Daria Episode Summaries
Season One
Episode 1: "Esteemsters" (3/3/97)
Daria, Quinn, Helen, and Jake Morgendorffer pack up and move from Highland to Lawndale. Daria and Quinn start school at Lawndale High School. The sisters are given a self-esteem test which Daria fails. She is forced to take a self esteem improvement class, during which she meets her only friend, Jane Lane. Jane has failed the class six times on purpose. Daria and Jane use Jane's knowledge from the class to pass so they can go to a UFO convention, but the teacher, Mr. O'Neill (who is surprisingly like Mr. Van Driessen from B&B) is so impressed he has the girls recognized at a school assembly. In Daria's other classes, she is accused of being too smart and showing off. Quinn fits in immediately and is surrounded by boys. In the end, Daria talks her family into going to the UFO convetion by guilt-tripping her parents.
Episode 2: "The Invitation" (3/10/97)
Daria helps the bimbo cheerleader Brittany with perspective in art class, and in return, Brittany invites Daria to her party, which Quinn happens to be invited to as well. Quinn is upset and accuses Daria of ruining her life. Daria brings Jane along, and they are driven to the party by Jane's older brother Trent. They are stopped by "Crewe Neck (Brittany's subdivision)'s security guard, but Daria is on the guest list and JAne gets in by showing the security guard her life drawing pictures of bursty women. At the party, everyone is sized up in terms of popularity, and Quinn is so mortified by Daria's presence that she spends the entire evening hiding behind furniture. In the meantine, she is being pursued by three guys- Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie. Jane and Daria are approached by two guys, who Daria brushes off but Jane ends up going into the laundry room to make out with one of them. Daria gets Jane and they leave after Jane comes out of the laundry room and the party gets crashed by Trent and his friends and then busted by the cops. Daria and Jane pretend to be the security guards and harass the people who live in Brittany's subdivision. Quinn dumps all three guys, and they get in a fistfight over her. The three girls end up getting driven home by "Upchuck".
Episode 3: "College Bored" (3/17/97)
Daria and Quinn are taking a college prep class, and they are required to go on a college visit. During the class, everyone fantasizes about their future college life. Kevin sees himself as a muscled football star with a glamorous girlfriend who he gave Brittany's roses to. Brittany sees herself as a beauty queen whom Kevin is obsessed with whom she could care less for. Jane sees herself in a studio apartment in New York with her art, which she paid for with the money her parents saved for her college. Quinn saw herself rooming with three gorgeous older guys who all fight over her. And Daria sees herself being asked by the college dean to skip undergrad and become a teacher at the graduate campus in Paris, so the dean can use her dorm room to carry on affairs with the more attractive students. Helen and Jake take the girls to their alma mater, Middleton University. During their tour, Quinn gets recruited for a sorority, and Daria goes with Heather, the tour guide, to her dorm room. Helen and Jake explore the campus and see that it isn't quite how they remember. Daria makes money by writing term papers for the college students, and Quinn gets elected Keg Queen of one of the fraternities. Daria returns to Lawndale High with a low opinion of college life.
Episode 4: "Cafe Disaffecto" (3/24/97)
The cybercafe in Lawndale, "alt.lawndale.com" is robbed, and it greatly distresses Mr. O'Neill, who is also Daria's english teacher. He proposes that the school fundraise and build a new coffeehouse a la a semi-suggestion from Daria. Daria is against it but eventually is forced to help fundraise for fear of being sent to music camp. Brittany and Kevin go out to sell magazine subscriptions and CD club memberships. Daria talks Jane into coming with to sell chocolate bars. Quinn signs on to sell phone cards. When Daria doesn't sell the chocolate bars because she doesn't want to take a human life, she is forced to perform on opening night at the coffeehouse. Brittany and Kevin perform the balcony scene from "Romeo and Juliet". Daria reads a story she wrote about a high school student that kills Communists. This inspires an anti-communist rally in the community, and the coffeehouse is closed down.
