TV?

10:30am- Ste is hollering that they're leaving without me. You know they won't. Wait, was that the door slam?

10:32am- running after Mark and Ste while moosing hair at same time. They are running faster, obviously. They're hair looks fine, but they probably got up earlier and just combed it and went. I can't just do that. My hair is very unmanagable.

10:35am- caught up to Ste and Mark just as they were getting in the lift. Stopped doors with foot.

10:36am- My bloody foot bloody hurts.

10:37am- and my hair is droopy.

10:40am- ah well, must put on good face for fans who are waiting outside for a glimpse. Must smile.

11:30am- in the middle of interview. Ms. Fancy Pants is asking questions. Hold on, she's addressing me. "Christian? Boxers or briefs?" "Neither." Charming smile. Can I let that hang like that? Must say something else. Say something, you idiot! "I wear boxer/briefs." Slap hand to forehead. One New Years resolution is down the drain. Cannot lie to interviewers anymore.

11:45am- interview still going on. Smiling at fans. Oh lord, I'm hungry. Could really go for a pizza. No. Must take control. No more pizza. Reeks havoic on stomache. Oh, but so good. No, stop it!

12:30pm- lunch time. Eating loaded pizza with lads. Another interview in an hour. Must go check out self in mirror.

12:45pm- in the loo. horrified to realize went through whole interview with droopy hair. Must go buy moose and fix this immediatly.

12:56pm- in car on way to next interview. TRL at 3:30. Just found out. Must make sure my hair looks good by then.

1:01pm- mobile is ringing in seat next to me. Cannot manage it. Putting moose in hair and driving at same time. Dangerous to have no hands on wheel.

1:05pm- Ste has picked up phone. It is Mum. Told him I couldn't talk. Must not talk to Mum so much.

1:07pm- Homesick. Must call Mum. No, I must resist.

1:10pm- still driving and moosing.

1:30pm- interview. boxer/briefs question has not come up yet. Thank goodness.

1:31pm- just lied to interviewer. Another New Years resolution down drain. Ah, but I digress. Will be alright.

1:45pm- interview over. decided I'm going shopping before TRL. Will not buy clothes except some underware.

2:13pm- Bought underwear, blue shirt, blue jeans, black jeans and jean jacket. Happy day.

2:15pm- No longer lying when I tell interviewers I'm wearing boxer/briefs. Big load off chest.

2:30pm- Sneaking in back way to TRL. Fans running after us. Oh no. I'll try not to run them over.

2:45pm- Safely in building. Thank goodness.

3:00pm- just getting makeup on. I look good today. Hair woman has fixed droppy problem with a hair dryer. Am thankful to her.

3:01pm- jumping out of makeup chair and headed to change clothes. Bump into Britney Spears in hallway. Normally, would stay to chat, but no time. Got to change.

3:10pm- Just sitting with Britney, Ste and Mark in green room. Interesting, green room is actually different shades of blue.

3:15pm- Spotted a bit of green on the wall. All is well in the world.

3:30pm- watchin TRL in green room. Set to go on any second. Must run to loo and check on hair situation.

4:01pm- been in loo a half hour. Pizza reeked havic.

Jolly good. All set now. Hair is looking good. On my way back to green room. Er, blue room. Er...blue room with a bit of green. Oh sod it!

4:05pm- back in green room. planning prank to play on Ste and/or Mark when we get back to hotel. This one will be good.

4:15pm- going out onto set. Have just been introduced by Carson. Fans cheering. I am at peace.

4:20pm- our video is number 5. Why can't it be number 1? Why?!

4:30pm- all is alright. have just begged audience to vote for us. Must get video to number 1.

4:31pm- Mark is staring at me like I'm bloody mad.

4:32pm- have gone a little overboard with begging. acted like hobo.

4:35pm- no worries. everything is fine. covered it up saying I am a bit ill. which isn't completely untrue.

6:30pm- at dinner. The world's finest resturant.

6:32pm- eating Big Mac.

6:33pm- just dripped cheese on new blue shirt! Bloody hell! Curse Ronald McDonald!

6:45pm- Sorry. Ronald McDonald is King. Yum....good fries.

7:30pm- back at hotel. Rang mum.
"Oh hullo pumpkin."
"Hi Mum."
"How is America?"
"Fine. I had McDonalds tonight."
"Darling, when you go to America, try and have something you CAN'T have in the UK, will you?"

7:38pm- will not ring mum til next week.

8:30pm- going to bed. long day.

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Crisis

Tuesday January 2 Alcohol units: 2 Lottery tickets: 0 (great) Cigarettes: 0 (progress slow, but sure.) Pizzas eaten: 0 (v.g. too busy to eat-well eat anything but McDonalds.) TV appearances: 16 Hours spent fixing hair: 3 Hours spent looking at self in mirror: 1 (v.g.) Amount of McDonald's food: breakfast, lunch and dinner.

9:30am- alarm clock buzzing like mad.

9:31am- ARG! Have just knocked alarm clock onto floor.

9:32am- Nope. Onto Mark's head. Apparently pushed it onto the other bed. Used too much force.

9:34am- Mark in loo nursing head wound. V. angry at me.

9:40am- Ste just came in all ready to go. First interview at 10am.

9:45am- Bloody hell! Have had no time for hair! Will go to interivew looking like mad man! It's bloody Mark's fault. And his bloody head wound.

9:46am- Mark still in loo. Ste is trying to stop the bleeding. They bloody better get out of there. I need to fix my hair.

9:47am- Have looked at self in mirror. Look like mad man. Career is shot.

9:48am- picked up guitar and began to sing, "Ghost of You And Me".

9:49am- Feel much better now. Music heals all. Will go into loo and sing to Mark to make his head feel better.

9:50am- Mark struck me over the head. Then got woosy and Ste had to help him to the bed.

9:51am- Ste has canceled the first interview and rescheduled for tonight. Will have to have quick bite at Mickey D's for dinner if rushing to interviews.

9:56am- On the upside, I have plenty of time to fix hair as next interview is not until noon.

10:02am- Mark in bed. V. bad headache. Blames it on me.

10:05am- Well I wasn't the one who made the mad clock start buzzing at dawn!

10:07am- Ste says it wasn't dawn, but 9:30.

10:10am- Told Ste that dawn is 9:30 to me.

10:15am- eating Mickey D's breakfast sandwich. Have brought one for Mark as well, but he is in too much pain to eat.

10:17am- He's bloody faking.

10:20am- Back in loo working on hair. Must find hair dryer.

10:30am- Mark is up and getting dressed.

10:34am- Ste is helping Mark tie shoes, as he cannot bend over properly.

10:38am- Still in loo. Hair is a disaster. Could not find hair dryer.

11:04am- Ste has gone to the Doctor with Mark. I am Alone. Finally some time to work on hair.

11:30am- Mark has mild concussion and cannot leave bed today. Horrah! No interviews.

11:34am- Have told Mark to rest but if he should fell up to it, he might have fun looking through my bags for my hair dryer.

11:36am- Bugger. Mark will not look for hair dryer.

11:40am- Mark has begged Ste to make me leave.

11:41am- Cannot be bothered to be mad at Mark because am going to the shops! Horrah!

12:50pm- just headed to the til to pay for clothes I just found. Am still in first shop. Ste is bored out of his mind and is waiting outside on the street. I hope vandals don't attack him or something. What would I do without my ride?!

12:51pm- No problem, as I know how to drive. Or could take taxi if all else fails.

12:56pm- Girl at til recognizes me and asks for autograph. Happy to oblige.

12:57pm- Woman behind me also asks for autograph. She is ancient. At least 100 years old. Give her autograph.

12:58pm- old woman is staring at me. Am v. uncomfortable.

1:08pm- woman still staring. Probably imagining me naked. Dirty beast!

1:10pm- Have left shop. Spent way too much on clothes.

1:11pm- Girl at the til was quite cute though. Perhaps she fancied me?

1:12pm- looking around for Ste. Cannot find him. Girl at counter was fan, therefore, can not go back. Even if she did fancy me, it was only because I am Christian from BBMak.

1:13pm- still can't find Ste. "STEPHEN!" I am yelling up and down the street. People are stopping and staring at me like I'm mad. Perhaps I am. Hmmmm.

1:16pm- have gone past music store and seen disturbing photo of lads of Westlie inside. They are....I don't even want to talk about it.

1:17pm- Was not a music store afterall. Was a porn shop. How disgusting.

1:18pm- Cannnot get image out of head. Erlack! Must think good thoughts.

1:20pm- Have gone back to shop to reem out til personnel. They inform me that the photo is fake, doctored. I am pleased with this as now it is easy to get image out of head. Walking out of shop.

1:21pm- Music shop is ACROSS the street. 5ive poster in window next to *NSYNC. Where are we?

1:25pm- Went into music shop and asked about BBMak posters. We do not have any. Am satisfied, but will make call to manager asap to get posters out into public.

1:29pm- Nice young woman has pointed Ste out. He is in a guitar shop strumming a guitar. I had almost forgotten about him.

2:30pm- Am starving. Stopping at Mickey D's for nurishment.

3:06pm- going to interviews with Ste. Mark is not well enough, but manager insists Ste and I go.

5:44pm- have returned to pigstye of a room. Teddy bears and other stuffed animals strewn about.

5:45pm- How can news of Mark's concussion get out so quickly?

