The single word hung in the air between them, AJ not quite believing he'd blurted that, Marshall not quite sure he'd heard right.

"What the fuck? Me?"

AJ turned away at Marshall's shocked expression and let go of the wall, weaving his way haphazardly toward the chair he'd slept in earlier. "Forget it. Shouldn' have said that. Too damn drunk t' keep my thoughts to myself."

"I want to know what the hell you meant." Marshall insisted, not sure why he was pushing the issue when AJ seemed willing to let it drop.

AJ flopped down in the chair and shook his head, looking over at Marshall standing in the middle of the room. "No you don't. Forget I said it. Go 'way. Wanna sleep now."

AJ closed his eyes and sank down in the chair. Marshall watched him for a minute. AJ twisted and turned into several different positions, none looking anymore comfortable than the last. Sighing, he walked over and started to pull on AJ's arm.

AJ's eyes shot open and he yanked his arm back. "Don't pull on me. I don't have to do what you want."

Marshall let go, noticing the flash of fear in his eyes and cursing himself. Dropping to his knees so AJ wouldn't feel threatened, he put an arm on either side of the chair and said, "Sorry."

AJ studied him for a second, very aware of the fact that Marshall was kneeling between his open legs. He suddenly wondered what was wrong with him. How could he be thinking about kissing anyone after what Kevin had done to him earlier? He decided to blame it on being drunk. As he slowly leaned forward, he decided to blame the kiss he was about to give Marshall on the alcohol too. The truth of it though, was that he just wanted to forget what Kevin had done earlier. He wanted to wipe the memory from his mind and his body, and he wanted Marshall to help him do it.

Marshall watched him close in on him and part of his brain screamed for him to back the fuck away, both because he shouldn't want to kiss the younger man, and because AJ was drunk and not thinking straight after everything that had happened, but another part wouldn't let him move. He'd been thinking about their first and only kiss all week long, and he wanted another taste of it.

AJ paused when his lips were mere inches from Marshall's. Staring into his eyes, he wanted to ask the other man if he was sure, but he was afraid it would break the moment and he'd back away. When Marshall's eyes dropped to his mouth and he licked his lips, AJ took that as an answer to the question he hadn't dared to ask and closed the rest of the distance between them.

Marshall's eyes slid shut as AJ's alcohol tinged lips pressed against his. When AJ's tongue traced his lips a second later, seeking entrance, Marshall opened his mouth willingly, his stomach turning somersaults at how good it felt to kiss him, taste him, feel his tongue in his mouth. He wanted more, but he didn't want to freak AJ out. Remembering the flash of fear in AJ's eyes a moment ago, he knew he had to let the other man take it at his pace.

After a few seconds, AJ pulled Marshall closer, wrapping his arms around him as he deepened the kiss, his eyes squeezed shut, trying to shove the memory of Kevin's mouth on his earlier out of his head. He felt Marshall's hands move from the arms of the chair to his hips and he fought the urge to shove the older man away, unable to block the feeling of Kevin's hands on him. He tightened his grip on Marshall's shoulders and pulled his mouth off him, moving toward his neck, determined to get Kevin out of his head no matter what.

When AJ pulled away from the kiss, Marshall gasped for air, then sucked in a sharp breath as the other man's mouth found its way to his neck. When AJ slumped down in the chair more, pulling Marshall forward again so that his erection was pressing against him, Marshall realized AJ wasn't hard at all. The realization was as effective as a bucket of ice water over his head. AJ didn't really want to do what they'd been about to do right then, he'd just been trying to forget what had happened earlier with Kevin. Marshall abruptly pulled away from AJ, sitting back on his heels and trying to get himself under control.

"I..we can't."

"Why not?" AJ asked in near desperation, trying to sit back up, but failing miserably.

"Because I'm not gay damn it." He paused and took a deep breath, feeling bad when he saw AJ flinch at his sharp words. In a quieter tone, he added, "And because you're wasted, you've been through a lot tonight, and you don't really want this. You're just trying to get Kevin out of your head." The last of which bothering him more than he cared to admit.

AJ sighed falling back against the chair again knowing Marshall was right and not liking the fact that he could read him that well. "Fuck."

Marshall was unprepared for the tears he saw start to silently fall down AJ's cheeks a moment later. For a minute he knelt on the floor frozen, not quite sure what to do. Cursing under his breath, he pulled AJ to him, holding him close when AJ didn't resist.

AJ had been trying to get his tears under control, but when Marshall wrapped his arms around him, he lost it completely and clung to him, crying and mumbling, "I just want it to fucking stop. I keep seeing him, hearing him…f…feeling h…him. I want it to g..go away."

