Random Thoughts

It's a little after one in the morning. I will be going to bed soon but somehow I just can't bring myself to do it. Anyway, this weekend I partied everynight. Saturday night I went out for Chris' 32nd birthday. He got wasted. I also ended up metting "ollie" from online. Totally not my type, but nice guy.

Sunday I was getting my car stereo system installed in Belleville by one of Matt's friends. So, he and I went to Teachers in Fairview Heights to drink and chill. Yep, you guessed it. We were there when the tornado struck! Luckily we were on the other side of town.

Tonight my girl Jayna texted me saying that she found a cute guy for me. All that I know is that his name is Gabe, he has short blonde hair, and he's leaving town for a week but when he comes back he wants to hang out with us on the landing. Apparently she also told him that I'm on myspace. We'll see what happens. This weekend I'm flying down to Miami. It will, hopefully, be a very nice trip. I'm going to goof around a lil more online and then totally head to sleep!

Last night was weird. I went out with my friend Saif to a bar in St. Louis. We were joined by his best friend and they proceeded to get drunk and stupid. I had to leave them and go off on my own. Thank God that I drove myself!
As I was driving back to Collinsville, Carlos called me (big suprise). He was at a bar in C-ville and drunk (not a big suprise.) Well, since I had time and it was close to my house I went there and hung out. He had a bunch of friends there and made a point of introducing me to everyone. For someone who "needs his space" he sure didn't seem like it last night.
I went to Imos today to get a pizza and he was there. He didn't see me but I sent him a text message when I got back to the apartment. He called me and we talked. He said that his friends really liked me and said that I was hot, and proceeded to tell me about his day.
Mixed signals! We'll see what happens. Tonight I have the potential of meeting this guy that I have sorta been talking to on gothic personals. I can't really judge people by their pics so we'll see how it works out. I talked to him on the phone for like 2 mins today. He has a nice voice, so that's a good thing. As always, nothing is anywhere near certain. So, we'll see what happens. I'm not even sure I know what I want to happen!

I had a lot of fun Friday. Jayna dyed my hair. It's black with red highlights now. Then later, we went to the Casino Queen and then to the Big Bang. We met some really cool people there. I have so much fun singing along to those songs!
Saturday night I went out late at night and was at Pops with my friend Ryan til like 8am. Darn pool tables! I know it's the hoosierist (word) place but I still always have a lot of fun though, when I don't get kicked out, or even when I do!
The past couple of nights I've been doing a lot of studying. Not the most fun. I keep thinking about my life and the choices I've made when I have free time. Not the best thing lol.
I talked to David the other night. That was a good conversation. I could tell that he hasn't practiced his English though, lol.
Tonight I've been trying to relax although it hasn't worked well. I'm going to go to bed now. It's just a lil after midnight. So, off I go. I'll prob read a lil first though. Night

It's about 1am. I'm chatting online at the moment. I was waiting on a call tonight. Needless to say, it didn't come. I kept looking out my window whenever I heard a car, but it was never pulling up to my apartment. I won't call him. Not tonight. I just took my medicine. I'll try to get some sleep. Another night, the same story. What if I had gotten married. Not to him, to someone else. How would my life have turned out? Well, I am not. I'm single, and looking, and in need of sleep. Another day...

It's just a few mins after midnight. I'm trying to keep my spirits up but it seems that Carlos isn't talking to me now. Why I do not know. He sent me a text asking if he called me Friday night. I'm so glad that I'm so cared about. GRR!!!
It's snowing here. I don't really care for the snow too much. I'm sure that they won't cancel school b/c they never do. Tomorrow I've got a busy day. I've got a paper to turn in, therapy, study for an econ test, and a night class. Also, Stuey said that he might be able to come by and hook up my car stereo system! He and I went and saw V for Vendetta Sat night. That was such a kick ass movie!! I highly recommend it.
But for now, I'll prob play a few games on gsn and go to sleep. I talked to my dad tonight. He has funny old people jokes. They always start out like they're a true story. My dad is such a dork I love him!!!
Wanna know something f'd up. Stuey hung out in my car while it was warming up after the movie. It felt like he was waiting for me to invite him to come over and I knew it, but I didn't. I felt like it would've been dishonest to Carlos somehow, even though he never calls me. He always says that he trusts me. But what is going on with us? Stuey offered to come over tonight as well and I told him that I'd be going to sleep soon so no thank you. What is wrong with me? Maybe I just strive to be alone.
I was talking to Megan tonight b/c I have to borrow a coctail dress from her for an event that Im going to. She was talking about the whole single thing. I think she and I will end up cat ladies together, although I really feel I'm going to buy some sugar gliders. :) We'll see what tomorrow brings but I miss talking to Carlos.