5:46pm- Was on TRL today. That's why. We were a news story. Rather, Mark was with his bloody head injury.

6:23pm- Have thrown a lot of bears out window. Mark is furious, but I had to make room on my bed to sleep! And also, had to make room in loo as I need to check my hair before I go out and get dinner in a bit.

6:26pm- Just got yelled at by police. Apparently had hit one on head while in my teddy bear throwing rage. Got polite warning. Nice bloake, really.

6:28pm- Searching for hair dryer. No sign of it. Did someone steal it?

6:29pm- No, I have found it. I think maybe there should be a nice hair dryer that you can fit in your pocket and take places with you. Surely, I couldn't take mine. Could I?

6:32pm- Ste says he will not go out in public with me while I'm carrying a hair dryer. Blast.

6:40pm- I need a holiday.

6:44pm- More interviews tomorrow. Had to reschedule all of todays. Now will not get holiday tomorrow. All bloody Mark's fault.

6:56pm- Ste pointed out that it is, infact, my fault.

7:02pm- have appologized to Mark. Will go get him Mickey D's to cheer him up. He hates missing interviews. He feels he is letting the fans down.

7:15pm- In line at McDonalds. Mark has let fans down today. But all will be okay when we make it up to them tomorrow. Must be cheerful and friendly all day.

7:30pm- Bloody hell. My hair dryer is missing.

7:46pm- Went to take shower and when I got out, my hair dryer was gone. Have asked Ste and Mark if they've seen it. They have not.

7:50pm- It has just walked away.

7:54pm- Mark had quite a cheeky smile on when I asked. Maybe he took it? No, he's bed ridden. Must be Ste. Will search his bags.

7:59pm- Ste does not have it. Will search Mark's bags as he is asleep now.

8:15pm- Cannot be bothered. Too tired.



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The Missing Hair Dryer

Wednesday, January 3 Alcohol units: 0(v.g.) Lottery tickets: 3 (going mad about hair dryer. must get money to buy another.) Cigarettes: 0(v.g.) Pizzas eaten: 1 (g.) TV appearances: 1 Hours spent fixing hair: 6 (doing worse than ever) Hours spent looking at self in mirror: 18 (v,v. bad) Calories: too many, all McDonalds and pizza

7:15am- Woke up at crack of dawn. Sun streaming through curtains. Mark not in bed.

7:20am- Must get up. Got to make self beautiful for the day's interviews.

7:21am- Oh my Lord! All my hair products are gone! What have they done with them! Cannot go on without hair products!!!

7:22am- Have checked self in mirror. Look fine. Mighty fine. Must have slept well and on the right side. Hair looks brilliant. No need for hair products.

7:30am- Am out of shower. Hair is dripping wet of course and now I look like a drowned rat. Need hair products.

7:31am- Going to kill Mark and Ste.

7:33am- Going to ring Mum and try to calm down.

7:35am- Didn't work. She's not home.

7:40am- Why isn't she home?

8:03am- Must go to interview. No time to dilly dally with fake hair products. No hair dryer, no moose, no gel, no nothing. Am going insane.

8:05am- Mark and Ste have appeared with armloads of hair products and my hair dryer. They were laughing like mad. I do not find this funny.

5:54pm- Am back from a long day of interviews. Hair is flat, bags under eyes, headache. Going to take a little nap.

8:56pm- Have woke up with shaving cream all over hair and face. Hair dryer is missing again. As are all hair products. Going to murder Ste and Mark.

9:30pm- Mark and Ste are not in hotel. Are out at dinner. Sam, the bodyguard saw them leave an hour ago. Who took my hairdryer and hair products????

10:09pm- Going to lie down and watch TV. Trying to sleep but keep thinking of pour defensless hair dryer. Not to mention all my hair products. Must be scared.

11:59pm- What was I thinking? Hair dryer and hair products have no feelings! I am going mad.

1:30am- Still awake, no sign of Ste or Mark. Can hear snoring in other room. Going to investigate.

2:65am- Mark and Ste were sleeping on floor in other room of the suite. Have put shaving cream all over them mixed with chocolate sauce I got from Sam and some gel. Haha. That'll teach them.

Thursday, January 4 Alcohol units: 1 (v.g.- the only NewYears resolution I have stuck to. Oh, no wait, I didn't have less alcohol on list! Arg!) Lottery tickets: 7 (ok.) Cigarettes: 0 (actual only NewYears resolution I have stuck to.) Pizzas eaten: 3 (well deserved after hard night of recovering missing hair dryer.) TV appearances: 0 Hours spent fixing hair: 10 Hours spent looking at self in mirror: 1 (v.g.-but the reason I had to fix hair so much. Could not see myself.) Amount of McDonald's food: 0 Stuffed Animals Thrown Out Window: 1 (it deserved it)

11:54am- no alarm clock. Mark and Ste looming over me covered in goup.

11:56am- Have had snot kicked out of me.

12:04pm- Not really. Am fine. Just got stern warning. Suckers!

12:18pm- In and out of shower quickly so that Ste and Mark will not have time to retaliate. Hair dryer sitting alone on bed.

12:40pm- Just out of the shower again. Faulty hair dryer. Second I pushed the on button, shaving cream and other goup was blown out at me. Am a mess.

12:56pm- Ste and Mark still laughing like mad men.

1:09pm- Will get them back tonight. Wait, on holiday. No need to do anything but lay around and eat chips.

1:20pm- Have gotten bags of chips from McDonalds.

1:21pm- Have burnt tounge on steaming hot chip. Mark and Ste laughing.

1:34pm- Out back of hotel smoking fag. Actually, not really smoking it. Just holding it, trying to look cool. Needed to cool off after blow up at Mark and Ste. Threw remaining chips at them and stormed out of room.

1:35pm- Have dumped fag on ground and am now in car headed for Mickey D's. No need to smoke as never had before in life.

1:47pm- Eating big mac and chips in room. Watching MTV.

9:00pm- fell asleep hours ago. Am now ready for bed. Ah, all rested up. Good thing we had the day off.

Friday, January 5 Alcohol units: 3(v.deserved) Lottery tickets: 0(v.g) Cigarettes: 0 (YES!) Pizzas eaten: 1(g.) Hours spent fixing hair: 1(hairy dryer gone, have no need to fix hair without it) Hours spent looking at self in mirror: 1 Amount of McDonald's food: too much

7:47am- Don't know why, but woke up feeling v. happy.

7:48am- Realized why. Hair dryer was returned in middle of night. Was clutching it in sleep. Ste and Mark, the culprits, think I won't know they did it. Haha.

8:01am- Just gotten dressed. No sign of Ste or Mark yet.

8:03am- Have just stepped into hallway and been knocked over.

8:05am- Knocked over because of big box in front of door.

8:06am- Ste and Mark snickering down the hall.

8:07am- Will not open box. Could be bomb.....or worse, stuffed animals.

8:08am- Canont resist. Must open box. Would be v.rude not to.

8:09am- Box filled with hair dryers. YES!!! YES!!! Thank the Lord!

8:10am- Have gone back into room to tidy up. Must thank Ste and Mark for hair dryers. Oh, wait. Forgot, hair dryers out side.

8:11am- BUGGER! The hair dryers are gone!

8:12am- Dirty trick, the bloody buggers. Will not speak to them all day.

9:16am- Have not talked to Ste or Mark all day. Ah. I wonder if they've noticed?

9:20am- Gotten out of loo and seen large bag of Mickey D's on bed.

9:21am- Could be poision.

9:22am- Stomache is growling. Can't resist smell of delicious food.

9:45am- Excellent. Have finished off all food. Will find Mark and Ste. I can talk to them now seeing as they gave me Mickey D's to cheer me up.

10:43am- Mark and Ste said they didn't give me Mickey D's.

10:45am- Have rung Mum to sort out trouble. She was not much help.

10:54am- Mum has rung. Is on way to airport. I'd go see her off, but we have a performance in a couple hours. I have to go buy a hair dryer. No time to do much else, have to shop for perfect hair dryer.

11:15am- At the shops. Have not found one that sells hair dryers yet. Ring Ste on mobile.
"Ste? What shop sells hair dryers?"
"Where are you, Christian?"
"I don't know. By the shops. Where are hair dryers located?"
"Chrisitian, I'm putting Mark on to talk some sense into you."
"Alright. Hullo Mark."
"Christian? Where are you?"
"Down by the shops looking for a hair dryer seeing as how mine is missing."
"Your hair dryer is on your bed."
"You dirty buggers! You replaced it when I left! Think I wouldn't know, huh?"
"Christian, calm down, people are probably staring."
No one was, "I'm coming back. Leave the hair dryer where it is."


11:16am- Have rung Mark's mobile. Am lost.

11:30am- Mark is here, just going back to hotel to get ready for show tonight. Thank Goodness Mark knew where I was.

11:32am- Back at hotel. Hair dryer is not on bed. This is getting v. old and v. tiring.

11:33am- Hair dryer in suitcase. Ste said he 'put it there for safe keeping'. Sure.

11:35am- Getting ready for show.

12:01pm- Eating lunch. Mmmmmm McDonalds.

12:30pm- Getting ready for show again. Ste and Mark are watching MTV. They don't get ready until 5 minutes before we go on. Would not have time if I were to do that.

12:31pm- Watching MTV with Mark and Ste. Mandy's show is on. V. entertaining.

1:30pm- Back in the loo, getting ready.