Marshall didn't say anything, knowing there was nothing he really could say to make it better. Instead he just continued to hold him until AJ cried himself out. When AJ stopped crying, Marshall tried to pull away, but AJ held on tight for a moment longer before letting him go.

Marshall looked into AJ's bloodshot eyes for a second then asked, "Will you please go lay down in that bed now?"

AJ looked at him for a long moment, then swallowed and nodded. Marshall wasted no time standing and helping AJ up, then helping him to the bed with an arm around his waist. AJ had his arm around Marshall's shoulders as he sank down onto the bed with a sigh. When Marshall tried to straighten, he felt AJ's arm tighten around his neck.

Looking into Marshall's eyes, AJ asked desperately, "Don't go."

"Alex…" Marshall started, intent on telling him no.

"Please." AJ said in a choked voice.

Marshall wavered, but he wanted to make sure he was clear on what AJ was asking him. "You want me to…"

AJ read the nervousness in Marshall's eyes and interrupted. "Sleep with me. Nothin' else. I jus'…you make me feel safe. Please."

Marshall couldn't resist the pleading look in AJ's brown eyes and found himself nodding yes before he realized it. The relief in AJ's eyes an instant later made however uncomfortable it was going to be for him worthwhile.

"Thanks."

"Just move your skinny ass over so I can get in before I change my mind, a'right?" Marshall asked, uncomfortable with the concept of sleeping with the other man all night long.

AJ's face showed a small hint of a smile as he answered, "A'right," and scooted over on the bed to make room for him.

They laid on the bed side by side, staring at the ceiling for several long minutes before AJ suddenly turned on his side and wiggled back against Marshall. Marshall shocked the both of them by turning on his side too so that he was facing AJ's back and semi-spooning him. AJ swallowed and closed his eyes, finding the courage to grab Marshall's arm and pull it around him so it was draped across his waist. He held his breath, expecting Marshall to pull his arm away at any second, but as one minute ticked into the next, he realized he wasn't going to. Slowly, AJ allowed himself to relax back against him and within minutes he was on the edge of sleep. Unbidden, a few notes of the song he'd been listening to earlier drifted through his head. 'Can't be your superman, your superman, your superman…'

AJ yawned and mumbled sleepily, "Guess that doesn't go for guys too huh?"

Marshall had been laying there trying to convince himself he was holding AJ the way he was purely to comfort the other man and not because it felt good to lay so close to him, his arm around him, the front of his body pressed against the back of AJ's. He'd almost managed it when AJ's raspy voice cut into his thoughts.

"What?" He asked, having no clue what the younger man was talking about.

AJ yawned again, barely conscious as he answered, "Your song. Said you can't be her superman. You were mine tonight. Got there jus' in time."

Marshall didn't know how to respond to that, and a minute later, was thankful to discover he didn't have to as he heard AJ's deep even breathing, signaling he was asleep. Closing his eyes again, he tightened his arm around AJ's waist and fell asleep disturbed by how good it felt to hold him and by what AJ had just said to him.

The next morning AJ woke first with a blinding headache. He lifted his hands to his head and moaned in pain. He started to curl up in a ball, but froze when he realized someone was in the bed with him.

He replayed last nights events in his head after Marshall had taken him home with him, but he couldn't remember much past turning on the CD player and sitting down in the living room and drinking. His stomach lurched and he sucked in a sharp breath, praying Kevin hadn't found him and it was him curled up behind him.

Slowly he looked down, then let out a breath of relief when he saw he was fully dressed still and a tattooed arm he recognized as Marshall's was draped across his waist. Then a whole new reason to be freaked out popped in his head. Why the hell was he in bed with Marshall?

Before he had a chance to think much about it, he felt Marshall cuddle closer to him, tightening his arm around him and nuzzling his neck with his nose. AJ shivered. If it wasn't for the massive hangover slamming through his head he would have been harder than hell from laying all wrapped up in Marshall's arms with his face that close to his neck. But, he was hung-over…and last night with Kevin was still too fresh in his head.

Resisting the urge to just jump up off the bed and bolt out of the room, AJ carefully lifted Marshall's arm and climbed out of the bed silently, not wanting the other man to wake up. He didn't want to talk to him right then. For a second he stood next to the bed and looked down at Marshall's sleeping face. Part of AJ wanted to crawl back in bed with him and curl up next to him again, but another part, the hung over, alcoholic part wanted another drink, both to numb the pain of the hangover and the memories flooding back of the party last night.