Episode 5: "Malled" (3/31/97)
A new mall has opened up in the area, called "The Mall of the Millenium". Quinn desperately wants to go, and Daria is adamantly against it. However, Daria's economics class decides to take a field trip to the mall. On the way, Brittany and Kevin make out in the bus and Daria gets sick on the tram on the way from the parking lot to the mall. Upon entering the students are herded into a room and asked questions about their shopping habits. Daria and Jane figure out that there is a two-way mirror and that they are being used for market research. Jane manages to get everyone $20 coupons to different locations in the mall. The teacher assigns all the students to different areas to study mall workings. Daria and Jane are assigned to supervise "Food Court Traffic Patterns". Quinn and the Fashion Club are also in the food court, cutting school, and they single out Daria as a charity case to make over. Quinn approaches Daria and Daria makes Quinn do her chores for a month to keep her cutting a secret. Jane and Daria go to the "Scizzor Wizzard" for Jane's coupon -she thinks she is getting new scissors- and are deemed "too late for help". Then they go to "Doodads" to use Daria's coupon and she is the 10,000th customer and gets a bunch of doodads. She and Jane get Quinn and the fashion club to drive them home, and neither want to return to the mall again.
Episode 6: "This Year's Model" (4/7/97)
The Amazon Modeling Agency is coming to Lawndale High to search for a new teen model. The principal is excited because the school is getting money form the agency to pay for a bulletproof sunroof for the pool. Brittany says that it is her lifelong dream to be a model. The next day, Cloud (male) and Romanica (female), modeling scouts, come to Daria's econ class to look for models. Brittany does her walk but is too busty for the job. Daria and Jane are solicited to try out but flatly deny Cloud and Romanica. When Daria tells her parents about this, Helen says that she feels sorry for the parents who have kids chosen, and she is against the modeling. Quinn comes in and says that she was selected and she is having a modeling course. She fights with Helen and Helen finally relents, and then convinces Daria to follow along Quinn in exchange for not trying to redecorate Daria's room for 12 months. Daria brings along Jane and they watch the model hopefuls. Brittany is with them and she is crying because she isn't model material. While Quinn is learning to walk the catwalk, Trent shows up because he decided that he should learn how to hang around with models because he is a musician. Cloud and Romanica have boys from the audience come up to pose, including Kevin, and they have to pose with their shirts off. At the assembly where Cloud and Romanica are going to announce the winner, a group of crazed militiamen burst in trying to recruit members. Daria had called them, and they had a check for the principal. The media showed up, and the whole thing turned into something huge. Quinn was upset that she didn't find out if she was the chosen one, but Daria shows her the paper and shows that Kevin was chosen. Quinn is upset, and the episode closes on Kevin's underwear modeling shoot- which is not a very pleasant experience for him.
Episode 7: "Lab Brat" (4/14/97)
Daria's science class had been studying behavior modification. The students were paired up to work on a maze to have a mouse run through. Daria gets paired with Kevin, and Brittany gets paired with Upchuck. Daria has Kevin over to her house to work on the project, and he spends all his time watching "The Pigskin Channel" and being catered to by Quinn, who thinks that she can get Kevin to leave Brittany for her. Brittany doesn't want to do anything for Upchuck but he blackmails her with a photo of "Backseat Brittany" in the backseat of a car with the quareterback of the rival football team. She becomes his personal slave. Kevin starts spending a lot of time at Daria's house, and Brittany becomes convinced that Daria and Quinn are trying to steal Kevin away from her. In a fit of jealousy, Brittany sabotages the experiment by stealing the mouse that Daria had trained to run through the maze. She gives the mouse to her little brother, who tortures it. Brittany eventually returns the mouse when Daria says that if they can't find it, she will have to have Kevin over a lot more to do a makeup experiment. Brittany and Kevin in the end happily go back to Brittany's house to watch the Pigskin Channel on her new satellite dish, and Quinn is rejected again.
Episode 8: "Pinch Sitter" (6/9/97)
Quinn accidentally books three dates on one night and then meets another guy, Skyler. Skyler has a beach house that Quinn is interested in using, so she goes to an expensive French restaurant with him. Quinn booked the date with Skyler on the same night she had to babysit for the Gupties. Quinn cuts a deal with Daria to babysit for her, even though Daria hates kids. Daria's alternative would be to stay at Couples Therapy Night with her parents. Daria goes over to the Gupties's house and is assaulted by a string of horrors. The Gupties' TV is locked so only the Forecast Channel comes in. Tricia and Tad, the kids, never do any wrong. There is only raisins to eat for a snack. Also, the kids assault Daria by comparing her with Quinn, and saying that Quinn is their favorite babysitter. To top it off, Daria is under the deadline for a history paper that she doesn't have time to do. Daria calls Jane but Jane is an hour late to arrive, and she comes over while the kids are playing 'Lichen'- first to drop a spore or move loses. The kids braid Daria's hair and shine her boots, but Daria angers Tad when she confuses him about things adults say. Jane comes over and she takes over with skills that she leanrned while watching her sister Summer (who we never see)'s kids. Daria and Jane play games with the kids and then read fairy tales in a politically correct manner until the kids go to bed. Daria and Jane go downstairs and put the TV on and take the channel lock off to watch Sick Sad World. The kids come back down and start watching Sick Sad World. Tricia and Tad like Daria and Jane because they taught them to think independantly. Quinn is taken home by Skyler, and he discovers by looking in her datebook that she has other dates lined up until a week and a half in the future. He also discovers that Quinn is planning to dump him for Taylor in September because Taylor has a ski house. Daria writes her history paper on changing the minds of the kids, and gets an A.
