UPDATED APRIL 16th 1999. takhomasak



EVERYDAY I COME THROUGH HERE AND I SAY I DON'T WANT ANY ICE IN MY GODDAMN COKE! WHAT DO YOU DO?? YOU PUT ICE IN MY COKE! NEXT TIME YOU PIECE OF DOG SHIT I DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT WANT ANY ICE IN THE COKE? RIGHT NOW I AM DUE SOMEWHERE, OTHERWISE I'D BE DEMANDING A NEW ONE, BUT FORTUNATLY FOR YOU I AM A VERY BUSY MAN! I HAVE NO TIME TO DEAL WITH INCOMPETENCE. YOU'RE GONNA NEED THIS ICE FOR YOUR HEAD IF I COME THROUGH HERE AGAIN AND FIND ICE IN MY COKE. I PAY FOR COKE NOT HALF COKE HALF FROZEN WATER. REMEMBER THIS FACE BABY, THIS IS THE FACE OF THE MAN WHO DOES NOT WANT ICE.


deathadderlovemencoldhappinessfarm catsol dwethairlatexcheataloopuatomatogreensala mi
hello have you seen johnathan? His is big and yellow and lives in my pants.

I enjoy reading Vanity Fair when i am taking a crap in the bathroom. I like to smell the perfum in the ads. I think my sister knows whats up.

Midday through the afternoon after my 3 o'clock snack my father arrives home to put on his boxer shorts and watch wheel of fortune.

rip taylor dances privatly at strip clubs in las vegas for $10 a song. Confetti is $5 extra.

I have a friend who used to get drunk and stoned and ride around in the country. Once he ran over a horse. The owner was not happy.

"bi....curious?" is widely known as an acceptable homosexual pick up line in brazil.

Cortez always saves one tab of acid for the fourth of july. He stores it in the freezer under his icecube trays. When the fireworks go off he is reminded of his grandfather's funeral.

Al was deeply hurt when two blck men driving by yelled "hey fat boy, nice crack" out the window of their passing car. He had just purchased the last 2x "homie don't play that" shirt in town at value city.

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I WAS THE BEAV YOU MOTHER F**KER!!!!

Fred schnieder of the B-52's collects baseball cards. His prized possession is an '81 fleer autographed san diego chicken.

in november joan's cat died of AIDS, it was a shock to the family. fred's picture was front page of the gaston gazzette

with surf music making a come back my cousin, herald bought a club in dowtown Browsburgh and named it "Herald's". the sand got into everyone's shoes and he soon had a mental breakdown. Herald loves psychotropic drugs.

after a fight behind bus #45 my lip was bleeding a girl kissed me, it was my first kiss.

zealously she conjured up a spoon as to feed me with. Aunt sara was used to being bossed around.

video games often bore me until i discover my fathers collection of X-rated CD-Roms which never were able to be booted

Sam was a shy boy. Even so, no one was suprised when he became known world wide as professional wrestler "the pink avenger".

evian spelt backwards is naive. odlid spelled backwards is dildo.

The pressure in my groin increased. I was in much pain. I knew then it was time to masturbate even though it is against my religion.

if nell carter lost weight she would be very pretty

Everyone likes to watch t.v. I like to watch people watching t.v.

At Radio shack a transvestite asked if i needed any assistance. I replied, "yes, where did you get those wonderful shoes?"

I use my sister's nail polish to write "don't make me come down there" all over the 7/11. the local news media have labeled me "the lost hero"

MAN: JIVE TALKING TURKEY! I BLOW YOUR HEAD OF JUST AS SOON AS LOOK AT YOU!
MAN 2: gobble, gobble, gobble.

Me and wade found a dead bird on the side of the road. When i poked it with a stick wade jumped on it. The guts and maggots gushed out. Wade denies this ever happened.

My nipples are the size of silver dollars. I am meeting with a surgeon regarding laser treatment on tuesday. 15% of the entire world suffer from some type of nipple abnormality.

I hate cops, people and tight pants

6 year old jimmy applied his mother's lipstick, grabbed the car keys and drove wrecklessly to the CVS 2 blocks away. Wearing his mother's high heel shoes, he headed towards the soda pop section. By the time he brought a 2 liter of mountain dew to the counter the cops had arrived.

i heard a man once bit into a piece of celery and it blew his head off.

I have always been attracted to betty white. Her love of animals draws me to her even stronger

Corey Feldman charges between $10-$25 for an autographed picture depending on who is asking him for it.

I like my dog to watch me go potty. It gives him something to do and i just like his company.

George Clinton had 1/3 of his audience leave during his performance at the paladium in '94 after he blurted out "SLAPPAHAPPACOOMIEPIELAZZOCIOUS" during an acoustic version of flashlight.