1:45pm- Out the door. Moosing hair as usual. Have brought hair dryer along just in case. It is in my bag.

10:45pm- Too tired to write much. V. tired. Jolly good show. Must go now. Sleep is calling.

10:50pm- Where is hair dryer?!

10:51pm- Under bed, where I put it.

10:55pm- G'night.

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Lovely Micky D's

Sunday, January 7 Alcohol units: 0(v.g.) Lottery tickets: 14(need new hair dryer) Cigarettes: 0 (YES!) Hours spent fixing hair: 1(g.) Hours spent looking at self in mirror: 1(v.g.) Amount of McDonald's food: WAY too much Times rung Mum: 1(g.)

10:13am- Have woken up with splitting headache.

10:14am- Headache caused by pain of losing hair dryer.

10:15am- Have just thought of excellent sales pitch. Invisable Hair Dryer: A hair dryer your friends can't steal!

10:16am- Invisable hair dryer is v. unlikely.

10:18am- Am v. depressed. Had hair dryer last night. What have Mark and Ste done with it!?

10:30am- Need Mickey D's to calm down.

11:00am- All better now. Will look for hair dryer later. Have to go get lottery tickets so I can afford a new hair dryer. Or maybe 30. Then Mark and Ste couldn't possibly take them all at once!

11:01am- Brilliant idea!

11:02am- Cannot afford 30 hair dryers.

11:03am- Am v. depressed now.

11:05am- Supposed to have fun while in LA. I've spent the entire time looking for my hair dryer and talking to Mum about Great Old Aunts.

11:08am- Have rung Mum.
"Mum? Will you buy me a hair dryer?"
"Why, darling, you can afford one yourself."
"I can?"
"Chrisitian! Don't be silly!"
Apparently am v.rich and v. famous.

11:10am- I won't believe it for a moment.

11:11am- Have asked Ste and Mark.

11:12am- Am v.rich, v.popular and v.handsome. V.famous also.

11:14am- Mark and Ste think I'm mad.

11:15am- I am not mad, just been too busy to realize I am v.rich and famous as I have been looking for missing hair dryer.

11:30am- Just stopped at Mickey D's for some nutrients.

11:31am- Mmmmm.

11:45am- Have just been reminded of television show filming Monday. "Christian? Remember we're filming on Monday. Try not to act TOO mad." Ste said, coming out of the loo.
"Mad? Who's mad?"
"You are." Mark pointed out.

11:50am- Am lucky to have such nice mates.

11:53am- Am going to the theater to see a movie. Ste is coming along, but Mark is staying at hotel to work on a song.

11:58am- Must remember to work on song sometime this week.

2:45pm- Have just gotten out of theater. Film was good.

2:59pm- Have stopped at Mickey D's. Now back to hotel.

4:56pm- Bored. Watching MTV. Hungry.

6:37pm- Ste has just returned with more Mickey D's. He swears I'm going to turn into a Big Mac and chips soon. Doubtful.

7:45pm- Working on song with Mark.

9:02pm- Turning in for the night. V.full up with Mickey D's. Will never look at Big Mac the same way again.

9:07pm- Actually, I'd fancy a Big Mac right about now.

9:08pm- Too tired to bother.

Monday, January 8 Alcohol Units: 0(v.g) Mickey D's: too much to mention Hours spent looking at self in mirror: 1/2 Rang Mum: 2 times (need to stop that.) Pizzas Eaten: 1 (g.) Interviews:1 Stage Performances:1

10:12am- Have just woken up to sound of mobile ringing. JC from *NSYNC on other end.

10:13am- He wants us to go on tour with them this summer.

10:15am- Splendid idea. Will have to talk to mates about it, though. And record company.

10:16am- Have woken Mark up by jumping on his bed. He was not pleased with me. This is the only day this week we can sleep in and I have ruined it for him. Too bad.

10:17am- He accuses me of stepping on his head. V.unlikely as I was at the FOOT of the bed.

10:18am- Have rung manager who has rung record execs and made sure we are free for the dates *NSYNC has set up.

10:19am- Allowed to go on tour. Whooooo!

10:21am- Have woken Ste to tell him good news.

10:22am- In loo. With large pack of ice on eye. Ste has quite the left hook. Not his fault, didn't realize it was just me waking him.

10:23am- Funny, though, he didn't appologize.

10:24am- Oh well. Will get in shower and then go to Mickey D's for breakfast. Will bring back food for lads as they will not want to get out of bed.

10:46am- Out of shower. Just in the loo fixing hair and drying off. Wonder how eye looks? Too afraid to check.

11:00am- I look dreadful. Have just got back from Mickey D's. People were staring at me...more than usual. I thought I was just looking particularly handsome today until a young girl came up to me and asked what was wrong with my eye. I told her Ste hit me. She got very huffy and walked off. What do you 'spose the problem was?

11:03am- I reckon she doesn't believe Ste had it in 'im.

11:04am- Neither did I, really.

11:05am- Rang Mum.
"Good morning, Mum."
"Hullo dear."
"How's everything?"
"Fine dear, how's everything there?"
"Ste hit me in the face."
"Stephen did what?!" She was outraged.
"He hit me. It wasn't his fault, exactly."
"How so?"
"Well, I was waking him up to tell him the good news and he slugged me. I reckon he didn't know it was just me."
"Well, darling. Who would he think it was?"
"Mark?"

11:08am- Feel better after talking with Mum. She said I shouldn't have woken "Stephen" up. She calls him that. Insists apon it for some reason. Anyway. She feels bad about my eye but says to put some steak on it and it'll be better in no time.

11:09am- Where am I going to get steak?

11:10am- And why would I want to put it on my face?

11:11am- Have stuck with ice instead. Mark is up, now, in the shower. Ste is still asleep. Told Mark he'd have to wake Ste up, I'm not doing it.

11:12am- Mark thinks I'm chicken. I asked him, "Have you SEEN my eye?"

11:14am- Ste has woken up on his own. Feels bad for the pain he's caused me and offered to get me Mickey D's after his shower. Nice gesture. Didn't want to hurt his feelings by telling him I'd already eaten.

11:16am- Could always do with some more food. Especially Mickey D's.

11:18am- Have just gotten call from manager demanding to know where I was.
"I'm in the hotel." "What are you still doing there?"
"Ste slugged me. And anyway, why would I be anywere else on our day off?"
"DAY OFF!? Get your butts down in here 20 minutes!"

11:19am- Still wondering where 'here' is.

11:20am- Mark is bustling about getting ready to go. Says he forgot we had a radio interview today. I was never told. Not unusual.

11:45am- Headed to radio. Eating Mickey D's with the lads on the way.

1:09pm- Back at hotel. Ready for nap. All those questions sure take a lot out of a bloake.

1:32pm- Ste has just returned with large steaming hot pizza. He must really feel bad about this morning. Serves him right. My eye bloody hurts still.

1:33pm- At least I'm getting free food out of all this. Even though my eye is swollen and puffy and people keep staring.

1:35pm- Radio interview was horrible. DJ asked what happened to my eye. "Ste hit me." I replied. "Lovers quarrel?" At this point both Ste and I are blushing. "Well, er, no. Ste and I are not lovers. We are both straight. I woke him up." They immediatly understood. When we were off the air, they appologized about the 'lovers' thing. V. embarrasing.

1:56pm- I hope other people don't think that!

1:59pm- Mark assures me they do not. Thank goodness.

2:43pm- Have gotten many calls about Ste and I from magazines. Apparently the whole US thinks we're gay. Feel like I should crawl into hole.

2:59pm- The upside to all this is: I haven't had time to look in mirror. Haven't had time to check hair. Haven't had MUCH time to eat Mickey D's and haven't had time to ring Mum. Jolly good.

3:33pm- Have rung Mum to discuss, er, problems.

3:56pm- Do not feel better, still v. embarrased.

4:15pm- Can I go on stage tonight and not feel like a complete idiot?

4:20pm- The answer is yes. Headed to venu right now.

9:59pm- Show cut short. Mark has massive headache. This time it wasn't caused by me.

10:13pm- Apparenlty Mark thinks otherwise.

10:18pm- Going to bed. Do not want to talk to Mark or Ste. Ever again.

10:19pm- Not true. They are still my best lads.

11:09pm- Can not sleep. Pictures keep popping into my head. Ste's fist conecting with my eye. OUCH. The pain. The memories. Lost in the shops. Hair dryer gone. Hair products gone.

11:10pm- Can't bloody get bloody picture of bloody nude bloody 5ive poster out of head.

11:13pm- Erlack!!!! GET OUT, 5ive, GET OUT!

11:18pm- Have been scarred for life.

11:20pm- No hope in sleeping tonight. Horrible pictures in head.

11:23pm- Curse 5ive!

11:29pm- No, am only joking. 5ive are my mates. However, will never be able to look at them the same again.

11:54pm- May have to sue porn shop.

11:58pm- May have to tell 5ive about poster. Would be v.embarrasing and v.awkward.

11:59pm- And disgusting.

12:10am- Think happy thoughts.

12:11am- I will stand up for you...no matter what you're going through....I'm still on your side!!!!!!!

12:12am- Ste has just thrown a shoe at me. Says I'm making 'too much racket'.

12:13am- Until you're back here baby....miss you....want you...need you so!!!!!!!!

12:15am- Mark has thrown alarm clock at my head. It just missed me.

