REJECTION LETTER

Dear (guyís name)

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right.
The competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make it even close to the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified:


(Check those that apply)

___Your last name is awful. I canít imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is awful. Itís just not something I can picture myself yelling out in the heat passion.
___The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonaldís reveals a guy I find unappealing.
___Your brag that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates you like something other than my personality.
___You failed the 20 Question Rule, ie, I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked one about me.
___Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you canít GET into my pants.
___Youíre too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
___Youíre too tall. Iím developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
___You have a hairy back.
___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent messiness that I fear is unbreakable.
___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___You still live with your parents.
___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___ Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner.
___ Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you gain 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
___The fact that you categorize Football as "must see TV" shows that you do not meet my intellectual needs.
___ Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were necessary for a successful business trip.
___ I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely,

Your Name

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