If you are wanting to know a little about me, my name is unimportant and I am almost 16! I have light brown hair (that is naturally medium brown but I like to dye it), my eyes are (naturally) green and I am 6'0. Here are some jokes!
#1 Q: How many country singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten. One to actually change the bulb, and nine others to sing about how much they miss the old one.
#2 Q: How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day?
A: When her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
#3 Q: What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A: A new last name.
#4 Did you know that it doesn't matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you will never be able to walk on water?
#5 Yeah, I used to be open minded. That was until my brains started falling out.
#6 A man and his wife are sitting on their bed and they are discussing something.
Wife: What would you do if I died?
Husband: Why, I would be totally devastated.
Wife: Would you ever re-marry?
Husband: Of course not!
Wife: What, you don't like to be married?
Husband: Of course I do.
Wife: Then why wouldn't you re-marry?
Husband: Ok, I guess I would.
Wife: Would you love her?
Husband: Well of course I would.
Wife: Would you let her sleep in my bed?
Husband: Well, if she really wanted to.
Wife: Would you let her wear my clothes?
Husband: If she wanted to.
Wife: Oh, and I suppose you would let her use my golf clubs, too, huh?
Husband: Why of course not! She's left handed.
#7 There was a white guy, a black guy, a cowboy, and a Chinese waiter. The white guy walks into a bar and he orders a Coke. The Chinese waiter goes into the back and gets the Coke. The white guy takes a sip of the Coke and spits it into the floor. He asks "What have you done to my Coke?" The waiter replies "Me Chinese, me play joke. Me go pee-pee in your Coke." The white guy walks out as the black man walks in. He orders a Coke also. The same thing happens to him. He walks out, and the cowboy walks in. He orders a Coke, the waiter comes back out with the Coke and the cowboy takes a sip. He spits it out on the floor. "What did you do to my Coke?" the cowboy asks. "Me Chinese, me play joke. Me go pee-pee in your Coke." replied the Chinese waiter. "Oh yeah," said the cowboy. "Well, me cowboy, I'll have the last laugh. I pump lead into your a**.
#8 There were three guys, a white guy, a black guy, and a Polak. They had just robbed a bank, and they were running from the police. The spotted 3 trees, and the each ran up one. The cop comes up to the first tree and asks "Who's up there?" The white guy says "Tweet, tweet." 'Oh, just some dumb bird' thought the cop. The cop goes up to the second tree and asks the same question "Who's up there?" The black guy goes "Hoo, hoo." 'Oh, just some dumb old owl' thought the cop. So the cop goes up to the last tree and yells "Who's up there?" "Moo, moo" replied the Polak.
#9 There was this blonde, and she was rowing a boat out in the middle of a cornfield. Along side this cornfield was a road, and another blonde drives up in a car and yells out to the other blonde "Ya know, it's blondes like you who give me a bad name. And if I could swim out there I'd. . . ."
#10 Q: How do you drown a dumb blonde?
A: Put a scratch-n-sniff at the bottom of the pool.
#11 There was this blonde, and her house was burning down. She called the fire department, and the fireman goes "What seems to be the problem, Miss?" "My house is burning down! My house is burning down!" said the blonde. "Well, where do you live?" said the fireman. "In a house!" replied the blonde. "Well, how are we suppossed to get there??" asked the fireman. "Well duh! In a big red truck!"
#12 There was this priest, and he was hiking through the woods when he stumbled upon this huge bear. Right once the priest started hiking back the other way, the bear spotted him and started running after him. All the way back to his resort, he kept praying that the bear would be religious. He kept on praying this, and he let himself get carried away with his thoughts and he tripped over a tree stump. The bear immediately caught up with him. The bear then looked into the sky, and he said "Dear Lord, thank you for the lovely meal you have prepared for me."
#13 There were these two blondes, and they were on their way to Disneyland. They saw this sign, and it said "<-Disneyland left" so they went back home.
#14 Q: Why were the ten blondes on top of the bar house
A: Because the bartender said drinks were on the house.
#15 There were these two blondes walking down the sidewalk when one spots a compact. The first blonde picks it up and looks into it. "Look, it's me!!!" she cried. The second blonde takes the compact from her, looks into it and says "No stupid, it's me!!!"
FEELING STRESSED?
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a
cascade of serenity. The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're
holding under the water.
Look...It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place.
What a pleasant surprise. You let them up.....just for a quick
breath.....then PLOOP!...back under they go....
You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.
There now......feeling better?
There was a young girl and her grandmother sitting in the doctor's office. A lady walks in, sits down, and starts breast-feeding her baby. The little girl nudges her grandmother and says "Grandma, what is that lady doing?" "Feeding her baby." the grandmother said. "How?" asked the little girl. "She is breast feeding the baby; giving it milk." "Ooh, I think I saw mommy feeding daddy like that one day....."
Please let me know if you have any suggestions for my page! I am always open for new ideas. Well, That's all folks! Please come back for my page will be always under !
HEY!!! If anyone wants to contact me, you can leave a message on my VoiceMail. Just dial 1-877-205-6139. My extension number is 4098. PLEASE LEAVE ME A MESSAGE!!!
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Me!!!
