Retreads FAQ
More than you ever wanted to know about the lads known to about 30 or 40 admiring
fans as THE RETREADS.
I) Who are those Retreads?
II) Where are they?
III) When did they start?
IV) Why did they start?
V) What releases can I find?
VI) Where have they toured?
VII) What was HMF?
VIII) What was Brown Cow?
IX) Are the Retreads homosexual?
X) What's the cheese thing about anyway?
XI) Why the beef with Canada?
I Who are those Retreads? The Retreads are in accending order by height:
- Mateo Mental (nee' Mathew Allen Amos). Born in the 70's of human parents,
Mateo liked guitars, pot, and girls. Now, he likes guitars, vegetarianism, and
his brother, Luke. Teo became interested in punk because he heard skaters like
punk. Since he skated, and he figured he wouldn't ever make the pros, he'd listen
to punk. Punk punk punk. Teo spent some time in "Kiddie Jail" where he met some
fucked up people. However, before that crappy time in his life, he met Mike Schull
at his highschool, as both were freshmen. Teo went to see Mike's band Brown Cow
where he played drums loudly and with a certain amount of skeelz. Brown Cow
also contained art fag Nick Schenkel and future astronaut Scott Limbird.
After the demise of Brown Cow, Mike axed Teo to join a Ramones cover band, aptly
named Slow Children, that
he and Scott had been formulating over the hellish year and a half that was
Brown Cow. Teo had pieced together a garage sale drum set that was oft used by
Muncie leyendos, Ham My Fu-Bley. Then he got a rippin' glittery silver Slingerland
drum kit. However, he mostly used Mike's kickass Tama kit. Mateo has had many
a luv in his time as a Retread. Most of them he now hates. One can see his disgust
at the unfair sex in his most famous song to date, "Girls Suck." Teo likes technical
stuff, B&E, lock picking, surveilance shit, and smoking. That's all there is to
know about him.
UPDATE Teo goes to Purdue and has a different lady friend who I surmise
he is using for her car.
- Scottie Ramone (nee' Scott Lawrence Limbird). Born in the 70's (but when
the 70's were still uncool)in Ames Iowa to liberals. Scottie may have been
concieved in Africa, where his parents were studying the Ipittythafoo tribe
in Ghana, who purportedly all look like television star Mr. T. Scottie used to
hate guitars because he thought they were "gay cowboy instuments." He started
playing upright bass when he was 10. It was a big manly instrument, ya dig?
He moved to Indiana at age 12 and hated sports and liked Weird Al. For that
reason, nobody liked him. Around 1990, he had the good fortune of meeting Mac Jones and future
Retreads roadie, Mr. Fondle
(Brandon Fandypants Mundell). Both of those fags played in orchestras with
Scott, but eventually got cooler. Also around this time, Mac listened to music and claimed to have
a guitar, so Scott liked him. They were also in the same homo Boy Scout troop.
Mac told Scott to buy a bass so they could get a band together. Scott liked
Nirvana at this point because they were young and played easy songs. Some stupid songs
were written with Mac in a very metal vein, but Atomic Leprechauns never got a drummer.
In 1992, Scott spent the summer in Brazil where he fell in love with the Ramones, taking
home Ramones Mania and It's Alive. Coming back to the states, people made fun of
him by calling him Scottie Ramone, and the name stuck.
Upon changing highschools, Scottie was forced to be friends with Mike Schull.
Mike had gone to school with him for quite a while and also liked Nirvana. Scottie
joined a grunge band with Mike and a pimply queer named Nick Schenkel. They played
dumb grunge poetry (see Brown Cow). Scott wanted to play Havana Affair at practice
but Nick couldn't play it. At this time he'd written Hello Kitty. Mike didn't
really like Nick, so when the band got shakey, he and Scottie split to form what
became the Retreads. Scottie plays guitar with the Nakids at Earlham College,
where he's attended since graduating from high school. He likes B&E, cheese,
and DEVO.
UPDATE Scottie is sorta single. Ask him personally. His stupid girlfriend dumped
him and he flipped out and went to the hospital many times in the spring and summer
of 98. He's on the road to recovery but is still nuts. Girls like mental patients,
or so they say...
