Kevin fell into bed mentally exhausted, AJ's bruised and bloody face haunting his thoughts as he closed his red, puffy eyes and tried to escape in sleep. He still couldn't come to terms with what he'd done to him.
He'd snapped, pure and simple. He'd hurt the once person he'd loved the most in the world, more than even his wife, and he'd never get the betrayed look in AJ's expressive brown eyes out of his head. He didn't deserve to. After what he'd done to him…and almost done, he deserved to live in hell.
He reached over to the bedside lamp and turned it off, sighing as he glanced at the empty spot on the bed next to him. He was glad Kristin was in New York on a job related thing right then. He didn't know how he would have explained his current frame of mind to her, let alone the scratches on his chest from where AJ had clawed at him, trying to get him to stop.
For long minutes he lay staring up at the ceiling, wishing sleep would come and take him away, but it didn't. He turned onto his side and stared at the wall.
Ten minutes later, he sighed again and flipped onto his stomach, willing AJ's haunted face from his mind. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he fell into a fitful sleep, filled with images of the monster he'd become earlier that evening.
~ ~&~ ~ ~&~ ~ ~&~ ~
Marshall followed Leon into Kevin's house, moving silently. Leon was an acquaintance, a trustworthy acquaintance he'd made through Dre a couple years back. Leon knew how to break into houses with alarm systems. Marshall had a house with an alarm system he needed to break into, so he'd called him.
He'd filled Leon in on what he needed from him before they'd entered, so once they were inside, Leon did what was expected of him and waited in the kitchen while Marshall moved through the house, searching for Kevin's bedroom. He knew the bitch had a wife, but he thought he remembered AJ mentioning something last week about her being in New York for a couple weeks for work. Marshall hoped he remembered right, or tonight would be a bust and he'd have to leave without having his little 'talk' with Kevin.
After a few minutes of searching, Marshall found what he was looking for…Kevin's bedroom. He stepped inside silently, happy to find the man alone in bed, lying on his stomach. Pulling the switchblade from his pocket, he quickly crossed the room and stood at the end of the bed, deciding on the best way to wake the bitch up.
A sinister smile curled his lips as he got an idea. Slowly, he crawled onto the bed, doing his best not to wake the man. When he was close enough to his head, he shifted, straddling his lower back.
Leaning forward, he held out his still unopened blade next to Kevin's ear. With the image of Alex lying bruised and helpless on the bed, arms tied above his head, Kevin between his legs ready to rape him, Marshall bared his teeth and grabbed a fist full of Kevin's hair on top of his head. Jerking back hard, he popped open the blade, the click of it seeming to echo in the quiet of the room.
Kevin jerked awake to someone on top of his back, jerking on his hair, and an eerie sound he couldn't place. He panicked and tried to buck the person off, but whoever it was dug their knees into his sides and held on. Then he felt cold steel against his neck, a familiar feeling from earlier in the evening, and he stilled immediately, knowing instantly who it was.
"What do you want?" He asked in a whisper, afraid to move, afraid to even breathe wrong.
Marshall leaned down and said in a low voice next to Kevin's ear, "Your balls bronzed and mounted on my fucking wall. But I'll settle for something a little less painful for you if you do and say exactly what I want, understand cunt?"
Kevin licked his suddenly dry lips and willed his heart to slow down and quit trying to beat its way out of his chest. "Yes."
Marshall smirked at the fear he could hear in Kevin's voice. "Good bitch. Now, we're going to have a little conversation and I'm going to ask you some questions. How you answer with decide what the fuck I do to your sorry worthless ass, understand?"
"Yes." Kevin said again, just above a whisper.
A short silence lingered between them and he closed his eyes as he felt Marshall press the tip of his blade into his neck. Kevin winced when he felt it prick his skin, then he felt a warm trickling feeling slither down his neck and knew he was bleeding.
"Please…" He couldn't stop the lone word from falling from his lips.
Marshall asked, "Please what?"
"If…if you're going to kill me, just get it over with. Please." Kevin said, not above begging at that point.
Marshall chuckled like that was the funniest damn thing he'd ever heard. Just as quickly as the laughter started, it stopped and he pressed the tip of the blade a little further under Kevin's skin, turning it slightly to increase the pain, but keep the cut shallow.
"Ow! Fuck!" Kevin hissed, trying not to flinch for fear it would cause the blade to sink further.
