A while later, AJ woke to Marshall pressed against his back and butt, his arm thrown across his waist, one leg hooked over his. He was pretty much surrounded by Marshall and he loved it. A little too much, a fact that scared him.

Trying not to wake him, AJ carefully slid off the couch and dug around in his jeans for his cigarettes. Finding them, he grabbed his boxers and pulled them on, then headed toward the back of the house and out to the pool area. He needed some space to think.

A few minutes later, Marshall woke, disappointed to find AJ gone. Sighing, he sat up and looked around. No AJ. Fuck. What was it with that guy anyway? He should be the one running away after sex, not AJ.

AJ was halfway through his cigarette, staring at the setting sun glinting off the surface of the water in the pool when he heard the door behind him open. He didn't bother to look over at him as he continued to stare at the pool.

Marshall sat down next to him and sighed. "So, is this like, some whack ass pattern of yours?"

That got AJ's attention and he glanced at Marshall out of the corner of his eye, ignoring the stirring in his boxers at the sight of Marshall, nearly naked, in only his boxers. He forced his eyes back to the pool before answering Marshall's question with one of his own.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Marshall sat back and looked out at the pool too. "We've fucked twice now, and both times you took off afterwards to find a pool to smoke near. Do I have to drag you somewhere without a pool next time so you'll stick around?" Marshall asked jokingly, trying to lighten the mood a little.

AJ's heart skipped a beat as he took another drag off his cigarette before answering. "There's going to be a next time?"

Marshall heard the nervous note in AJ's voice and things started to finally make sense a little. Still, he didn't want to put himself completely out there without some confirmation he wouldn't be rejected, so instead of answering, he asked another question.

"Do you want there to be?"

AJ took one last drag off his cigarette before stubbing it out and leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands as the question raced through his mind. Finally he looked up and directly into Marshall's eyes.

"Yes and no."

Marshall looked at him for a long minute, irritation creeping up inside him. "That tells me a whole fucking lot."

AJ sighed. "I'm sorry, ok? I just…I don't know what you want to hear."

"The truth. That's it. I hate fucking lies and secrets, and half truths and not knowing what the fuck's going on." Marshall answered.

"So do I."

After a moment of silence, Marshall prompted, "Well?"

AJ shook his head. "I just don't know, ok? I mean, in the first place, I like having you for a friend, and I'm scared as shit this, this…whatever this is, is going to fuck that up. Second, I'm really not ready for a relationship or anything…not that your offering, and third, I mean, I have no clue what you want either, and that makes it even harder to figure out what I want."

Marshall nodded. He understood completely. "I feel the same way."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I mean, what the fuck did you think I've been doing with you? I'm not pity fucking you, and I'm not experimenting. I want you…constantly. I can't seem to get you out of my damn head, and I have no clue what to do about it. I'd hoped having sex with you the first time would…fix whatever the fuck is wrong with me, but it hasn't. It made it worse. And then the other night on the phone…shit. I've never experienced anything like that, and we weren't even in the same damn state. And today? Fuck. Sex with you is like nothing else I've ever experienced, and it seems like the more I get, the more I want."

AJ was floored. He hadn't expected Marshall to just open up like that. It made him hard all over again. Standing, he walked up to Marshall and grabbed him, pulling him to his feet.

He stared into the older man's blue eyes for a second, then said, "You know, this…thing between us is going to complicate the shit out of both our lives."

Marshall stared into AJ's brown eyes for a second, then dropped his gaze to his mouth as he licked his lips. "Then complicate me."

AJ's cock twitched and he kissed him hard and deep then until Marshall was clutching at him and moaning. AJ reached around and grabbed Marshall's ass, pulling their hips more tightly together and grinding himself against him, feeling Marshall's growing erection pressed against his own.

Finally he pulled his mouth away and leaned down to lick at Marshall's neck as he mumbled against his skin, "You want more, baby?"

"Yes," Marshall moaned, his hands gripping AJ's waist as AJ thrust against him over and over.

AJ suddenly stepped back and slid his boxers off, standing in front of Marshall naked and hard. "Then take it."

Marshall's cock jumped. He quickly removed his own boxers, then glanced at the pool before looking back at AJ. Licking his lips, he said, "Race you there."

A second later, they both hit the water at the same time.