12:16am- Will shut up now and go to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG! Tuesday, January 9 Alcohol Units: 3 Mickey D's: 0 (starved, no time to eat) Television appearances: 1 Interviews: Lost count. Around 1,000 Hours spent looking in mirror: 2 and 1/2 (excellent) Number of Pillows Thrown at my Head: about 30(not my fault)

7:03am- Up and heading to shower.

7:05am- Am feeling much better than yesterday.

7:06am- Well that's not entirely true. I am fighting the urge to play a trick on Ste and Mark. Do not want to start trouble.

7:07am- Who am I kidding? Of course I want to start trouble. I am Christian Anthony Burns for goodness sakes. But, it is on my New Years Resolution list NOT to play tricks on them.

7:30am- Have just opened up hotel door to large mailman looking v. red in the face. Carrying many, many bags of fan mail. Have thrown them in the room.

7:31am- Nice bloake. Going through fan mail bags while humming.

7:33am- "Will you quit humming, you muffin?" Mark has just woken up and is headed into loo.

7:34am- Ste has thrown pillow at me. It hit me in the head, but luckily, it did not mess up my hair.

7:36am- I am sure that was not his intent. He would not want my hair messed up.

7:39am- Have opened up many packages to reveal stuffed toys galore. We just got rid of the last batch....now there's more?!

7:40am- Will never, ever again mention in an interview that I like frogs. Majority of stuffed toys are frogs.

7:41am- I love the fans, honestly, I do. But I cannot possibly keep all of these frogs! There must be 50!

7:45am- Large construction noise going on outside building. V. loud.

7:49am- Noise has woken Ste up. Pillow has just knocked me over.

7:50am- Pillow also destroyed hair. If Mark gets out of the loo soon, I'll be able to fix the hair in time, otherwise......I'll go to the interviews with droopy hair. No one wants that.

7:51am- Ste is stumbling to loo. Didn't mention to him that Mark is already in there. Rule #1: Do not talk to Ste before he has had morning coffee.

7:52am- Or is that rule, do not talk to Ste at all?

7:53am- Well, if it's the latter, you can forget about it. That's already been broken.

7:55am- "AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That is Ste's scream as he runs out of the bathroom.

7:56am- He got an eyefull, alright. Hahahahahah.

8:03am- Mark has stormed out of loo all red faced, embarrassed. He is wrapped in a towel. Do not want to make matters worse....but......

8:04am- "Jeeze Mark, put some clothes on, will ya?"

8:05am- Have had third pillow of the day thrown at my head. Have no hope in fixing hair now.

8:06am- Bloody well worth it.

8:07am- Ste is in the loo now.

8:08am- "Christian? Do you mind leaving while I get dressed?" "No! I wouldn't want to be scarred for life like Ste!"

8:09am- Pillow is flying through air, but lands a few feet away from me.

8:11am- Out in hallway. Will not go back inside until it is certianly clear that Mark is finished dressing.

8:30am- Hmmmmmmmm. Wonder if he's done?

8:32am- I hope he's done soon because woman keep going by and saying crude things to me.

8:33am- "Hey hot stuff."

8:34am- She was at least 60. What would possess someone to do such a thing to a.............hot young stud. Of course, now I understand.

8:35am- I know I'm adorable and hard to resist. Will not give them dirty looks. Will give them a nice charming smile.

8:40am- Peeking in room. Mark is on bed, completely clothed. Ste is in corner, reading.

8:41am- "Aren't we supposed to be at an interview?"

8:42am- Mark and Ste both look up at me and then jump up and rush past me out the door.

8:50am- At first interview. Ready, willing and able to answer same questions over and over again.

Q: Do you have girlfriends?
My answer: No, we do not have time for girlfriends right now.
Truth: Can't find one.

Q: Do you sleep in pajamas?
My answer: Yes.
Mark's answer: No. I sleep in shorts and a shirt.
Truth: I sleep in the nude. (Only when not in same room as Mark and Ste)
Mark's Truth: Hopefully the same as his answer.

Q: What's your favorite color?
My answer: blue
Mark's answer: blue
Ste's answer: blue
Truth: Stop asking us this already!

Q: What's the difference between British girls and American girls?
Mark's answer: They're wilder.
Ste's answer: There's not a lot of difference, really.
Truth: They flash us and British girls do not, but only because we are not as well known at home. Maybe. I'm not 100% sure on that one. American girls sure do flash us a lot, though! Can't complain!

10:03pm- Back at hotel. Tomorrow we get on a plane and head home! For......ready for this? 1 day off!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:04pm- The day after tomorrow is a busy one. We've got to do the British press circut. Which means more questions like:
Q: Do you have girlfriends?
Q: Do you sleep in pajamas?
Q: What's your favorite color?
Q: What's the difference between British girls and American ones?
As you can see, the questions are very different from what we are asked in America.

10:10pm- Mark is snoring. Loudly. Cannot sleep.

10:11pm- Will sing a bit.

10:12pm- I can tell.....by the way that you love me.......I can tell....that the fire's burning out......

10:13pm- Have been hit with a pillow again. Ste is groaning and turning over.

10:14pm- "Shut up you muffin!"

10:15pm- Honestly, just because Ste can fall to sleep easier than I can gives him no reason to yell.....or throw pillows.

10:16pm- Guess it doesn't matter if he throws pillows because hair is already messed up. Will make no difference now.

10:18pm- Just answered the telephone. Was a girl screaming at the other end. What the bloody hell?

10:19pm- "MARK!!!!!! Why are girls calling and screaming!?"

10:20pm- Have had pillow thrown at me again. "Next time it'll be the alarm clock. Go to sleep."

10:21pm- I've just realized that my mates get a bit testy at night.

10:22pm- And in the mornings.

10:23pm- And every other time.

10:24pm- Maybe it's just me?

10:25pm- Nah. It's not me, it's them.

10:26pm- "Hey Ste? Why are girls calling and screaming when I answer?"
"They must have gotten the number." Ste growled, "Go to bed, Christian."

10:28pm- Phone ringing. Do not want to answer, may have eardrums blown out.

10:30pm- Mark has thrown alarm clock at me, nearly missing my head. He is mad that I didn't answer the phone.

10:34pm- Phone ringing again.
"Hullo?" I said, as happily and chipper as possible.
"Christian?"
"Yes?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

10:35pm- AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! Bloody girls!

10:36pm- Sorry, didn't mean it. I love girls.

10:37pm- And apparently the girls love me. Hahahahaha.

10:38pm- Pretty tired. Am going to turn in now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Buggers Got My Mobile Number

Thursday, January 11 Alcohol Units: 1 Mickey D's: 0 Television appearances: 5 Interviews:about 20 Hours spent looking in mirror: 1 (YES!) Number of Pillows Thrown at my Head: 2?? Times rung by girls screaming: 67(buggers got my mobile number!)

11:03am- Yesterday was a day of relaxation and couldn't be bothered to write. Nothing happened. We got on the plane early and landed here later and I went straight to my house.

11:04am- Door bell ringing. Must answer it.

11:06am- Hotel has sent large package! Oooh! Must be a thank you for staying there!

11:07am- Just the frogs I left behind.

11:08am- I must have forgotten them. (Sure.)

11:09am- Rung Ste.
"Heya Ste."
"Whatreyoudoingcallingme?"
"Hmmmm? Couldn't really hear, Ste. Speak up. You're a bit muffled."
"I'm in bed. What're you doing calling me?"
"Just wanted to chat. The hotel sent me the frogs."
"Frogs? Who is this?"
"It's Christian."

11:10am- Dial tone. Hmmmm. Bit odd. Will have to ring him back to make sure the phone is working properly.

11:11am- "Ste? Is your phone alright?"
"Christian...what do you want? I'm sleeping?"
"We have an interview at 11:30. You should get up."
"Alright. I'm up. G'bye." v 11:12am- Honestly, Ste is so bloody angry in the mornings.

11:14am- Will ring Mark to make sure his phone is working properly.
"Mark? G'morning."
"Hi." Mumble, mumble.
"You up?"
"Does it sound like I'm up?"
"Well, yes, come to think of it. See you at 11:30."

11:16am- Would not give the satisfaction to Mark Barry to hang up on me.

11:17am- Mobile ringing. Must be Mark calling to appologize.

11:18am- "Hullo? Mark?"
"Christian?"
"Yes. Who's calling?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

11:19am- My ear bloody hurts.

11:20am- Well that is the price to pay for being v.rich, v. famous and v. handsome.

11:21am- hahahahaha. Still don't quite believe it. Me rich and famous?

11:22am- Mobile ringing again.

11:23am- Just Mark. Going to meet me at interview. Instead of previous plans which included me picking him up.

11:30am- At the interview. Waiting for Mark and Ste.

11:31am- Mark has just arrived. Hair is v.wet. Must have just gotten out of shower. Either that or fallen in the toilet.

11:32am- Either v. possible indeed.

11:33am- Ste has arrived. Interview can now begin.

8:59pm- Exhausted from long day. Am going to bed. A little bit lonely after being with Mark and Ste every night for weeks. Will handle it, though.

9:01pm- Rang Mum. Feel better.

9:03pm- Rang Ste. He understood, but wanted to go to sleep. Feeling much better.

9:10pm- Just woke up in cold sweat.....hair dryer.....where is it!????????????

9:30pm- Found it in my suitcase. Going to sleep now.

