Angela Ramirez woke to a wave of nausea. It was a race to the bathroom
where she kneeled down in front of the toilet and got sick. When she
was done retching she moved gingerly about the apartment trying to get
ready for work without being sick again. The smell of bagels from the
bagel store across the street forced her to close the window. When she
got to the street she hailed a cab. She didnıt feel up to the
20-something block walk to the loft. She felt exhausted.
When she walked into the loft her nose was assaulted with the smell of
bacon and eggs being made. She dropped her jacket in a pile on the
floor and made a bee-line for the bathroom. She kneeled down and got
sick for the second time that morning, just as she had every morning
for a week. Rollie heard her from the kitchen. He followed her
upstairs. She had said she hadnıt been feeling well. Just a little
run-down and tired. Made sense to him. It had been eight or nine weeks
since she had been raped and she still wasnıt herself. He thought
trying to make breakfast for her might cheer her up. But it was
obvious to him she was sicker than she said she said she was.
He was standing in the doorway with a towel for her when she was
through. She leaned back against the cool wall, and pulled her knees
up against her chest. ²Ange, you okay?² He asked placing his hand on
her forehead. ³ Do you have a fever?²
She looked up at the ceiling, tears in her eyes. ³Itıs not a fever.²
she whispered. She looked at him and whispered through her tears, ³Iım
late.²
³Late?²
She turned away from him. ³I think Iım pregnant.²
He drew back from her. ³Loubar?²
She nodded slowly, putting her arms around herself.
He just looked at her. He didnıt know what to say. He didnıt touch
her.
A week later, she sat impatiently in the back of a coffee shop on
Fifth Avenue. Every time the door opened she looked up. But it wasnıt
the person she was waiting for. She was trying very hard to keep her
composure in the crowded store, but the more time she had alone the
harder it became.
Finally , after what seemed like an eternity, Detective Palmira
Sanchez flew through the doorway in her usual rush of efficiency. The
subdued blonde watched the detective rush to the back of the shop and
sit down smoothly across from her.
³Well?² the detective asked.
Angela took a deep breath. ³Positive.²
³Oh, Angie, Iım so sorry. Are you okay?²
³I don't know.²
³Have you told Rollie?²
Rollie and I havenıt spoken in over a week.²
³What? Have you been to the loft?²
³No.²
³Angie..²
³He was so cold. I couldnıt stay. And I havenıt heard from him since.
If he was at all concerned he would have called me.²
³He may have just been in shock.²
³Heıs not in shock, Mira, and you know it. He blames everything on me,
and he wants nothing to do with me. Itıs over . Everything is over. ³
Her eyes welled up with tears. She looked down as they started
streaming down her face. ³I miss him so much, Mira. He was the only
real friend I had...² she whispered.
³Donıt you talk like that, Angie. Itıs not over.² Mire stated firmly.
³Yes it is,² Angie whispered. She got up and walked out of the coffee
shop. Mira watched her go, not knowing what to do.
Palmira had not heard from Angela in a number of days. She had
considered calling a couple of times, but decided against it. She was
in the precinct, finishing up some overdue paperwork and Angela was on
her mind quite a bit. She felt like something wasnıt quite right but
she couldnıt quite figure out what it might be. She thought, ³Maybe
its time I go see how she is...² As she started leafing through her
rolodex looking for Angelaıs home number, her desk phone rang. She
picked it up. ³Sanchez.³
³Mira, itıs Frankie. I think you better come down to Parkview.²
³Frankie, itıs late. Do you really need me? Iım almost ready to call
it a night.² She thought about the time, 12:45 in the morning, and her
early shift the next morning. She sighed. Although she loved her job,
the hours were the hardest part of being a cop.
³Mira, They just brought Angie in.³
³On my way.² She immediately snapped out of her private thoughts and
grabbed her coat. Mira raced to the hospital, arriving within minutes.
She was ushered to Angieıs private room. Frank was there holding her
hand. She was still and pale. Her face was badly bruised, one eye
swollen shut and there was a heavy bandage around her left wrist.
Frank turned to Mira when the door opened. ³Sheıs still unconscious.²
³What happened?²
³Apparently she was mugged on the way home from a friends. Mira...² He
looked at the female detective.
Yes...²
³She was thrown down a stairwell. The doctor tells me she had a
miscarriage.²
Mira turned away. ³Was she pregnant?²
³Is she going to be okay?²
³Sheıll be fine. Mira..²
³Yeah, she was pregnant.²
Rollie Tyler rushed down the hall but came to a sudden stop in front
of the two detectives. Mira Sanchez nodded towards the door. ³Sheıs
still out. Go ahead.²
He walked in a more subdued manner into her room. He looked at the
lifeless figure. He saw the bandages around her arm, and her blackened
eye. His eyes welled up. ³Oh, Ange, itıs all my fault.²
He gently placed his arms around her and rested his head on the pillow
next to hers. He closed his eyes and started sobbing silently into the
pillow.
There was a knock at the door. He stood up, turned to the wall and
hastily dried his eyes. A knowing look passed between the nurse and
the detective. ³Iım sorry, sir. I need to change the bandages."
³Cımon Rollie.² Mira took him by the arm and led him out of the room.
A few minutes later the door to the room opened. Rollie, Mira and
Francis turned. ³Sheıs awake. I beeped the doctor. Heıll be along
momentarily.²
Rollie tried to enter her room, but the nurse stepped into his path.
She looked at the three people standing in front of her. ³She doesnıt
know about the baby.²
Rollie looked at Francis and Mira, his eyes full of questions. They
looked at the nurse. ³Iım sorry sir. She lost the baby.² Her beeper
went off and she moved quietly away.
³Iıll tell her,² Rollie said as he headed into the room.