The next couple days flew by as they proceeded to fuck their way through every room of the house, some twice or more. Before they knew it, it was time for AJ to pack up for his flight. Marshall sat on his bed watching him as AJ walked around the room grabbing his stuff off the floor. They had ended up just hauling AJ's suitcases to Marshall's room, deciding to forgo the pretense of sticking him in the guest room, both knowing where he'd be spending his nights while he was there.

"You're fucking messier than my six year old." Marshall commented dryly as he watched him.

AJ chuckled. "Yeah, I'm pretty much messier than everyone I know."

Marshall's brows knit together. "I thought you guys called Nick kaos because he was the biggest slob."

AJ shook his head, not even questioning the fact that Marshall knew that. He was getting used to the fact that the man seemed to be up on BsB trivia. "We call him that because yeah, he's a slob, but more because he was so erratic when he was younger. Hell, he still is sometimes. It was hard for him growing up the way he did with the world watching his every move, and his bitch of a mom who was using him to make money didn't help any. His emotions were all over the place. One minute he'd be all smiles, the next he'd sit down next to me and pull me in a head lock so he could pound on my face."

Marshall tense. "He beat you up?"

AJ paused in what he was doing, sensing the sudden tension emanating from Marshall. Frowning he said, "No, he never got the chance. Kevin,…" he trailed off as memories of Kevin back when he'd looked out for him, not went after him, filled his mind. Swallowing, he pushed the memories aside and finished, "Kevin always pulled him off me before he could do any damage."

"Oh." Marshall said, feeling like an ass for causing AJ think about Kevin.

He watched as AJ dropped to his hands and knees to look under the bed and make sure something hadn't gotten kicked under there. Marshall drank in the sight of his ass and bit back a groan, remembering the night before when he'd had AJ naked and on his hands and knees in the hallway. They'd been trying to make it to his room, but Marshall had ended up tackling him midway there, the site of AJ's naked ass as he walked had been too much to resist.

"Keep that up and you're going to miss your flight." Marshall said in a low voice.

AJ looked over his shoulder. "What…" trailing off as he realized what position he was in and what it was doing to Marshall.

His own cock twitched and he moved so he was sitting on his ass on the floor. He winced, immediately regretting that decision. His ass was sore. They'd fucked a lot over the last couple days, and AJ had always been on the receiving end.

Marshall still couldn't handle the thought of being a bottom, which turned AJ into a complete bottom, something he wasn't used to by a long shot. His ass was paying for it, big time. He couldn't have cared less though. Yeah, he wanted to get inside Marshall, feel him surround him as he thrust into him, but he liked getting fucked by him too, and Marshall gave great head, so he could wait until he was ready for the other.

"Sore?" Marshall asked, concerned.

AJ nodded as he got up and shoved the last of his stuff in his suitcase. "Yeah, but it's ok."

"I feel bad about it. I know you want to…you know, but I just…can't." Marshall blurted.

AJ turned to him, not knowing where that spontaneous confession had come from. They hadn't really talked about it at all since that time in Marshall's bed in LA when he'd told him he couldn't do that.

Walking over, AJ sat down next to him, ignoring the pain in his ass and said, "I'm fine with it this way. I'm not gonna push you. If you decide sometime that you want to…shit, that'll be great. Otherwise, don't worry. It's not like I'm not getting off on you fucking me."

Heat flared in Marshall's eyes. "You know, we've gotta quit talking about this or I'm going to attack you and you're going to miss your flight, and your ass is going to be even sorer."

AJ sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes dropping to Marshall's mouth. "God I wish I didn't have to fly back to New York today."

Marshall leaned in and pulled AJ to him for a kiss, mumbling against his lips, "So do I."

Hours later, AJ sighed as he closed the door to his hotel suite. Damn. He was back in New York. Different hotel room, but same hotel. Leaning back against the door he'd just shut, he suddenly felt lonely. He missed Marshall already. That was not good. They still hadn't really defined what they were and what they weren't. For all AJ knew, Marshall just considered them friends that fucked…a lot.

He pushed away from the door and moved further into the room, setting his bags down by the bedroom door and heading for the mini-bar. Opening the small refrigerator, he grabbed a soda and walked over to the couch. Sitting, he grabbed the remote and clicked the TV on, sighing. He had a whole evening and nothing to do.

Forty-five minutes later, he heard a loud knock on his door. "Bone! You in there?"