>
- Mike Retread (Michael William Schull). Mike was born once and liked sports. A lot.
His dad likes sports. His mom made him wear little outfits that made him look
funny. Mike played piano, and thus was a penis. When he went to middle school,
he couldn't play sports anymore, so he got into music. His dad liked Aerosmith
and ZZ Top, which is pretty cool for a dad. Mike was in the smart class, so
he liked Green Jello. Then he got into Nirvana like all the other retards and
became alternative. I bet he liked Pearl Jam too. His mom made him join band,
and since he couldn't play intruments, they made him go to percussion. He quickly
rose thru the ranks and became first chair for two years straight. He got
a drum set and then a '72 Les Paul. I don't know why he got a guitar, but he
got a damn nice one, huh? Mike got into Green Day when he was in 8th grade and
got into Screeching Weasel and the Queers as a freshman. Scott got him into the
Ramones and Dead Kennedys. Scott also went with Mike to his first punk show,
which was Tilt, at the Emerson Theater in Indy. Scott had to protect the much
bigger Mike from big scary punk rockers. Eventually, Mike got to be less of a
weiner and started writing songs for their buttrock band, Brown Cow. Mike led
the rebellion, taking easygoing Scott along for the ride. Mike played guitar
and sang, while scott played bass and ass. Mateo Amos joined on the skins after
he got outta kiddie jail. Mike wanted to have a cool band, so he worked his
ass off, and wrote good songs. Mike got more guitars and became the rockstar
that he is today.
UPDATE Mike is now a student at BSU. He is also single. Girls who want to
have punk rock anthems written about them should get in touch.
II) Where are they from? The Retreads hail from Muncie Indiana, US fucking A. Mike and
Teo still live there but Scottie lives in Richmond Indiana, where he gets
book learnin'.
III) When did they start? The Retreads officially started kickin' ass in
December 1995. Scott and Mike formed this band because Brown Cow frontman Schenkel
threatened to move away when he turned 18. Unfortunately he didn't move, but
this threat served as an impetus to start a GOOD band. By New Years, Nick decided
to stick it out in Muncie a bit longer, but the band had already formed and
showed promise by that time. Some people say that the Retreads formed in 1996,
but that is a fallacy. A phallus, see?
IV) Why did the band start? Because they didn't like the other local bands. In fact, they liked
their old band better than most local bands, and lemme tell ya, their old band
sucked! See answer to previous question. Some local bands that kicked ass were
TRIBE and the Common, but they didn't play every weekend, so yeah.
V)What releases can I find? There are three recordings that Retread fans
can find, although maybe not too easily.
- The Retreads, whilst known as Slow Children released a demo tape with 14?
songs. Some were good, but the overall quality sucked because it was done on
a fourtrack in Mike's bedroom. Some people have this, but if you want it, it'll
cost you. It sucked, so we're ashamed.
- On Brian Ruh's No Decaf Records, the Say Cheese EP was released. This had
5 songs on a 7 inch piece of wax. It was recorded by Jeff Hansell at Sonic Iguana
Studios in West Lafayette Indiana. There are still plenty for sale, so buy some.
- Full length lp/cd release out now on the Skull Duggery Lable.
It is 14 songs, some new, some old. Recorded by Denny Muller and mixed
by Dan Lumley, and mastered by Mass at Sonic Iguana. Buy it please. Oh, there is
a limited tour edition of 200 cds that were pressed. They're RARE. Buy one.
VI) Where have they toured? The Retreads have played a lot in Indiana and
Ohio. It's strange that Indy and Bloomington have not yet been bombabrded with the
wall of sound that is the Retreads. They did a summer tour in 98 that consisted of like
three shows. Misouri with Kosher, Muncie with LES Stiches, Eerie PA with the Real
Fisticuffs, and Dayton OH with Kid With Man Head and Fudge Gun. They didn't cover
gas money, but it was a well needed vacation. Teo and Scott frittered away their
summers working in factories and Mike watched a lot of television. Yeah. They'll
be huge in Korea and Leichenstien someday, so you watch out buddy!
