Marriage in the Philippines and Asia ... How to marry a traditional Asian female using pen pal addresses provided here for free ... Marriage in the Philippines and Asia
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This page was on the net for a few years offering many pen pal addresses and some advice.
Now as time has gone on, it is clear that having your wedding in Asia is very easy, but finding your last best wife of a lifetime is more difficult.
In short, both western men and Filipinas I have known have made some mistakes.
This web page is now focused on stopping bad mistakes.
There are FIVE main sections...
MISTAKES
WHERE TO FIND ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS
PEN PAL ADDRESSES
WHAT YOU WILL FIND
GENERAL
MISTAKES
If you marry a poor pen pal in Asia and give her a lot of money (specific example I
am thinking of was $10,000) so she can live in her country while you work on the
visa, it may be that she will never fly to you.
You gave her more money than her family will earn for the next 10 years. She rules the roost at home. She is adored. Her friends court her. She has want for
nothing. She will not fly to you unless she is very much in love with you. Maybe
think of a less expensive and less risky test.
If you have a rough, gruff unpleasant personality that drives away people, don't
think that an Asian female will be happy facing your wrath each day. Sad to say,
an old pen pal of mine married a man she and her family found to be very unpleasant
so she could receive an American Visa.
OK. It is a bit more complicated than that. He pestered her endlessly to marry him.
He was aggressive over a long time and would not take no for an answer. He won
her hand, but not her heart. She thought she could change him after the wedding.
The marriage failed. Learn from this.
Asian females: you can say NO to impolite requests from westerners. Please learn to
say N O if something does not feel right!
Like traditional arranged marriages, like picture brides, like the prairie wives brought in from the eastern US, a pen pal courtship and vacation meeting will not always guaranty a deep mutual intimate bonding. This comes with time mostly.
A man and a woman can start with no love, are married, and grow to find intense companionship and love. It does happen. But don't always count on it.
Before you marry or become engaged, require that you and her have feelings and can communicate your feelings well to each other.
Communication. It is difficult. It really is. A female in the Philippines will not speak out and will keep things to herself. Her problems will catch you by complete surprise + you will NOT see things from her innocent perspective. She is NOT a worldly American. You will not and cannot know that there is any problem until she is silent. Silent treatment is something to avoid.
If she has a fear about your lifestyle, she may never ask about it once during the pen pal stage. Then, after she is in the USA and you are married, she learns something about you that she will never accept.
Why she never asked about it in the beginning, American men will never know.
Individual Asian females are looking for certain traits you may or may not have.
Some females care about certain things, some are not bothered. Here are some things that have become unacceptable issues...
- You have a friendship with a past lover
- You have friendship with a past wife
- You have a warm friendship with any female
- You swear or you cause your elders to lose face
- 10 or 20 years ago, even as a teenager, you once used an illegal drug
- 10 or 20 years ago, even as a teenager, you once were arrested for anything
- You have a tattoo
- She learns only after marriage that you don't want to have a big family.
So, YOU should bring up these things during the pen pal stage. If your pen pal has strong jealousy, you will have to drop your American female friends, or you will have to court a new pen pal.
Fix expectations. If she thinks that Americans are very hard workers and have no time to relax, will she be shocked if you work part time and watch a lot of TV? Yes.
If you are car-free in a city, is she expecting to tool around in a sports car? You don't need to introduce yourself by sending her a list of your weaknesses, but over time you should offer things she would know if she were living with you now.
When you write or call, never lie. There are certain things that are appropriately left
unsaid until later or never. But if you tell an outright lie you will have no respect to
help you when the day comes for you clear up an honest misunderstanding.
Imagine the misunderstandings that might happen when planning marriage when your lady
comprehends all of your "Maybe..." suggestions as verbal promises! "Maybe" = "I
promise that" -- imagine the misunderstandings you will need to clear up and how
important it is that she has trust in you.
Last, you must be writing long letters to her about the weather if you live in the north. Many wives have spent their first winter in the north in shock and sadness.
Compatibility. If you thrive watching movies, DON'T pick someone who does not like them. Food. This is serious. If you don't eat her food, and if American food is not her thing, she will not like it. In your letters you should be writing a lot about food. You should be writing a lot about religion and producing children.
Personality. An unsmiling gruff personality may be unacceptable to a Filipina. I can't tell you specifically how to match personalities. All I can say is that if a Filipina does not appreciate your personality, she will never grow to love you.
Age. You can find a Filipina to marry you who is 30+ years younger, but there will less likely be a deep connection between you.