It's 4am. I just got off of the phone with Carlos. He's in Chicago.. Drunk.. Trying to get me to drive up there. I'm not! Even if I hadn't been drinking tonight I don't think that I'd make the drive. We were fighting something fierce last night but tonight he told me that he misses me. How cute. I talked to a couple of his friends on the phone. That was kinda fun. I can't believe he told them that I danced! I used to be known as "Stuey's stripper g/f" and now I'm "Carlos's ex-stripper sort of g/f". I have no regrets with what I've done but do I have to be always known as that? What would he say if he knew that I'm considering doing a porn? He probably wouldn't like it. Apparently he went on my myspace page and saw the new pic and liked it. I think that it's really cool. :) This is the story of my life.

Melvin: Sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.
-- As Good as it Gets
I was debating whether to delete the last post or not, but I won't. It was how I felt. I'm feeling pretty happy today. I didn't sleep much but I think that my test went as well as expected. It kicked my butt though. I drank way too much coffee. I was wired like an addict! But I got a lot done today. After class I cleaned my apt, did laundry, bought groceries, and cooked. My friend Ryan was my guinee pig for my cooking. I'm rather pleased with how the food turned out.
I was just reading David's blog on myspace. I feel that part of it refers back to our time together but I don't understand the connection of destiny v. choice.
Greg from school called me tonight. How pathetic. He told me that he and his "psycho girlfriend" broke up and he's "sorry that he hasn't called me in awhile". Really, it's okay. I didn't/don't want to talk to him. I pretty much was nice but blew him off.
Also, Saif called me tonight. Apparently he's been in Chicago. I didn't really notice he was gone. Another person I thought was cool but it just didn't work out for us to be only friends. It seems like he's still interested in me but I never will be with him. It's just crazy how people pop in and out of your life at weird times. I don't understand, but I suppose that I'm not meant to.
Sex without love is an empty gesture. But as empty gestures go, it is one of the best.
--Woody Allen

I don't want you to try and save me,
No I don't want you at all,
If we're through, then you don't blame me,
'Cause that won't do at all
-- People in Planes

Some people don't even know how to call someone when they say they will, even when they say that they like them a lot. I've put my life on hold, flown continents away for someone, and somehow always manage to get screwed over. I'm not in the best of moods tonight. I was pretty good over spring break. Carlos and I were getting kinda close but now he's gone and pissed me off. Stuey is calling me again but I know that can't work out. No one has the time for me. I have a test tomorrow and should be getting to sleep because it's almost midnight but instead I'm online being bored and bitchin' about life. I just need to graduate and use the world as my playground. And btw, what the hell gives Matt the right to call me every week or so, out of the blue, asking if I miss him? People need to quit messing with my heart.

Well, now I have two crushes. One is out of the country at the moment. The other one is going on a date with me sometime soon. It sucks that I was the one that had to ask though. Why can't I get asked out more often? I mean on a date. Not to just "hang out". That's a way to cop out of it if the girl wants to hang out but not date you. Grow some balls men.
I was just chatting online tonight. One guy asked me if I live in MO and I told him that I'm in IL. He said that sucks. I asked why. He told me that he's on probation. Um... I'm not desperate.
There is one person I've kinda been flirting with online but he seems just interested in meeting tons of people, and I happen to be just one of those people. Oh well. Hopefully my date with Carlos will go well. My neighbor came over tonight and told me that when Carlos was working on my car he was asking about me and my neighbor could tell that he's interested in me. So, we'll see how that goes.
Today I met with my doctor. I'm starting on my anti anxiety medicine tonight. I'm going to take it right before I go to bed, which will be soon. There's nothing on tv and nothing to do online. So, that's it for now I suppose.

I have a crush. I am completely, madly smitten with someone. *Sighs* Now I remember what it was like to be a teenager. Teen angst at 22? I suppose anything is possible.
That's pretty much what is on my mind.

