Valdezian Quotes
While perusing the Valdez Bookie, I found a few quotes that were rather humorous. So here they are. If I find any more I'll add them, and if anyone can think of any I'm missing just tell me. Hope you like them!
- Sit in the corner like a good little tapeworm-Enrique
- The monkeys were just all over one house, and one bit me-Al
- Everyone find an 11th grade Lit book and see page 696-Enrico
- Let's go on a murder spree; Cool! What weapons shall we use?; Blunt sticks, and guillotines, and cans of SPAM! Woo hoo!; Cans of SPAM? Are you out of your mind?!! We could destroy the world if we should make even the slightest of wrong moves! No no no...no CAN do...too dangerous to use SPAM!;
ok then...atomic bombs; Alright, that'll do pig-Enrique and Ezz
- You can't stop horny people. Just can't do it. That knight will never know what hit him.-Enrico
- Dead people don't fart!-Enrique and/or Enrico
- When ill, I am incapable of being turned on.-Ezz
- I don't like ugly people. Especially ones that look like tapeworms.-Enrique
- Quick! Sanatize the Sven Rock!-Ezz
- I will sing WHAM songs to you until you awaken.-Enrique
- Hey! Did you guys know that brains feel like jello? They do! Heh heh heh...mmm...jello...-Enrico
- Just jump up there and lick him. Catch him off guard. On the neck? Cheek? Other cheek? Wand o' Wonder?-Enrico
- I see you talking to him...lick him!-Enrico
- On a stormy night to the bathroom door came the magical roll of TP you've been looking for-Enrique
- Small enclosed spaces such as closets-Mateo when asked about his favorite places to go
- My physics teacher is the Unabomber-Mateo
- My bowels hurt from marching-Mateo
- Actually my ass is fine. And I wasn't thrusting!-Al
- Now wait a minute...does this chamaeleon jump from his dropped trou or from his anal pasage?-Enrique
- I keep smelling vasaline...probably cause there's some in my nose...-Enrico
- I don't care, as long as they have all their teeth, don't weigh more than twice as much as I do, or smell like zoo animals.-Mateo when asked who he'd do
- It rotates. It peels...ouch. It's the ROTATO! And if you call now you'll get a free tunrip garnisher.-Mateo
- Life is a lot like a toilet...you had better make sure the seat is down or you'll fall in! Also, whatever you put in, you'll get out of it. Additionally, don't try to flush away those larger worries or it will back up.-Mateo
- This just isn't practical, for males that is. In your words, "where ya gonna go?"-Mateo in referance to the Valdez thong
- Sometimes when I get cold I write a short symphony and then burn it to keep warm. But that takes a lot of time, so often I just make chicken noises.-Enrique
- Wake up and smell the spuds!-Ezz
- It sucks intermittent llamas.-Ezz
- Ah-ha! I uncovered your schemey scheme with unusual wit!-Ezz
- He's a dipthong.-Enrique
- My uterus is killing me. I'm gonna rip it out and do a bard dance on it. Then I'd burn it and scatter the ashes in Guam. Fucking uterus.-Enrique
- Hmm... make an orgasm noise, jump on *person*, rip his clothes off and lick his entire body.-Enrico
- Do you wanna go first? I don't mind waiting, if you don't mind me biting his chest while you're going at it.-Enrico
- You should have given him a whip! Whip me BABY! Oh yeah, you beautiful, dark, almost demonic sex machine!-Enrico
- Can't you think of anything kinkier?-Ezz
- He's wearing nothing but leopard skin bikinis.-Enrico
- Hey, you're small, get implants!-Enrique
- I'll call him my little chicken chunk!-Enrique
- You make me sick. *puking noise* *puke hitting toilet water noise*-Ezz
- Something is wrong with my innards. They feel moist.-Enrico
- My nose is full.-Enrique
- He and his partner kept calling me over to find cheek cells for them.-Enrico
- The guy looked like a balloon on a toothpick kinda.-Enrico
- Yeah, sure. It's bad if you're horny too.-Ezz
- If he would stop calling me a lesbian, that would be sweet.-Ezz
- That would require being nekked. I hate that.-Enrique
- Wanna have a big sacrifice and burn things and dance around nude?-Enrique
- She will be dipped into marshmallow fluff so that it oozes into all her orfices.-Ezz
- If he likes me even after how psycho I was last night, this is the guy of my dreams.-Enrico
- I can't get horny now, let's talk.-Enrico
- You can't kick me out of the Valdez House of Sex!-Enrique
- They were fighting over whose sex goddess I was.-Enrico
- I know why I'm horny! It's my clothes again.-Enrico
- Plus, I was still orgasmic from that afternoon.-Enrique
- Yeah! Underwear rules! Vacuum.-Ezz
- I'm gonna take my drug-free pin and attack myself.-Enrique
- I wanna know what happened at HOOTERS!!-Enrique
- I want an intergalactic bean ensemble that plays the Star Wars theme for the Guerre des Etolies party of transvestites who wax their belly buttons with caramel with lime additives and the dripping snow monkeys.-Ezz
- My tongue is lonely.-Enrique
- My right breast has been weird since I woke up this morning.-Ezz
- If you say spud enough times, it sounds really stupid.-Ezz
- My navel hurts.-Enrique
- OW! Wisdom tooth! OW! Dung!-Enrique
- My nose smells kinda like parmesan cheese.-Enrique
- It would be a sorry mess in here if you exploded.-Ezz
- I poisoned her Altoids.-Enrique
- I'll give it to you later, I have to polish it.-Ezz
- The charged rod is attracting the balls.-Ezz
- You'd be pretty dead if your head fell off.-Enrique
- YOU DON'T HAVE A GYNO! HA HA HA HA!-Enrique
- It's still big though-Enrico
The new ones are from the old Bookie, from our Junior year. Grassy-ass to Enrique for sending them to me. Anyway, now just go back to the main page.
enricobean@hotmail.com