"I'm not here to kill you, cunt, but I'm not opposed to maiming you, so don't fucking tempt me. Don't say a fucking word unless I tell you to." Marshall ordered in a sharp voice.
He waited a few seconds and when Kevin kept his mouth shut, Marshall was satisfied he had his cooperation. Pulling the blade back slightly, he repositioned it on another area of Kevin's skin, just below the cut he made.
Marshall stared down at the other man's profile for a second then asked suddenly, "Why?"
"Why?" Kevin asked.
Marshall growled and pushed the tip of the blade under Kevin's skin and twisted again. "Don't fucking repeat the question slut. Answer it."
Kevin cringed, biting his lip to keep from crying out in pain. "I…I don't know. I just…I snapped. I love him."
"You love him." Marshall said flatly.
"I do. I swear it." Kevin said in a desperate voice. He didn't know why he needed Marshall to know that, but he did.
"You've got a fucked up way of showing it." Marshall said disbelievingly.
Tears started to silently slide down Kevin's face. "I know. I hate myself. I can't stand that I did that to him."
Marshall pulled the blade away again, then stared at the side of Kevin's neck. Mindlessly he started to trace a pattern lightly over the taunt skin there. "You fucked him up. He's not the same."
Kevin swallowed. His neck was starting to ache from the unnatural angle Marshall was forcing it into with his hold on his hair, and he was nearly ready to piss the bed he was so scared by how Marshall kept sliding the blade over his neck. Still, he had to ask.
"H…how?"
Marshall paused, the knife in his hand stilling for a second as he contemplated answering the question. He wasn't sure if it would be a breach of AJ's trust or not, but from the way the conversation was going with Kevin, and the obvious guilt radiating off the other man, it might be the perfect way to make sure he was in as much of a hell as AJ was right then.
"The light's gone…in his eyes. They're sad and dull, and he looks like he just wants to give up."
"Oh God." Kevin choked out.
Marshall continued, not feeling an ounce of remorse for the man under him. "He wanted to go to bed and sleep when we got home. He couldn't." Marshall paused, pressing the knife against Kevin's neck more firmly again and asked, "Do you know why he couldn't?"
"Why?" Kevin asked, his voice cracking with emotion.
"Because he felt dirty. He stayed in that shower for over half a fucking hour, until the water was piss cold, and he still wouldn't come out until I convinced him to. He threw his clothes in the trash too. He told me he felt betrayed…by you."
Kevin started sobbing, unable to say anything.
Marshall decided to drive the dagger home. "I checked on him a while later, after he went to bed. I found him on a fucking chair in the bedroom, curled up into a ball, fully clothed. He can't even sleep on the goddamn bed, or naked the way he likes to."
Kevin let out a choked sound and sobbed more. If Marshall hadn't witnessed what he had, or cared about AJ, he might have been moved by that. He might have backed the hell off and considered Kevin repentant enough. But he had witnessed it, and he did care about AJ, so he didn't feel an ounce of sympathy or pity for Kevin at all.
After a minute of listening to Kevin cry, Marshall had enough and jerked on his hair. "Shut up. We have more to talk about, and we can't do it with your sorry ass blubbering."
Kevin did his best to quiet down, and after a minute, he managed it, although tears continued to fall down his cheeks.
"That's better. Ok, now. If AJ decides to stay in the group…" Marshall started.
Kevin interrupted. "He's thinking of leaving?"
Marshall jerked back on his head and immediately sliced a shallow, two inch long gash in Kevin's neck. "I told you not to fucking speak unless I want you to. Shut the fuck up."
Kevin grabbed fistfuls of the sheets on either side of him, biting his lower lip and trying not to scream in pain.
"Now, as I was fucking saying... if Alex decides to stay in the group, there are a few rules you're going to follow. Number one. You will not ever be in a room alone with him. If you're in a room with him and others, and the other people walk out, you walk the fuck out too. Agreed, whore?"
Kevin almost laughed through his tears. Agreed. That was a joke. Like he'd say no. Still, he understood that if he didn't say yes in a way that convinced Marshall he meant it, he'd be in for a world of pain.
"Yes." He said firmly.
Marshall smiled coldly. "Good. Now, number two. You will not contact Alex…ever. For anything. No fucking calls, no going over to his house, or knocking on his hotel doors, or even writing him fucking letters. In other words, you are to have as little contact with him as possible. Agreed?"