Episode 9: "Too Cute" (6/16/97)
One of the girls at Lawndale, Brooke, gets a nose job. All the other girls are fawning over it and saying that it's cute. Quinn comes over and is asked her opinion. She says it's cute, but Sandy (who is jealous of Quinn's popularity with guys) accuses Quinn of calling all the girls shallow. Quinn then starts to think that she has a flawed nose and wants to go to Dr. Shar (the plastic surgeon who specializes in teenagers) to get it fixed. She fakes cramps to get out of school and brings Daria with her to the plastic surgeon's, where her image is put into a computer and out comes the new Quinn. Daria is put into the computer and comes out looking like Quinn. The plastic surgeon says that Quinn can have her new look for $6,000. She gives Daria some fake boobs to try out. While all this is happening, the science teacher who hates men is making Kevin go throught an experiment that makes him be all ugly and deformed. Her goal is to destroy his ego. In the meantime, Brooke had more plastic surgery and is more cute than before. Quinn then resolves to get the $6,000. She tries to borrow the money from Daria, take up a collection, and finally trying to get some of her surgery on credit. Daria tells Quinn that she doesn't need plastic surgery, and that she has the kind of looks that 'make other girls mentally ill'. Quinn is finally convinced when Brooke's plastic surgery reverses and her nose job 'implodes'.
Episode 10: "The Big House" (6/30/97)
Daria and Quinn get busted for breaking their curfew, and Helen and Jake come up with a new set of family rules (accompanied by an image of Helen looking very much like Moses in the Tem Commandments, since the rules are on stone tablets). They decree that Daria and Quinn have to go to "Family Court" where Jake is the Judge, Helen is the prosecuting attorney, and Daria is the defense lawyer. Helen and Jake ground Daria and Quinn for a month,which would cause Daria to miss the Teachers vs. DJs hockey game, where Mr. DiMartino wants to have revenge on a DJ that gave him a heart attack the year before. Daria spends night after night reading books like "The Iliad" and "Moby Dick", and playing Scrabble, Monopoly, Risk, and Operation with her parents while Quinn spends every night on the phone. At school, Daria tells Jodie, Mack, and Kevin about her punishment, using tough words like jurisprudence and genetics. Jodie and Mack find this hilarious, whereas KEvin is thorougly confused. (This is one of the best scenes ever, IMO.) Daria irritates her parents by playing the harmonica, and finally, when both her parents are working late, she sneaks out to the hockey game with Jane. Kevin is convinced that Daria is the subject of a strange mental experiment. Mr. DiMartino has been working out nonstop, except for cigarette breaks, to defeat the DJs. Daria gets to the hockey game and watches as everyone who bet on when DiMartino would get hurt waits. Andrea (from the coffehouse) thinks she wins when the DJ takes a cheap shot to DiMartino's knee. He gets up, and the students are disappointed, but soo, the man-hating science teacher climbs on the DJ's back and starts beating the hell out of him. Daria gets home and Quinn has told on her for sneaking out. They call another session of Family Court, but Daria plea bargains with Helen and gets the option of calling home before 7 if she's going to be out late. Quinn is shocked that Daria doesn't get the book thrown at her. Daria gets up to leave, and plays some harmonica. Her parents tell her to go, and come back late. She goes to the pizza place with Jane where Kevin approaches her and asks her what kind of strange experiments she had done. She says that it's a magnetic device that attracts gullible boys. The rules that appear on the tablets, in original form, are available here, straight to me from MTV.
