Marshall pulled to a stop in his garage and cut the engine. Silently, AJ climbed out of the car and headed into Marshall’s house, immediately heading for the backyard. Marshall followed, a frown marring his features as he tried to figure out what was going on in AJ’s head. He hadn’t talked the entire way home.

Stepping out of the sliding glass doors, Marshall watched as AJ lit up a cigarette and start pacing. Deciding just to give him some time, the older man sat down in a nearby chair and watched as AJ proceeded to smoke his way through half a pack.

Finally Marshall couldn’t stand it anymore and got up, walking over to AJ and grabbing the cigarette out of his hand. AJ glared at him and reached for another one, but Marshall took him by surprise and grabbed the pack from him, flinging it into the pool.

“What the fuck?” AJ swore, moving as if he was going to go after the pack before it sank underwater.

Marshall grabbed his arm firmly, refusing to let AJ move away from him. “Talk to me.”

“No.”

Marshall’s jaw tightened as he tried to clamp down on his irritation. “Fine. Come inside and sit with me then. We can watch a movie or something, get your mind off…things.”

“No.”

“Alex…” Marshall began warningly, his patience quickly dissolving under the other man’s stubbornness.

“Don’t. Just don’t. You have no idea…” AJ began, only to find himself quickly released from Marshall’s hold and shoved backwards lightly.

“What it’s like? That what you were about to say?” Marshall asked, his voice suddenly hard, his spine rigid.

AJ tensed, realizing just how stupid that comment had been. “Marshall, I’m sorry. I know you…”

Marshall waved off the apology and said flatly, “Forget it.”

AJ cursed his big mouth and took a step toward him, reaching out and touching his arm, sliding his hand down until he reached Marshall’s and linked their fingers together. “No. I was wrong to say that. I shouldn’t be taking this out on you.”

“Yeah, well…” Marshall trailed off and they stood there staring at each other for a minute, before AJ turned away, letting Marshall’s hand drop from his.

Marshall hesitated, then stepped forward and slid his arms around AJ’s slim waist from behind, pulling him close and resting his chin on the other man’s shoulder. “Talk to me.”

AJ swallowed, closing his eyes and reaching up to cover Marshall’s arms with his hands. “He didn’t try anything. Not once. He stayed across the room so I wouldn’t feel threatened, and he offered me his phone when mine died so I could call you, and the only time he touched me was to stop me from breaking Brian’s grandpa’s guitar. I hit him…a few times, and he didn’t even fight back. Just let me beat on him.”

Marshall didn’t say anything, sensing AJ wasn’t through.

After a minute, AJ continued. “And I must be more seriously fucked up than I thought, because I actually believe he was doing all of it for my sake, not just because he knew you’d do whatever you threatened you would if he hurt me again.”

Marshall wasn’t sure what to say to that. He knew from his own experience that there would have been absolutely not a fucking thing his step dad could have done to make him feel even a little safe with him again, which was what he suspected AJ was getting at about Kevin. Then again, the situation with Kevin and AJ was completely different in a lot of ways.

“So, you’re saying you feel a little bit safe with him again?” Marshall finally asked tentatively.

AJ shrugged, letting out a long sigh. “I don’t really know what I’m saying. I’m confused. I don’t feel safe with him, and I’m still angry as hell, but…”

“But what?” Marshall asked when AJ trailed off.

AJ took a deep breath and said, “He had a keycard to my room the entire time we were in New York.”

Marshall immediately tensed up, unconsciously squeezing AJ’s waist. “He what?”

AJ ignored the almost painful hold around his waist and explained, “For years management’s made sure he had a backup set of keycards to our rooms, so when we got to New York, he automatically got one.”

“The fucker could have…” Marshall stopped, not wanting AJ to think too much about what could have happened if he hadn’t already.

“Yeah, he could have.” AJ said quietly. Now that he was with Marshall and away from Kevin and had time to think about it, the sick fear he’d felt before was gone. In its place was the thought, ‘Why didn’t he? Fear of Marshall? Or remorse?’

Marshall scowled, not liking the tone of AJ’s voice at all. “You’re thinking you might be able to forgive him for what he did aren’t you?”

