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The nature of life in reality . . .

Old demons


James and I have been sick all weekend. Actually, the sickness started on Thursday or Friday of last week, but it just kept getting worse. I'm not sure which one of us had it first, or who gave it to whom. My mother has it too . . . or I could blame it on the wild temperature swings that we've had lately. I just want it to be over, you know? I stayed home from work yesterday. I didn't really want to, since I just started the new job and all, but I was feverish and felt like hell. I think I'm all the better for it though, because I feel better than I look today (which is saying something, I assure you.)

I had my first rehearsal for The Nutcracker on Saturday. Twelve minutes of choreography and only one bit of dance. That's certainly reassuring. Of course, I think I'll dance much better once my partner is cast. It's really hard to do turns and curtsey's when you're the only one there.

We also went to the Pink Palace Crafts Fair, which is now known as the Pink Palace Arts and Crafts Festival. It was a bit breezy out. To tell the truth, that's probably why I got sicker. The wind was really blowing. We bought a couple of pieces of pottery for my mom (either Christmas or birthday - they're so close together). We ate "fair food" (corn, pronto pups, homemade doughnuts, hot apple cider and fresh fried pies) but didn't buy anything for ourselves. I saw a lot of stuff that I liked, just not enough to spend money on right now.

I also saw my long ago ex. It was just a glance as James and I were having our doughnuts. I turned away immediately and urged us along. I got a sickening feeling in my stomach at the mere sight of him. I didn't say anything to James about it - he has his own preconceived notions of him because of the things I've said - and I didn't want things to get uncomfortable. I definitely didn't want to be put in the position of making polite introductions with my husband, and his wife and new baby . . . I just grabbed James by the arm and gave him a quick hug and a kiss on the nose. That was it. Later that night I had this really strange dream about "being able to see inner demons." It made perfect sense at the time. If you wore these special glasses you could see if someone had an inner demon because their eyes would change color - - kind of like when the optometrist puts flourecin in your eyes to see if you have an abrasion. Chris was in the dream. His eyes were the color of a yellow-green highlighter. I remember he was really nasty to me too. I woke up feeling really uncomfortable and very, very happy that James was asleep beside me. I'm hoping that it was the combination of the sickness and the Chinese food we had for dinner.

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