Title:   Planet Thief

Co-authored by:     Bill  and  PM--Maria

Completed:     May 9, 2002

 

     Somewhere in the sky a pink sun was shining, but it was not the sun we used to know.   Personally, I kind of liked the old one better; the square one with yellow and green stripes.  I don't know where this one came from;  maybe it's a newborn planet.  Someday, I'd like to visit the planet nursery and pick out a few new ones to plant in this part of the universe.  Surely, there must be some way I can get there. 

     Maybe my intergallactic motorcycle would take me to the nursery if I spoke kind words to it, and tickled its belly for a while. 

 

     Today the nursery director will be in his office, so all I have to do is get a credit card to come in.   I will stick the credit card between the door and the door frame to open the lock, and then I will rush to his desk, screaming obscenities, demanding at least three new planets to circle our sun.  He will be so surprised, he will fall out of his metallic chair and forget all the directions he gets from the mother station.  

    While he is in shock, I will quickly hypnotize him, and make him give me the keys to the planet propagation machine that produces new planets, so that I can custom design the ones I take.   And then I'll take over all his power, I think, because I never will get the chance to do so again.   I especially want the nursery director's power to fly backwards, and to bounce off of walls without getting hurt. 

    Oh what a dream!  I'll change some of the design settisngs and make my own planets.  To start off with, maybe I'll reverse the volcanos, and have them suck themselves into conical holes in the ground.  Then, I'll melt all the ice mountains and make them one big warm swimmingpool.  I'll make the beaches vibrate with "earth"quakes, to bive me massage while I lie in the sun, and work on my tan.   And blow a soft, cool breeze with little snowflakes of the smallest size.   I will make the streams flow with lemonade, and the sound they make will be musical, a mixture of classical and jazz.   And all around some sources of wine and champagne, with lots of tropical fruit growing everywhere. 

    While I have been making these plans, I have been moving toward their realization and am now at the director's door, ready to break in with my credit card.   In the corner I see something is moving, something weird with pink glowing eyes, or something.   Could it be the office Security Creature, waiting for me to come close so it can pounce on me and tie me up with its tongue?   Yes it is; a shiver is running through my body at the idea of being touched by that wet and purple tongue. 

    I carefully keep out of tongue range as I work the credit card to unlock the door.  A dry click and the door is open, and I slowly walk forward into the office and look around.   The director is not in his chair as I expected, or even in the office, and the light on his message machine is flashing. 

    Now I am getting scared; what was the light I saw?   I make a wild dash for his desk and push the "Play" button on the machine in order to hear what the messages are.

   "Make some new green and yellow stripe planets", I heard.   Message 2 was from his mother, complaining about how he never seemed to visit her neck of the gallaxy any more, how she just had her 125th birthday celebration, and how she was planning to take belly dance lessons starting the next week. 

 

   I had pity for his mother and answered her:  "Dear mum, I give you as a big surprise a trip to the belly dance planet.   Shake it up, and get all the new things you need, love, your son."  With a big smile I pushed the "Send" button. 

 

   The following message was from a squeaky little voice that said something about being pregnant, and would the director do the honorable thing and marry her.   Then, a metallic voice was heard saying, "Get out of this office!  I am a machine, so how can you be pregnant?  The little new pink sun is my creation, not your imagination."

  

    This made so much sense to me that I quickly stopped listening to the messages on the answering machine and started investigating the contents of the director's desk drawers, instead.   It was then that I found the files of all the created planets, but there was something more I found.   In a secret compartment there was a package wrapped in red bio-plastic, with a warning label on it, and a small envelope attached, which I proceded to open.   Now, I had all the files, but was too curious about the package to leave it alone, and started to open it also, however I felt something dangerous was coming up.

   I removed the outer wrapping from package, discarding the warning label into the trash can next to the desk.  But then my hands began to feel like they were burning and slowly they became red with green stripes.   This offended my esthetic sensibilities to no end, since they clashed with the purple and turquoise polkadots on my chest.  And then I saw the green metallic wrap with a few small buttons on it, also with a warning label.   "Could things get any worse?",  I wondered, as I began to pick at the wrapping with my thumbnail. 

 

    Nothing happened, so I tried a button; that was the worst thing to do.  There were three buttons, and the decision as to which to push first left me paralized, unable to decide, unable to move.   And while I fell down, I touched the second button and a shivver ran through my body.  I began to dance uncontrolably, flinging my arms wildly, and in the process of doing so, I accidentally pushed another button.   And as soon as I touched it, lots of little planets exploded out of the package and grew very fast; all colors and types were flying around. 

 

   Quickly, sensing that things would soon get too crowded for me to use the planet making machine to make my own planets, I just grabbed three of the prettier ones as they flew past, put them in my pouch, and raced back to my intergallactic motorcycle.  In the meantime I got feeling better and my brains started working, so I flew back home.

 

   Having placed the new planets in their appropriate orbits, I now get to enjoy their company on these crisp starry nights. 

 

         THE  END