You might be a JADED raver if...
-You snicker when you hear someone say "PLUR".
-You finally realized that phat pants are heavy and unpractical.
-You refrain from dancing unless the circle is of rather large dimensions.
-When you do dance, you "battle".
-You learn to spin, and therefore have graduated to the "superior rave status".
-You find out just how crooked promoters really are.
-You hate massives.
-You blame candy kids for everything retarded in the scene.
-You say "the scene" a lot.
-You find out how much better European electronic music really is.
-You find out that glow sticks were cool TEN years ago in the UK.
-You have pretended to be rolling at a party just to get a quick laugh out of your friends.
-When you ARE on E, you do your best to act normal.
-You realize how cool Drum n' Bass is.
-You realize how lame progressive trance is.
-You find out that American DJ's are completely overrated.
-You have close friends who don't give a fuck about raving.
-You think that maybe YOU don't really give a fuck either.
-The smell of Vicks makes you physically sick.
-You can't help but laugh when someone tries to give you a "glow stick show".
-You learn to break.
-If you want to actually "roll," you have to eat about four pills at once.
-You can get those four pills for the same price that everyone else pays for one.
-The bartenders know you by name and have your drink ready for you...:::cough cough:::: Arman... :)
-You drink beer at after parties.
-You quit collecting fliers.
-You have unsubscribed from your rave mailing list, because "none of those fucking little kids understand a thing about raving, dammit!"
-You can't remember the last time you went to a party and didn't think it sucked.
-You can't remember much in general.
-You realize that ravers aren't nearly as genuine as the hippies were.
-You wouldn't mind if that kid with the whistle accidentally swallowed it and died.
-You are actually called by your real name.
-You realize that the general public shouldn't be blamed for hating raves.
-You think ECKO is the sickest gear money can buy.
-You talk shit as much as possible.
-You value things in terms of vinyl, (ex: "that's an eight record pair of pants.")
-You DESPISE Happy Hardcore.
-You DESPISE candy.
-You have seen a thirteen year old "raver" on ecstasy and felt like leaving the party because of it.
-You know what a 303 is.
-You no longer feel the need to advertise your "rave-ness" to the world.
-You realize shell toes are shitty shoes.
-You can't count how many pairs you have owned.
-You know that post-rave sex is awful
-You've punted kids who tried to get in a circle that were outta their league.
-You can determine where a raver is from just by the way they dance.
-You know that LA ravers can't dance worth a shit.
-You find out that underground parties still happen quite frequently, despite what 98% of the raving populous thinks.
-You party sober and now understand how stupid you looked when you didn't.
-You know who PRODUCED your favorite tracks, not just which DJ bought it and put it on a mix CD.
-You read URB.
-You have daydreams that involve the Telletubies and a old rusty chainsaw.
-Your parents gave up on you becoming normal a long, long time ago.
-You know why GHB and special K are for fucking idiots.
-You understand electro and minimal techno now.
-You hate rave ho's.
-You could out-dance any boy band, any day, while smoking a cigarette.
-You begin to notice how often big DJ's blow mixes.
-You think sweaty guys who run around the party shirtless should get thrown out.
-You act like a punk-ass bitch to security, police, and any other authority.
-You purposely wear way too much clothing to parties, because you know that dancing in a big zipper fleece looks fucking ill.
-You say "ill" a lot.
-You have replaced Caffeine, JNCO, and Adidas with Technic, Vestax, and JBL.
-You know that raving is all about the music, but RAVERS are not.
-You find the jungle room much more appealing now.
-You can actually dance to jungle.
-You hate Coolworld and MTV...
-You laugh out loud when you walk into Cafe Innermezzo and they're playing jungle and D&B.
-You see guys from your high school football team at a party.
-You know raving is mainstream as fuck.
-The bigger the flier, the less you want to go to the party.
-You can retell the story of how raving came to America quite accurately.
-You hate Anthem tracks.
-Your sleeping, and eating habits are completely fucked up.
-You sit around with friends and tell old "rave disaster" stories.
-You are amazed that you are somehow still alive.
***You Know You're a REAL Raver When....***
You have sleeping patterns that would kill normal human beings.
You start coveting all of your dad's old 1977 polyester sweatsuits.
Almost every letter of the alphabet has an alternate meaning to you.
You begin to think of blow-pops as a seperate food group.
The mere mention of a 3 digit number with a "0" in
the middle of it causes you to drool uncontrollably.
The odometer of your car increases in big chunks over the weekend.
You get an evil grin every time you see commercials for "E: the
entertainment network".
You have to fight back the urge to beat the hell out everyone who thinks
raves are like the club scene in Basic Instinct.
You can keep a straight face when you tell people
"really, not that many people are on anything....i'm serious!"
You are happy when there's a recession because it means more
empty warehouses.
Food, water, air, Vick's...all are about of equal importance.
You can live for an entire weekend out of your bookbag.
You are no longer just a raver...but a promoter, vendor, DJ, etc...
You know about the INFORMATION POLICE.
You're white and have dreads.
You have trouble naming 5 friends who are not pierced SOMEWHERE.
You'll pay $20 for a ticket to an event that may very well not happen...
and you'll pay $30 for a pill that may very well be aspirin...
but you WILL NOT pay $1.00 for that big glass of water!
You can't pass an empty warehouse, church, school, big open field,
barn, airplane hanger, phone booth, nuclear power plant, etc...
without getting that far-off look in your eye and saying...'
wow, what a great site for a...