Giving in to the alcoholic part of him, AJ turned and walked quietly out of the room and down the hall toward the kitchen. He knew where Marshall kept his keys from when he'd stayed with him before. He stopped short in the doorway to the kitchen and looked at the mess there.

Fuck. He'd torn the place up. He promised himself he'd clean it as soon as he got back. Right now he needed something for the pain, and he needed it now. Grabbing Marshall's keys, he headed out the door.

Not long after AJ left, Marshall woke up alone in bed. Rolling onto his back, he rubbed his eyes and stared up at the ceiling, disoriented for a minute as he tried to figure out why he wasn't in his own bed. Then he remembered AJ asking him to sleep with him. Reaching out a hand, he realized AJ wasn't in the bed with him.

He sat up, looking around the room for some sign of the other man, but he wasn't there. Climbing out of the bed, Marshall stretched and headed toward the door in search of AJ.

Five minutes later, he was standing in the middle of his still ransacked kitchen, trying to figure out where AJ could possibly be. His eyes lit on the door to the garage. No. He wouldn't have.

Marshall crossed the kitchen and opened the door, carefully stepping around the broken glass. Staring out into his empty garage, he cursed under his breath. He did. He had a feeling he knew what he'd went out for too. Son of a bitch. He was on a bender.

Marshall stepped back into the kitchen and slammed the door, cursing out loud, "Mother of fuck!"

He closed his eyes for a second and willed himself to calm down. After a minute, he opened them again and looked around his trashed kitchen with a resigned sigh. Walking across the room, he shut cabinet doors and drawers, putting things away AJ had pulled out when he was looking for some alcohol. A short while later, Marshall was kneeling on the floor picking up glass shards when AJ walked in.

AJ stopped short, lowering the fifth of Jack Daniels from his lips. For a second they both stared at each other, neither speaking a word.

AJ looked away first. His hang-over was all but gone, but the JD hadn't completely reached his system yet so he was only buzzing and felt a little ashamed over getting so drunk when they both knew he was an alcoholic.

Finally the silence was too much, and AJ cleared his throat saying, "I was going to take care of that."

Marshall glanced away from AJ as images of last night's kiss and memories of what AJ had said to him right before he fell asleep flooded his head. "Yeah, well, I had no fucking clue when that would be, and I didn't want to sit around a trashed house all damn day."

AJ flinched at the sharp edge to Marshall's voice. He sidestepped the glass and set his fifth down, along with the bag with more alcohol he'd carried in under his arm. Turning back, he crouched down next to Marshall and started to help.

"Let me. I'm the one who broke the glass."

Marshall shifted away from AJ, uncomfortable being that close to him after last night. "Yeah, but it was because I fucking left you alone."

AJ's fingers stilled as part of the evening before came back to him. He remembered telling Marshall he'd gotten drunk so he wouldn't care when Kevin showed up there for him. "I'm sorry about last night."

Marshall's fingers stilled too, thinking AJ was talking about the kiss, or what he'd said to him right before he fell asleep, and not sure how he felt about that. "You are?"

AJ shrugged and resumed picking up glass. "Yeah, I mean, it's not like you have an obligation to be around me twenty-four/seven. If you feel like going out, I shouldn't be laying guilt trips on you when you get back."

Marshall glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, suddenly getting the sneaking suspicion he didn't remember what had happened between them last night. "You don't have a clue what happened after I got back here do you?"

AJ reached over and dumped a handful of glass in the trash. "I uh…no. I don't. Not beyond laying that guilt trip on you anyway." AJ paused as another memory came back. "Wait. You didn't leave here to go out, did you? You went to Kevin's."

"Yeah." Marshall responded.

AJ couldn't explain the feeling that curled through his stomach at the knowledge that Marshall cared enough to do that, so he decided to analyze it later, saying simply, "Thanks," and went back to picking up glass.

They both fell silent while they picked up the rest of the glass. After they finished, Marshall moved to stand at the same time AJ did and they found themselves inches apart, face to face. AJ looked down at him and licked his lips nervously.

"So, are you going to clue me in?"

Marshall stared back up at him, thinking about their kiss the night before. "On what?"

"On how we ended up in a bed together." AJ asked bluntly.

"No." Marshall said, taking a step back, uncomfortable with the whole situation.

AJ's words came back to Marshall, not for the first time. 'You were mine tonight. Got there jus' in time.'

"No? Why the hell not?" AJ asked irritably.

"If you can't fucking remember, that's your problem." Marshall snapped. Pausing to glance at the open bottle on the counter, he shook his head and turned away. Over his shoulder he added, "I've got some things to do in my studio. I'll probably be a while. I'll put some clothes out for you on my bed. Just grab them when you want them."