Mental Health. A one week vacation will not allow you to always catch depression, anxiety disorder, or psychosis unless you are looking for it. Look for it. Visit her friends and ask questions. Ask what is her reputation. Ask her if she has ever cut her own skin. This is a common warning sign.
Not a stupid mistake, but a stupid problem. Your pen pal may be true to you, but her family may try to take advantage and cheat you. She can try to defend you and actually may end up making the choice to distance herself from her family.
In short, at every stage of your pen pal writing, phone calls and visits, YOU NEED TO ASK if there are any problems. Here is a warning that knocked my socks off when I read the whole thing... WARNING.
WHERE TO FIND ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS
Help with INS forms, pen pal advice, finding the cheapest international long-distance, the best way to fly, helping her to adjust to the west, help if her family is causing her problems.
http://www.mag-anak.org
Mag-Anak-subscribe@onelist.com - subscribe to the list.
Mag-Anak-unsubscribe@onelist.com - unsubscribe from the list.
Mag-Anak-digest@onelist.com - switch subscription to digest mode.
Mag-Anak-normal@onelist.com - switch subscription to normal mode.
PEN PAL ADDRESSES
The following people have asked me to help them find pen pals. The newest
addresses are the ones with dates of birth. With all others, please guess that
the age listed is correct as of Jan 1, 1997.
As I do not drink alcohol, none of the people I list here are "bar girls."
If you are a married person looking for a list of possible one night stands, I cannot help you. The poor format is intentional.
Venus L. Miro b. Feb.7/81 seeks age 35 to 60
Agan-An, Sibulan
Negros Oriental ( Airport Area ) Pangas 6201
PHILIPPINES
Mercy Montecillo b. 9/17/78 Added in 1999
Pajo Tabuelan Janice Panolino b. 5/81
Cebu 6044 c/o Tampakan Pawnshop
PHILIPPINES Tampakan South Catobato 9507
PHILIPPINES Nice pen pal
ARSENIA ADAMAS b. 1959
IVY O. ADAMAS b. 1979-seeks man 25-35
FELY BORJA b. 1954 Lisley Anne Cebedo b. 1981
ALMA SOBRABAS b. 1963 Bongabong St. seeks man 18-25
C/O MELIE ADAMAS Catadman, Ozamiz City 7200
REGISTRY OF DEEDS, CITY HALL Mindanao, Philippines
OZAMIZ CITY 7200
MINDANAO, PHILIPPINES MALE: Francis Pilapil 30 seeks nice women
email: flammable@eudoramail.com
Ginie Sumaylab
Alturas Supermarket Corp. Ginie, b 1980, is wonderful & kind.
B. Inting Street
Tagbilaran City Bohol 6300 New: Catalina Tan
PHILIPPINES 923 Guiwan Aurora Village
Zamboanga City 7000
b. 1966 PHILIPPINES
NANCY COLANGO
BACOLOD,OZAMIZ CITY 7200 b. 1976 looking for
MINDANAO PHILIPPINES man ages 50 to 60.
Angelene D. Galos She is in her young 20's
Brgy. Matica-a and wants a man who has a neat
Ormac City 6541 appearance.
PHILIPPINES
Noblenda Silagpo b. 1980
Agan-an Sibulan "Blenda" has many sweet single cousins
Neg. Or. Airport Area
Pangas 6200 PHILIPPINES Ana Marie Orence b. 1979
c/o Emilene's Pharmacy INC
Ana Marie is mature Alabang Branch 2
and serious for marriage Muntinlupa City PHILIPPINES
Mitzi Mateo b. 1-6-81 Added in 1999
117 Brgy Baras So nice and very sweet.
Palo Leyte 6501
PHILIPPINES
Julieta Busayong 25 years old added in 1999.
#25 Blumententrih St. Mature personality and nice.
Binalbagan Negros Occidental
6107 PHILIPPINES
Precelin S. Mapa 20's, slim, nice personality.
Andrea Village Subd II
Cadiz City, Neg. Occ.
6121 PHILIPPINES
Angie V. Bolanos
Poblacion Taytay Mishel Gargar
Palawan 5312 106 Dr E Meciano Rd Cute
PHILIPPINES Dumaguete City 6200 PHIL b. 9/4/78
Angie is 27, 5 feet tall, very cute and very honest. She has
a child but no husband. She writes very well.
-Patriz Anob All 3 are friends at the
-Thelma Caja same address. All 3 b.1974
-Arlene Anunciado humble, nice looking.
