Chakotay: Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect
its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.
Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens
in this system. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.
Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.
Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.
HoloDoc: How should I know? No one tells me anything around here.
I didn't even know we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that
it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the
road, if it had remembered to turn me off!
Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be
something wrong with the universe.
Dr. Soran: His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture
with nanoprobes have been edited out.)
Scotty: Because she couldna take much morrrrrre.
Odo: I don't know, but I'm sure it must be Quark's fault.
Quark: Who, me?
Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...
Kirk: You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD,
you killed...my SON...you CHICKEN bastard....youkilledmy...son!
Troi: I feel the chicken's pain!
Kira: It was probably being chased by those cursed Cardassians.
Bones: Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!
Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of
the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate
goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by
an kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am
unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to
perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes,
sir.
Dr. Bashir: It probably heard about my amazing medical skills not to
mention my sexual prowess and came to get some pointers.
The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be
assimilated.
Hugh the Borg: Maybe it just needed a big hug!
B'Elanna: I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the bleeping regulations
of bleeping Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!
Picard: There are four lights!
Q: Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't
be able to comprehend the answer.
Uhura: Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?
Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional?
Chekov: It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for
the billionth time..did I scream this time?
Khan: With my last breath I spit at the chicken...
Harry: I don't know, it's my first mission.
Paris: Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.
Harry Mudd: Chicken? I don't remember any chicken. No no no,
there's been a terrible misunderstanding.
Janeway: Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha
Quadrant...and it probably misses its dog.
Nurse Chapel: Oh, Spock!
Lwaxana: Oh, Jean-Luc!
Spock: Fascinating, Captain.
V'Ger: To join with the Creator.
The Grand Nagus: Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once!
You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing!
Gul Dukat: Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can
work out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will
be to everyone's satisfaction.
Kes: It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed
roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped
using them!
O'Brien: No problem, Commander, I'll get right on it.
Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these
systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal
whootchacallit on the computers and...
Sisko: It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we've
learned from all this?
Jake: Check out the babe that just came off that transport!
Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll have more luck with
women than I do.
Sulu: Don't call me Tiny!
Sarek: Sometimes logic fails me where chickens are concerned.
Mr. Homn:
Dax: To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me,
Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue,and then there's...
Tuvok: That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior
officer. It makes the junior officers nervous.
How many ears does Capt. Kirk have?
3. Left ear, right ear, and the final frontier (front ear).
Yeoman Rand complained to Captain Kirk that someone drilled a hole in her bathroom wall. Captain Kirk said he'd look into it.
After a particularly grueling mission, Captain Kirk Complained that he was seeing spots before his eyes.
It seems the Klingons had a diabolical plan to wrap all Federation ships in tin foil.
Harry Mudd was arrested and charged with fraud for selling maps to the fountain of youth. When computer records
were checked, it was discovered that he had been arrested for the same offense in 1716, 1986, 2005, and Stardate 25.8.
The pretty, new ensign was in sickbay for her routine physical. Dr. McCoy told her that she was in perfect health. "Thank you. I weigh 105 pounds stripped for gym" "He has all the luck" grumbled McCoy.
Answers to the queation "Why did the chicken cross the road?" as answered by Important people in Star Trek
"FIFTY WAYS TO KILL AN ENSIGN"
sung to the tune of 50 Ways to leave your lover
The problem is something 'bout your clothes, she said to me
The red shirt and the stripeless sleeves yell, "I'm Security!"
And when you get down planet-side with Kirk, you'll get to see
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
He takes a landing party down to find what's going on
A couple of the bridge crew, and some extras come along
And then before you know it - the `expendables' are gone
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
Fifty ways to kill an ensign
Just step on a rock, Jock
Get thorns from some plants, Lance
A Horta can spray, Ray
Just listen to me
Clouds drink up your blood, Bud
Computers can kill, Bill
You could lose all your salt, Walt
Kirk gets away free...
She said it grieves me so to see you with such nerves
Not ev'ryone who goes with Kirk will suffer from this curse
But then of course, you must recall - they sometimes suffer worse
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
Just tell him, "I'm not stupid and I'm not expendable
I'm not going!" Tell him that he's a Denebian slime devil
And he's overbearing, swaggering, and dictatorial
He'll find a new way to kill an ensign
Fifty-one ways to kill an ensign
Just step on a rock, Jock
Get thorns from some plants, Lance
A Horta can spray, Ray
Just listen to me
Clouds drink up your blood, Bud
Computers can kill, Bill
You could lose all your salt, Walt
Kirk gets away free...
Top of Page
"Have you seen Dr. McCoy? " asked Spock
" No " replied Kirk " Only spots. "
Luckily, the plan was foiled.
Forty-six things that never happen in Star Trek
1 . The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it
has encountered several times before.
2. The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who
are all perfectly all right.
3. The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called
Paradise,
where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed
to be exactly as it seems.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later
turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for
which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
6. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with
the
Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the
right leads.
7. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
8. A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer
panel,. due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature
called 'a fuse'.
9. The Enterprise ferries an alien VJP from one place to another without
serious incident.
10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence
which
does not put them on trial.
11. The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
12. The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange and dangerous
situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.
13. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence
which
they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is
in some way unconnected with the 20rth century.
15. Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
16. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but
fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to
everyone's satisfaction.
17. The shields of the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
18. The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day.
19, An attempt at undermining the Klingon Federation alliance is discovered
without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, would represent
a
fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant.
20. A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a
single malfunction trapping him/her there.
21. Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say, 'Come.'
22. Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with, 'Make it so!'
23. Picard walks up to the replicator and says, 'Coke on Ice!'
24. Councilor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
25. Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Councilor Troi's position.
26. Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski
show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, 'Did he read you love poetry?
Did he serve you poisonous tea? He's MINE!'
27. When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual
range no one says, 'On screen.'
28. Worf actually gives another vessel more than two seconds to respond to
one of the Enterprise's hails.
29. Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the Holodeck.
30. Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git,
and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a
change.
31. Wesley saves the ship, the Federation and the Universe as we know it,
and EVERYONE is grateful.
32. The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves
out
after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
33. Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better
than
ever.
34, Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a
hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.
35. Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a standup comedy routine.
36. Data fails in love with the replicator.
37. Kirk (or Riker) fails in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and
isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
38. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced
people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
39. An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell
the tale.
40. Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being
able
to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that
anyone says to him.
41. Kirk's hair remains consistent for more than one consecutive episode.
42. Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt.
43. Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest- female before she
doesn't sacrifice herself for him.
44. Scotty doesn't mention the law of physics.
45. Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack by
alien race, etc. due to his darn green blood or bizarre Vulcan physiology
and thus he cannot save the day.
46. The episode ends without Bones and Kirk laughing at Spock's inability
to
understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eyebrow.
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