VII) What was HMF? HMF was and acronym for (Laura)Hammer, Myers,
(Charla Willian) Shaq Fu, and (Melissa) Hobley. Ham My Fu-Bley, or HMF. This
was a collaborative effort of two guys who shouldn't have ever been in a band,
Glenn Marini and Adam Unger. Glenn is the cousin of Blue Lou Marini of Blues
Brothers fame, which is true. They played soccer and video games. They were on the fringes
of the popular set. When they first became creative was during their filming
of their highschool tv show, "the danger mice." They did stunts like riding bikes
off of tables and other sophomoric shit. This made sense because they were in
fact sophomores. Upon enlisting a musician, Mac Jones, they made a 60 minute
cassette tape using two mics and Unger's father's stereo. Marketing this tape
was crazy and it sold like hot shit off of a rhino's penis. Marini oft described
their sound as "like putting swiss cheese on a grilled cheese sandwich." They
played three shows in their breif existance as a band.
1) Marini and Unger on piano at lunchtime invaded the school theater and did renditions
of "288 Papa" and "288 Not Mancino's," among others.
2) Marini on vox, Jones on guitar, and Mike Retread on drums at Stevie Ray's House of Wax, with the Retreads for ONE DOLLAE!
Can you believe that show? Damn, that would kick so much ass to see again! Mac's
brother David joined on trumpet for "Mexican Genitals." Made to order!
3) Marini, Unger, and Jones came over for a wild
basement romp at Scottie's parents' house. They were drunk off their asses and half
an hour late. They kicked ass, but got freaked out when Scottie fucked with the
lights. Most of them puked on Scottie's Jeep. Smelled like gin and puke and cunt.
VIII) What was Brown Cow? Brown Cow started off when Nick Schenkel approached
Scottie in the bathroom at school. Scottie didn't know Nick, but heard he was
bi, so got scared. Nick pushed a force field button on the bathroom tile, so
Scottie couldn't leave. That's what Nick said anyway. Scott thought that he was
going to ahve is anal virginity stolen. Nick proceeded to form a band with
Scott all the while
taking a beeg smelly shit. They got Mike to play drums, and started a grunge
band. Nick wrote a lot of weird songs, and the other guys played them. Nick
smelled bad and often came to practice high. He played a mean J Mascis guitar solo though. Brown Cow
played around Muncie quite a bit, making a lot of money at the Flying Tomato, a
now closed pizza dive. This money was all spent on making crappy demos at All Night
Productions in downtown Muncie by some stupid hippie. Nick wanted to move away
after a while, so Mike and Scott secretly started their own band. Although a
reunion show might have happened, it never did. Mike and Scott are on their way
to stardom while Nick dropped out of college and works full time a Mc Death.
IX) Are the Retreads homosexual? Maybe. No, I mean. All the Retreads like
females. Their girlfriends have in the past let them touch the naughty bits.
Teo wears dresses someimes and Scottie has a male ass thing,
but they like girls. No, they like-like girls.
X) What's that cheese thing about anyway? Scott worked in a cheese shop for
a year and a half. Plus cheese is cool. Smells funny if you leave it out too
long, but boy is it tasty!
XII) Why the beef with Canada? The Retreads that you know and love
have been using their nom de punk for a long time. Longer than the British Columbia
band that is a splinter faction of the McCrackins. The McCrackins are cool
and we have nothing but love for Bil, but as for the former "Spot," we don't
like him. He evidently is punk enough to have lawyers in foreign countries.
I guess he sent us a "cease and desist" order on using the Retreads moniker.
Well, we're not budging on that one. They boast sounding like "Rancid, Screeching
Weasel, and the Ramones." I don't know where they're coming from, but Rancid
sounds nothing like the Ramones, but SW does. They're dumb. The real American
Retreads sound like the Ramones, and that's all. El fin. As of fall 98, I don't
think they have beef with us. That's good.
Back to the Revolution
Oooh, this girl's a hotty! Hello Kitty!
Email: retreads@bigfoot.com