Friday, January 12 Alcohol Units: 3 Mickey D's:5 big macs, 5 chips Interviews: 2 Hours spent looking in mirror: 1 (YES!) Number of Pillows Thrown at my Head: 0(YES!) Times rung by girls screaming: 82 (will have to change it soon)

6:15am- RINGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!1

6:16am- The bloody mobile is ringing.
"Hullo?"
"Did I wake you, I'm sorry."
"No......Who is this?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

6:19am- Will go straight to shops and get new phone.

6:21am- Cannot be bothered. Too tired.

6:30am- Awoken again by ringing.
"What?"
"Christian?"
"Ummmmm."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

7:01am- It's official. Cannot hear anything anymore.

8:01am- Awoken yet again. Mobile isn't ringing. It's the other phone.

8:02am- Mark is calling. He is picking me up v. soon because he overslept and we need to be at an interview in a half hour. The interview is across the city. V.far away.

8:15am- In Mark's mini. Driving along. Listening to tunes. Humming along. Beautiful day here in London. Sunny.

8:16am- It has started to rain. Bugger.

8:17am- Dreary day filled with rain.

8:18am- Mobile is ringing. Have shoved it at Mark to answer.
"Hullo? Chrisitian's mobile...this is Mark."
"MARK!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I know he's not lying about that, because I could hear the scream. V.loud.

8:19am- Have thrown mobile out window. Well, Mark did. Some poor unsuspecting soul will pick it up and keep it and will get screaming girls calling at all hours.

8:20am- It's doesn't seem bad when I put it that way. Screaming girls? Screaming at me? Not a bad thing, exactly. Just bad for hearing.

8:21am- Have made Mark turn around. Are retrieving mobile out of ditch. It is ringing. It is raining. Can't get any better than this.

8:22am- Oh you can, there is a girl on the other end of mobile.
"Hullo?"
"Hullo Christian."
"Who's this?"
"It's your Mummy, darling!"

8:25am- It was only Mum. Are rainy and muddy for interview because of Mum.

8:29am- Still in Mark's mini on route to interview. I wonder what Ste is doing?

8:30am- Mobile is ringing again. I am deffinitly v.popular today.
"Huuuullllloooooo?" I sang. People love that. Well, Mum does anyway.
"Christian? Where are you? You're late."
"We are on route, Ste. Not to worry."
"Put Mark on."
"Hullo?" Mark says, trying not to go off the road. I take the steering wheel so he can talk.

8:34am- Apparently the interviewer is v.pissed at us for being late. Not my fault, I tell her, girls have been ringing my mobile non stop.

8:59am- Interview is over. Did not like interviewer at all. Asked me if I was wearing boxers or briefs. I suppose because she was curious. Trying to picture me naked, no doubt.

9:03am- Told her I was wearing boxers. Isn't entirely wrong. Am wearing boxer/briefs.

9:04am- Proud of myself for not lying in interviews.

9:10am- In Mark's mini going to Mickey D's. Celebration! Yay me!

9:15am- at Mickey D's. Ste hasn't arrived yet. Probably stuck in traffic. Hahaha.

10:04am- Mobile is ringing. Must be Ste.
"Hey Ste."
"Ste?"
"No. This is Christian. Who is this?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"
That is the longest scream I've heard yet. V. impressive. Although, can't hear out of either ear. Not to worry, will clear itself up v. soon.

10:30am- Back at flat. Ste is here. He did get stuck in traffic. I bought him some Mickey D's because he missed getting his own. He was v.greatful.

10:32am- Still at flat. Watching the telly with Mark and Ste.

10:34am- We are on. The Disney Channel is showing our In Concert special. Hahahaha.

10:35am- Still watching. Mark is critiquing, but I'm just watching. V.much enjoying the whole show. We are sexy bitches!

10:36am- Sorry, had an Austin Powers moment, there.

10:37am- I am feeling v. shagadelic, baby, yeah!

10:38am- Sorry again.

10:39am- Said the last bit out loud. Ste and Mark giving me dirty looks while trying not to laugh.

10:45am- Didn't work, they are laughing uncontrolably. "HEY! HEY! We're missing US! Quiet down!" They stop for a second and look at me, then burst out laughing again.

10:59am- Have just been informed that we have a concert to do this afternoon. A radio concert. Then tomorrow we have to go back to the states and go on what they like to call, "A Radio tour." Which is when you go to a bunch of radio station's bashes.

11:59am- Am packing. Not much to pack, really, hadn't unpacked anything yet.

12:05pm- In the loo, getting ready for show while eating lunch. Mickey D's.

12:06pm- Mmmmmmm.

12:30pm- Off to the concert. All riding in Mark's mini. A mini is a car, in case you didn't know. It is not Mark's mini skirt we are riding in. Hahahaha. That would be funny.

12:31pm- Wait, no it wouldn't. That would mean Mark HAD a mini skirt. Oh God. Have just pictured Mark cross-dressing. Cannot look at him because I keep laughing.

12:33pm- "What is wrong with you?" Mark demands. "Nothing." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Mark in a mini skirt! HAHAHAHAHAHA.

12:36pm- No, that would not be funny. Would be v. disturbing. Disturbing indeed.

12:39pm- At concert. Go on at 2.Long time to wait. Might want some snacks.

1:00pm- In dressing room tuning guitar and eating Mickey D's.

1:03pm- Have put food down and am concentrating on guitar.

1:05pm- Have put guitar down and am concentrating on food. Can't play on an empty stomach, you know.

1:30pm- Half hour to go. S Club 7 is on right now. I can hear them singing.

1:31pm- Am singing along. "I never had a dream come true...til the day that I met YOU!"

1:32pm- "Would you shut you, you muffin!"
"Mark? Have you been watching S Club 7 in Los Angeles again?"
Mark blushes. We all know that's where he got the term, 'you muffin'. Ste is laughing like mad.

4:15pm- Done with the show, headed back home in Mark's mini CAR. Not skirt. GET OUT! Image of Mark in mini skirt is embedded in brain! AHHHH!

4:16pm- Mobile is ringing. Ste is answering. I didn't want to. Too busy trying not to laugh.
"Hello?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

4:17pm- Must have thought it was me answering and not Ste.

4:18pm- Or maybe they like Ste better than me.

4:19pm- No, probably not.

4:20pm- Will ask Ste.
"Ste? Did that person think you were me?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Well she screamed and maybe...."
"She knew it was me."
"How?"
"I said, 'Hello? This is Ste.' Why?"
"No reason."

4:21pm- Didn't hear that because I was trying too hard not to laugh about Mark.

8:09pm- Back at flat. Getting ready to go to states. Not much to pack. Except hair dryer. Which goes in little bag that I carry on. Make sure to wrap hair dryer in bubble wrap. Wouldn't want anything happening to the little thing.

9:09pm- Am exhausted. Takes a lot out of a bloake to wrap his hair dryer in bubble wrap. At least 60 times. PLUS, I got 600 calls on my mobile with girls screaming.

9:10pm- Well, maybe a few hundred less, but still a lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girls Going Jello-ed

Monday, January 15 Alcohol Units:2(g.) Hours spent looking in mirror: 2(ok) Number of Pillows Thrown at My Head: 1 Stage Performances: 1 Interviews:14(no exaggeration)

7:09am- Am in the States now. Haven't written for about 3 days. Haven't missed much, really. The flight was long and boring. No interesting people. Sat with Ste who snored most of the way then insisted he DIDN'T snore. Mark heard him, but wouldn't back me up. Sometimes I think they like to gang up on me.

7:11am- Am just acting paranoid now. Will have to stop that. Pure Silliness.

7:13am- Why are Mark and Ste whispering across the room? They're planning something, I just know it.

7:15am- Stop it, Christian! They are your mates, they are not planning anything against you!

7:16am- However, they are laughing while looking at me. And when I look at them, they turn away.

7:20am- Ah, well. Will not think about it. Will go into hysterics if I do.

9:09am- At venu where concert is to be played. Have not been able to eat anything all morning. Scared of what Mark and Ste might be up to.

9:11am- Munching on a doughnut while conducting interview#1.

10:30am- Interview#2 just ended. Long day already. Especially since I cannot look Mark or Ste in the eye and am v. scared of them.

10:34am- "Christian? What is the matter with you?" Mark asks, coming up to me while I cower in a corner of our dressing room.
"Yeah, you've been acting strange all morning." Ste is with him as well.
"N...nothing. I'm fine."

10:45am- Cannot let on to them that I am aware of their plans.

10:47am- Well, I am not actually aware of anything, but musn't let them know.

1:34pm- Go on stage at 2. Am I ready? Can I perform while shaking in horror of what's to come?

1:36pm- Of course I can! I am Christian Anthony Burns!!! Horrah!

1:49pm- Not so sure now. Mark and Ste are being awfully nice.

2:00pm- On stage.

2:03pm- Girl in front row is crying. What is the matter? Has her toe been trampled?

2:08pm- Girl next to Crying Girl has just fainted. OH NO! The horror! She must be dehydrated or something! Quick, get that girl some water! Medics!!!!!

2:10pm- Security guard is carrying fainting girl out of venu. Feel v.bad for her. She missed the show. I hope she is alright.

2:13pm- More girls crying. Is my singing THAT bad? What am I doing to these poor girls!?

2:15pm- Another girl has broken out into sobs. There are now 3, all in a row, crying their eyes out. Feel v.bad. Must have all gotten feet trampled or something.

