It might have been the erection pressed into his ass that finally made him snap out of it, or it might have been the breasts pressed into his chest that did it. Hell, for all he knew, it could have been the female tongue in his mouth or the male hand creeping over his hip toward his half-hardened erection that did it. At that moment, it didn’t really matter to AJ. The fact was, he had snapped out of it, and just in time.

Pulling away from the couple doing their best to devour him from the front and behind, he mumbled an apology and stumbled out of the hotel room, shirt half open, jeans unbuttoned. Pressing the down button on the elevator, he stepped inside and waited for the doors to close before leaning against the back of it and taking a long, deep breath. Closing his eyes, he wondered how he had ended up in that hotel room about to have a meaningless three-way.

Oh yeah. Self-pity. And a burning desire to get the craving for alcohol to leave him alone, if only for a minute or two. AJ sighed, cursing himself under his breath, for almost adding another stupid mistake to the pile of them he had made over the past year or so. Opening his eyes, he buttoned his jeans back up and adjusted his shirt.

When the elevator doors opened, he stepped out and strode quickly across the lobby and out the door, hailing a waiting cab and giving him directions back to the bar he went to every night to not drink. He had left his car there when the couple had propositioned him and he had made his impromptu decision to get his alcohol and Marshall cravings fucked out of his system.

As he watched the streets fly by, he thought to himself how stupid that had been. He couldn’t just get laid and get over the blond rapper. He knew that. He also knew it wouldn’t help his problem with alcohol at all. He had just been so desperate for a moment of mindless pleasure, that he had lost sight of reality for a minute, and that scared him.

It scared him enough to make him sit still and take a look at where his life was heading lately. He wasn’t impressed. He had let his feelings for Marshall completely take him over and run his life since the breakup. He was turning into someone who was sad and pathetic and whom he wouldn’t give the time of day to if he wasn’t trapped inside that person’s body. He needed to let him go, once and for all.

When the cab pulled up in front of the bar, AJ handed the driver his fare and a tip and got out. Looking at the bar one last time, he headed for his car, destination in mind. He had one place to visit before he could put the ghost of his and Marshall’s relationship behind him once and for all.

Marshall stepped out of the terminal and headed for his car in long term parking, still unsure what he was doing back in LA in the middle of the night on his two day break. All he knew was that after his game and subsequent conversation with Brian earlier, LA had felt like the place he needed to be.

Ten minutes later, he was headed down the road. It was with a start that he realized he wasn’t headed for his place, but for AJ’s instead. For a moment, he continued down the highway, stunned. Shaking himself from his shock finally, he started looking around for an exit to get off on so he could turn around and head for his place instead. The last thing he wanted to do was go to AJ’s house…he was almost sure of it.

A minute later, he found an exit and headed for it. Pulling to a stop at the end of the off ramp, he looked around, realizing he was close to the restaurant they had went to on their first date. Following an impulse, he turned in the direction of the restaurant and drove, unsure exactly what he was doing, but knowing it felt right, whatever it was.

He saw the restaurant come into sight, then watched it pass by, not feeling any particular urge to pull into the driveway. He just felt like driving on. It was a few minutes later that he finally realized where his subconscious was taking him when he saw a partially hidden dirt road come into sight. With a sigh at his own sappiness, he gave into yet another impulse and turned onto the road, heading up.

When he reached the clearing at the top of the cliff, his heart skipped a beat as he saw he wasn’t alone. Not only that, the car already parked there looked eerily familiar. He knew he had time to back the car away and back down the road before AJ realized it was him, if in fact, it was AJ, which he suspected it was. Marshall had gotten a new car since they had broken up, so there was no danger of AJ recognizing it, and it was the middle of the night, so there was no way he would be able to see him inside.

For a heart-stopping moment, he sat there, foot on the brake, hand on the gear shift, trying to decide what to do. Then he saw a shadowy figure near the edge of the cliff turn around and peer at his car. Marshall watched as AJ’s face was illuminated by his headlights, and he made his decision. Pulling forward and blocking AJ’s car in intentionally, he parked and cut the engine.

AJ sighed in resignation as he turned away from the car now blocking him in and looked back out at the city lights past the edge of the cliff. He could hear the waves crashing on the shore below, and where it had been calming a moment ago, it was now grating on his nerves.