Episode 11: "Road Worrier" (7/7/97)
Daria and Jane hear Trent's band, Mystic Spiral, practicing in the basement and go to check it out. During this time, Daria's thoughts give away her amorous feelings for Trent! She hears him sing (he isn't bad!) and she gets all melty. Jane of course gives her hell about it, and then when Trent and Jesse (his long-brown-hair-open-vest-with-mucho-muscles friend....r-r-r-r, feisty) say that they want to go to Alternapalooza but are short on gas money, Jane volunteers Daria and herself to go with. At the same time, Quinn and the Fashion Club decide to go to Alternapalooza as well. They spend hours and lots of money on new outfits to look 'alternative'. Kevin, Mack, Jodie, and Brittany are going as well. Helen and Jake are overjoyed that the girls are leaving, and are going to spend the day putting the sizzle back in their marriage. Daria wears her only other outfit, a black t-shirt and jeans, and lipstick (of course, she denies it to Jane, saying she just ate a lollipop), and they get in the van with Trent and Jesse. Jane suggests that Daria sit in the front with Trent, but Daria grudgingly denies. Throughout the ride in the van, Daria has a "Say Anything" á la YM event over and over. She hits her head, sits on an ancient sandwich, gets carsick and stung by a bee, and has her glasses broken and taped back together. She also has to pee in the woods, and trips over a rock coming back to the van. Jane reassures Daria that if she knows one thing about her brother, he's oblivious. Then as soon as they get going, the truck breaks down. Jane suggests that she and Jesse go look for help while Daria stays with Trent (clever girl....) Daria and Trent sit and talk, and Trent talks to Daria about his concerns that maybe he is wasting his life away, since he lives with his parents and doesn't have a job. Daria reassures him that he's not a loser, and that he's doing what his dreams are...and there are a lot of people who never get to do that. Trent tells Daria that she's cool and that it's hard to believe she's just in high school. Jane and Jesse return without help, and Jane fixes the truck with her glue gun. By this time, Alternapalooza is over, and they all have to head back home. On the way back, Trent and Daria sit in the front seat, and Jane sleeps with her head on Jesse's shoulder in the back of the truck. Daria and Quinn return home, only to find Helen and Jake still in the mood for lovin'- so they make a prompt departure.
Episode 12: "The Teachings of Don Jake" (7/14/97)
Jake is under undue stress over everyday monetary events and bursts a blood vessel in his eye, so he and Helen decide to go camping to relieve stress, and they take Daria and Quinn with them. Daria and Quinn are less than happy, but Daria's spirits brighten a tiny bit when she finds out what Jane has to do that weekend- the Lane family reunion. Since her family is the black sheep of the Lane clan, Jane's parents send Jane and Trent to represent the family. The Morgendorffers head off camping, Helen and Jake making a huge deal about being completely cut off from civilization. Jake can't set up the tents, and starts whining about his father and admits that he wet the bed until age 15. They all tell "scary" stories, Jake's a Stuart Smalley-esque rant about an alcoholic father, Helen's, a sexually slanted one that she censors at the end, Quinn's about Cinderella and her tacky dress, and then Daria's, about the witch eating all of Hansel except for his large intestine (for fear of disease) and stuffing Gretel into the freezer for later. Jane and Trent, on the other hand, get to a crappy little airport in Sloatsburg after pissing off their aunt Bernice on the plane, and have to walk to the family reunion. They are brought inside, with disdain, and are assaulted by their relatives. Jane is forced to tell her aunt about her older siblings Penny, Wind and Summer. Trent's uncle tells him that he thinks Trent's a bum, and that he likes Trent, because the uncle is a bum, and Trent is too. Jane's grandmother tells her to come closer, and then screams at Jane, "What the hell is wrong with you?" The next morning, Helen makes Daria and Quinn get up and go on a morning nature walk with herself and Jake after a breakfast of wild berries, and Trent and Jane have to wake up at 7 AM on a Saturday to play in the Lane Family Croquet Game. During this time, Jake and Daria head off the beaten path to find Jake's lost dreams and ideals, and Quinn and Helen talk about why Jake is stressed. Helen, while talking to Quinn, gets a crazed look in her eye and says that Quinn has to save the tribe, and she runs away. Quinn calls for Daria, and when Daria and Jake arrive, Jake goes wild as well, and he and Helen chase each other around, looking for their spirit animal. Daria soon is the only one left sane when Quinn freaks out and starts talking about glitter berries and she puts mud on her face since she's not wearing any makeup. Helen and Quinn chase a near-naked Jake through the forest, while Daria finds help in Helen's hypocracy when her cell phone rings. Daria calls 911 and the family is airlifted out of the forest. Jane and Daria are talking later, and Jane says that she and Trent stole Aunt Bernice's rental car and got the next plane back to Lawndale. Daria returns downstairs, hands Jake the mail, and when Jake finds out how much the helicopter ride cost, he bursts a blood vessel in both his eyes.