AJ watched him leave, wondering what that was about. He decided to find out. He followed Marshall all the way to his bedroom and stood in the doorway while the other man dug through his drawers pretending he didn't know he was there.

After a minute, AJ said, "Look, I'm sorry I trashed the place last night and got wasted and you obviously got stuck taking care of me."

Marshall stopped what he was doing and turned to AJ. "You think this is about you getting wasted?"

"Well isn't it?" AJ asked in reply.

"No. I'm not your fucking keeper. If you want to let what happened yesterday fuck up almost a year's worth of sobriety, that's you're fucking problem." Marshall retorted.

AJ stiffened, getting angry. "Excuse the fuck out of me. You have no goddamn clue what it felt like to have that happen so don't stand there and lecture me on what's worth giving up my sobriety for and what's not."

For a minute they stood there glaring at each other, Marshall contemplating telling him that he did in fact have a clue, but in the end he decided not to. AJ was in a pissed off mood and he didn't have any idea whether or not he'd throw it back in his face.

"You're right. Of course. Because you know my life history right? Even the stuff I haven't put in my songs, so you would know that I have no fucking idea what you're going through." Marshall remarked sarcastically.

Marshall gave up looking for something for AJ to wear and started toward the door. AJ didn't budge when he reached it though, trying to figure out what he'd meant by that. The alcohol AJ had already consumed that morning was starting to really hit his system though and he was beginning to feel comfortably drunk, which felt great, but it was making it hard to think straight.

"Get the fuck out of my way." Marshall said impatiently as AJ just stood there staring at him.

AJ shifted to the side and Marshall started past him. Suddenly AJ had a flash of the bedroom last night, more specifically of him in the chair with Marshall kneeling in front of him. He shot out his hand, catching Marshall's arm.

Marshall stopped and turned to AJ, glaring. "Let me the fuck go."

AJ ignored him and looked down at his mouth. "We kissed."

Marshall stiffened. He really didn't want to talk about last night right then. He hoped AJ was talking about last week. "Last week, yeah. Not a big fucking secret."

AJ shook his head slowly. "No, last night. I kissed you." AJ pulled his eyes from Marshall's lips to stare into his guarded blue eyes. "You kissed me back. Again."

Marshall pulled free of AJ's hold and took a step back into the bedroom. "I didn't want to hurt your feelings. You'd been through a lot."

AJ shot him a sardonic smile and said sarcastically, "So, that was a sympathy erection I felt?"

"Fuck you." Marshall growled.

AJ smirked cruelly. "You want to don't you?"

Marshall clamped his mouth shut, refusing to answer.

"You wanted to last week too. I felt how turned on you were then too. Or was that sympathy again?" AJ asked, a malicious glint in his eyes.

Marshall shook his head. "You know, Mclean, you're an ass when you're drunk."

With that he pushed past AJ into the hall. That time AJ didn't try to stop him. For a long minute after Marshall left, he just stood in the doorway trying to figure out what had possessed him to act that way. He'd seen the flash of hurt in the other man's eyes and felt like shit. He knew it had to be hard for Marshall, accepting the fact that a guy turned him on, and he'd just made it worse by throwing it in his face.

Cursing himself, AJ turned and walked back down the hall, crossing the kitchen and picking up his fifth. He knew he should just leave, that Marshall probably didn't want him there now, but he couldn't bring himself to walk out the door. Kevin still had a key to his house and AJ was still scared he'd use it, despite what Marshall had said about him not having to worry about him anymore. Sighing, he headed for the living room instead to finish the job of getting wasted and zoning out.

Feeling like music, he turned the CD player on and started for the couch. The song he'd been listening to last night blasted from the speakers and AJ whirled around to turn the volume down a little. Turning back to the couch, he crossed to it and flopped down as the third verse rang out through the room.

Lifting the JD to his lips, he took a long drink. Then the chorus started and he closed his eyes, listening to the lyrics. When the second part of the chorus started, the part where he actually sang, AJ suddenly froze, the bottle of JD halfway to his mouth as he heard, 'Can't be your superman, your superman, your superman,' flow through the speakers.

Suddenly the rest of last night fell into place. The part where he'd talked Marshall into sleeping with him, and then what he'd said to him while they'd been curled up together in the middle of the bed. 'You were mine tonight. Got there jus' in time.'

Oh. Fuck. No wonder Marshall had acted so strange in the kitchen. First he'd kissed him, then said that to him. He'd probably freaked Marshall out but good. He looked down at the bottle in his hand and finished lifting it to his lips. He really needed to get wasted now. He had no idea how he'd face Marshall sober after remembering that.


Chapter Twelve
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