Kevin's heart sank. No contact. He loved AJ. He wanted to tell him how sorry he was and try to fix things. Not that he ever thought he could fix what he'd done and almost done, but he wanted to at least try. With the rules Marshall was giving him, he wouldn't have a chance. Still, he knew there was nothing he could do about it.
"Yes."
Marshall frowned. "That one took a little longer. You have some sort of fucking problem with it?"
"I…" Kevin started, then trailed off, not sure if he should ask him what he wanted to or not.
"Tell me." Marshall snarled, pressing the blade against another new spot on his neck.
"I just…what if Ale…AJ contacts me. What if he wants to talk to me at some point in the future."
Marshall was quiet for a minute. "Then that's Alex's choice. His goddamn choice. Not yours. You will let him make the first step if he ever decides to. Otherwise, you will stay the fuck away from him as much as humanly possible being in a group with him."
Both men were quiet for a minute. "One more thing. If I find out that you even considered breaking those rules, I will find you and I will make you pay. Understand?"
"Yes." Kevin said, not even hesitating. He believed him. He'd gotten into his house, past his security system, without any problem. He knew he'd come after him wherever he was.
"Ok, now I'm going to get up and walk out of here, and you're going to stay put, just like you are until I'm gone. If you don't do that, I'm coming back in after your ass and I'll get my wish of having your bronzed balls an my wall after all. Understand?"
"Yes."
Slowly Marshall climbed off him and backed out the door. Making his way to the kitchen, he clicked his blade shut and motioned for Leon to follow him out.
Back in the bedroom, Kevin waited several minutes, then climbed off the bed, still shaking from what had happened. Grabbing some Kleenex, he held it to his neck where he could feel blood running down and headed to the bathroom, welcoming the pain.
He deserved it. He'd hurt AJ so badly. He deserved everything Marshall had done to him and more. Flicking on the light, he approached the mirror, pulling the Kleenex away to stare at his neck. He frowned at the crisscross of gashes there and blood dripping down. He'd be wearing turtlenecks for a while.
~ ~&~ ~ ~&~ ~ ~&~ ~
A while later, Marshall pulled back into his garage, frowning at the fact that the lights were on in the house. He'd left it dark and AJ sleeping. He hoped that AJ hadn't woken up while he was gone.
Stepping out of the car, he heard loud music blaring from inside the house. It sounded like his CD. As he turned the knob of the door to the kitchen, he decided that the loud music answered that question, AJ was awake. Shit.
He stepped inside the kitchen, his foot crunching down on something. He didn't so much hear it as feel it because the music was too damn loud to hear anything else. Looking down, he saw broken glass all over the floor at his feet. Fuck.
Looking up, he took in the state of his kitchen. All the cabinets were open and the drawers were halfway open. Immediately he knew what AJ had been looking for. Marshall had thought he'd seen the craving in his eyes earlier. He knew that feeling well, although in his case, his main problem was pills. He was suddenly very glad he had no alcohol or drugs in the house. The last thing AJ needed after everything else was to fall off the wagon.
Ignoring the glass, he crossed the room figuring he'd probably find AJ in the living room. Stepping in the room, he scanned it, not immediately seeing AJ. Walking over to the stereo, he shut off the song, which happened to playing the track Superman.
"Hey, wha da…" AJ said, his speech slurred as he struggled to sit up on the couch.
Marshall turned toward the sound, seeing AJ's head pop up over the back of the couch to look his way. Their eyes locked for a second and Marshall's stomach sank at the glassy expression on the younger man's face.
"Oh. Itschu…I mean, it's you." AJ said, falling back on the couch to resume staring at the ceiling.
Marshall's brows knit together as he approached the couch. AJ sounded wasted, but he had no clue where he'd gotten the alcohol. He didn't have a car to go to the store, and Marshall knew he didn't have any alcohol in the house.
Stepping into sight of AJ, he stared down at the younger man, who shifted his gaze from the ceiling over to his face. For a second they studied each other, not saying a word, then Marshall's gaze shifted to something laying on the floor near the couch.
A fifth of Jim Beam. Motherfucker. Pete must have been there again, probably while they'd been at the party. Pete had a bad fucking habit of showing up at his house at odd hours and raiding his refrigerator. If he happened to be drinking at the time, he had a tendency to set the bottle, which was always Jim Beam down on the nearest flat surface and forget about it. Tomorrow he was changing his damn locks and Pete could go fuck himself if he didn't like it.