AJ smiled as he nearly leapt off the couch, grateful for the distraction. Flinging the door open just as Nick was about ready to knock again, he said, "Hell yeah I'm here, and bored as shit."

Nick smiled down at his best friend. "Good."

AJ shot him a curious gaze, trying to figure out why him being bored was good. "Good?"

Nick nodded. "Yep. Because now you don't have an excuse not to come out to dinner with us."

AJ stiffened. "Us? Who's all of 'us'?"

The smirk dropped from Nick's face. "Don't worry, you won't be subjected to Kevin. I already asked and he's not going to come. Said something about spending the evening watching some movie on pay-per-view. I think he just doesn't want to come because of you though."

It wasn't that hard of a decision to make. Go out to dinner with the guys, or stay behind in the hotel room alone…with Kevin down the hall. "Give me a sec and I'll be right there."

Nick smiled and nodded, stepping inside the room and closing the door behind him as AJ walked back inside to grab his sunglasses and cell phone. "So, how was Em…Marshall?"

AJ turned back to Nick and shrugged as he stuffed his sunglasses in one pocket and his phone in the other. "Good I guess."

Nick studied him for a second. "Uh oh. What's wrong?"

AJ sighed. "Nothing's really wrong exactly, it's just…complicated," he said, recalling their conversation by the pool the first day he'd been at his house.

Nick snickered. "When is anything involving you not complicated?"

AJ smirked. "Shut up Kaos." Starting for the door, he added, "Come on. I wanna go eat. I'm starved."

Nick danced out of his grasp as AJ tried to grab him in a head lock and laughed as he raced for the door, calling, "Last one to Brian's has to pay!"

AJ shot out after him shouting, "No fair, you little shit, where the fuck is Brian's room?"

Nick passed two doors and headed for a third. AJ was so focused on Nick as he raced after him that he failed to see the man stepping out of his room just after Nick raced by the door until it was too late.

Kevin was on his way out of his room with his gym bag, intent on working out some of the tension being back in New York with AJ a few doors down was causing, when he saw Nick run past his door at break-neck speed. He set down his bag and stepped out into the hall to see what was going on. He didn't notice the man behind him giving chase until it was too late to get out of the way.

AJ slammed into Kevin full force, his smaller, lighter body bouncing off as if he'd hit a wall. He started falling backwards with a string of curses flying out of his mouth. Suddenly he felt strong arms circle around his waist and he was jerked back upright and against a familiar body. He froze as he realized it was Kevin holding him. His heart stopped and his stomach turned. He was sure he was going to be sick.

After a few seconds of standing as still as a statue in his arms, staring up into his former lover and would be rapist's eyes, AJ started to struggle in his arms in earnest, pushing at his chest, trying to get the hell away from him.

"Motherfucker, let me the fuck go, damnit!"

When he'd seen AJ falling backwards, Kevin had instinctively shot out his arms to stop his fall. He hadn't meant to pull him against him and hold him the way he had, but once he had, he was overcome by how good it felt to have him in his arms. Then AJ began to struggle and for some reason he didn't let go right away…until he heard the near panic in AJ's voice. Just as suddenly as he'd grabbed him, Kevin released him and watched as AJ stumbled backwards, wanting to reach out and steady him, but knowing the help would be unwelcome.

AJ sucked in a sharp breath, willing his heart to stop racing and his stomach to stop clenching in fear as he found himself suddenly set free. He took a few extra steps backwards as he steadied himself and glanced up and down the hall, not seeing Nick anywhere. Fuck. He was in Brian's room already.

Kevin felt awful all over again as he watched the younger man look around and realize they were alone in the hall. "Hey listen, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

AJ cut him off. "But you did, so it doesn't fucking matter. Your apology doesn't mean shit."

Kevin winced at the anger in the other man's voice, knowing he wasn't entirely referring to what had just happened. "I…"

But he didn't get a chance to finish as Nick, Brian and Howie popped out of Brian's room, laughing and joking about something. When Nick looked over and saw AJ, he said, "Bone's treat tonight. He lost the race."

AJ turned his scowl on Nick, trying to set aside his anger and fear of a second earlier so the guys wouldn't notice. "The fuck it is. You cheated. You had a head start and I didn't even know where Brian's room was!"

Nick danced around the hallway, laughing and sing-songing, "I won, I won. AJ's a sore looser, I won."

