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When Your Train Derails


July 11, 2000

A few months ago, I seemed to have trouble with knowing

the difference between a train and a plane!

I know that seems like a impossibility for a fairly bright adult,

in the reality of things.

As time passed,

I was to learn that I wasn't quite as smart

as I thought I was!

I was sitting one evening talking with Missy when

I heard what I thought was a plane flying over head.

I said "Missy, hear that? It's a plane!"

Missy replied to me, "No,that's a train"!

Immediately I jumped back in and exclaimed, "No, its a plane!"

Missy and I bantered back and forth for what seemed quite a while,

each of us sticking to our guns, that each of us "knew what we knew"!

All of a sudden, as if it were coming right through the house,

came the Woo Woo of a train whistle, or like Missy would say "toot toot".

Missy turned to me in surprise and said, "See, its a train"!

Well needless to say we giggled quite a long time about that one.

What I didn't know then, was that it was the beginning

of a very long and hard lesson in my life.

In going about our daily business of living,

we constantly get caught up in our own wants and needs.

Most everything that we do, we try to do it with the best of intentions.

But seems that what I have found out is "good intentions" will get you nowhere,

if you aren't basing what you do on, "WHERE YOU ARE GOING".

Take my instance, for instance!

I have had the opportunity to be carrying along with me an illness,

that seems to be both disfiguring and debilitating.

It has brought about quite a few changes in my life.

Some to the good, and some not so good.

I have been on this earth about half a century,
and through my life work had accumulated, most of what we all do.

A house, nice car, money in the bank, a business, and a little prestige.

In what seems a short time, little by little, the money is gone,

the house is gone, the business is gone, and possibly the earthly prestige.

As far as the notoriety, that the money and the business success brought me.

Things that I had worked for all of my life,
in a very short time gone.

There is one thing that seems to remain steady in my life, God.

It seems like all else is disposable. And will be disposed of my friend.

After loosing most of my earthly gains.

I found there was only one thing that I could depend on to be constant,

God's love.

So instead of becoming dependent on myself, or earthly possessions,

I became dependent on God's love and guidance.

I became dependent on God for what I need.

For He is truly the only one that really knows what I need,

I may know what I want, but it usually isn't what I need!

A fine example of being dependent on Him, came not too long ago,

when I came to a point in my life that I needed a place to live.

As this scenario erupted, I became agitated,and afraid.

I fell apart, as most of us would.

I didn't know where to turn.

No one on this earth could fix it.

When there is no where else to turn,

we have no choice but to turn to God. So I did.

I completely gave it to Him.

I was to the point that I couldn't even think about it anymore.

So surrendering it to Him,was not a difficult thing.

But in doing so, I had to remember not to try and keep a piece of the problem.

You know that little piece that we try and hold onto?

That piece that still gives us a little control!

I want to tell you, it didn't take long.

The wheels started turning.

I made a drive home. I put an application in for income based housing.

I was told that the waiting list was long,

but that I could go ahead and put my name on the list.

So I did.
I returned to where I was staying. I had one week to pack all of my belongings and leave.

I felt so sure in my heart that God would take care of my needs, so I did what I had to do,

I packed not knowing for sure where I would be going.

I left on my 49th birthday.

My son-in-law and daughter helped me move the 127 miles back home.

As I drove behind the Moving Van, I looked up and thought,

everything I own in the world is there in that truck, and I have no where to go with it.

I stayed with my daughter when we returned home.

I placed all of my belongings into a storage building,and waited.

After about 5 days, I received a phone call.

It was the people at the Apartment complex.

They felt that I may have a good chance at an apartment that had opened up.

But there were 2 others that were ahead of me on the list.

So we continued to gather the information that they needed to see if I could qualify.

On the next day I received the call, that I had been chosen for the apartment.

I couldn't believe it, but yes I could.

I had asked God for a solution to my problem, completely given it to Him.

He gave me what I needed.

On the evening that I signed the papers,

the Manager and her husband stood at the desk,

placing all of the paperwork in front of me.

They asked me what God I prayed to.

I asked them why they asked.

They said because they wanted to pray to the same one!

It seems my friends that the other two applicants were also accepted.

But it seems that each one, turned down the apartment.

That is when my name came to the top of the list.

God had to do some hard work for that one!

But I have the feeling that there were some little Angels in on it helping too!

Well, I would bet that you think everything turned out hunky dorie?

I must remind you that we are all human,

in that I mean, we all tend to forget too soon when things get good again.

I moved in, worked very hard to get everything in place.

Then I started to think.

We all know that can get us into a lot of trouble, as it did me.

I began to worry.

I thought oh my now what do I do?

I am sick, I can't work,

I am not eligible for any kind of help,

because the illness I have, is not recognized by the disability people.

Oh my what am I going to do?

The more I worried the sicker I became.

The more I worried, the bleaker things became.

Here I was again, in what I call "The dark place".

I became engulfed in "Self". How soon we forget.

How soon we put it away.

How am "I" going to do it? How am "I" going to survive? What am "I" going to do?

Well, I seem to still be having trouble with the choo choo train thing!

I think part of the problem was that I didn't realize a Train had to stay on "Track" to get to its destination.

I had derailed!

But how in the world am "I" going to get that big train back on the track?

I know maybe it will work again, I'll ask for help.

God is big and strong, He will help me.

Well my friends, to my amazement,

He was still there, still willing to help me.

I had just plain shut the door on his face,

but He remained steady, and took a chair outside the door.

He waited for me to invite Him back in.

What a fool I had and have been. Every time I try and keep that little piece to control myself,

I get into trouble.

You see, if you don't give God all the pieces of the puzzle,

He can't put it together for you. All He asks in return, is for you to Believe,

and for you to share.

Well, I Believe, and now I am sharing,

and God will take care of my needs.

My train is back on the track, it is headed for its destination.

Where are you going my friend?