A METHODIST CHURCH TREASURER GOES TO HEAVEN
Richard B Gillion
WOMAN Hello, welcome to heaven. Could I have your name please?
JOHN Yes, hello. John Checkerís the name.
WOMAN Checker ... John ... There are such a lot of names here, could you tell
me what you were on earth?
JOHN An accountant.
WOMAN Ooh, an accountant! We donít get many of those here.
JOHN Why on earth ... I mean, why in heaven not?
WOMAN Well, theyíre not very spiritually minded, are they?
JOHN Well I was a Methodist as well.
WOMAN We donít get many of those here either. ó Same reason. Ah, here we are:
JOHN Oh good. For a moment you had we worried there.
WOMAN Nothing to worry about, John, youíre on the list. But tell me: why is it
that you Methodist treasurers have such funny ideas about money?
JOHN Funny ideas about money? Whatever do you mean?
WOMAN Like the title of that Guidebook for Methodist Treasurers: "Itís more than
JOHN Well, you canít be too careful with money, can you?
WOMAN And whatís all that business with thermometers. Thereís one put up outside
the church whenever a slate falls off the roof.
JOHN Very useful things thermometers. Good visual communication and an
WOMAN Yes, but did you have to have one so elaborate that you needed to launch a
new thermometer fund before you could start on the roof fund? And why do
you make people eat so many cakes and drink so much coffee before you let
them give you any money?
JOHN Weíve always done it that way. You canít expect people just to give money
for the sake of the kingdom of God. They have to have a real incentive,
like buttered scones or something. And you canít expect God to inspire his
people to give enough, can you? There arenít enough of them. They have to
get the rest of the world to help as well. Do you know a better way? I
mean, thereís not much in the bible about fund-raising is there?
WOMAN The bible calls it giving, not fund-raising, but itís there all right;
thereís plenty of advice.
JOHN Is there? I can only remember the bit about God loving a cheerful giver.
Personally Iíve preferred the miserable givers. I always thought the
cheerful ones must have kept too much for themselves. Why else would they
WOMAN Itís a bit late for you to be asking what the bible says. Didnít you read
JOHN Well, I skimmed through it, and dipped in here and there.
READER1 You know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet
for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become
READER2 "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my
house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not
throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you
will not have room enough for it."
READER3 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken
together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the
measure you use, it will be measured to you.
READER4 Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also
saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. "I tell you the
truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All
these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her
poverty put in all she had to live on."
READER5 On the first day of every week, each one of you should set aside a sum of
money in keeping with your income, saving it up, so that when I come no
collections will have to be made.
READER6 If the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one
has, not according to what he does not have. Our desire is not that others
might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be
equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so
that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be
equality, as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much,
and he who gathered little did not have too little."
READER7 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever
sows generously will also reap generously. You should give what you have
decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God
loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you,
so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will
abound in every good work.
JOHN I think it would be better if, instead of coming into heaven, I went back
and told them about these readings.
WOMAN No, John, you canít do that. They donít need you to tell them. They have
the bible. They have Godís Spirit. And they have people who are bible
teachers. Youíll just have to trust God on that one.
JOHN O.K. Just one question: What were you on earth?
WOMAN You wonít have heard my name mentioned. I was just a poor widow.
RTF version of this sketch