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Cat Food

A woman played cards with her bridge club every Thursday night. After a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she went home to fix supper for her husband and herself. He insisted that it be ready when he got home from work.

Well, one Thursday, she's playing a great game; she has an incredible hand.

Suddenly, she notices the time. "Oh, no! I have to get home to fix supper! My husband's going to be really angry if it's not on the table when he gets home." And she dashes out of her friend's house, her great hand forgotten on the table. When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not enough time to go to the store, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling into the driveway. She watches in horror as he sits down to eat, then realizes - he loves it! "Mmmm, darling, this is the best meal you have made in the forty years we've been married. You can make this for me any old day, mmmmm!" And that night, they had sex for the first time in months; it was great!

Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him," they said, "he's just yanking your chain." Disregarding their objections, she continued to make him his cat food dinner and then, afterward, they would make love like rabbits. Two months later, her husband died. The Thursday after the funeral, all the bridge women attacked our new widow for being so callous. "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge, knowing you murdered your husband?"

The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the window sill while he was licking his butt."


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