3:00pm- Will have to ask Ste and Mark about this later.

3:30pm- Off stage, dripping in sweat. Toweling off. Must find Mark and Ste and ask about girls.

3:31pm- "What happened to those girls in the front row? Did they get hurt or something? I figured their feet got trampled."
"What girls?" Mark asks, also towling off.
I grab Ste's water bottle and say, "Dehydrated girl needs this!"
"CHRISTIAN! What is the matter with you?"
"Those poor girls got hurt and one fainted. Was my singing horrible?"
Ste and Mark burst out into mad laughter, "Christian.....they....were....just....happy....to see........us."
How can that be? Of course, there must be something wrong with them to just burst out with tears and faint.
"There was nothing wrong with them?" "Only that you were feet away from them."
"Me?"
"Yes, you. And Mark. And I." Ste says, swigging down gulps of water. He has reclaimed his water bottle from me.

3:40pm- I know they've told me this before, but am I really v.popular, v.famous and v.rich????? The v.handsome part, I have no hard time believing because I do, after all, look at myself in the mirror an awful lot.

3:45pm- Still cannot believe it. Although, like I said before, we are sexy bitches!

3:47pm- Note to self: Stop watching Austin Powers and stop bloody quoting him. People will think I'm mad or something.

4:02pm- We are sexy bitches, though, aren't we?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

5:09pm- Will ring Mum to see what she thinks.
"Hullo?"
"Hi Mum."
"In the States, dear?"
"Yes. What do you think about me and the lads?"
"What about them, darling?"
"Well, do you like us?"
"Of course! Here you go being silly again, silly."
"Mum! Why, in your opinion, would girls faint and cry when they see us?"
"Because you are sexy bitches." HAHAHAHAHAHA. Of COURSE Mum didn't say that. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Here's what she really said, "Well, darling, some girls are twits."
"Twits?"
"Yes, darling. They see a man and go completely jello-ed. On the other hand, they may just fancy you. Although, why would someone faint when they see someone they fancied?"

5:13pm- Thanks Mum, you've been incredibly helpful. Not at all. Will have to figure this one out by myself.

Tuesday, January 16 Alcohol Units: 0 Hours spent looking in mirror: 0 Number of Pillows Thrown at My Head: 0 Stage Performances: 1 Interviews:2 None of that is an exaggeration. Have been v.busy with the ways of the world.

6:53am- Have not slept a wink all night. Too busy. Have put together a list of things to ask God if I were ever to meet Him.

1.) What is the matter with girls?
2.) Why do they scream when they see you?
3.) Why do they go jello-ed?
4.) Why do they faint?
5.) How do you make a really good Big Mac?
6.) Can you invent a pocket-sized hair dryer?
7.) Or maybe an invisable one?

7:02am- Good list, I think.

7:10am- Trying to figure out answers by myself, but no luck. How does one get to meet God?

7:11am- Will ring Ste and ask him. If he doesn't know, will ring Mark. If Mark doesn't know, well, I'll be in trouble.

7:15am- Waited before rang Ste. You know how he gets in the mornings.
"Hullo Ste."
"Whatdoyouwant?"
"Just curious. How do I get to meet God?"
"WHAT?"
"How does someone get to meet God?"
"Why do you want to know that?"
"Just curious. Have a few things I'd like to ask Him." I think he hung up, as I could no longer speak with him.

7:18am- "Hullo Mark. Quick question."
"You're up early."
"Yes. Didn't sleep a wink."
"How come?"
"Too busy trying to meet God."
"What are you talking about?"
"I want to meet God and ask him some questions about girls going jello-ed."
"I'll see you at 9. Stop this nonsense."

7:20am- Weren't v.cheerful, were they?

7:21am- Nevermind, will figure this out on my own.

7:30am- Have interview at 9am. Will prepare now. I don't know if I've mentioned this or not, but my hair dryer is no longer missing.

7:46am- Horrah!!! I am not sharing a hotel room with Mark or Ste so I will no longer have hair dryer trouble, I am sure.

11:01am- Done with interview. Eating lunch. Thai food today. Yummy. Mark and Ste have forbid me to eat any more Mickey D's for a while. They were afraid I'd turn into a Big Mac. That is complete nonsense, but I am going along with it for now.

11:30am- Headed to venue. Go on at 4 today. Will try not to look in audience. It distracts me to see crying girls and fainting girls, because I have this overwhelming urge to jump down and help them. Mark says that is unnecessary.

2:02pm- Am meeting fans at 2:30. Will bring plenty of water just in case.

2:30pm- Fans are v.nice indeed. None are crying and none are fainting. Yes!

2:32pm- Spoke too soon. A girl just dropped dead about 2 feet away from me.

2:33pm- No, not dead. Fainted. Have rushed to her side with bottles of water in case of dehydration.

2:39pm- Girl has woken up. Is looking at me. I am shoving water down her throat.

2:40pm- She has passed out again. Must be the heat.

2:45pm- Heat? I am wearing a large, puffy jacket and long underware! It's freezing out here! We are in Connecticut for 3 days. Tomorrow is one more show and then we leave for New Jersey.

3:03pm- Girl is revived and being carried out by security to the medic tent or somewhere like that. Am v.relieved.

8:09pm- Back at hotel. Mark and Ste went out clubbing, but I am in the room working out questions to God.

8:11pm- Should I add, How do you get dehydrated in the cold?

8:12pm- Nah.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's Alive!

Wednesday, January 17 Alcohol Units:4(v.stressed out) Hours spent looking in mirror:1/2 Pillows Thrown At Head: 1 Interviews: 3 Stage Performances: 2

10:00am- You will not believe what has happened. I don't even want to talk about it, I am so stressed out. I am going mad with worry.

10:02am- Alright, I'll tell you. My hair dryer is missing. AGAIN.

10:03am- I have been searching all over the hotel room this morning, but no sign of it. Ste and Mark have been looking as well so I know they have not taken it again. Plus, all my hair products are safe.

10:05am- Will go out into the world and look. Maybe the hair dryer walked away??

10:30am- "Excuse me, ma'am, but have you seen my hair dryer?"
"Er.......no."
She keeps on walking.

10:32am- "Sir? Have you seen a hair dryer walking around town?"
He doesn't even pause to look at me.

10:34am- "Have you seen a hair dryer walking around?"
Dirty look.
"Ma'am? It is very important you tell me if you've seen it." Charming smile.
"No....sorry I haven't." Then she keeps walking.

10:36am- Well this is not working at all. Hair dryer has up and walked away and I can do nothing about it. That poor thing all by itself out in the world. Poor bugger.

10:39am- "Ma'am. Hi, excuse me, but have you seen a hair dryer around here?"
Mumbles, "Crazy Brits."
What on Earth was SHE talking about?

10:45am-"Hullo, have you seen a hair dryer walking around town?"
"No, maybe Ste or Mark took it?"
"Er, possibly. Thank you."
How did she know Mark and Ste??

10:47am- Mobile is ringing. Too busy to bother answering it. Have got to comb city in search of hair dryer.

10:55am- Mobile is ringing again. "HULLO?!"
"Where are you?"
"Where am I? Where is my hair dryer?"
"Are you all right?"
"Of course. Why do you ask, Ste?"
"You are looking all over the city for a hair dryer that I have just found under the sink."
"You found it?! Under the sink!?"
"Yes. Are you lost again?"
I look around, don't have any clue where I am. "Er.....yes. I think I am."
"I'll have Mark come get you. How far away are you?"
"I don't know. I've been walking for close to an hour."
"Oh no. Okay, stay right there. Mark is coming."
"WAIT! STE!"
"What?"
"Keep my hair dryer safe, will you?"
"Yes.....stay there. Bye."

11:00am- Don't know what I would do without Stephen. Feeling much better now that I know where my hair dryer is. It gave me quite a scare.

11:03am- Come to think of it, I guess I put it under there last night so I WOULDN'T loose it. Lot of good that did, eh?

11:05am- No sign of Mark yet.

11:09am- Oh no! Maybe he is lost too!?

11:10am- "Ste? It's Christian! Is Mark lost too?!"
"Lost? No. He's on his way."
"Okie dokie. Bye."

11:20am- Phew. Mark has just pulled up. Will run v.fast to car.

12:03pm- Back at hotel, eating lunch with lads. Take-out Chinese.

12:06pm- My hair dryer is sitting on my lap. I will take no more chances with it as I am v.tired looking for it. It needs to stay where I put it. Er, well, I need to remember where I've put it.

1:30pm- Just going to the first performance. It's at a television studio, performance is for a program there. Will sing a little bit there and then go to another stage performance for a radio station. That will be around 5.

4:12pm- Headed to the second performance. Radio has provided a limo. V.nice of them.

4:13pm- Oh MY GOD! There are screaming girls blocking our entrance! Who do they think is in here? The Beatles?

4:18pm- I voiced this to Mark, but he says they know it's us. Hahahaha. Why do people scream for US? It's v.nice and all, but also v.weird. I do not go up to them and scream. Hmmm, maybe I should.

4:20pm- Have finally gotten out of limo, gotten past girls. About 20 girls were standing nearby so I ran up to them and started screaming. They were laughing like mad, but I was just being serious. I wanted to know what it felt like to scream at someone you didn't know.

4:23pm- Jolly good fun, actually. Some of the girls gave me odd looks, but I didn't pay much attention.