Basak, Taloto Dist. Marriage is "death do
Tagbilaran City us part."
Bohol 6300 PHILIPPINES
Marife Mantilla b. 10/14/76. She
Deloso's Store is very pretty and
Tisa Public Market writes in a loving
Cebu City 6000 warm way. Her
PHILIPPINES warmth is priceless.
Marlou Jotojot (a very cute 31yo) Marilou Paz 20's writes poetically
Aida Acido (22yo) Blk 16 Lot 5
Janette Lumantas (27yo) Fushia, N. Springville
c/o Lumanas Carenderia Camella Homes
FR Ingles Street Molino Bacoor Wants husband 35 to 48
Tagbilaran City 6300 Cavite 4102 ...who is honest
PHILIPPINES PHILIPPINES ...and responsible.
Elea Cecilia Banluta Joenafe Arnado (18yo/4'8")
54-B Cabantan St. Abante Tabuelan
Mabolo Cebu City 6000 Cebu 6044
PHILIPPINES PHILIPPINES
Ebeth Requina 22yo sweet and innocent/religious/5'1"/slim
Bohol Institute of Tech
Tagbilaran City 6300 StarLiza C. Aras b. 1974, 5'5" 123 lbs
PHILIPPINES Panghiawan Catarman Wants marriage w/
Camiguin Province serious person w/kind
-Marlene Dal b. 1959 9104 PHILIPPINES heart. Very pretty.
-Venus Dal b. 1976
-May Annette Almonia (teacher b. 1974) -All 3 are
Cameco Public Calling Office friendly, pretty, slim
Poblacion Catarman Camiguin and friends w/Starliza.
9104 PHILIPPINES All looking for responsible
guy.
Julieta D. Marques
AS Furtuna St.
Banilad Mandaue City
Cebu 6014
PHILIPPINES Office worker 30 years old *E*
Teresa Nombrado B. Sept 1978 5'0" 100 pounds
Cogon Guinsay Her letter is one of the very few
Danao City Cebu 6004 with zero mention of religion
PHILIPPINES
Amythest Barbosa b. August 1980, 5'3" religious
Ilihan, Toledo City looking for loyal husband with
c/o Guard House kindness and a good attitude
Cebu 6038
PHILIPPINES
Chiela A. Hortilano (b. Apr 1981/5'/religious, cousin of Aileen)
Bontong Camaman-an She writes warm letters.
Cagayan de Oro City
9000 PHILIPPINES
Aileen Arellano (22yo/5'3"/less traditional, cousin of Anna)
22-G B Roriguez St.
Cebu City 6000
PHILIPPINES
Anna Liza Arellano 22yo, cousin of Aileen
15 Kingfisher Street She is 4'10 inches tall.
Sto Nino Village She has a baby now born June 98 fathered by
Banilad, Cebu City 6000 a bump-and-run man from England.
PHILLIPINES
Rodith C. Kintanas 21 years old, 5'2, 120 lbs, great writer, very sweet
50 Tres de Abril St and very nice
Pahina San Nicolas
Cebu City 6000
PHILIPPINES
Marlyn C. Ergino 31yo wants to marry
243 3/Flr Kilung St.
Stom Shui So. Kowloon
HONG KONG
Rodilyn Lu-ang b. June 1979 She had a baby when she was
41 Sta Rosa Street only 17 years old. She wants most that
Dumaguete City 6200 her child has a good life.
PHILIPPINES
Ellen Mahumoe 32yo wants to marry
435-J Fatima Street *E*
Cebu City 6000
PHILIPPINES
Connie Jimenez 20YO, flared feminine hips,
Oblad Law perfect upbeat and devoted
8709 Valencia personality.
Bukidnon 8710
PHILIPPINES *D*
Dulce Montes Dulce is 28, shy, religious, traditional, very slim
028 New Society Village and never had a boyfriend. She is a school
Butuan City 8600 teacher. Her married sister lives in Wisconsin.
PHILIPPINES
Vhida Llanes
Flat A 18/f, Shatin 33
Queen's Height
Shi Wo Road, N.T.
HONG KONG Vhida is 23 and is very cute! She was born and raised in the Philippines.
Good luck finding love.
WHAT YOU WILL FIND
As for the start of the writing process, spell out your future marriage plans
in your first letter of introduction. Make love and marriage be
the main topic of your letter.
My mistakes when I started out:
-In my first try at writing, I wrote friendship oriented letters.
If a lady mentioned some politics or philosophy in her reply,
this would become the focus of our letter writing.