She looked toward the door as he walked in. For a brief second her
eyes lit up. But they darkened just as quickly, and she turned away
from him. He walked over to her, and placed his hand on hers.
³Angie...²
She slipped her hand from his and rolled over, her back to him.
³Angie...Please...Look at me...Iım sorry. What can I say to tell you
how wrong Iıve been?² His voice started to crack.
³Angel, I miss you so much.² She flinched when he used her dadıs pet
name for her. He grasped her shoulder and gently rolled her over. He
looked down at her tear filled eyes. ³I miss you.²
She felt a pain in her abdomen, and placed a hand on her stomach. He
took her hand gently in his. ³Do you know what happened?²
She shook her head. ³You were mugged. They threw you down a stairwell.
You look a wreck,² he said, smiling sadly.
She punched him. ³Ange...thereıs more.²
She looked up at him. ³Um, you lost... you lost the baby.²
She bit her lower lip and turned away from him. She started crying.
Four hours ago she had been crying because she didnıt want it. She had
been considering not having it. But she knew she would never be able
to go through with it. Now she was crying because a piece of her was
gone. Maybe Rollie had come back and in time they could get back a
part of what they had been robbed of, but her baby...
The rest of the night passed quickly. The doctor had arrived. Angie
would be fine. She could still have children. The bruises would heal.
The arm would require surgery to re-attach a torn tendon. She would
not be able to use it for some time. She would need help with just
about everything. Rollie immediately offered himself up as her
personal attendant. He would see to everything. She looked at him
hesitantly. They had been through so much. She wasnıt sure if she was
ready to forgive him so fast and pretend nothing was wrong.
The doctor had ushered the three friends out of her room as dawn
broke. They had grilled him with questions, as well as his patient,
and he was losing patience with all of them, most of all, the tall
Australian in the black coat. He refused to leave the room, and he
could tell the manıs presence was putting a strain on the young
blonde. He finally took Francis aside and whispered in his ear.
Francis in turn whispered in Rollieıs ear, and he slowly moved out of
the room. The special effects artist promptly parked himself in a
chair outside her room. ³Iıll wait here until I can see her again.²
Youıll have to wait until visiting hours begin in four and a half
hours.²
³I said Iıll wait.²
The doctor shrugged and walked away. ³Just leave her alone until
then.²
After less than an hour, Rollie found he couldnıt sit still any
longer, and left. The doctor saw him leave, and walked into her room.
She was awake. ³Your boyfriend finally left.²
³Heıs not my boyfriend,² she said coldly.
³He certainly acts like it.²
³Only when its convenient for him.²
³Would you like something to help you sleep?²
³Please.²
As soon a visiting hours started, he arrived with two dozen red and
yellow roses. ³Theyıre lovely. Rollie,² she said. But there was no
life to her voice. It was obvious to him that she was still very
angry. He was too. But not at her anymore. Her disappearance from his
life for two weeks and the shocking way that he finally got to see her
had made him realize how stupid and selfish he was. Now he was afraid
they might never get past this whole mess.
They passed the morning with strained small talk. Her mugging had made
the news. It had been a gang initiation, and she was the only person
that had survived one of these attacks. But she was unable to identify
her attackers and the detectives were quite sure she had nothing to
fear in terms of retaliation. Her room was flooded with cards and
balloons and flowers. Friends, business associates of Rollieıs, movie
people and some men who were interested in her all came by. There was
a steady stream of visitors. It left little opportunity for Rollie and
Angela to discuss everything that had happened. Rollie sat by the bed,
holding her hand, watching people come and go.
She fell asleep before visiting hours were over. He looked at her
resting peacefully. He thought to himself, ³I havenıt seen that kind
of look on your face in a very long time. And itıs all my fault.² He
kissed her softly on the forehead. ³I love you, Angel.² With that, he
walked quietly out of the room.
She was in the hospital for a week. The stream of visitors never
seemed to stop. Finally, one evening, her last visitor, a handsome
young cameraman from one of their recent shoots took his leave. He
bent down to kiss her goodbye and whispered in her ear, ³I want to ask
you out, but heıs making me nervous.² She looked at Rollie, pointed
towards the door and said, ³Out.² His jaw hit the floor, but he got up
and left.
³So, can I call you?² he asked the young blonde.
³Iım really flattered John, but Iım not really up for dating or
anything right now.²
³How about dinner? Just as friends? Think about it.²
She smiled. ³Iıll think about it.² She laughed to herself as she
thought how many times she had complained of being unable to find a
date, and here she was in the hospital all beat up, and a string of
offers had come in.
Rollie rushed into the room after he left. There was a hard set to his
jaw. He looked at his watch. Visiting hours would be over in half an
hour. ³Angie, maybe itıs time we talked...²
She looked away from him.
³Angie, Iım sorry. For everything...for the way I treated you when you
told me about what happened...and especially for the way I treated you
when you told me you were pregnant. Iım so sorry. I was so wrong.² He
rung his hands together. ³I was...² He shrugged. ³I was scared and
angry and hurt²
³Hurt?² she asked incredulously. ³Youıre not the one who slept with
one guy thinking he was someone else. Youıre not the one who got a
blank stare...² She looked away from him as her tears welled up. She
took a deep breath. ³Youıre not the one who was stupid enough to think
a friend might think more of you than he actually did.²
Rollie looked out the window at the dark New York sky. He got a
flashback of the night she had killed Loubar. They were sitting on the
edge of the ambulance. He had started to say somrthing. He wasnıt
quite sure what to say to her. But she had cut him off, saying nothing
had changed. When she leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, he found
himself turning towards her and kissing her on the mouth. Halfway into
the kiss he backed away. She had gotten up and walked away then. He
had been so shocked by his feelings for her that he didnıt know what
to do.
