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Eve and adam


One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God...  "Lord, I have a problem!"  "What's the problem, Eve?"  "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."  "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.  "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."  "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."  "What's a 'man,' Lord?"  "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits.  He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things.  He will look silly aroused, but since you've being complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your... ah, physical needs.  He'll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about.  He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advise to think properly."  "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?"  "Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition."  "What's that, Lord?"  "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first...So, just remember... it's our secret... Woman-to-woman!"

 

Questions

  1. What types of comedy elements are being used in the story? Explain.

Answer: Sarcasm, irony, and parody, because it is being said that god is a woman even though most people believe it’s a man, also it is making fun of  the story of “Adam and Eve” and changing it to “Eve and Adam”

  1. What makes the story funny?

Answer: Its funny because they say god is a woman and they changed the story everyone knows about.

  1. Explain if there is any prior knowledge you need to know to understand the story.

Answer: You need to know the story of “Adam and Eve.”

4.    Does this story offend a specific race?

Answer: Yes. It offends men.                                                                                                      

  1. What are the similarities between this story and the one you know?

Answer: It relates in that in both stories Eve ate apples.

 

A Religious Hunter

A man was out hunting. He just happened to be hunting bears. As he trudged through the forest looking for the beasts, he came upon a large and steep hill.  Thinking that perhaps there would be bear on the other side of the hill, he climbed up the steep incline and, just as he was pulling himself up over the last outcropping of rocks, a huge bear met him nose to nose.

The bear roared fiercely. The man was so scared that he lost his balance and fell down the hill with the bear not far behind. As he tumbled down the hill, the man lost his gun. When he finally stopped at the bottom, he found that he had a broken leg.  Escape was impossible and so the man, who had never been particularly religious (in fact this just happened to be a Sunday morning), prayed, "God, if you will make this bear a Christian I will be happy with whatever lot you give me for the rest of my life."

The  bear was no more than three feet away from the man when it stopped dead in its tracks... looked up to the heavens  quizzically... and then fell to its knees and prayed in a loud voice, "O Lord, bless this food of which I am about to partake."

 

Questions

1. What types of comedy elements are being used in the story? Explain.

Answer: Sarcasm, and farce, because it says how he want the bear to believe in god.

       2. Who is being hurt?

The man

  1. Who are both characters talking to?

God

  1. What was the man hunting?

A bear

  1. What is ironic about this?

That the man was never religious yet he calls gods name when needed

 

 

 

EuroEnglish

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's govt conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

               

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!

 

Questions

 

  1. What is being changed?

Grammar from the English

  1. What is funny?

That the language is still understandable

  1. Who changed the language?

The Queen

  1. Why is the language being modified?

Because, it was supposed to make it easier

  1. What will government do to double letters?

Remove them.

 

 

 

Texas vs. Australia

 

A Texan farmer goes to Australia on vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice that size!"

They walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately replies, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."

The conversation has died down when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks the Aussie, "What are those?"

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"  

 

1.What type of comedy is this?

-it is satire

2. What is the authors purpose?

-to make fun of Texan stereotypes

3.How is the message sent

-the message is sent by the Australian

4.Who is the target audience

-people from Texas

5How do you know the selection is sarcastic

Because the Australian makes the Texan think kangaroos are grasshoppers

                                                                                                                                                                                              

The Irish Engineer

 

Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."

Murphy asked, "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland, and me being Irish I should get the job!"

The manager said, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the question that you missed."

Murphy then asked, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

The manager replied, "Simple, the American put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I'."

 

1.What is the authors purpose?

-To make fun of cheaters

2.How  does the author get is message across?

-He implies that the Irish cheated

3.What type of comedy is this

-this is sarcasm

4.What is the message being sent

-that you shouldn’t be a dumb cheater

5.Who conveys the authors  message

The manager