|Home| Comments or Suggestions...
Email Here
Q. What do you use to paint a rabbit? A. Hare spray. Q. How did they know the man eaten by sharks had dandruff? A. They found head and shoulders on the beach. Q. What does an educated owl say? A. Whom. Q. Where do Generals hide their armies? A. In their sleevies. Q. Why is 6 afraid of 7 ? A. 'cause 7 8 9 Q. What did the hot dog say when he crossed the finish line? A. I'm the wiener! Q. Why is the hot dog the noblest dog of all? A. Because it feeds the hand that bit it. Q. What do you call the ice cream truck man? A. A sundae driver. Q. How can you tell Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony? A. He's the one with the sesame seed buns. Q. What do you call a honeymoon salad? A. Lettuce alone. Q. What kind of shoes do you make from banana skins? A. Slippers. Q. What is more useful after it is broken? A. An egg. Q. Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? A. Because they peel. Q. What do they call French fries in France? A. Home fries. Q. What does the Gingerbread Boy have on his bed? A. Cookie sheets. Q. Did you hear about the guy who was so unlucky he got a paper cut from a Get Well Card? Q. If the politically correct term for a short person is vertically challenged, is an overweight person horizontally gifted? Q. What's the difference between Chinese food and Italian food? A. With Chinese food, you're hungry after two hours. With Italian food, you're still eating after two hours. Q. What do you call a psychic dwarf that just escaped from prison? A. A small Medium at large. Q. How do you communicate with a fish? A. You drop him a line. Q. Why was the guy fired from the orange juice factory? A. He couldn't concentrate. Q. How do you catch a unique rabbit? A. You 'neek up on it. (Unique) Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit? A. Tame way, you 'neek up on it. Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? A. Ground beef. Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog? A. Hound beef. Q. Why do cows wear bells? A. Because their horns don't work. Q. What goes "ooo, oooo, oooo?" A. A cow with no lips. Q. What newspaper do cows read? A. The Daily Moos. Q. Where does a rancher record his inventory? A. In a cattle-log. Q. How do you recognize a dogwood tree? A. By its bark. Q. What goes up and never goes down? A. Your age. Q. What gets bigger the more you take from it? A. A hole. Q. Why did the chicken cross the playground? A. To get to the other slide. Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To prove to the armadillo that it could be done. Q. What do you call a chicken that crosses the road twice without taking a bath? A. A dirty double crosser. Q. Why did the chicken only cross the road halfway? A. It wanted to lay it on the line. Q. Why did the fox cross the road? A. It was after that chicken! Q. Where does a Horse go when he gets sick? A. The "Horse-pital." Q. Where does an 800-pound gorilla sleep? A. Anywhere he wants. Q. Where did the sheep go to get a hair cut? A. The baa-baa shop. Q. What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? A. Tooth-hurty. Q. What does a 300 pound canary say? A. (Use a really deep voice and say), "Tweet!" Q. What does a 500 pound canary say? A. (Use a really deep voice and say), "Here, Kitty Kitty!" Q. If you are American in the kitchen - what are you in the bathroom ? A. European. Q. "Should I boil the new missionary?" asked the cannibal. A. "No" replied the chief, "He's a friar." Q. What did they award the man that invented the door knocker? A. The No-bell Prize. Q. What do you call a cross between an elephant and a rhinocerus? A. Elephino. Q. Why couldn't the bike make it up the hill? A. Because it was "two" tired! Q. Why did the bicycle fall down? A. It was too tired. (two tired) Q. Why do baby ducks walk softly? A. Because baby ducks can't walk, hardly. Q. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? A. Great food, no atmosphere. Q. What happened to the butcher? A. He backed into a meat cutter and got a little behind in his work. Q. Why are soldiers so tired on April 1st? A. Because they just had a 31 day March! Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots? A. Bunny farts Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes? A. No eye deer. Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? A. Still no eye deer. Q. What's the difference between broccoli and boogers? A. Kids won't eat broccoli. Q. Did you hear about the guy who swam the Atlantic twice without taking a bath? A. The dirty double crosser! Q. What do you call an obsession with goose feathers? A. Down Syndrome. Q. What do you get when you cross a cat and a pig? A. Sausage lynx Q. Why does an Indian wear feathers on his head? A. To keep his wig-wam. Q. How do you make a kleenex dance? A. Blow a little boogie into it. Q. Did you hear about the happy Roman? A. He was gladiator. Q. Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? A. He made a spectacle of himself. Q. Did you hear about the optician? A. Two glasses and he made a spectacle of himself. Q. How about the man who ran through a screen door? A. He strained himself. Q. How about the bear that was hit by an 18-wheeler and splattered all over the place? A. They said it was a grizzly accident. Q. "Doctor, doctor! Some days I think I'm a teepee, others I think I'm a wigwam! What do I do?" A. "Relax, you're too tents." Q. "Doctor, doctor! Birds keep building nests in my horses' manes! What should I do?" A. "Sprinkle yeast on them and call me in the morning." Q. "But why?" A. "Yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet!"
|Home| Comments or Suggestions...
Email Here