Shifting his gaze back to AJ, who was still staring up at him, he commented, "You're fucking drunk."
"You fuckin' left." AJ shot back, not moving or pulling his gaze away.
He couldn't. He was too mesmerized by Marshall's face, his blue eyes in particular. He wanted to kiss him, but he couldn't be bothered to move to do so.
"I leave so you fall off the goddamn wagon?" Marshall asked, suddenly pissed.
AJ looked away finally, staring at an insignificant point on the wall. "You left me 'lone. Kevin knows where you live. I wanted to be too wasted to care when he showed up here t' finish what he started."
Marshall's anger suddenly shifted back to Kevin and he wished he had cut off his fucking balls. Walking around the side of the couch, he picked up the empty bottle and set it down on the end table. Sitting in a chair near the couch, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, staring at AJ.
"You don't have to worry about him anymore."
AJ's eyes widened and he struggled to sit up. A dizzy spell washed over him and he waited for it to pass before focusing his eyes on Marshall. "You…you didn't kill him did you? I know I let him think I'd let you before, but I didn't mean it."
Marshall shook his head. "I know that. No, I didn't kill him, or even maim him, although I was tempted."
"What'd you do then?" AJ asked, confused.
"Just made some things clear. Told him to stay the fuck away from you. He got the message." Marshall said matter-of-factly.
AJ slumped back against the couch, half sitting, half lying, his mind wandering from thought to jumbled thought in his drunken state. "The group…"
Marshall interrupted. "If you decide to stay in the group, the bitch has been told to never be in a room alone with you. I also told him not to call you or contact you in any way."
AJ turned his head slightly to get a better look at Marshall. "Why would he listen to you?"
"Because he wants to keep his balls attached to his body and off my wall." Marshall said flatly.
"Oh." AJ said, deciding he really didn't want to know how Marshall had gotten that point across to Kevin.
Again there was silence in the room as they stared at each other. Finally Marshall stood and started for the couch. AJ watched him coming and struggled again to sit up. This time he couldn't quite manage it and fell back again.
When Marshall grabbed his arm, AJ started to ask, "What are you…"
"I'm taking you to bed."
"You're what?" AJ asked in a high-pitched squeak.
Marshall cursed under his breath for his choice in wording. "To sleep. Damn, you know I don't swing that way."
AJ let him pull him to his feet then stood facing him, his arms draped over Marshall's shoulders to steady himself as he stared down at him.
Licking his lips, he commented, "I wish you did."
Marshall's heart skipped a beat, and against his wishes, his cock jumped to life in his jeans. He stood there staring at AJ for a long moment, trying to figure out how to answer that.
When he didn't answer, AJ sighed and leaned in, resting his forehead against Marshall's. "Don't worry, I know you don't, even though you did get jus' as turned on by that kiss las' week as me."
"I…I don't know why that happened." Marshall muttered, more to himself then the drunken man hanging on him.
AJ knew. It was the same thing he'd gone through years earlier when he'd been coming to grips with being bisexual. He understood what it was like to get turned on by guys but not want to admit it. He didn't think in his muddled state of mind though, that he could explain it right, so he didn't try.
"Maybe I'll 'splain it to ya later."
Marshall waited a heartbeat and when AJ didn't say anything else, he pulled one of his arms off his shoulders and turned so they were side by side, AJ's other arm still draped around him.
Marshall slid his arm around the younger man's skinny waist and said, "Come on. You need sleep."
AJ let Marshall half guide, half carry him to the guest room. When Marshall started toward the bed though, AJ stopped dead in his tracks and shook his head. "No."
"Alex, you need some fucking sleep."
AJ pointed toward the chair. "Jus' stick me there."
"You can't sleep all night in a chair." Marshall tried to reason.
"I can't sleep all night, all 'lone in that bed." AJ retorted.
"Alex…"
AJ pulled away from Marshall, suddenly pissed. Staggering a couple steps backwards, he reached out and braced himself against the wall with a hand.
Glaring at Marshall, he said, "Don't fuckin' Alex me. You didn't go through what I did tonight. I'm not sleeping in that bed jus' cuz you want me to."
Marshall fought down his own anger. He had to remind himself that AJ had been through a lot and was just reacting. With his jaw clenched, he ground out, "Fine. What will it take to get you in that bed?"