He had come here to put Marshall behind him once and for all. He had hoped that going back to the place he had taken him at the end of their first date would help him put things to rest once and for all, and it had been working.

Fuck. Who was he kidding? It hadn’t been working. He had instead stood there staring out into the night, reliving every moment he had shared with Marshall, good and bad. But for once, it wasn’t sending him into alcoholic cravings, or urges to have three-way sex marathons with strangers. It was almost…comforting. As if he was saying goodbye to someone that had died and was no longer a part of his life. In a way though, he supposed he had been.

When he heard a car door open and shut behind him, he said over his shoulder without looking back at whoever it was, “Hey, look. I was about to take off. I’d appreciate it if you could move your car a little so I’m not blocked in.”

Marshall again hesitated, realizing he had another opportunity to back away and disappear. AJ still didn’t know it was him. He suddenly realized he was at one of those turning points in his life again. He had been at a few before, sometimes making the right choice, sometimes the wrong one. He had no idea what to do right then.

Everything Brian had said to him, about why AJ had done what he had done came rushing back into his head. Everything that had happened in the short time he and AJ had been together flooded through him, stirring feelings inside him he had been trying to bury. He realized in that instant that he wanted him back. Fuck, wanted was too weak of a word. He needed him back. Needed him in his life, keeping it off balance, knocking his walls down, making him laugh and love and even hurt. He needed all of it, like he needed air to breathe. He was suddenly unsure of how he had made it through the past couple months without him, and he didn’t want to find out how he’d make it through any more without him.

And then something else occurred to him. Just because he had finally pulled his head out of his ass and realized he had made the biggest fucking mistake of his life in that hospital hallway, it didn’t mean AJ would be willing to take him back. In fact, he wouldn’t be surprised and couldn’t blame him if the younger man laughed in his face and told him to fuck off for even asking. Still, he had to try.

Taking a deep, nervous breath, he said, “Alex.”

AJ had been about to turn around to find out why the other person hadn’t yet moved their car when he heard his name, said by the person he never thought he would hear it said by again. He froze. His breath caught in his throat, and his heart hammered in his ears.

Finally he found the courage to turn around and face the owner of that voice. “Marshall.”

They stood there awkwardly for a moment, neither knowing what to do or say next. Just as AJ was opening his mouth to say something, Marshall put up his hand to stop him.

“Let me, okay?”

AJ hesitated for a second, then nodded, figuring whatever the other man had to say couldn’t hurt him any worse than him leaving him that day in the hospital.

Marshall took a deep breath and stepped forward, cursing silently as AJ took an instinctual step back. “Fuck. Don’t do that. I’ll stay put, okay? Just don’t go stepping off the edge of the goddamn cliff.”

AJ looked at him in confusion. “Why would I…” Then the thought that Marshall must have thought he was there to commit suicide slammed into his head and he let out a bitter, sharp laugh. “Oh damn. That’s rich. Think that much of yourself huh? That I would actually kill myself over you? Get over yourself. I know I did, a long time ago.” The lie tasted sour in his mouth, but he refused to let Marshall have even a clue of how much he had been wallowing in his misery over him the past couple months.

Marshall flinched at the coldness in AJ’s voice as he spoke, and at the words. AJ was over him. But no. If he was, why would he be hanging out here, where they had almost had sex the first time? Why would Brian have flown across the country just to convince him he was a total asshole and that he should go back to AJ and make things right?

Shaking his head, he said, “Not what I meant. You took a step back from me just then, and I just don’t want to see you take one too many steps and go over the edge, okay?”

AJ was glad it was dark so Marshall wouldn’t see his cheeks flame in embarrassment that he had jumped to that conclusion. Defensively, he bit out, “Like you give a damn.”

Marshall clenched his jaw, trying to keep his temper in tact. So far, the conversation wasn’t turning out all that well. He decided to cut the crap and just say it. Maybe that would take AJ off guard enough to let him in past the wall he had obviously put up so they could actually have a conversation.

“I do. Too much of one in fact.”

“What?” AJ asked, sure he had heard wrong.

“I care about you, okay? I made the biggest fucking mistake of my life walking away from you in that hallway, and you know my history. That’s saying a lot.”

AJ was too floored to even attempt a response.

After a few minutes of tense silence, Marshall got impatient, his nerves in overdrive, and he asked, “Well? Gonna say something?”