AJ's scowl deepened and he lunged at Nick, needing someone to take his inner turmoil out on. Nick screeched in surprise as AJ tackled him around his legs and knocked him off balance. They both went down hard, grunting as they hit the ground, Nick on his side, AJ half on top of him on his stomach. Nick acted on instinct and started to shove at AJ to get him off him, but in the process his elbow connected with AJ's jaw. AJ saw red when he felt the impact of Nick's elbow and lost it. All the rage he felt inside towards Kevin boiled over and he started pummeling Nick with his fists, cursing.

Kevin, Brian and Howie stood in shock for a full ten seconds as suddenly Nick and AJ were involved in an all out fist fight, beating on each other as they rolled around the floor.

Howie was the one to break out of the shock first and he looked at Kevin and Brian. "We've gotta stop them."

Kevin and Brian bolted into action then, Kevin going for Nick, Brian going for AJ. As they tried to pull them apart with Howie standing nearby and yelling at Nick and AJ to stop, the two men continued to go at it, both their tempers completely out of control by then.

As AJ hit Nick again, he growled, "Ain't gonna happen again. Fuck if I'm going to roll over and play dead."

Kevin stiffened, stopping suddenly as he realized what was going on with AJ to make him snap that way. It was about him. What he'd done to him. He'd hoped AJ was getting past it a little, but it was clear he wasn't, and Kevin felt sick. He may not have actually raped him, but he was finally becoming aware of just how much he'd scared him emotionally none the less.

Brian shouting for him to do something as the two men continued to go at it jerked Kevin back to the problem at hand and he grabbed Nick around the waist just as Nick rolled on top of AJ, and jerked him back with all his strength. Nick was heavy though, and Kevin felt himself fall off balance and suddenly he was sitting on his ass with Nick sprawled across his lap, trying to get up and get at AJ again. He held him in place barely with his arms around his waist.

The instant Nick was off him AJ jumped to his feet and prepared to dive at him again, but he felt someone's arm around his waist, pulling him backwards. "Let me the fuck go. I'm going to beat the little fucker into the damn ground. No one fucking hits me that way and gets away with it."

Brian held him firmly, thanking God for his daily workouts in the gym at that moment. AJ was a strong little shit when he was pissed. "Aje, calm down! Nick didn't mean it. His elbow hit you by accident!"

Slowly Brian's words made it past the haze of anger clouding AJ's eyes and AJ stopped fighting him and blinked down at Kevin and Nick on the ground, Kevin holding onto Nick as Nick tried to get away and get at him. In his mind's eye it had been Kevin he was beating on, and that scared the shit out of him. He couldn't believe he'd lost it like that with one of his best friends. He suddenly felt ill.

Brian sensed the change in him, felt him stop struggling and tentatively asked, "If I let you go, are you going to go after him again?"

AJ shook his head. Brian let go and AJ stood there watching the two men on the ground struggle. For a second it felt like old times, Kevin protecting him from one of Nick's tirades but he knew that wasn't the case. Kevin wasn't his protector anymore, and it had been him that attacked Nick without provocation, not the other way around.

"Nick, I'm sorry." He said, loud enough to be heard over Nick's curses aimed at Kevin.

Nick went still on Kevin's lap and looked up at him. AJ's eye was bruised, his cheek was starting to swell, and there was a tiny bit of blood on his bottom lip where it had broken open. Nick was still too upset to feel bad about that though. Lifting his hand to his own mouth, he stared at his fingers as they came away bloody. He could feel the sting on his cheek still from one of the many spots AJ's fists had connected.

"You should be. I was only joking around. I wasn't going to make you pay, Jesus."

AJ looked down at the floor, ashamed of how he'd acted. "That wasn't why…forget it. There's no excuse. I had no right to lay a hand on you and I'm sorry."

Nick, Brian and Howie looked at AJ in surprise. It wasn't AJ's style to just come out and admit he was wrong like that. Usually he made excuses for his behavior and then did sweet little thoughtful things over the next few days as his way of telling the person he knew he'd fucked up.

Kevin understood fully where AJ's apology was coming from though and felt about an inch tall. He let go of Nick since it was apparent the younger man had calmed down and wouldn't go after AJ again. When Nick stood, so did he and the hall was engulfed in an uncomfortable silence as AJ and Nick looked at each other warily.

Nick watched AJ for a minute, noting the remorse in his eyes and it eased the sting of the attack a little. "Care to explain to me why you did that?"