Well, it looks like I'm writing more often again. Tonight is a single girl's night. Wine, cheese, and I'm reading "The Etiquette of Dating". I am such a dork, I know. But, I really want to write about last night. There are two significant story lines there, and both ended today.
1: Martin. He sent me some text messages last night saying that he was in Chicago. I called him a little later but he didn't answer the phone. Then, I get a call from his phone, but it's not him. It was the manager's of a bar that he was at saying the he was completely wasted and asking me if I knew which hotel he was staying at. I didn't. They said they might send him to the hospital in an ambulance....
Today, he calls me. Apperently he called some guy's wife an annoying cunt, which led to him getting the crap beat out of him. The owners did try to send him to the hospital but he was being loud and rude and ended being arested! OMFG How crazy is that? The cops let him out at like 4am, and he had a job interview at 8am. He thinks it went well but I could never pull that off.

2: Jeff. He has the same major as me. I met him on facebook. We hung out once before and I've always had a crush on him (he's HOT) but we just never really talked in class. Well, last night was his 23rd bday. I met him up at Shenanigan's and we had some drinks. He was already wasted by the time I got there. It ended up being that I told him and his friend back to his place. (I was planning on crashing there anyway b/c I didn't want to drive back drunk.)
He was so wasted (sign of a good bday I suppose). He threw up on the outside of my car. (It was past due for a good washing anyway.) He ended up telling me that he had always had a crush on me but then he had started dating his ex, and I was with the guy from Ecuador. Well, we didn't have sex or anything, but we did make out. I stayed the night over there but now things are kinda weird between us. This wouldn't be so bad but he is in my group for my marketing class! The 4 1/2 hour class! Grr. I don't know what to do about this. I swear I always do things backwards.

Speaking of stupid shit that I do, Stuey (hopefully) is coming over tonight. It's not what you think. He still has the beads that I got last year at Mardi Gras and I want to have some incase I go to Soulard tomorrow. I'm not sure if I will or not, but we'll see. Anyhoo, that is it for tonight I suppose.

Quote of the night:
If a man had as many ideas during the day as he does when he has insomnia, he'd make a fortune.
~Griff Niblack

That's me tonight, not able to sleep. I was falling asleep but here are the days events that led to the insomnia. ( I may include the other events but as of yet I do not know if I will.)

I talked to Martin today. Saturday he sent me an email saying that he wanted to not talk for a couple of days to sort things out. So... I didn't call/text/email him. period. Tonight he called me (right at the beginning of my 4 1/2 hour night class.) So I couldn't talk to him until after the class.
I called him after the class and he sounded as if he's really depressed. Given the circumstances I probably would be too. He kept apologizing for not talking to me but I told him to not worry about it. There are times when I don't want to talk to people as well. We talked for like 20 mins and then I got home, said I was going to eat and go to bed. We said goodnight....

I get a text message later saying *Are you coming over?*. WTF? I haven't seen him in weeks, which is in the best interest of him (so says his lawyer) so what gives? He didn't sound himself. I called him and it sounded like he was really drunk. He wouldn't give me a straight answer about anything. So... I told him that I had to get to sleep for school tomorrow.
Now he has me all stressing. I don't want to put added stress on him, but at the same time I am having panic attacks and stress. There is nothing I can do for him! GRR. So here I am awake, and online. FUN FUN.

I was watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force the other night ( I LOVE that cartoon) and I got some good quotes.
"I like hanging out with you guys, well not you guys, but the stuff you have is great"-- Shake.
"Now what is the magic word, bitch"-- Meatwad
We are just about to destroy your planet"
"Go ahead, I'm not there"-- Shake to weird alien dudes.

Also, I found this new blog that I really like, great crazy V-day poems. the website is www.pamie.com
My fave poem from there is probably this one

Spicy curry, extra hot.
Half a bottle of cab.
Five cups of coffee, before lunchtime.
Four miles on the pavement, just after dawn.
A good friend's teasing, causing a fierce blush.
A cup of miso soup and sushi for lunch.
These are the simple pleasures in life.
They are the daily components
of Pamela Ribon.
They are what makes
life
worth
living.
So fuck you, Rosacea.
I will destroy you with antibiotics
(both oral and topical)
until I can rise up and drink Merlot with abandon
once again.
It will be worth the raging yeast infection
if I can just have my fucking nonfat latte without
feeling guilty
you goddam piece of shit
stupid-ass
fake princess-y disease.
What the hell?
I got diagnosed with something called "Being Pam."
I'm surprised blogging isn't one of the triggers, for
Christ's sake.
It used to be a good thing to have a healthy glow.
Now my dermatologist wants me to go goth
or my face will fall apart by the time I'm forty?
Fuck you, Rosacea.
My delicate skin will not keep me from tikka marsala.
Because I don't want to live in a world that doesn't
let me drink or eat things that are hot.
I don't want to live in that cold, cold world, the
one filled with yogurt.v (Oh, and happy valentine's day.)