This was stupid of me! All of my first pen pals of 5 years ago
ready for marriage married someone else.
The correct thing to do is to keep the focus on LOVE and MARRIAGE
and the future PARTNERSHIP you desire. This is what wins a heart!
-When a man or woman is ready for marriage, they will find their match
in the first 20 letters they receive, NOT the last 20 letters.
-5 years ago, some of the people I became pen pals with had zero desire
to leave their home country and marry a far away person -- they only
wanted a pen pal.
My mistake was to not ask basic questions at the beginning. Your most
loyal and friendly pen pal writer may not share the same final
objectives.
More early advice is to send many photos of you looking neat
and well dressed. No bathing suit photos, if you are writing to a
traditional Asian women. Also, be aware that if you have long
hair and facial body piercing, you will be feared! On my 4/29/97
edit of this page I had to delete a woman's address who said she
was scared by the photos of a "hippie" man with tattoos. He sent
her nice sweet letters, but she felt scared at his photo.
Check for good mental health. She hates her family,
she hears voices in her head telling her to hurt herself, or she
suffers from depression and anxiety disorder. Don't let this all stayed
hidden during your writing and visits.
Is her family is really in bad conflict?
A good word of advice is to verify good mental health by communicating
with her friend(s). Meet her friends.
Mistakes from ladies:
-She replies to you and asks you to reply soon but there is
no return address anywhere.
-She writes a reply to you, but sends no photo -- or sends
a photo of only her auntie who looks like her!
-In all of her letters she asks no questions. :(
-Her letter of introduction tells you about her relationship with god
when she was a child, her relationship with god now, and her plans
to serve god in the future. She writes about her church duties, she
writes about why she likes her church. She writes about her parent's
church duties. In her letter, you are mentioned once at the top (Dear XYZ,)
and god is mentioned 8 times on each page. And she writes that having 11
children would be a blessed gift from her god.
-She is the last person to write you, not the first.
-She is over 20 years older than your age range.
-Her letter of introduction describes in detail the water buffalo
you must buy and the monthly payments you must make to her father
if you marry her. She writes that welfare to parents gives them
self-respect and honor. She gives you Western Union wire transfer
info in her first letter.
Smoking is not common with females of either country. Coffee
drinking is less common than in western culture.
People seem very easy-going, friendly, and slow to anger.
In US cities, instant livid anger is high art.
If you are a man who is slow to anger, you would do best to find
your mate in the Pacific islands. Although American woman would
make for superior rebels fighting in the trenches against a right
wing authoritarian government (most all females seem soft on left
wing authoritarians), what man wants to mate with a drill sergeant?
Western females are less devoted and sometimes impossible to
please... "When you are too nice to me it turns me off..." --
that type of thing.
American females are quick to anger, are fatter, show their age
more quickly, are quick to anger, are less dedicated, have a
greater tendency to drink coffee, alcohol, take drugs, smoke, have
pierced lips, eyebrows and other body parts, and, last but not
least, are quick to anger.
I live in the northeast, land of 600 pound ill-tempered welfare
women (my Aunt who is still dying weighs 650.) Imagine females who
are not offended when you give them flowers! Imagine showing your
love to your mate without worrying about her snapping, "Knock off
the corny mush! Act like an adult!!" Imagine a woman without a
lawyer!!! I do not drink coffee, or alcohol or smoke -- most all
thin American females do -- Asia is brimming with beautiful
females who do no smell up their mouths.
The western features of American men are considered attractive,
very attractive, by females in the Philippines and Asia.
Age differences are a bit more easily accepted.
"If you see me with a round-eye, I'm just keeping
her company until her lawyer shows up!"
To be honest, one bad thing about Philippine females is that they do
tend to be theistically intolerant. As weird as it sounds, if you are kind
and nice, but honestly do not wish to join the female's religion,
you may be rejected. And in Indonesia, there is much racism. Indonesia
is Germany before WWII, and Chinese are the Jews.
In Manila the Philippines, sexuality seems to be expressed everywhere.
In the malls there are stuffed trolls with penises for sale, and
people swap dirty jokes... however, in my experience, there is a
prevalent attitude amongst unmarried females that intercourse MUST
wait until the wedding night.
Outside of Manila, on the other islands, virginity is in
practice and there are fewer public expressions of sexuality.
GENERAL
>...Just curious to know if, and when, you plan to add more addresses
>to your list?
I have so many I should add, but ...?