AJ shook his head to clear it, gather his thoughts…and get angry. “You made a mistake? You call that a fucking mistake? I call it you being a selfish asshole and walking out on me when I needed you. It may have been just a mistake to you, but it was more than that to me.”

Marshall cringed at the hurt in AJ’s voice and nodded his head, holding the younger man’s gaze to let him know how serious he was. “I know. I’ve got no excuse. I’m sorry. More sorry than I’ve been about anything before…ever.”

That silenced AJ for a minute and they both stood there staring at each other in another tense silence. When AJ spoke again, it was to ask, “Why are you here?”

Marshall shrugged. “Got me by the ass end. I’m supposed to be on the other side of the fucking country in a penthouse suite sleeping in a king sized bed, with Hailie just down the hall, not in LA.”

AJ shook his head. “No. Why are you here, as in on-this-cliff here. And why are you telling me all this?”

Marshall pulled his eyes away from AJ’s and stared out over the cliff edge to the city below. “Fuck if I know. I got out of the airport, thought I was heading for home, and found myself heading for your place instead, so I got off the highway and found myself by our restaurant, so I decided to drive by it. Then I saw the road leading here, followed an impulse, and here I am.”

“Our restaurant?” AJ asked, bemused.

Marshall shrugged, a little embarrassed, burying his hands deep in his pockets as he responded, “Yeah well, you know. No one’s ever taken me out to someplace that nice before. I’ve thought of it as ours ever since, even though we only went there once.”

AJ felt something distinctly warm and fuzzy uncurl in his stomach and he reacted swiftly, trying to beat it into a cold, scratchy lump as quickly as possible. “How sentimental of you. You should watch that. It’ll bite you in the ass in the end, trust me.”

Marshall fought the urge flinch at the bitterness in AJ’s voice, knowing he was the cause of it, instead saying, “Alex. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I know I don’t deserve it, but please. Give me another chance.”

AJ studied him for a long moment, unsure what to do. On the one hand, this was what he had been praying for since Marshall had walked out on him. On the other hand, he had been so close to letting him go once and for all, he could taste it. Did he want to just let that go? What if Marshall did it again? What if they had an argument and Marshall walked? Would he be able to come back from it a second time? He just didn’t know.

“Give me one good reason why I should.” AJ said finally.

Marshall stared earnestly into AJ’s chocolate brown eyes and plunged off the cliff, figuratively speaking. “Because I love you.”

AJ’s whole world screeched to a halt. In a tight, high-pitched squeak he asked, “What?”

Marshall took a deep breath and said, “I love you and I need you in my life. If you love me and need me even half as much, we shouldn’t let that slip away just because I was a stupid asshole.”

AJ was shocked silent. He had all but given up hope of ever hearing the other man say he loved him when they were still together, let alone now that they were broken up. It was in that instant that his walls, as tenuous as they had been anyway, came crashing back down. He had to blink back tears as he replayed the words, ‘I love you,’ over and over in his head. Marshall loved him, and had actually said it.

Taking a step towards Marshall, he whispered, “Say it again.”

Marshall stepped forward, until he was inches from AJ. Staring into his eyes, not daring to reach out and touch him, not yet, he said firmly, “I love you.”

AJ closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, it was to find Marshall still staring at him, waiting to see what he would do or say next. The air between them as they continued to stare into each other’s eyes was charged, nearly crackling with electricity. One spark and they felt like they would both fly apart at the seams.

“Answer me one thing.” AJ said gruffly.

“Anything.” Marshall said, not hesitating for a second.

“If you were me and I was you, would you forgive me and let me back in?” AJ asked.

Swallowing hard, Marshall didn’t even blink as he said honestly, “No.”

AJ nodded his head, knowing that would be Marshall’s answer. Reaching out, he traced his fingers along Marshall’s cheekbone, down across his chin, and over his lips lightly, reverently, as if he was still having a hard time believing the other man in front of him was really there, was really his to touch again. His eyes followed his movements, and he licked his lips, fighting the urge to simply pull Marshall into his arms and devour him.

Lifting his eyes back to Marshall’s, he broke the silence between them, saying, “Good thing I’m not you then.”

Marshall’s breath caught in his throat, unable to believe his ears. AJ was going to do it. He was going to give him the second chance he didn’t deserve.

Studying AJ’s face to see if he had gotten it right, Marshall said hoarsely, “Fuck. I need to touch you.”