Episode 13: "The Misery Chick" (7/21/97)
It's photo day at Lawndale high. Quinn's photo comes home all cute and perfect, and Daria looks like her usual nonplussed self. The next day, Tommy Sherman, the football hero that won the state championship for Lawndale High 3 years ago, is returning to Lawndale for the dedication of the new goalpost to him. Tommy Sherman was notorious for running in touchdowns and smashing into the goalposts. However, when he arrives, he propsitions Brittany to go back to his hotel room to "get horizontal and she can see how big of a hero he is". Brittany gets mad and slaps him. Later, Tommy makes fun of Kevin, calling him wimpy and saying he can't believe he's the QB, and Mack's name, because it was changed to Michael Jordan Mackenzie after his dad saw a Chicago Bulls (yeah!) playoff game. He also refuses to talk to Daria, and says that he might talk to Jane only after 4 hours into a kegger. Daria tells him he's a jerk, and Tommy calls Daria a loser, and says that she's a 'misery chick'. Daria and Jane say that he should die, and then seconds later, the goalpost falls on him, and he dies. Everyone is sad that he dies, outwardly, except for Daria. Jane tells Daria that she's going for a run. Brittany, Kevin, Mr. O'Neill, and Quinn all ask Daria for advice, saying that Tommy's death "really makes you think." Also, Brittany, Kevin, Mr. O'Neill and Quinn tell Daria that she knows a lot about bing unhappy and sad. This makes Daria upset. Later, she calls Jane, but Jane tells her that she's going running, and then makes it semi-obvious that she's trying to avoid Daria. Daria goes to Jane's house after dinner, and talks to Trent about Tommy's death, since Trent tells Daria that Jane is still running. He says that he had a couple of classes with him, but Tommy almost never went to class- then admits that he sometimes skipped class too. He also says, when Daria asks, that Tommy's death doesn't "really make you think." Trent then says that Jane could be back from her run, and that she might be in her room. He makes Daria go up and check. When Daria finds Jane in her room, she asks why she's been avoiding her. Jane says that it's beacuse Daria doesn't care about Tommy's death. Daria convinces her that she IS sorry Tommy dies, but that he WAS a jerk. Jane also doesn't want to feel responsiblefor Tommy's demise, so she's trying not to think about it, and that Daria makes her think about it. However, things work out, and the next day, Daria makes her point again when they are discussing Alfred Lord Tennyson in Mr. O'Neill's class. (Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all). Then, Sandy approaches her for help because she feels bad that her cat got into her makeup and OD'd on foundation. Daria charges her 10 bucks for crappy advice, and then Jane tells her that it was a terrible thing, the girl was in pain, and that she should charge 20 bucks next time.
Episode ? - "Sealed With A Kick"
This short episode is the pilot- it's never been aired and probably never will be. It's at the end of the new Daria video. The pilot is very sketchy- little to no animation, just frames with voices and sound. It has a very unfinished feel- no shades, just drawings. Daria sounds like Daria, but is drawn with longer legs and a shapelier body (in some scenes, she has a definite chest), Jane sounds like Jane, Helen sounds slightly different, as does Jake. Quinn sounds slightly different from the current Quinn, and is wearing a different outfit- the shirt from "The Invitation," shorts, and knee socks. Brittany sounds like the current Quinn, and looks somewhat different. Kevin sounds the same but looks a bit different. All the personalities are somewhat the same...except for Daria, who is MUCH more saucy than in the regular episodes.
The plot of the pilot is this: Daria goes to "Modern Day High School" which looks sort of like the school in the cartoon "Doug." Daria borrows Kevin's pencil, so he thinks she likes him. He tells Daria this, and starts leaving messages on her machine. She decides to get even and pretends to love him, being touchy-feely with him at the pizza place in front of Brittany and leaving him love notes. Then, he shows up in Daria's shop class, and yells to her that he and Brittany are seeing other people and that she's next in line. He asks her out, and she turns him down. In the next scene, he shows up at Daria's house with flowers for her. Quinn shows up and peeks around the corner, and Kevin is surprised that Quinn is sisters with such a brain. Kevin forgets about Daria and takes Quinn out. We end on Daria and Jane reflecting in the pizza place.
It's worth seeing. In fact, it's funny because it's different from the current show..yet the same. You'll believe it when you see it.
Season 2!!
Email: daria_92@hotmail.com