AJ didn't answer for a second, and suddenly Kevin was sick of it. He wanted the other guys to know. It wasn't right that Nick was upset with AJ when it was ultimately his fault.

"Nick, it's not AJ's…"

AJ glared at the older man and spat, "Shut up Kevin. Don't you dare."

Nick, Brian and Howie all stared back and forth between them as Kevin and AJ stared at each other. It was the most they'd heard AJ say to Kevin in the last week since they'd met up in New York in the first place.

Kevin noted the warning in AJ's voice and couldn't figure out why he didn't want the others to know. Surely he knew that they would all take the younger man's side and shun him, hate him even for what he'd tried to do.

And then it hit him. That was exactly why AJ didn't want them to know. He was keeping it secret for the group's sake. Kevin couldn't help the twinge of hope that it was a little for his sake too, that AJ still cared enough about him somewhere deep inside that he didn't want the other guys to hate him.

Still, he couldn't keep letting this go on. Nick shouldn't be mad at AJ for what had just happened, he should be mad at him. "AJ…"

This time it was Brian who cut him off as something suddenly occurred to him. Looking up at Kevin curiously, he asked, "Since when do you call him AJ instead of Alex when it's just us?"

Kevin and AJ both stiffened, a silent memory of that night when AJ had told him to never call him Alex again drifted between them. Kevin turned away first and looked at Brian shrugging.

When Brian opened his mouth to press the issue, AJ stopped him, saying, "We aren't together anymore. He has no right to call me that. I told him not to, that's all."

Brian looked back and forth between them, knowing there was more to it than that. He was getting sick of not knowing what was going on. Kevin was walking around in a state of depression and AJ was acting skittish constantly, not to mention his fall off the wagon, and now beating up on Nick, which the more Brian thought about it, the more he wondered if that had something to do with Kevin too in some way.

"Listen. I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but you guys need to sit down and work whatever it is out. It's affecting the group, and more than that, it's affecting both of you. Kevin, you constantly look like you're in hell and AJ, you fell off the wagon because of whatever's wrong, and now you're beating up on Nick, one of your best friends, and I'm willing to bet that had something to do with Kevin, am I right?"

AJ stared at a point on the wall for a minute before he answered quietly, "Yeah."

Nick, who was still hurt over what had just happened suddenly asked, "You went after me like that because you're pissed at Kevin?"

AJ turned his head, meeting Nick's eyes. "Yeah. I'm sorry Nick, I..."

Nick shook his head. "I don't wanna hear it. You hurt me, AJ. And I'm not talking about your fists. I can't believe you'd go after me like that because you're pissed at someone else. I'm not your fucking punching bag."

AJ snapped his mouth shut and nodded. Turning on his heel, he headed back to his room.

"Where are you going?" Howie called after him.

AJ shrugged and said over his shoulder. "Ain't hungry no more. Go eat without me."

Nick sighed. "Aje, wait."

AJ stopped, turning around and looking at Nick. "I'm mad still, but I don't want you going back to your room and being alone all night. Come on. Come out to dinner with us."

AJ shook his head. "No, it's ok. Seriously. I've completely lost my appetite, and besides, Marshall's gonna be calling me pretty soon. Go and eat, I'll be fine."

After a few seconds, Nick nodded reluctantly and turned away, mumbling something about washing his face as he headed off to his room. Kevin and Howie lingered for a second before heading off after Nick, leaving Brian and AJ standing in the hall alone.

"I was serious, Aje. You and Kevin need to work this out."

AJ shook his head. "You don't know what you're asking me."

"I would if you'd just talk to me."

AJ thought about it, seriously thought about it. But in the end he just couldn't do that. He knew it would rip the two cousins apart, and he didn't want that. They loved each other like brothers.

"I'm sorry, Rok. I just…can't."

Hurt flashed through Brian's eyes. "But you can talk to him about it.?"

Both of them knew he was referring to Marshall. "Yeah, I can."

Brian stared at him for a long minute before finally nodding. "I guess I know where I stand then."

As Brian turned to go, AJ sighed. "Brian…"

Brian waved him off and said over his shoulder as he made his way to Nick's room. "Don't bother. Go call your new best friend, or lover or whatever he is. I won't keep you any longer."

AJ watched Brian disappear into Nick's room and turned, walking to his own, feeling more lonely and miserable than he had in a while.


Chapter Twenty-Five
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