RAWMAD and the Cake

Richard B Gillion
One World Week 2002

[Host is seated at a table with a cake, a knife and a spare plate.  

Guest enters with package marked R.A.W.M.A.D.]

GUEST	Hello, I was just passing and I thought Iíd drop in.

HOST	Who are you?

GUEST	Iím developed.

HOST	And why have you come?

GUEST	Iíve brought something you cannot do without?

HOST	Whatís that?

GUEST	Itís a package called RAWMAD, it stands for Rules, Advice,
	Weapons, Management and Debt.

HOST	Why would we need one of those?

GUEST	You need
	rules to trade with us,
	advice to deal with other nations,
	weapons to fight them when youíve taken our advice,
	management so that we can blame it when things get difficult
	and debt so that you can pay for the weapons which you cannot

HOST	Could we just have trade instead?

GUEST	Iím afraid I cannot convince our people that trade offered on
	its own is profitable enough.

HOST	Iím sorry, I donít need the package, itís trade or nothing.

GUEST	Weíll start with trade then and see how things go.  Thereíll
	be special offers coming along later.  We do insist on one
	thing though.

HOST	Whatís that?

GUEST	We only supply trade already wrapped in our own brand of
	rules.  Itís more profitable that way.

HOST	O.K.  Give us the trade, if the rules are free.

GUEST	Free, but not fair, as they say.

HOST	What was that?

GUEST	Nothing.  Just a saying I heard at your neighbourís.

HOST	Will you have a piece of cake?

GUEST	Just one.

[Host cuts one segment of cake and puts it on the side plate.  Guest
takes the rest of the cake and leaves]

GUEST	Thank you.  íBye.

RTF version of this sketch