AJ tensed, not missing the edge to Marshall’s voice. “I don’t know. Yes…no…maybe.” He paused and sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I have no idea.”

Marshall, turned his head slightly, studying AJ’s profile up close and noticing how tired and drawn he looked. Suddenly he felt like an ass for making him discuss everything when he was obviously worn out from it all. Plus, he really didn’t want to think about the fact that AJ sounded like he might forgive Kevin for what he’d done someday. That thought just made Marshall want to break something.

“Hey. Let’s go inside and relax. Watch a movie and not think about all this for a while. It can wait ‘till later.”

AJ nodded with relief. His head was swimming and he was too worn out to make any sense of anything. “Sounds good. Anything in mind?”

“Probably going to have to check the pay per views, unless you’re in the mood for one of Hailie’s Power Puff Girls videos.” Marshall said as he pulled his arms away from AJ’s waist and reached for his hand, leading him into the house.

AJ chuckled. “Pay-per-view it is then.”

“Or we could watch a porn. Got plenty of those. All straight though.” Marshall continued.

“Eh…haven’t been in too straight a mood lately. No idea why.” AJ said, his eyes traveling the length of Marshall’s body from behind.

“You’d better not be checking out my ass McLean.” Marshall said, amusement in his voice.

“And what if I am?” AJ challenged.

Marshall spun around fast and grabbed AJ around the waist, pulling him close. Leaning in, he said against his ear, “Then the last thing we’ll be doing is relaxing on that couch.

Despite the hell his afternoon had been, AJ found himself more than willing to ‘not relax’. In fact, he needed that closeness to the other man right now. In a husky voice, he responded, “I’m not seeing a problem there.”

Marshall licked his lips, his eyes flicking from AJ’s eyes to his lips and back again. “You sure? After…”

AJ leaned in and brushed his lips against Marshall’s, silencing him. “I’m sure. Now shut up and kiss me.”

Later that night, AJ climbed into Marshall’s bed, exhausted. After a rather rigorous round of sex on the couch, a shower, dinner and a movie, they had both been ready to call it a day. AJ had smirked as he watched Marshall double check his doors to make sure they were locked, muttering the whole time about Dre and his sex life, then they had headed hand in hand to bed.

AJ laid his head back on the pillows, watching Marshall undress in the low light of the bedside lamp. If he hadn’t been so tired and drained from the day, he would have been harder than hell watching each inch of skin his lover revealed. As it was though, he drank in the sight and thought again how much he loved him, wishing he could say it, knowing he shouldn’t.

Marshall looked over at AJ as he bent to take off his pants, noting the thoughtful expression on the other man’s face. “What?”

AJ shook his head. “Just thinking.”

Marshall discarded his pants and climbed onto the bed, sliding under the covers and moving closer to AJ. “About?”

“Us. You, mostly.”

“What about me?”

AJ didn’t answer, not sure how to without saying what they’d both agreed he wouldn’t say again.

Marshall sensed the weight of the moment and got a hint from the look in AJ’s eyes what had been on his mind. His stomach suddenly flipped, and he hurriedly tried to lighten the moment. “I know. You were thinking how you can’t believe you’re fucking a guy with a nose as pointy as mine, right?”

A small smirk pulled at the corners of AJ’s mouth. He was well aware of what the other man was doing, and thankful for it. “Nah.”

Marshall pretended to look thoughtful. “Oh, I’ve got it then. You were wondering how you could be fucking a blond since you don’t go for blonds.”

AJ’s smirk broadened and he lifted up the sheet, peaking down at the patch of dark curls framing Marshall’s soft cock. “Wrong again. I’m definitely not fucking a blond.”

Marshall chuckled, yanking the sheet from AJ and pressing it down again, covering him up to his waist. Turning over, he wiggled back against AJ and smiled when AJ’s arm slid around his waist.

AJ leaned in and kissed one naked shoulder lightly. “I love your nose by the way.”

Marshall snorted. “Whatever.”