I like it. Maggie and I went out last night. It's about nighttime now and I am still hungover. No going out for me tonight. I still have her bottle of Hennesey over here. I don't effing drink Henesey! I must have been wasted by that time.
Martin is spending time with his step kids tonight. They are "uncomplicated". He is going to call me "in a few days" but I don't care all that much now. I had my fun and now it's over I suppose. I am not in the mood for guys right now and think that I am looking for a girlfriend. Who knows, lol. I am also going to start working again, soon. Other than that, and my panic attacks, it's the usual.

"If you talk too much my head will explode"-- from a song on the radio right now

Happy belated Valentine's Day. I hope everyone had a pleasant one. Mine was fun and as soon as I get a cable for my digital cam I'll put up pictures. I went out with Shannon. First we went to Shenanigans and drank at the bar. (I've been having panic attacks recently and not having meds I decided I needed to drink to be in public.) There we met a really, really cool gay couple that invited us to their Mardi Gras party. Apparently last year they had like 200 people. It should be fun! I love meeting cool new people. After we were quite sloshed (is that a word) there, we, finally, went to go have sushi. Where, suprise, we had more drinks. I forget the name of it but it was from Japan. Pretty good actually. After that, we went to Jimmy Johns for sub sandwhiches (they have the BEST). I love sushi but for some reason I always want something more American afterwards. But, alas, after this we went back to her apartment. Her b/f was out of town and I didn't want to drive home so I stayed the night. I got such cute pictures of us! They must go up on myspace. As for me, I think that I may go watch tv for a bit.

And the bad news is back. Doesn't last long in my life does it? I'm shaking right now and it's kinda hard to type. I'm inbetween crying and wanting to throw things. For now I'll just shake. Hopefully someone calls me back soon so I can go get plastered and feel a little better.
Martin called me a lil bit ago. He and Kirstie are going through their divorce and she put a private detective on him so all hell has broken loose and is ruining both of our lives. Apparently she knows who I am, but how much she knows about me and how much she is trying to dig up on me has yet to be seen. Martin thinks that she got my info from my license plate. Anyway, there goes my Valentine's day and possibly my relationship. Who knows how long this will drag on and he doesn't want to drag me into it further. I seriously despise this woman right now.
I was really happy for a little while. I had something and someone to hold onto. It's not like I caused the divorce or am his first g/f after their split. I just know that tonight I am going out to have a drink. Hopefully I won't go out alone but if someone doesn't call me back soon I am going to. I am shaking, literally. This sucks. How many times have I had to say that? I must believe in 3x3 and wait.

Maggie and I went out Saturday night. We first drank at my apartment and then headed to Boxers and Briefs. They do not have any cute guys there at all, although there was one that was awesome on the pole. We ended up having one guy come over that proceded to give us chair dances but was not all that hot and had a country accents. I, like any other girl amd a sucker for accents, but not country ones. Besides, my boy has a British accent which is incredibly hot!
After Boxers and Briefs we went to Crystal Palace to see who we knew how was working. Pheadra is bartending now so we chatted with her for a minute and had a shot. Misty is still working but I've never liked her and there was one other person but I can't remember her name. The place was DEAD and it was a Saturday night! I don't know how they could put up with that. I couldn't dance at a place that would be dead on a Saturday night!
After that we picked up a couple of six packs in Sauget and proceded to Martin's house where we drank until 8am. Maggie showed us this twisted cartoon online. It freaked me out! I'll stick with Happy Tree Friends anyday, thank you very much. Adrian seems to be leaving me alone which is good. I'm going over to Martin's house tomorrow night. This weekend he is giong for a job interview in Chicago and is going to stay the weekend. This means that it will be a week before we see each other again. :( He told Kirsten (who he is seperated from) about the interview and she says that she wants the divorce papers. This is good news. However, if he does get the job and decides to take it, he will be moving to Chicago. My last relationship was long distance and I don't think that I can do it again. Granted Chicago is only a few hours away, it's still too far. He wanted to talk about it tonight but I'd rather wait to see what happens with the job, and then we can decide what to do. It'd be good for him to get it b/c it pays more, but I want him to stay close! It's really not up to me though so I'll just have to hope everything works out!