4:25pm- Mark and Ste say I am mad. What else is new?

Thursday, January 18 Alcohol Units:0 McDonalds: 6 Big Macs, 3 things of chips, 4 diet cokes, 3 breakfast sandwiches, 3 hash browns, 1 orange juice, 1 thing of hot cakes. (have to make up for lost time.) Doors slammed in face: 3

7:01am- Have decided that I will continue to eat Mickey D's despite Ste and Mark's talking about me turning into a Big Mac. You only live once, right?

7:10am- Scarfing down a Mickey D's breakfast. Mmmmm. Good old fashioned home cooking.

7:12am- Am just thinking of ways to keep hair dryer in my sight at all times. Will be v.hard to do because Mark and Ste threatened to take it away if I even THOUGHT about bringing it everywhere with me. How they found out about my plans, I'll never know.

7:15am- Some ideas for keeping the hair dryer with me:
~hiding it in my pack. (Will not work as Ste promised to check there.)
~puting a lead on it. (Maybe. My best idea yet.) But will not be able to drag it around the city. Mark and Ste are bound to notice a large white hair dryer tied to string bouncing along behind me.
~shrinking it to the size of a quarter and carrying it around in my pocket. (good idea, but v.hard to do as I know no magic.)
~making it invisable (closly connected to the invisable hair dryer idea which i haven't patented yet. (sadly, I have realized this will not work.)

8:09am- Am plum out of ideas. Bugger it. I will just have to go to Ste and Mark and petition to be able to take it with me. Maybe I can tie the lead to my belt and have it drag behind me? People may not even realize it's mine.

8:20am- The Mark/Ste converstation did not go well. "Mark and Ste..." I began in my most business like tone, "I would like to be allowed to take the hair dryer with me whever we go so I do not loose it anymore."
"That's mad, Christian." Mark is shaking his head now.
"What would people think? Seeing you with a hair dryer walking down the street."
"Ah, but Ste, they would not think it was mine. I would tie some string to my belt and then to the hair dryer and it could sort of bounce around behind me. People would not know."
"I will not be seen with a mad man."
"I am not a mad man."
"If you are not a mad man then how did you know I was talking about you? I could easily have been speaking of Ste."
I am getting v. angry right about now.
"Mark, this is for the good of the band."
"No. If you want to tote around your guitar, that is for the good of the band. The hair dryer is simply for the good of your bloody hair. It's unnecessary."
"And plain silly." Ste put in.

9:11am- Will have to think long and hard about better ideas. Perhaps I could get a cage for the hair dyer? You know, one of those kitty carriers?? I could put it in there and disguise it as a cat and bring that around town with me.

9:30am- Have had door slammed in face. Mark thought that was a horrible idea, I supoose. Well, I say to him, you think of a better idea Mr. High and Mighty.

9:31am- I suppose I am just destine to a life loosing my hair dryer ever 6 seconds. Ah well.

9:45am- Am going to get in the shower and get ready to go out. Mark and Ste are taking me to the shops to buy us some clothes. We are making a television appearance here in the US! We will be traveling to Los Angeles, California to film a Disney Channel show called Even Stevens. Should be fun.

10:30am- Maybe I can persuade Mark and Ste to spring for a hair dryer? Instead of clothes?

10:32am- Will ask them later. Now, it is time for hair. Will go retrive hair dryer from under the sink.

10:35am- That bloody thing has disapeared again! I think it is alive!

10:39am- "It's alive I say!" Door slam in face.

10:42am- I guess that means Ste is not available to help me look for my hair dryer. It is alive, despite his thoughts.

10:45am- Have found hair dryer. It was in my luggage. Bloody thing is trying to hide from me. Well, I'll tell it something, I am not going to go looking for it all the time! I will just stop using a hair dryer all together and have my hair droopy all the time. That'll teach it.

10:48am- Better not do that. I do not want to anger it. It may rebel and go off all together.

11:00am- Headed off to the shops. Hair is looking good. Used the hair dryer and safely tucked it away in my luggage. Next to my pants. Should be a good place for it. Maybe it'll fall asleep and won't go off again.

11:01am- Well, one can dream, can't he?

3:33pm- Have found 1 outfit. Am looking for 3 or maybe just 2. Ste has found 2 and Mark has found 3. They are getting v. sick of me shopping about, but I need new clothes. I haven't a thing to wear!

5:15pm- Back at hotel eating supper. Mickey D's of course. Found 2 outfits. All set for television debut. Well, American/DisneyChannel acting-on-a-television-show-debut. I was on that soap opera once.

5:20pm- Can't really count that as actual acting. Soap operas are not really acting. They are just taking emotions and adding more drama than you've ever had before in your life. Over acting is more like it.

8:58pm- Was watching a soap opera and got caught up. Have just checked on hair dryer. It is safe. We leave tomorrow morning for LA. Show filming is not for 6 days, however.

9:05pm- Must get my beauty sleep. G'night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Ste

Wednesday, February 3rd Alcohol beverages since last entry- 16 or so, lost count. McDonalds- none (WHOO!) Times looked at self in mirror- 20 (good) Times looked for hair dryer- 3 Times lost hair dryer- none (YESSSSSSSSSS!)

5:55am- Early wake up, have to go to set of American telly show called Even Stevens. Haven't seen the show, exactly. Have only seen the begining where they are in the house and the song is playing and all their names are popping up on screen. Can't wait to meet the little clay fellas. Should be fun working with clay. Have always wanted to since I was a wee lad.

6:00am- SHOCKING NEWS! Ste is in a good mood!!! Alert the public!

6:14am- MORE shocking news! Even Stevens is not all in clay! There are real actors! Have arrived at the set and have seen Louis, played by a bloake named Shia. Funny little bugga.

6:30am- His sister isn't bad looking either. Ren something or other.

7:00am- In the makeup chair being made to look EVEN better than before!

7:03am- "Wow, Chris, those makeup people work wonders!" Mark says, admiring my newly made-up face.

7:04am- Mark is now sitting in a nearby garbage can.

7:06am- It's a shame he didn't watch where he was going. HAhahhahahaha!

7:11am- Mark is picking garbage out of his hair. Has headed into loo.

7:14am- HAHAHAHAhahahahahahahaha.

7:16am- Must be very business like now. Have gone onto the set of the show. People bustling about.

7:20am- Have just met director of show and girl named Ruby. Pretty name, actually.

7:30am- Quiet on the set!

1:09pm- Brilliant! Am at lunch right now with my mates (Ste and Mark, in case you forgot) and some of the cast of the show.

2:10pm- Back on the set. More filming to do. The lads and I are not in the show v.much, but a lot of filming needs to be done. They keep saying "CUT" and making us redo our lines. For some reason, these Americans can not understand us.

3:45pm- On a short break. V.short. Am quite chilly actually. You'd think it wouldn't be so chilly in California.

4:34pm- Scratch that, Mark says we're in Canada. Looks the same to me.

4:45pm- Have put on my jumper. It's really nippy out. A jumper is a sweater, by the way. I'm not sure, journal, if you're American or English, so I'll have to give you definitions so you can suss it all out.

4:46pm- Suss means er...............What's the word? Figure out I think.

5:03pm- Headed back to the hotel. Jolly good day today. We have to go back tomorrow evening for a quick shot, but that should only take a few hours. They said we could stick around, but filming is wrapped at 9pm, and I'm tired.

5:12pm- Mark stayed, he's into that kind of thing. Probably will fall asleep in his chair, poor old chap. Mark's getting on in years, you know.

5:14pm- Come to think of it, so am I!

5:15pm- Am in the loo checking to make sure I have no wrinkles. Will purchase some wrinkle cream tomorrow.

6:34pm- Ste has just returned from the store. He got us some sandwiches for dinner.

7:09pm- Cucumber mask? Check. Cucumber slices on eyes? Check. Hair dryer in bassinet I made it? No.

7:10pm- NO?!

7:12pm- Searching frantically through room. Not to worry, Ste has recovered the bassinet under my bed with hair dryer safely tucked inside.

7:14pm- I bought the hair dryer a nice blankey the other day for it to sleep on. It hasn't run away since. I'm thinking it rather likes me now.

7:19pm- Alright, calm and soothing. Going to sleep now. V.tired.

7:21pm- Oooops, cucumber slice slipped off face and landed on covers.

7:23pm- Retrieved slice and am going to sleep now.

7:35pm- Almost forgot to tell you! We're recording some new songs tomorrow! Well, not tomorrow exactly, the next day. Tomorrow we fly to Austraila to do it.

7:36pm- I can't wait to go to Austraila. I've wanted to ever since I saw that Mary-Kate and Ashley move, Our Lips Are Sealed. Have you seen it? I reckon you should. Those girls are quite adorable.

7:45pm- Ste has turned off my light, "Go to sleep, you git!"

7:46pm- He's so affectionate, my little Ste.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Australia, Here I Come

Thursday, February 4th Alcohol beverages- none, I've been asleep McDonalds- none (quite fancy a hamburger and chips, though) Times looked at self in mirror- 2 Times looked for hair dryer- 0 Times lost hair dryer- none (Ah, satisfaction. The little thing has decided to stay after all)

8:09am- Am awake, and singing. The next time you see my GIRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL

8:11am- Mark has thrown a pillow at my head and missed. Ha Ha! He says I should go back to bed for the following reasons:

1.) He does not want me awake and running amuck around the hotel room. Which in turn would cause he and Ste to be roally pissed and forced to do something about me.
I'd like to see them try. I'm much faster than them even though I eat Mickey D's everyday and they do not. Mark's a bit soggy around the middle actually. And Ste...well, Ste is just slow. Like a turtle. And I'm quick. Like a bunny.
Awwww, a little bun-bun. Makes me think of the one I had as a wee lad. His name was Herald and he was lovely. All white and soft. I carried him around in my rucsack for a while until he chewed a whole threw it and ran away.