>I wonder if the culture shock and lonliness of a new
>country may be too much for them? I work constantly, and I am sure my company
>would give her a job and allow her to work all the time as well. Is this what a
>filipina would enjoy? Or do they want a big family where the wife does not work?
I appreciate your thinking.
Your company may let her work, but what about the US government?
She may have to wait months for persmission, and
the first months are THE MOST DIFFICULT.
Can she volunteer at your work? That would be great.
I now have about 700 letters of introduction from
the RP. When it comes to work or starting a
family, WE CAN'T LUMP ALL OF THEM TOGETHER.
Most will be flexible on the condition that there
will be children at some point. Most will say
the number of children depend upon the wealth of
the family -- that if poor, there should be fewer
children.
But, some will say that each baby if a gift from
god, so you need to ask ahead of time about birth
control.
>I am a 48 yr. old professional man just beginning my search for a
>special lady... I Would like to find a strikingly beautiful
>lady with culture and class.
Men often request that I pick out a few highly educated, cultured,
sophisticated, classy women for them to write.
This is not a realistic. Those who are sharp and brilliant come
to the US to attend Harvard and MIT. Young women in Asia from high
status families live very well in their home country and do not really
want to leave.
Let's be real. There are young women in Asia who are passionate, loyal
and loving. The common Asian woman is beautiful beyond words and, lucky
for us, most are proud and happy to marry a common American man who
is responsible and kind.
These women are not sophisticated. Some completely believe in magic and
ghosts.
- But I will be flying into Manila.
- Any advice you could give would be most helpful.
If you are in the USA, book your flight from a San Francisco
or LA, California travel agent, NOT an east coast agent.
You will save money.
Read the "Lonely Planet Travel Guide -- Philippines."
HAVE SOMEONE MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT if possible. Taxi con artists flock
to westerners. Luckily, they are poorly skilled at conning.
If you are on your own, ask an airport worker how much it costs
to travel to where you need to go. Also, in both Manila and Jakarta,
INSIST THAT THE TAXI METER BE USED! With this info, you will keep from
being overcharged. $ is great there. The cheapest place I stayed
was $3.90 a night in Carmen Bohol, Philippines.
Both cities are shockingly dirty. Travel books will tell of cheap
city guest houses. These are too horrid for my taste.
If money is no object, then pick one of the giant hotels that
quote prices in US$.
Be prepared for heat near 100 and shocking air pollution in any place
that is called a city. If you want to be well accepted, don't
where shorts or sandals. They can, but not westerners.
Outside of Manila, Philippine people do not have ice cold drinks.
In stores, soda coolers are used for display unplugged! The only
place to find something cold is a place that sells ice cream.
Hot showers are VERY rare and brown outs are very common.
If you are going to meet a pen pal, bring LOTS OF FAMILY PHOTOS
to show and M&M's for neighborhood kids.
The cultural clues are very difficult. For instance,
Liza in Manila never seemed to want to be alone with me --
always with her family. I thought she was turned off. I
was very surprised when her letters started to come telling me
of her love. Sharing family is acceptance.
- I found your WEB page very interesting. My question is: Would any of
- the young women that you met in Asia consider to correspond and
- eventually meet an European citizen?
Yes.
- I was baptized catholic but I am not religious.
I am an atheist too. If you are serious about marrying a beautiful
female from the Philippines, you have to keep your atheism at a very
low key. Few will marry an outspoken atheist -- one who
debates supernaturalism in every letter and every meeting.
- I am looking for a young woman with whom I would
- be able to built a family life.
Wanting children is a big plus. I do not wish to have them, but every
one of my pen pals requires children.
- She would be cut, loving, sensual, would like children
- and dogs, would have enough education to interact with me...
High education means less traditional. Try to make education
last on your list. If you want a debate partner, marry an
American coffee achiever with leg hair... and meet her lawyer.
- More than anything else, she would be able to adapt in an entirely new
- environment. The later seems to me the biggest obstacle.
Ask her if she has other relatives and friends living
with a western husband. She will already be better prepared for the
adjustment. Be honest about your environment.
Try to time it so her visa will be ready in the summer.
My political plug: Serve on jury duty. It is more powerful than voting.
Jury Nullification
If you believe that a law or punishment is unjust, or being unevenly
applied, or the court rules are presented in such a confusing way that you
are not sure that the defendent is receiving a fair trial, you as a juror can
vote "not guilty" and prevent a conviction. Fair trials protect the liberty
of all free people and enable us to respect our laws and government. Call
1-800-TEL-JURY (leave address and receive free info) or do a web search for
the "FULLY Informed Jury Association."