When you see Capn Crunch 4 times in one week!
You not only notice that household appliances like washing machines
can generate a funky beat, you also argue about whether
it's tribal or trance.
and even then you're not a TRUE RAVER...
because no one but myself can possibly THINK about
calling themselves a TRUE RAVER!
***HOW TO SPOT A RAVER***
1. Ravers can perfectly understand and have amazing
conversations with anyone under the age of ten.
2. Ravers know where all the best toy stores are.
3. Ravers get the most mileage out of their shoes. The
toes and heels always curl up because they're so worn down.
4. Ravers always wish the dj would spin that OC
Transpo track that they keep hearing on the bus ride home.
5. Ravers are the only people who don't have their age
calculated in months, yet still wear and use pacifiers.
6. Ravers always consider every new place they go to
as a possible location for a party.
7. Ravers hug EVERYONE.
8. Ravers can DANCE.
9. Ravers can be found dancing everywhere EXCEPT the main dance floor.
10. Ravers understand the art of the bathroom conversation.
11. Ravers choose their clothes by texture, colour, and size.
12. Ravers love homemade clothes because they've seen
the price tag on a pair of Lithiums.
13. Ravers get the most enjoyment out of gino/guit stories.
14. Ravers always order water when they go out to clubs.
15. Ravers realize that "Evian" spells "naivE" backwards.
16. Ravers notice that the doors near the Mackenzie King Bridge
have an "e" on the handle.
17. Ravers always know the most likely spot to find other
ravers within a one-hundred foot radius.
18. Ravers don't bother planning to meet their friends ahead of time,
their friends are always already there.
19. Ravers don't say "Nice shoes, wanna fu@k?"
20. Ravers give the best hugs and massages.
21. Ravers have a one track mind.
It goes "thump thump tweet thump tweet thump".
22. Ravers constantly point out the trippy visuals in everyday life.
23. Ravers helped Adidas through the "lean" years.
24. Ravers never know the name of their favorite tracks.
25. Ravers know how to SMILE.
26. Ravers always choose "e" on multiple choice questions.
27. Ravers are good at playing "guess what he's on".
28. Ravers will say "hi" to those people they don't know,
yet always see on the bus.
29. Ravers can't watch Electric Circus without it being muted.
30. Ravers define the style of music they listen to as "good".
31. Ravers know what to do with a dead glowstick !
***THE TEN+ COMMANDMENTS OF RAVE***
Thou shalt not kill the atmosphere with overt sex on the dancefloor.
Thou shalt not holdest a 40 while dancing, for the other ravers
shall not hold him guiltless, who wields a Colt 45 on the dance-floor.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors glowstick, niether his nitrous
balloon, nor his ecstasy, nor his spot on the dancefloor.
Thou shalt not holdest thy cigarette while catching a groove on the
dance floor. For the other ravers might suffer burning flesh wounds or
ruined rave gear.
Thou shalt smile at the gentleman or lady moving to the beat
nearest thou.
Thou shalt not upset the holy Technics by jumping near or on the DJ.
Thou shalt not play gabber in the chill room.
Thou shalt wear extra deoderant so as not to offend thy neighbors
nose.
Thou shalt use smoke so as to better envelope thy fellow ravers.
Thou shall announce all disc jockeys prior to their appearance.
Thou shall provide free fruit so as to replenish the thirst and
appetites of thy bretheren ravers.
Thou shall open some door so as to allow the winds of freshness to
cool thy congregation.
Thou shalt offer gum, candy, and most importantly WATER to those
raving maniacs with whom thou cometh in contact.
Thou shalt not touch thine mouth to thine neighbor's water bottle,
as plague and virus thus spread rapidly throughout the community.
Thou shalt not grimace nor act angry when bumped by a passer-by, but
smile and say: "no problemo."
Thou shalt blow thy party whistle and wave thine hands in the air
when the music lifts thine spirit.
Thou shalt not pass out chemical concoctions of thine own invention
to fellow ravers. Only those tried and true chemical combinations that
have been accepted by ravers since time immemorial shalt thou pass out.
Thou shalt not scam thy fellow raver.
***HOW TO BE A RAVER, CORE CURRICULUM:***
Autumn:
PE 101: why not to eat glowstick goo.
FASH 101:trust us, baggy pants ARE comfortable.
MUZ 101: why BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM constitutes music.
HEALTH 101: how to stay awake for days (lab free).
Winter:
PE 210: wearing 50 lbs. of beads nad dancing.
FASH 211: basic slinky technics.
MUZ 210: getting beyond house (pass/fail).
MUZ 250: dj recognition basics.
Spring:
PLUR 101: when to use PLUR in a sentence. and when not to.
LOGIC 201: yes, you CAN hit 5 parties in one night.
HEALTH 215: why 3 a.m. is not "early."
PE 290: water- how much would you pay?
Autumn2:
ART 240: your nickname and why it's better than your given
name.
MUZ 305: jungle- you CAN dance to it! (lab free)
HEALTH 300: hey, that's aspirin!
FASH 300: advanced- the outdoor party
Winter2:
PE 365: group hugs and when to stay clear.
FASH 400: are you a candy raver?
MUZ 390: hardcore, gabber, speed garage.
ART 305: banners
Spring2:
PLUR 499: what it REALLY stands for.
MUZ 455: beatmatching (also MUZ 590 for grad credit).
PE 405: (theory) the cops- why they exist.
HEAL 455: recovery techniques.