AJ smiled, enjoying Marshall’s discomfort with the compliment. Leaning in again, he kissed the side of Marshall’s neck next, before moving his mouth up to his lover’s ear. “And you could be a true blond and I’d still want to fuck you.”

Marshall squirmed in AJ’s arms. “Don’t go starting something you’re too fucking tired to finish, Mclean.”

AJ chuckled. “You’re so easy.”

Marshall stiffened and said in mock anger. “Yeah, and I really have to twist your arm huh?”

AJ closed his eyes and yawned, pulling Marshall closer yet. “Okay, now that we’ve established we’re both sluts, at least for each other, can we go to sleep?”

Marshall chuckled. “Fine. Rest up. Later you can prove how much of a slut you are.”

Snuggling his face into the side of Marshall’s neck, AJ mumbled just before drifting off, “Looking forward to it baby.”

A few hours later, AJ woke up from a particularly hot dream to Marshall in his arms, spooned against him. He closed his eyes again and pressed his erection into Marshall’s ass, holding back a moan as the other man responded in his sleep by pressing back against him in return. Unable to resist, he leaned in and kissed the back of Marshall’s neck and was rewarded by a low murmur of approval from him. Encouraged by that, he continued to kiss his neck as his hand slid up from around Marshall’s waist to his chest, seeking out a nipple. Finding it, he gently began rolling it between his thumb and forefinger, increasing the pressure when Marshall pressed his chest forward against his hand.

He wondered vaguely if Marshall was still asleep, but decided if he was, he’d be awake soon enough. In the meantime, he decided to enjoy the slow exploration of his body. He didn’t get to do this very often. Usually their passions got too out of control to take it slowly and they ended up fucking each other senseless.

After long minutes of relentless caresses and kisses, Marshall fully awoke. He had been hovering between a dream and reality, trying to figure out if what he was feeling was really happening or a damn good dream, but after a particularly firm twist of one of his nipples, he figured out it was really happening and had forced himself to wake up fully. His breath caught in his throat as AJ’s hand finally left his nipples and traveled south, over his flat stomach toward his already rock hard erection. He pressed back into AJ, grinding his ass against the younger man’s erection and moaning as AJ’s hand firmly closed around his shaft and began to slowly stroke him from base to tip. It was exquisite torture and he didn’t want it to end anytime soon.

AJ registered the fact that Marshall was awake finally, and leaned close to his ear, whispering, “Let me fuck you.”

Marshall’s breath hitched and he shuddered as he whispered, “Yes.”

When he started to roll over onto his back, AJ’s hand moved away from his cock to rest on his hip, stopping him. “No.”

Marshall shook his head. “Not on my stomach, Alex, you know…”

AJ moved his fingers up to Marshall’s lips, silencing him, then he said quietly, “No, not on your stomach. Like this. Trust me.”

Marshall was silent for a moment, even after AJ removed his finger from his lips. He’d heard the near pleading in AJ’s voice for him to trust him, and for some reason, he wanted to give that to him. Finally he nodded, saying, “Okay, but if…”

“Just say the word and I stop.” AJ interrupted again.

Without another word, AJ reached behind him to the night stand and grabbed the lube. Turning back to Marshall, he pulled him close again, spooning him more snuggly against him. Setting the lube down for a minute, he reached a hand out to Marshall’s hip, then slid it down his leg slowly until he nearly reached his knee, then he urged the leg up and over his, opening Marshall up to him, front and back. Reaching for the lube again, he propped himself up on an elbow and opened it, spreading some on his fingers, then transferring it to his cock, coating himself. After that, he put some more on his fingers, then set the lube down behind him, reaching between them with his hand to stretch the other man.

“Marshall, look at me.” AJ rasped as two fingers found his entrance.

Marshall had been laying there trying not to think too much about the fact that he was about to get fucked from behind when he heard AJ’s voice. Following his command, he turned to look back at him, discovering that with AJ propped up the way he was, all Marshall had to do was twist the upper half of his body a little and he could comfortably stare up at him while they did this.

When he realized AJ had been waiting for permission with his fingers ready to enter him, Marshall smiled and said, “Do it.”

