COMPARATIVE RELIGION
-Shit Lists

AGNOSTICISM: 
How can we know if shit happens?   
What is this shit?
You can't prove any of this shit..
It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not.

AMISH:
Shit is good for the soil.
This modern shit is worthless.

ANGLICANISM:    
It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.

ATHEISM SHEEIT:
I don't believe this shit.
It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it.
I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.
Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.
No shit!

BAHAISM:
Why do you keep shitting on us?

BAPTISM: 
We'll wash the shit right off you.
You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.

BUDDHISM:        
If shit happens it is not really shit
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.

CANNIBALISM:     
Don't eat the shit

CAPITALISM:      
Sell that shit.

CATHOLICISM:     
Shit happens because you are BAD.
If shit happens, you deserve it

CHARISMATIC CATHOLICISM:        
Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE:      
When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
Our shit will take care of itself.
Science Shit is in your mind.

COMMUNISM:       
All this is bull shit!! Shit happens to all of us.

CONFUCIANISM:    
Confucius say, ``Shit Happens''
Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen  PROPERLY."

DIANETICISM:       
"Why does shit happen?"

EPISCOPALIANISM:        
If shit happens, hold a procession.

EVANGELICAL:     
Send us all your shit.

EXISTENTIALISM:  
What is shit anyway?

FUNDAMENTALISM:  
Shit happens, but don't publish it.
There's no shit in the Bible.

GREEK ORTHODOX:  
Shit happens, usually in three's.

HARE KRISHNA:    
Shit Happens, Rama Rama (Ding Ding).
Please this flower and buy our shit.
Sheeit happens, Sheeit happens, happens, happens, sheeit,sheeit..
(Repeat until you become one with she-it)

HEDONISM:        
There's nothing quite like a good shit.

HINDUISM:        
I`ve seen this Shit before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
This shit happening IS you.

ISLAM:   
If shit happens, take a hostage.
If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
We don't take any shit.

JEHOVAH'S WITNESS: 
Knock Knock, ``Shit Happens.''
Here, we insist you take our shit.
Shit happens door to door.
No shit happens until Armaggedon.
There is only a limited amount of good shit.

JUDAISM: 
Why does this shit always happen to us?
Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?

REFORM JUDAISM: 
Got any laxatives?

LUTHERANISM:     
Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.

MOONIES: 
Only happy shit really happens.

MORMONISM:  
This shit is going to happen again.
Our shit is better than your shit.
Shit happens again, again and again ...
If shit happens, shun it.
Crap happens (you can't say shit in Utah)

MYSTICISM:      
This is really weird shit.

NEW AGEISM: 
Were all part of the same shit.
For $300, we can help you get in touch with  your inner shit.
That's not shit, it's feldspar.
A firm shit does not happen to me.
This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own shit.
If shit happens, honor it and share it.
Sheeeeeeeeeeit!

ORTHODOX:      
St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.

PAGANISM:      
Shit happens for a variety of reasons.

PEROTISM:      
I'm sorry if I dropped you guys in this piece of shit.

PROTESTANTISM:   
Let the shit happen to someone else.
Shit won't happen if I work harder.
If shit happens, praise the lord for it!

RAJHNEESH:       
Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.

RASTAFARIANISM:
Let's smoke this shit.
Hey, this is good shit, mAn.

ROSICRUCIANISM:  
What is this AMORC shit?

SADISM:
I will shit on you!

SATANISM:       
We hope bad shit happens to all of you.
We will make your shit happen.

SCIENTOLOGY:     
All this happens to be shit.
If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.

SECULAR HUMANISM:
Shit evolves.

SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST:
No shit on Saturdays.

SHAMANISM:       
Whoaa...Holy Shit!

SHINTOISM:       
You inherit the shit of your ancestors.

SIKHISM: 
Leave our shit alone

SOUTHERN BAPTIST:
Shit will happen.  Praise the lord.

STOICISM:        
This shit is good for me.

TAOISM:  
Shit happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.

TELEVANGELISM:  
Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.

TWELVE STEP:     
Shit happens one day at a time.

UNITARIANISM:    
What is this Shit?
It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.
We affirm the right for shit to happen.
Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.

WICCA: 
The Goddess makes shit happen.
If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.

WITCHCRAFT:    
Mix this shit together and it will happen

ZEN:     
What is the sound of shit happening?

ZOROASTRIANISM:
Shit happens half the time.


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