Adrian is harrassing me, big time. I told him that I am seeing someone now (Martin) and don't want him to fly up here. I said it pretty nicely but he kept yelling so I told him to stop calling me. Obviously he doesn't like to be rejected b/c he has called me approx. 20/30 times since last night. And he is leaving nasty messages on my phone. Jamie suggested that I file a report so we did call the cops. He came out and took down Adrians information. They can't do anything, but if he does try to come up here and find me or something atleast they know that it is a serious situation and hopefully get their butts here asap. Ugh.
Other than that, last night was really fun. Jamie and I went to a drag show at my school. It was pretty silly but so funny! They guy that won could really shake his butt. He got on the floor and you could see all ass in a thong. It was hilarious. The one that I really liked took 2nd place. He went by the name Carmen Sandiago and was fantastic. He "sang" some song I've never heard about a Harold and how he loves that guy b/c he buys her everything. I should've asked what they song was. I also got a safer sex kit. Do you know that there is an official condom of the hip hop community now? It was in the package. First potato (sp) chips and now condoms. I don't even want to know what is next.
All in all I am pretty happy. Being around Martin has really cheered me up. He bought me the CUTEST BCBG purse! (We were looking for this Dooney & Bourke purse that I want but couldn't find it.) And, we bought a lot of bath and body works stuff so that when I stay over there I can have my girly smelling stuff. For the moment, life is pretty good. Well, until tomorrow when I HAVE to do homework, grr.
Tonight, Jayna and I are supposed to go out. Probably with Traavis, which means we'll hit up the gay bars first. OMG how did I forget this part. Thursday night, I popped my fucking knee out of place. Last time that happened was when I was 18. It was so freakin painful. I popped it back into place so now it is functioning but hurts and I am wearing a wrap around it to keep it in place. Ya, that should be hard to forget, but I guess I was thinking about the harrassing phone calls. Why can't you block a number with a cell phone? WTF Hopefully they will come up with that idea soon enough.

So I am chatting with David right now and my maid service is about done cleaning my apt. I hope they hurry b/c I really don't like people being here, but I hate cleaning anymore. David is planning on working in the Galapagos at a bar there and he's met a girl in a different city in Ecuador. Good for him. Me, I've got a date tonight with Martin. We'll see how this works out. Lately I am not getting my way the way that I am used to. Not with guys anyway. There are 3 that I know of that I would like to work something serious out with but it's just not working out that way. Only one lives in this area and he just doesn't have the time for me. The other two are just missing out! There's no good reason they couldn't bend to my will and be here damnit! But, oh well, that's life.
I'm in a pissy mood now, grr. I was just in such a good mood. Anyway, there's a drag show at school tomorrow night that I plan to go to. It should be a lot of fun. I've never been to one so I am looking forward to it. I've got two hours before the handy man is supposed to be here so I think that I'm going to hit the gym.

So I spend the weekend hanging out with RJ. It's always a full time weekend of partying and this was no exception. I drank so much. Way too much. A lot of it is hazy but I have been trying to understand why he talks to me. I'm not part of his crowd. His crowd is doctors and cheerleaders. He lives in a million dollar house and drives a mercedes. He's about 40 and looks 27. And he's the one that came up to me in a bar to talk. It makes no sense. I will probably never understand, but he's a handfull to party with.

Today I had school all day. I hurt my finger on my right hand over the weekend so it was kinda hard to write today. Plus I was really really tired. In fact, it's getting close to midnight and I am going to head to bed soon. I've got a long day tomorrow as well.

As for other boy news, Adrian's phone got turned back on and he's planning on flying here on sunday. I'm aprehensive about how this is going to work out, since I really think that I like someone else but he doesn't seem all that interested.

And last but not least is something funny, I'm being sarcastic fyi. Anyway, Matt claims his love for me and we gush over old memories, etc. etc. Except, I see him online and I have to be the one to say hi. He calls me only after I call him first and then not even then. So what do I think of all this? I know that I will not pursue someone that doesn't seem all that interested in me, doesn't give me the attention that I deserve. What was the title of that book? "He's just not that into you." I think that's what's going on. Enough said.

Ok so here I go. This will be another rant or something. Last night, I was talking online for awhile and then I went to my fave local bar where I hung out with Matt (not my ex and never will be my bf). So then we went to a strip club where my friend works, but wasn't working that night and then we went to the 24/7 place (after grabbing a burger from my fave burger place when I have them). We so got into it. When I got home I started cutting again. I don't remember why I had bought more razor blades but I did and I have the dried blood on my arm right now to prove it. Ok have to go now, and Matt (my ex) wants me to mention him, lol.

I'm writring twice in one day, crazy I know. I guess that I just have a lot on my mind. Well, Adrian left me a voicemail saying that he asked off for work and wants to come here January 29th- Feb 2nd. I love talking to him and everything, but I don't know if I want him here staying with me. I think I like the "idea" more than actually want the reality. So, I'm really not sure what to do.

