“Marshall? This is Brian.”

Marshall’s eyebrows crinkled in a frown as he glanced at the clock, realizing it was four-thirty in the morning. “What the fuck are you calling here at this time for? Actually, what the fuck are you calling here at all for?”

“Please, I know it’s late…or early, or whatever, but I already tried AJ’s house and he wasn’t there, so I’m figuring he’s there with you. I need to talk to him.”

“He told you to give him a few days, not a few hours.” Marshall said, irritated.

“Please. This is important. I wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t. Just give him the phone.” Brian tried again.

Marshall opened his mouth to tell him to fuck off, but a tap on his shoulder stopped him. Turning to AJ, he saw the question in his eyes and said, “It’s Brian. Says it’s important.”

AJ hesitated for a second, then held out his hand for the phone.

“You sure? I can tell him to just fuck off if you want.” Marshall offered.

“I’m sure. It’s okay.” AJ replied, taking the phone from him and lifting it to his ear. “Hello?”

“Aje. God. I’m so sorry to be bugging you right now, after everything. I even thought about not calling, but then they said he might not make it, and I figured I had to let you decide if you wanted to be here or not.” Brian paused from rambling to take a deep, necessary breath.

“Bri, what is it? Who might not make it?” AJ asked, sitting straight up in the bed, barely registering Marshall’s hand on his shoulder.

“It…it’s Kevin. He…he tried to kill himself tonight.” Brian said, his voice cracking over the line.

“No. He wouldn’t…” AJ started, shaking his head.

“He did. Kristin found him.”

AJ swallowed hard and asked, “What hospital are you at?”

As Brian rattled off the name of the hospital, AJ was already out of the bed looking for his clothes. A minute later, AJ hung up the phone and turned to Marshall, still pulling on clothes.

“I need to get to the hospital.”

“What happened? Who is it?” Marshall asked, watching AJ dress frantically.

“Kevin.” AJ said.

Before he could say anything else, Marshall tensed and asked sharply, “What?”

AJ averted his eyes, not sure how the other man was going to react to him wanting to be there after everything Kevin had done. “He tried to kill himself. I have to go. He still might die.”

Marshall stiffened at the quiver in AJ’s voice. “And you should care…why?”

AJ shot him a pleading look before slipping his shirt over his head. “Marshall, please. I can’t do this right now. I have to go.”

Marshall studied him for a minute, before shrugging as if it made no difference to him. “Fine. Whatever. Go do what you have to.”

AJ’s stomach dropped at the cool tone Marshall had settled into. He hadn’t heard that tone directed at him in a long time. “I’m sorry…”

Marshall interrupted him, not wanting to get into it. He had his temper barely under control the way it was. If AJ didn’t back off he was going to explode and say things he’d regret later. “My plane leaves at ten tonight. I won’t be back for a few weeks.”

AJ clamped his mouth shut on his apology, recognizing the dismissal for what it was. Silently he nodded, then headed for the door. He paused in the doorway and looked back over his shoulder at the man sitting silently in the bed. “I’ll be back before then to say goodbye…if you want me to.”

Marshall wanted to grab AJ and shake him and tell him of course he wanted him to, but all he did was shrug again and say indifferently. “Fine, whatever, see you then.”

AJ hesitated for another minute, then quietly walked away, refusing to look back as moisture stung his eyes. He had a bad feeling something had just changed between them, and not in a good way.

He got to the hospital twenty minutes later, using the back entrance to get in without being recognized. He was shown to a private waiting room where the rest of the group, Kristin and Leighanne were assembled. AJ figured Kevin’s mom was on her way too, but since she would be coming from Kentucky, it would probably be a while yet until she got there.

When Brian saw AJ, he jumped to his feet and crossed the room, pulling the other man into a hug. “I’m glad you came. Didn’t know if I should call you or not, but, I’ve been messing up right and left lately thinking I knew what was best for you, and I obviously didn’t, so this time I figured I should let you decide…”

AJ hugged him back and interrupted him. “Brian, shh. It’s okay. You did the right thing. Thanks for calling me.”

Brian hugged him for another minute, then pulled back looking up into his face. “It’s about time I did.” Brian paused, looking past AJ at the doorway, then back at the younger man. “Where’s Marshall?”

AJ looked away from the other man and shrugged. “Stayed home. Look, I don’t want to talk about him right now, okay? Just…tell me. Is there any news yet?”

Brian frowned. Something definitely wasn’t right. He had fully expected Marshall to show up with AJ. The fact that he hadn’t spoke volumes. The look on AJ’s face when he’d mentioned him said the rest.

He shook off the thoughts, concentrating on what AJ had asked him and answered, “They’ve managed to get the bleeding under control and they pumped more blood into him. They’re…hopeful. That’s what the doctor said. Hopeful.”

AJ swallowed. “How…”

“Wrists. He slit his wrists. Cut tendons and nerves and everything. He’s in surgery now. They’re trying to repair the damage.”

That came from Howie. AJ looked past Brian to Howie, then Nick, seeing how tired and worried they both looked. As he pulled his eyes back to Brian, his gaze flitted past Kristin and he wondered at the strange way she was looking at him, but only for an instant before he returned his attention to Brian, needing answers.

“Why?”

Brian shrugged, running a hand through his hair and looking older than his years at that moment. “I don’t know. Maybe guilt? Maybe because of what I said to him last time I saw him? Or Nick or Howie? Maybe all of it. I just don’t know. No note.”

Kristin spoke up then, startling all of them. Until that point she’d been absolutely silent. “AJ, can I talk to you? Alone?”

AJ looked over at her and nodded slowly. “Uh, sure.”