AJ’s eyes dilated slightly and he pressed his fingers forward, pushing two in together, and immediately going to work stretching him. After a minute or so of torture for both of them, AJ pulled his fingers free and positioned himself at Marshall’s entrance. Without a word, he grabbed the older man’s hip and pushed in slowly, not stopping until he was completely encased in his tight heat.

“Oh fuck.” AJ moaned, his eyes sliding shut.

Marshall let out his own moan at the feeling of being filled by the other man. After a tense moment, Marshall rasped out, “Move.”

AJ complied and soon had a slow, easy rhythm set up with long, deep thrusts in and out. Marshall struggled not to clench his ass muscles around the other man, not wanting it to end anytime soon. He was being made love to by the man he loved, even if he couldn’t tell him that, and it felt like heaven. He never wanted it to end.

AJ was in his own heaven, sliding in and out of Marshall’s body, watching the older man’s face twist in pleasure at every slow thrust. Unable to resist, AJ began running his hands all over the other man, caressing and squeezing, even as his mouth descended and he captured Marshall’s in a long, deep kiss.

When they both pulled free from the kiss minutes later, needing air, AJ moved his mouth to the other man’s neck and shoulder, kissing every available inch of skin as he murmured, “Shit. You feel so damn good, baby. So hot…so tight.”

Marshall shivered and moaned as AJ talked to him and touched him, inside and out. He fought back emotions that threatened to overwhelm him as he soaked up everything AJ was doing and saying to him.

“Never want this to end, baby.” AJ continued between kisses and caresses. “It’s like your ass was made for my cock. Made to have me deep inside you, fucking you…filling you. Do you feel it? Do you want this as bad as I do, baby?”

Marshall just moaned again, words escaping him at what AJ was doing and saying to him. He’d never felt anything like this. This overwhelming sense of being surrounded and filled and loved and cherished all at the same time. It was almost too much, and he started to shake with the intensity of it.

AJ moved his mouth up to Marshall’s ear and whispered huskily, “Tell me. Tell me you want this as bad as I do. Tell me you were made for this…made for me. Fuck. Please. Tell me, I need to hear it. Just once. Just…one time…please.”

AJ’s voice broke on the last word and Marshall suddenly realized what he really wanted him to say. He wanted him to tell him he loved him, but knew he wouldn’t, so he was settling for this. Marshall looked up and back at him and licked his suddenly dry lips.

“Alex, I…” He trailed off, unable to believe he’d almost said the words, almost told him he loved him. He couldn’t do it though. Something was still holding him back. Reaching up and back, he slid a hand into AJ’s hair and pulled his mouth down to him, trying to tell him with a kiss what he couldn’t seem to say.

AJ’s heart sank a little, even as he fell into the intense kiss. He would have sworn Marshall was about to tell him he loved him, but at the last second he’d stopped. He tried to push the thought out of his head as he felt his impending orgasm start to close in on him. As the kiss deepened further, AJ reached down between Marshall’s legs and fisted him, pumping his cock in time with his increasing thrusts in and out of his ass.

Pulling his mouth away from Marshall’s, he panted, “Close…fuck…gonna…cum with me, baby.”

Marshall closed his hand over AJ’s and together they jerked him to climax just as AJ reached his. Marshall felt AJ burry his face in his neck and cry out with pleasure as he thrust one last time inside him, filling him. It sent him over the edge and he cried out AJ’s name as he emptied himself all over his and AJ’s hands.

Tears, unbidden, rolled down his cheeks silently from the intensity of it all, from the love he felt radiating off of AJ in waves. As he relaxed and collapsed back against AJ, with him still inside him, Marshall closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down.

It had never been like that before. The whole guy/guy thing aside, he’d never felt that connected to someone he was having sex with before. Never shared anything that intense or overwhelming with anyone else. It had been unbelievable, and now he didn’t know what the fuck to do, what to say.

He was saved by the metaphorical bell as the phone suddenly rang, shattering the tense silence hanging between him and AJ. AJ groaned, pulling out of Marshall so the other man could reach over for the phone.

Gruffly, Marshall answered, “Yeah?”

“Marshall? This is Brian.”


Chapter 43
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