Okay, topic besides boys for once. I saw on a talk show that you can order your fbi file and I am going to do this. I probably wouldn't have bothered if I hadn't been put on the security watch list at the airport, but now I want some answers. I don't like the idea of being watched and having my emails and phone calls invaded. So, let's see what they've got.

So I guess that I'm "talking" to Adrian. I told Stuey last night that I couldn't "see" him anymore and he was only upset at the fact that he had to drive here and couldn't stay the night. He doesn't want a girlfriend and probably couldn't care less that I met someone. That pretty much hurts. Perid. Yep. I've been too depressed lately and drinking isn't making it better, but it's what I'm holding on to. When I talked to Matt the other night, he had me on speaker phone, so I ended up debating politics with his friend (who has no clue what he's talking about). His friend hung up on me and Matt didn't seem to care. It's all so fucked up right now. I'm awake really early today because I have class at 9:30 and I had to study for a quiz. I better get going now.

David told me that he's taking a bartending job in the Galapagos. I suppose that I should be happy for him. He's found a direction and is doing something with his life now. I had thought for awhile that the something he would be doing, we would be doing together. Well, I was obviously wrong.

This adds to the list of people that I do not feel like talking to for awhile. Ryan (not ex). I don't feel like talking to him b/c of last time we were hanging out at the bar. He tends to do shit that annoys me and last time he kept asking me why I hang out with him. Finally, I decided that maybe he's right. So, I'm not going to hang out with him for awhile.

Matt. I suppose for awhile we were really close but not anymore. He's just really annoying me lately.

David. Although I am chatting with him on messenger right now. I never seem to make a clean break from a relationship and there will never be one with us again. If we lived in the same country, sure, but we don't.

Stuey. Ugh. If I have a weakness it's him. I must be sadistic. It's pure and simple. I'd do better for myself if I just went back to cutting myself. Atleast those wounds can heal. He hardly ever answers my calls, calls me when he feels like it, only comes over late at night, says he still loves me but doesn't act like it, and doesn't want to officially date again. How did I spend two years with this person and somebody slap the shit out of me because I am putting up with this mess. I think that I would like to get back into a relationship I just haven't found the person.

I suppose that there is Adrian but I am NOT doing long distance again and he can't even fly up here for like another month b/c he just got out of jail and is moving, finding a new job, etc. (You are probably screaming at me to run the other direction now, I know.)

So, as for prospects, that leaves Jason and Matt. I know that I couldn't be happy with Jason. And Matt is still married, has a kid, and is in Florida where he plans to attend school. So, that leaves me dating. Don't hold your breath for this to have a happy ending because it might take a very long time.

*Side note. I found out that Jim Beam makes sunflower seeds. They are so good!!!*

I went to Florida this past weekend with Jamie (Jason's lil sis). There were some interesting moments and lots of crazy people. Just a few quotes (although only Jamie and I will know what they stand for) "She burnt the lasagna and she yelling at me" and "Did you see that guys shit flappin'?".

Although she's only 20 when we went to this club called Spice, they carded me and not her! We went there twice. The first time one of the guys that works there, Adrian, was flirting with me hardcore and kinda possessive (sp) b/c I had a few other guys come up to me and he pretty much scared them off. I didn't mind too much. He's a pretty cool guy but not my normal time. He's latin american, a lil heavier than i usually go for, and "urban" (or ghetto as I call it). He keeps saying that he's going to fly up here soon but I have my doubts. I am a pessimist (as some say, I prefer realist) by nature. So, we'll see what happens, if anything, with that.

School started yesterday. So far so good. It's going to be hard to wake up for my 9:30 am class but I have to. Tonight I'm going out to dinner and then probably hitting the bar scene for a lil bit. I can't stay out too late though b/c I have some reading to do for class tomorrow that I haven't done. I know, I know, I'm already slacking. Oh, and I got a myspace account. I still have to work on the page but when I make it look all pretty I might start blogging there instead of journaling here. I don't know yet.