Kristin stood and stepped past him into the hall. AJ looked at Brian questioningly, who just shot him an equally confused look, then turned and followed her out. Once in the hall, AJ followed Kristin to an empty room, wondering what she could possibly want to talk to him about.

Shutting the door behind them, he stood there staring at her for a minute, waiting for her to speak. Just as he was about to break the silence, not able to take it anymore, she finally spoke.

“I left him tonight.”

“What?”

“After he got back from Brian’s, he told me, AJ. Everything.”

“He did?” AJ all but squeaked, not having expected that in a million years. He didn’t say anything else though, not sure what ‘everything’ entailed in her opinion.

Kristin nodded. “All of it. About the two of you, why you really started drinking, what really happened in Boston, all of it. Even what he tried to do to you at the party.”

“Oh.” AJ said, not sure what else to say. For one of the few times in his life, he was speechless.

Kristin turned away and took a deep breath, falling silent for a few minutes. When she spoke again, she sounded lost and alone. “I just can’t believe this. I can’t believe he was cheating on me that whole time and I had no clue.”

“Kris…” AJ started, wanting to apologize for his part in it.

Kristin turned back around and shook her head, holding up her hand for him to be quiet. “No, don’t apologize. You’ve more than paid. Most of all, I can’t believe he really tried to rape you. That’s just…my God.”

AJ flinched a little as her voice cracked, refusing to meet her eyes, not wanting to see the hate there for what he and Kevin had done behind her back. Her words didn’t fully register through the guilt overwhelming him. He’d always liked Kristin, even though he’d been jealous as hell of her for a long time. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but he knew he had. He stayed silent, not knowing what to say, how to react. He just stared at the floor, wishing to be anywhere else but there right then.

After a minute, she spoke again, quietly saying, “I’m glad he didn’t. I want you to know that. I’m glad Marshall was there and stopped him.”

AJ lifted surprised eyes to Kristin’s, finally registering what she’d said a moment ago. He’d fully expected her to tell him he deserved whatever he got, that she hated him for being the person Kevin had cheated on her with for the first year of their marriage, but there she stood, sympathy in her eyes, and the ring of truth in her voice.

“I…” He trailed off, still not knowing what to say.

Kris shook her head again. “This isn’t why I pulled you in here.” Pausing she took a deep breath and continued, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get into all of that. I just wanted you to know, this wasn’t a ploy. What he did. In case the thought had crossed your mind.”

She paused, taking in the slightly guilty look that crossed AJ’s face and knew he had thought that, at least at some point. She couldn’t blame him. She’d thought it too at first until she had sat in the waiting room for a while, running the nights events through her head.

Swallowing hard, she continued, needing to get the rest out before she broke down again, memories of how she’d found Kevin flashing through her head. “He didn’t try to kill himself knowing I’d be back anytime and stop him before he actually did it. He’s not trying to win you back, or get you to forgive him or anything. I left him. He didn’t think I was coming back. No one should have found him for…days probably. I got halfway to the hotel I was going to be staying at, and got pissed all over again. I went back to yell at him some more, and found him on the floor of the bathroom, blood everywhere, and this on the counter, along with one for me.”

AJ watched as she pulled a folded up piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to him. It had his name on it. “But Brian said there wasn’t a note.”

“He didn’t know. No one does. I didn’t think you’d want the police or anyone else to get their hands on this. I grabbed it before anyone found it.” Kristin answered.

AJ reached out woodenly and accepted the letter from her, staring at it once it was in his hands, willing himself to open it, but not sure he really wanted to read what was inside.

Kristin sensed his need for privacy and stepped past him, ready to leave. She paused with her hand on the door and looked over at AJ’s profile as he continued to stare down at the letter. “If it helps at all, he hates himself for what he did. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice as he was telling me.”

AJ finally pulled his eyes away from the letter and looked up into her face. “Why are you doing all this, telling me all this? You should hate me.”

Kristin shook her head and offered him a sad smile. “Because when the two of you got together, he and I were broken up. He cheated on you just as much as he cheated on me. The only difference is he cheated on you right in front of your face. I can’t imagine having to sit back and watch him marry someone else.”

AJ broke eye contact and stared down at the note again, unsure what to say to that. He didn’t have to worry too long though, because as soon as Kristin was finished, she opened the door and stepped out of the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts…and the note. Taking a deep breath, he opened it with shaking hands and forced himself to read it.

AJ,

By the time you read this, it’ll all be over finally. After what happened today at Brian’s, I decided I couldn’t live with all this anymore. When I got home, I told Kristin everything. Please don’t be upset about that, but I wanted her to understand why I was going to do what I did. I didn’t tell her it was the end, but I knew after everything was said and done, she’d figure it out.

She hates me now. I could see it in her eyes when I told her what I had done to you. I deserve it though…I deserve so much worse than that. Which is why I’m doing this. Well, part of the reason why.

The main reason is for you, so you can move on with your life. I’ve seen how what I did affected you, and today just drove the point home deeper. I hate that you have so much pain locked inside, especially knowing I put it there. You told me the only way I could fix this was if I disappeared for good and you didn’t have to worry about ever seeing me again. This is the only way I could find to do that.

I’ve been thinking about ending it all for a while anyway. I can’t get past images of that night, of the monster I turned into. It’s tearing me apart, and I can only imagine what it’s done to you. So, I’m doing this for the both of us. You get what you need, me gone, and I get what I need…peace.

I know I have no right to ask for anything from you ever again, but I have one last request anyway. Please, AJ, please move on. Let this go. Push me and what happened far from your thoughts and live your life.

Goodbye,
Kevin