This is probably why i wound up working at the mall. I'm masochistic that way. Since i'm not exactly a people person, and i have a really hard time holding back what i feel for the idiots that come up ten minutes after it's obvious everyone else is closed, and that we're working hard to get the hell out of there, it's the perfect place for me to work. No, really. I mean this. Ok, no i don't. Working at the mall involves being around shoppers. As i previously stated, i hate shopping, therefore i hate any and all shoppers. Some of you may be thinking 'well then, ony, you hate everyone, don't you?' well, that's beside the point. There is a differentce...a MAJOR difference, between SHOPPERS and BUYERS. *I* am a BUYER. I go into a store knowing exactly what i want, i buy it, and i go home. 'Nuff said. I have absolutely no problem with buyers...I adore them. Shoppers...well, shoppers can die.
What spurred this? you may ask...Well, i was at the grocery store earlier...BUYING food so i wouldn't have to live on fast food for the next two weeks. OK, so most of it's frozen food (pzzas, jalapeno poppers, etc) ramen noodles (on sale 5/$1) and macaroni and cheese, but hey, i work at the MALL...i'm not makin big bucks here...Unfortunately, i chose 5:30 to do my shopping (well, i was supposed to get a call from someone who gets off work at 7...of course he didn't call...even after i paged his ass...guess i'm going to the symphony alone on saturday =-(...)
Normally, i do my grocery buying around 1 in the morning...less people, fewer shoppers. I really didn't have much of a problem (except the usual aisle hogs...you know, those people who take up every possible millimeter with their carts and with themselves so they can stand in front of the canned soups trying to decide which they want this week, and after 10 minutes decide to get the same thing they do every week...Campbell's condensed chicken noodle) until i got to the checkout lane. It's now about 6 o'clock, everyone has finished their shopping, carts totally ful...50 million people ready to check out, and they've got three lanes open.
Seeing as how i have no coupons (i very rarely do...don't ask me why, guess i just don't have the patience for them) i opted to go into the no coupon lane...which had three people in line before me...the shortest line in the place. The woman at the front of the line (checking out when i got there) was pretty much your run-of-the-mill grocery shopper. Three carts, all stuffed as much as they could be...I didn't have a problem with that. She had four coupons in the no coupon lane. I didn't have a problem with that either...unlike the lady in front of me, but i'll get to that later. The problem i had with this woman was that she had the bag boy take two things that she'd bought back to have them replaced because they were open. Oh gee...I wonder how that could have happened without her realizing it...who in their right mind would miss picking up an open bag of chex mix? And the fact that it was at the front of the cart (you know, the kid seat thingy) only proved her guilt in the matter further. But i figured 'hey, if the grocery store wants to give her a full bag of chex mix when it's obvious that she knew damn well how it got open and half empty, it's their buisiness.'
So now, to the problem the lady in front of me had...'Oh my, we're in the no coupon lane, and she has four coupons...that's a mortal sin!' This woman stood there and bitched out the poor checkout girl for five minutes because she was doing her job and took a couple of coupons...i do believe i heard her say (ok, i know it for a fact, i was standing right there) 'How DARE you waste my time like that...' what? a measly 15 seconds (max) to scan them and put them away? And it wasn't like she was doing this while the girl was checking her out...nope...she stood there, planted firmly in front of her cart, reading the poor girl the riot act...Now, i may have to control what i say to customers at work, but there's no way i'm going to keep quiet when i don't have to...So, by the third time this woman expressed her outrage at being held up by four coupons, i was livid...and now, the replay of what i told her...=-)
'Excuse me, ma'am...but while you're here ranting and raving at this poor girl for being held up for a few paltry seconds because she was doing her job, you have just managed to waste about 5 minutes of my life...and don't even tell me that you have never done the same thing, or something similar, be it using the express lane when you have 15 items instead of the 12 maximum that is posted, or perhaps parking in a handicapped spot for your own convienence...if you have a problem with what happened, complain about it to a manager, but DON'T stand here and hold me and the people standing behind me up because 15 seconds of your life was spent while she was scanning coupons.' (followed by cheering, clapping, and the wonderful sound of that woman shutting her mouth and moving to watch her groceries being scanned)
THIS is why i hate shoppers. Buyers don't do things like this...we just don't, it's against our nature...we go in, we get what we need, we don't antagonize the clerks because we know the shoppers give them a hard enough time. We smile, wisht them a very nice day, and we leave. All this is done (hopefully) in less than 20 minutes...any more than that, and we go into shock...being around shoppers does that to a buyer. There's only one more thing i could have said to that woman to make my life complete...'Ya know, my bumper sticker is right...YOU are the reason i hate people.'