It's a new year! I hope this one is awesome. Last year wasn't too bad. I'm really glad that I got to travel and I made some new friends. As for recent news:
I went to the movies the other night with Jamie (Jason's lil sis) and saw "Memoirs of a Geisha" (excuse my spelling). The movie sucked. It was 3 hours long and not worth it at all!
I ran into my old neighbor/bartender Dawn. Like Evie you can tell that she's being doing way too much coke. She did not look very healthy at all.
Matt Becker called me. It's been like 3 or 4 years since I've seen him and out of the blue he calls. Apparently he's out of the army, married, and has a son. Go figure. There's a different path in life for everyone I suppose.
As for me, Jamie and I are going to the beach this weekend! I just booked our flight and hotel. Florida here we come!!! Yea!!! It's going to be so awesome. I'm going to relax, soak up the sun, and drink!! I just hate that school starts back on Monday, grr. But, I got 3 A's and 2 B's last semester, so I'm pretty proud of that.
I'll have to put some pictures up from Florida. We are going to look so cute!

My life is kinda confusing right now. I'm trying to get used to the "being single" thing but it's not really working. David called me tonight which really suprised me. He was worried about me, which is sweet, it just made me want to cry hearing his voice. I wish that we could've found some simple way for him to be here that wouldn't cost so damn much. And soon. GRR. The relationships in my life just aren't working out how I want them to.

School's going alright. Got two finals out of the way so just two more to go. I'll be done on Thursday which is good, but I'll be depressed just sitting around the apartment. I guess it's time to start thinking about going out and dating or something. I'm just going to bum around online for a bit now.

I went to see the movie "Saw II" last sunday. It was pretty good. I liked it way better than the first one. My finals start on Monday. I am so ready to be done with this semester. I am ready to be done with school! One more year, and then what am I going to do with my life? Anyway, I'm in kind of a down mood today. I'm feeling blue. This medicine has not cleared up my ear infection yet and it doesn't make me feel very good. I DO NOT want to go to work tonight, grr. Also, I broke up with David. I am sure that it was a very stupid move on my part, and that I should've waited until he got his visa and we had time to spend together here in the States. I just feel like my whole life is fucked up right now and I can't do anything right. GRR!!!! I'm sure that I'll feel better soon though.

I've neglected my journal! I've been so busy. This semester is almost over, YEA! I just have to do well on the finals and then it's celebration time for sure. During Thanksgiving break I flew back to Ecuador. The first couple of days were rocky b/c I had to adjust to physically having a boyfriend. But, we worked through most of the kinks and had a nice anniversarry. He gave me a really pretty ring that I'm wearing.

I got to see Gaby and the rest of the family. That was nice although a little scary. I need to work on my spanish vocabulary. I like the fact that Saskia reminded my man that there are other fish in the sea. Best to keep him on his toes, lol. We hung out with David's best friend a couple of times. She's really cool. We did a carraige ride through the old part of town. It was great until we stopped and the horse took a big piss, lmao.

We went to a spa that was overpriced but really fun to stay at. There are these flowers that go there and make you trip but we didn't smell them or anything. Especially since they completely alter your sense of reality and you don't know when you've completely come down from the drug. That's a lil scary to me. After that we went to Mindo. It was kinda boring but I wasn't being much of a good sport.

I met David's parents. His mom seems nice but it's not like I really got to sit down and talk with her. I came down with my ear infection on the bus ride to Santo Domingo. It sucked. Plus, the road there is really scary because there are huge falls if the bus takes a turn the wrong way. They hand out puke bags to people for the trip because it is so windy.

On my last night there we went to a karaoke bar. It was so cool. For $10/hr we rented a private room and took turns singing karaoke. I had a blast doing that!!!

I'm really hoping that everything will work out with his visa. I'm almost tempted to fly back there next month to see him, but I really hate the flight and I do need to work. I don't know if I'll be leaving my job or not. I might try to find a place up in Chicago to work weekends. We'll see what happens. I have an earache now and it sucks. Plus I have to sleep alone tonight, grr. I was spoiled being able to sleep beside someone. I really missed that.

It's raining here now. I'm not a big fan of storms but it doesn't seem like too bad of one. I'm going to try to write more often and when David sends me the pix I'll put them up.

I just hate being here all alone again. His trip to the US can't come soon enough for me. ANd finally I'll be able to show him all of my fave spots!!!

The timeless question, "to be or not to be..." That's what i'm thinking right now. As my friend so well put it, it's an uphill battle, and I'm losing ground. Is that just life though?!? People said that highschool is the best years of your life, and i thought how horrific, and then people said college, and I thought, dear god/goddess i hope not, and now what? What's next for me? I'll find out, I suppose, maybe. I read a letter from my dad today (he sends them once a week but I don't pick up my mail very often) and I realize how wonderful he is. Everyone else I've been very disappointed with lately.