After losing a bet with frank he proceeded to have sex with me. Am i considered gay?

I once dated a colgate girl. Boy, did her breath stink!

When I was a child, the babysitter made me rub hand lotion on her breasts. She smelled like corn chips.

I recently bought a box of cap'n crunch after i saw an ad urging adults to buy it saying it still tastes good. WRONG. It tastes like men enjoying themselves.

Cap'n crunch? More like cap'n homo!

I was confused as child when i attended a television taping of male dancer Tony le' tigre expecting Tony the tiger. Never the less I have been dancing ever since and now eat total.

An older member of my family likes to wear clear finger nail polish saying "it strengthens the nails". I think he knows he is fooling no one.

I like to camp. It is the only time during the year I get to wipe my ass with dead leaves.

the year after jimmy johnson retired from the dallas cowboys he coached his ten year old son's little league baseball team. They went 0-15. He coached under the name tommy thompson.

When julie was 15 she ran away to hollywood to become a movie star. changing her name to Zoe she was very popular among street kids for having a copy of prince's purple rain on cassette. She now works at stein mart.

While celebrating easter, michael looked out his window to see 2 seven year olds looking through a trash can. He figured they were looking for easter eggs.





Dear larry,
How's it going? Sara and I are off to Club Med next week for vacation. I sure can use it and my mercedes needs a tune-up! The office is killing me. Sara says I've aged 10 years in the last six months. The guys at the office didn't want me to go! They don't know where they'll get their daily dose of dilbert each morning! I might sneak in a few days and hang some up before we leave just to give them a kick!
Remember when we were at the frat house back in college? Do you remember that girl rebecca? Well, I never told anyone this, but when we were dating I knocked her up. She went to get an abortion and I told her I'd pay for it but I never did. She called me at work a few days ago telling me she wants $500.00 plus $100.00 interest. I told her she was out of her mind! Larry, she's threatening to call Sara at the daycare center. If she finds out she'll kill me! Could you take care of it for me? I don't want any canceled checks coming through here made out to rebecca if you know what I mean. You'd be a life saver if you could do this for me!
I feel really bad about having the kid aborted. I've always been pro-life but when we first found out she was pregnant she had me punch her in the stomach repeatedly hoping she'd miscarry to no avail. I figured after that the kid would be retarded anyway. I would've named it larry after you if it were a boy. Vanessa after porn star vanessa del rio if it were a girl.
This brings me to another thing I've been meaning to talk with you about. Rememer when your daughter peggy came to spend the week here with my daughter jen? Some weird things happened. She seems to be very "sexually aware" for her age. I had some concerns that possibly she may have been molested. Sara has some brochures on the subject at the daycare center which I am enclosing with this letter for you to look over. I've never really trusted Paul. I'm not accusing him of anything but I'd get her out of that house during the day. He asked me to smoke a joint with him once.
Anyway, Larry, enough of that. I'm going to go pack my shit and head for the beaches. Sara says she has fantisized about wife swapping! hubba-hubba-hubba! If only she really was that hip! Maybe I can sneak a hand job from the massage girl! Take care brother!

SIGMA, SIGMA, SIGMA!
John




things that make me smile

my name si travis i have a black gas station girlfriend

that girl is mine
sometimes i am a fat cracker eating whore and have crumbs in my bed. I like the way it feels.
i rub it on my doggy's stomach and the cat licks it off. Their names are boots and puss.
my little cousin eddie licks his plate clean every night. He is infected with hepititis A. My grandma loves to play scrabble.
drunk off of wiskey spike's life ended tragically that summer when a giant pepsi balloon crashed onto him at woodstock 95. corprate rock sucks.
in the summer, sharon uses ice to ease the pain shhe suffers from her lactating breasts. Billy, jr. is too old to suckle and her use of valtrex has prolonged her pain. She will by doan's back pain medication tomorrow as juanita had told her some 2 weeks earlier it helped her when she had swollen glands, the effect of a prom night party gone bad.
that morning, sunday the 13th day of june was the first time i had seen my father's anus. As i held the bowl to catch any excess fluids i noticed how strong and masculant it looked. I also was very pround having heard that most fathers/sons share similar anus DNA
his name was bob and he lived on the cornor directly accross from grandmother's. I knew he was doing grandma hewley, but little did i know, that with a six pack of beer and a bucket of original receipe that he would soon be doing me, as well as grandma hewly....at the same time.
in my town theres a guy...I forget his name...but he thought he was the real life elvis after he came back from vietnam. He always called me and my friends girls and sissies.

Email: wingwong@webtv.net