Dusten's Journal
April 30, 1998
I decided that since I don’t have a paper journal, this would probably be the best way for me to get my thoughts out. Also, I spend quite a bit of time behind this monitor, so it is convinient.
Today started out so good, everything was going so well for me, then fifth period physics rolls around and I am told I got a B (82%) on my test. I thought this was a major problem in my life. . .until sixth period came. Then I was told that Walter’s dad passed away. My hands are still shaking, I knew it was coming cause he had been in the hospital for the last couple of weeks, but why, GOD TELL ME WHY, does something like this have to happen to the good people in my life. First, you send Jennifer (my old tennis coach) to Arizona. Now you take one of the funniest, smartest, most kind men I have ever know, but this person you take FOREVER. At least I know that I can still talk/see Jennifer, whether it is by email or whatever.
Those two people were both very important to me, and now they are gone. I guess I should be thankful for what I have, which I am, but why does God have to take the good people in the ways he does. I mean, Mr. J has been on morphine and pain pills for months, he has been stuck in a hospital room (away from his family in Poland, away from his wife and kids, away from his job and collegues). I don’t know how to deal with something like this. You can say, sure, he was only your best friends dad, but I say “Only, Only??? This man, who I will NEVER be able to see or talk to again, is out of my life for good!”
You should hear the way walt and jj talk about their dad, you can tell they love him to death. And so do I. Everytime they tell a story about the crazy things he did, or how he told this funny joke, or about how he won this award, you can tell just by the twinkle in the guys’ eyes that they will truly miss him. No way around it. This might be one of the most important times in their lives, and he won’t be there for them. This is hard enough for me, but what do I do if something happens to someone even closer to me? How do I deal with that?
I don’t know, but it seems that anytime my life starts going well, God has to do something to put me back in my place. School was going well, I was doing well in tennis, the summer was coming up, I had all this to look forward to, but then He throws me this curveball. . .and I know I’ll swing and miss (again). The last two weeks my tennis game has sunk to an all time low, we still have a month of school, my best friends lose their dad, my physics grade will be stuck at a B, and what do I have to look forward to? I mean, really, honestly, what is there for me? I work my butt off in tennis, I study and do my homework, but I always end up getting shafted. . .and this leads to me being soooo frustrated, in all aspects of life. But really I shouldn’t get into this, Walter and Jeremi have just lost their father and my thoughts and prayers are with their family. . . . .
Sorry if this one is a tad long, the next couple are shorter!
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