8:17am- Wipping tears out of eyes. RIP Herald.

8:20am- Anyway. Am straying away from subject. Here are the rest of the reasons.
2.) We have to be at the Even Stevens set at 2pm for 3 hours and then catch a plane to Australia at 6pm. He says we need sleep now because we'll be v.tired in Australia on a count of the time difference.
3.) He's angry with me and doesn't want to see my face. I told him this reason was silly for he would be asleep like a good little boy and therefor could not see my face. He strongly dissagreed.

8:30am- Ah, well. Am lying in bed trying to get myself to be tired, but is v.hard work. Perhaps I'll turn on the telly for a bit.

8:32am- YES! A rerun of Blossom is on!

8:33am- Was bouncing around on my bed to the Blossom theme song when I was hit on the side of my face with a pillow.

8:38am- Am snug like a bug in my bed humming quietly under the covers as not to wake Ste and Mark. Knowing Mark he'll say it's still my fault he's not asleep. He can get quite cranky, you know.

1:00pm- Dozed off a bit I guess. Just woke up to Mark and Ste shaking me. It is time to go to the set. Will get dressed and then leave.

3:33pm- At the set, taking 5. Already been in wardrobe and makeup. Filmed 2 seconds of the new scene and then cameras had to reload. Mark is v.excited because the scene we're filming today includes lots and lots of cheese which is a staple in Mark's diet. Not really diet, actually, more like, a food Mark eats a lot.

3:45pm- I am quite excited as well because I also like cheese.

3:46pm- Behold. The power of cheese. HaHaHa.

5:30pm- Leaving studio/set and heading to airport. Hope we have not missed our flight. Was looking forward to Australia so.

6:30pm- On the plane, reading a mag and also writing in this too. The in-flight movie is a double feature. Two Mary-Kate and Ashley films. Winning London and Our Lips Are Sealed. Mark and Ste have gone to sleep because they are not fans of the little Olsen twins. I, on the other hand, am. I'm v.excited about seeing the movies. Winning London should be especially good as it is taking place in my good old country of jolly England.

7:15pm- Dozed off there for a second. Little cat nap. Have missed the first 20 minutes of Winning London, but that's alright. Mostly adds. I'll just rent it or buy it or whatever when I get home or to the US or wherever I'm going next.

Friday, February 5th Alcohol beverages- none, I was on the plane and I usually don't drink before, during or after a plane ride McDonalds- 1 burger, 2 boxes of chips and a diet Cola. Times looked at self in mirror- 2 Times looked for hair dryer- 0, it's safe in my bag still. I think. Times lost hair dryer- none, I think. Better have a look later.

2:34pm- Headed to the studio. Had a total of 10 minutes sleep at the hotel last night. We got here quite late as it was a long flight.

3:39pm- Boring day ahead and behind of me. Will not write much as I will sleep during recording breaks. Will write more tomorrow.

4:40pm- Scratch that, Mark has informed me that we leave here at 6pm, go to the hotel and come back here tomorrow morning at 7am. Bugger it. I'll just keep writing.

4:42pm- Lalalalallalalallalala. LLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAA! 4:47pm- HaHaHa. I crack myself up. I am so funny. 5:15pm- Drinking a jug of water to cleanse system. Ooops, back to the booth I go.

6:59pm- Back at hotel, eating Mickey D's. Mark and Ste are working on songs, I'm watching them.

7:01pm- I'll join them later I suppose.

7:12pm- Mark says there's no need for that. Don't suppose the old chap hates me do you?

7:15pm- Nah, I'm just being silly again. Silly, Christian!

7:23pm- Better get to sleep. I feel like all I've done for the past 48 hours is sleep. Mark says that's impossible. I say it isn't.

7:25pm- We'll be getting in another row soon, I suppose.

7:45pm- Am in the loo, nursing wound. Mark hit me in the gut and it really bruised up quite a bit. Bless little Ste's heart, he's making sure I'm not going to toss my cookies or pass out. Bless 'im.

7:56pm- "You alright, Chris? Okay for tomorrow? Can't record without you, you know."
"I'm fine, little Ste, thank you."

7:57pm- Ste has giving me an odd look, and is now tucking me into bed.

8:12pm- Ste is going to take this journal and tuck it in my bag, so I better write fast. I rather like the nickname, Little Ste. I'm not sure he's v.fond of it, however. Giving me odd looks and bringing me water, tylenol and other drinks. Bless him, dear Little Ste.

8:15pm- I think maybe Mark bruised my brain when he hit me in the gut. I'm talking all funny. Will nod off now and will be better in the morning. I hope.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HELP!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, February 6th Alcohol beverages- 2 (v.good) McDonalds- 2 Colas, 3 boxes of chips, 8 hamburgers, 1 apple pie (hey! a lad has to eat!) Times looked at self in mirror- 44 (good, could be better) Times looked for hair dryer- once. (i think it's getting bored in it's homemade bassinet) Times gotten run over(or almost)- 3 (Not on purpose though. Of course not)

8:56am- Was just thinking. Bad thing I know. But perhaps I need to make something to keep the hair dryer company? Besides the bassinet? What does a hairdryer do for fun? Will ponder this while I'm on break Have been at studio since 7, but giving voices a bit of a break.

9:01am- I reckon I'm going to have to buy a new journal soon. This one's running out of pages. I only have 3 more. Where does one buy a journal in Austraila? Will that journal understand what I am saying?

9:04am- "You ninny." Mark says to my question. "Of course the journal will understand you. Australians speak English. Wait-"

9:08am- Mark says that journals don't actually speak. But that's wrong isn't it?

9:10am- Come to think of it, you've never answered my questions. Or commented on my comments. Hmmm. Another thing to ponder I suppose.

9:13am- Have to go back in the booth, but will think of the answers to my questions later. If you should think of anything, please give a holler.

1:45pm- Breaking for lunch. Across the street from the studio. McDonalds galore.

1:49pm- I'm begining to wonder if you're okay, journal. Have you lost the ability to speak? Or is Mark right?

1:53pm- Mark right? Hahahahahaha. That gives me quite a chuckle. V. funny, journal.

2:10pm- Walking across the street, back to studio.

2:13pm- "WHOA NELLY!" I have almost been hit by a car! I must be more careful.

2:30pm- Am rereading what I've written. Did I really say "Woah nelly?" hahahahaha. I reckon I did.

2:32pm- That reminds me. I am like a bird........turn out the light....turn out the light.

2:45pm- Little Ste says that if I don't shut up and let him concentrate then he will properly run me over. So sweet of him to worry about my vocal cords. Must not sing anymore until it's time.

3:03pm- Done recording until 6pm. Am crossing the street to retrieve my car from Mickey D's. Will grab a hamburger too. Am famished. I am like a bird.........la la la la la la la

3:05pm- 'Spose I shouldn't have been crossing the street as I was singing Nelly Furtardo. Ste really did mean business. He and Mark have just missed me by a hair.

3:10pm- Need to have a hamburger to calm down. And maybe some chips. And an apple pie.

3:40pm- Back at the hotel safe and sound. Knitting a sweater for my hair dryer. Could not think of anything else to get it. A sweater would keep it nice and warm.

5:09pm- In the loo. Just out of the shower. Getting ready to go back to studio.

5:11pm- Hair is drenched. Didn't want to disturb poor little hair dryer, but will have to. Do not want to go out with soaked hair.

5:23pm- I'm on Fire! My HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!! HELPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:33pm- "LITTLE STE! HELP ME! I'M ON FIRE!"

5:35pm- Ste is helping me to get the fire out. Apparently, Mark says, the sweater on the hair dryer did something to cause it to burst into flame and then the flames went onto my hair.

5:40pm- Calming down. Ste has given me some water and Mark has sat me on the bed.

5:43pm- "How do I look Little Ste?"
"Why are you calling me that?"
"I like to, Little Ste."
"Well, stop it."
"How do I look, STEPHEN?" "Erm....Mark?" Ste says, turning a slight shade of red.
"Don't look, Chris." Mark says simply.

5:54pm- I am up, off the bed in a flash. Ste and Mark lagging behind. I have said it before and I shall say it again. They are just slow: turtle slow. And how fast am I?? QUICK LIKE A BUNNY! YES! I have made it before them and locked the door! HA-HA!

6:14pm- Am in the loo, crying my eyes out. My hair, my beautiful hair. It's all....I can't even say it for I am v.sad and v.upset and v.scared that I am now not v.handsome. My hair is all......

6:18pm- It's all gone!!!!!!

6:20pm- Being rushed to the hair dresser. Hopefully she'll be able to fix it.

7:01pm- At the studio, late. V. angry producing people. Am v.traumatized by hair problem. Cannot look at self in the mirror. Hair looks OK, but not perfect like before. My poor hair dryer. I feel it will never recover from this shock.

7:10pm- Sigh. What will happen next????????

THE END.

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