1 - The pitter patter of little feet
2 - Never let 'em see you sweat
3 - Your parents might realize that you're not 12 years old anymore
4 - Naked men
5 - Guilt, guilt, and GUILT
6 - You might like it
7 - Rhenquist, Scalia, Kennedy, Souter, Thomas
8 - Paying back oral sex debts
9 - Only pagans procreate
10 - Castration
11 - You might fall in lust or, Heaven forbid, love
12 - Body hair
13 - Too many lights on in the room
14 - Your roommate and neighbors can't sleep with all that screaming
15 - Axl Rose
16 - There's no money for research of those nasty little Sexually Transmitted Diseases
17 - Why bother doing it yourself? Just buy the new Prince album
18 - No one to have sex with
19 - Carpet burn
20 - Your brother gets home from school at 3:00
21 - Taking care of the oragsm deficit
22 - Yeast infections
23 - Too sticky
24 - Messes up your hair
25 - Charley Horses
26 - Bladder infections
27 - Cher
28 - "It's only a cold sore"
29 - Photographers with infrared cameras
30 - Hetero men who ask "Did you come yet?"
31 - SOMEBODY has to sleep in the wet spot
32 - Taking off the jimmy-hat
33 - People having sex are always the first to be killed by axe murderers in hockey masks
34 - The ever popular Eternal Damnation
35 - Smegma
36 - You still live with your parents
37 - Potential threat to your political aspirations (unless you're a Kennedy)
38 - Creation of sounds not meant to be emitted by the human body
39 - Letters to the Editor
40 - Calling out the wrong name
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