It's the 2003 Dallas Cowboys!

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Strap on your safety harnesses fans! It's time to weather another spectacularly strenuous, catastrophically crummy, magnificently morose, sensasionally shitty Cowboy season. Are you ready for some FootBALL!?! What? You dunno???... yeah Bill Parcells is thinking the same thing. OF course there is some vague form of optimism emanating from the Cowboy Camp this year. Hopefully it's not the empty optimism that comes from Cincinnatti. Every year they lie to themselves throughout training camp. "Oh, things are gonna be better this year." That shouldn't be to hard considering Martha Stewart had a better year than the Bengals had last year. Any team in the league is liable to accidentily have a better year than the Bengals 2002 season. With the obvious exception of the Texans whom defeated the 'Boys last year in the opener.

The dwindling dynasty is now in the firm fins of the tenacious tuna. Parcells is notorious for lifting a team's collective head out of the water and breathing some life into them. Thanks to him the New England Patriots were able to walk on water in 1997. Unfortunately they went down in a whirlpool of cheese at the superbowl. Is Parcells worth the Cowboy faithful's hope, or will he lead to many calloused cowboy hearts?

How ironic that America's team is now strongly disrelished by America itself. Thus making it unpatriotic to back America's team. Silver and blue cheers are being replaced with red white and blue jeers. Some have declared it so unpatriotic to back these losers that you shouldn't be surprised when Quincy Carter launches his first downfield bomb of the year and it's intercepted by a Patriot missile.

The last five NFL seasons have been the most tragic thing to take place in Dallas since J.R. was shot. The offensive line was just that, offencive. It has kept the opposing team's defense out of the backfield about as well as a chainlink fence keeps wind from blowing through your backyard. The Olsen twins are touching more balls than the Cowboy's secondary and the recievers are dropping more balls than a gumball machine. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

The only carry over from the glory days of the mid-nineties was Emmitt Smith. He is now holding the ball and running away from big scary men in an Arizona Cardinals jersey. The tight ends have been loose, and the defensive line wouldn't even be able make penetration with Christina Aguilara, let alone a National Football League offensive line.

The Quarterbacks have been as mobile in the pocket as a piece of lint, QUincy Carter is an anomaly. The Cowboys trying to score is like watching Tobey Maguire trying to smoothly lay down a pick up line. Ultimately, they will both be shut down.

However, with all of this naysaying, there is a small speck of hope in the shadow of gloom that has surrounded Texas Stadium. This hope lies in one man, this man is second year reciever, Antonio Bryant. Talent and potential unlimited, I predict that someday his name will be synanomous with greatness. He may someday be mentioned in the same breath as other legendar Cowboys such as "Dandy" Don Meredith, "Bullet" Bob Hayes, and "The Outlaw" Josie Whales.

We can only hope and pray that the Bodacious Bill will lead the gunslingers to a respectable season. And maybe, just maybe in a couple years or so the American flag will have a silver boarder around the stars, and the Dallas Cowboys will reign supreme!...or the still suck.