AJ smiled slightly, even as the same need shining in Marshall’s eyes was reflected in his. “What’s stopping you?”

Marshall didn’t need any more invitation than that. Wrapping his arms around AJ’s back, he pulled him to him, closing the last few inches between them, and molding their bodies together. Both of them groaned at the long denied contact, their eyes sliding shut as they both soaked up the contact.

An indeterminate time later, Marshall opened his eyes and leaned in, brushing his lips across AJ’s. AJ responded by leaning into the kiss, deepening it as he ran his hands up Marshall’s arms and around his shoulders, grabbing the back of the older man’s head and holding him to him. Parting his lips, AJ let Marshall’s questing tongue in, and again both men groaned at the long denied contact as their tongues met and tangled.

Finally, AJ broke the kiss, pulling away from Marshall and turning to stare out over the cliff. Behind him, Marshall hesitated for a second, then stepped forward and put a hand on AJ’s shoulder.

“Alex?”

AJ tensed slightly, but made no move to brush off Marshall’s hand. “Before we…do this. I need to know something.”

“What?”

Turning back around, AJ asked, “Are you going to walk again the next time I do something you don’t agree with? Because I’m pretty sure it’s going to happen at some point.”

Marshall shook his head firmly. “No. I swear, I’m not. That was the stupidest, most fucked up thing I’ve ever done, Alex. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had laughed in my face just now instead of giving me another chance. I’m not going to make that mistake again.”

AJ wanted to believe him, he really did, but he was still too scared of getting hurt by him again. Looking away, off into the distance, he said quietly, “I think I’ve done it, Marshall. I think I’ve forgiven him. I haven’t seen him since the hospital that day, so I’m not sure if it’ll hold up when I do see him again eventually, but right now? I’m not holding onto it anymore.”

Marshall was silent for a moment, trying to comprehend how AJ could do that, but in the end, he decided it didn’t matter if he understood how. It just mattered that AJ had, and he needed to accept it if he wanted him in his life. “Does it feel…better that way?”

AJ looked back at Marshall, surprised by the acceptance in his voice. He had figured telling him that would be the surest way to find out if Marshall really meant what he had said.

Nodding his head, he said, “Yeah, it does. The anger, the hurt, the fear…God, just…everything. It was eating me up. I was fine when I was talking to you, or with you somewhere, but when I wasn’t…” AJ paused, shaking his head. “It just wasn’t me. I can’t be like that, can’t feel that much hate toward someone and be happy. I was miserable. I’m not now.” AJ paused again and let out a bark of self-disgusted laughter. “Well, actually, until just now I was still miserable, but for an entirely different reason.”

Marshall reached out and pulled AJ back to him, hugging him tightly as if both their lives depended on it. Turning his head, he kissed the side of AJ’s neck and whispered against his ear, “God, I am so fucking sorry, Alex. I promise you I’ll never do something like that again. You’re stuck with me now.”

AJ chuckled against him, holding him just as tightly. “That a threat or a promise?”

Marshall pulled back and smiled at AJ. “Both?”

They smiled at each other for another minute, both blatantly ignoring the moisture gathering at the corners of their eyes, then AJ said with a twinkle in his eye, “You know, this thing between us is going to complicate the shit out of both our lives.”

Marshall chuckled at the familiar words from another time and place when AJ had said exactly the same thing. The date and sex aside, the moment he had said those words the first time had officially been the beginning of them as a couple, the moment Marshall had committed himself to whatever was happening between them. It had still been a little while before they had called what they were in a relationship, but for both of them it had been that moment they had become a couple. He smiled as he remembered the conversation from seemingly a lifetime ago, when he had no clue what he was really getting into. Now he did, and he was more sure than ever it was what he wanted.

"Then complicate me.”

AJ’s smile broadened at the expected response and he leaned his forehead in to rest against Marshall’s. The smile dropped from his face and he stared intently into the older man’s eyes as he asked huskily, “My place?”

Marshall felt himself swell slightly at the implication in the question. “Fuck yes. Much closer than my place.”

AJ leaned forward and kissed Marshall, long and deep. When they finally pulled apart, both of them were flushed, their heartbeat’s racing, their pants tightening. Licking his lips, AJ said, “Meet you there.”

Marshall bit back a moan and an instant later, both of them were behind the wheels of their respective cars, and headed down the hill.