I think that I go for things in my life that I know are doomed. OR relationships any ways. Guys/girls, it all ends up about the same. I keep saying that I want to graduate so that I can get away. But HELLO, that's the same thing I said when I was younger. I wanted to be 18 so that I could get away. And I did. And now I want to get away again. What happens when I have no place to run to? When I don't have the goal of getting away? I guess that I'll find out next year. About getting away atleast. I'm feeling less and less sure about the choices I've made in life. I guess that I'll find out soon enough what happens next. Maybe someone will wisk me away for a much needed good time.

I think that I'm going to keep my phone off today. I'm kinda pissed at the world and it's better not to be near my phone. I'm not going to class today, I'm taking the day off. It won't hurt my grades so I'm fine. I'm going to go to campus, do my homework for tomorrow and go to the gym. THen, since I only left with about $11 last night, I'm going to work. Hopefully b/c of the Cardinals, it will be a good night. We're going to have a lot of girls there though. There were about 4 dances done in total last night. I didn't get one of them. David comes back from the beach today. It would be nice to be on vacation. But, I'll be flying to see him next month. It's not soon enough!

Happy birthday to my mother that has fucked up her life and blames me for her being fucked up!

Funny story, thursday night at work I ran into a guy that I dated for maybe 3 weeks like 4 years ago. I completely didn't recognize him, b/c he looks like shit. He was so trying to hit on me and stuff. It was pathetic. I remember why I broke up with him, we were at a party and he started hitting on my fat ugly gay friend! um, i knew he was bi, but that doesn't mean that he's allowed to hit on other guys when he's supposed to be with me.

Friday night, me Jayna and Travis went out clubbing. We hit so many clubs. First we went to this cool gay bar in the CWE, and from there it was non stop partying til 4 in the morning. (Did I mention that we started at 9pm?) lol. I'm putting some pics up on my pics page. We ended the night at the Oz in the VIP section. It was so much fun. We did go to Pops for a lil bit but had an awful time. I am NOT going to spend any more money on that hoosier bar!

It's later in the evening now. I'm feeling like a sappy romantic for some reason. I've been looking at greetings cards on love and what not. Some of them are so sweet!

I'm off of work, so it's early in the morning. I just read the article about Paris Hilton and her fiancee splitting up. I truly wish her the best of luck. I know people don't like her b/c they find her a lil "wild", but what's wrong with being yourself? His parents totally screwed up that relationship. But, I guess when you have a billion dollar bank account, and have never had an honest job, you have to listen to mommy and daddy. I'm kinda mad that no one is awake anymore when I get off of work. People should keep the same hours as me damnit. And you know what, besides David, if you read this please just send me an email. I know if it was a blog, it would be a lot more popular. But while I like to read them, I'm not ready to start my own.

So... work tonight... It sucked. We weren't very busy. A lot of young guys that I had to tell that $2 is the polite tip minimum. Gotta train 'em sooner or later. We had a lot of female customers get naked on stage. Too bad they were all fat besides one. I'm kinda pissed at my door guy. His b-day was yesterday, and he called me to go out. I said that I would just call me later. Well, he didn't call me, but I ran into him that night. And I had so much more fun then him. Who was in the Lexus wih VIP treatment everywhere, and who was not? I believe tha t people should live up to their word. If you say that you're going to do something, do it. If people can't trust what you say, you're not much of a person. ( I know, old values, but my values.) Other than that, I wish that someone was awake. I miss David. I can't wait til he gets the present that I sent him!!! And I can't wait to be in Ecuador again. I'm so lonely!

I have a love of quotes, if you didn't know, and I've found a good website with some I'd like to share.

This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time." - Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

It's about 2 am and I'm feeling so good right now. Want to know why? Well, I won't tell all of it. But I will say that I do love the internet at the moment, which is a rarity. I love being able to share hot pics with my hot guy. It's not the same as the real thing, but I'm feeling so good right now that I'm not complaining!

I've been kinda down today, wondering if David is going to be able to get his visa. This long distance thing is wearing on me. Going more than a month without seeing each other sucks!! But tonight, it seems like things are starting to move forward. Why do things have to be so difficult. Now I have to ask myself the question of how much I care about him. Grr!!! I repeat, I am not getting back together with Ryan. People are ex's for a reason and don't change so easily. 2 years of trying to get someone to work on a few things, but they don't do it til AFTER you leave them!?!

Work sucked a$$ last night. There were no people, no money, just overall bad time. Ok, now we need some good news. I did well on my management test. I got 82% which isn't THAT great, but considering the class avg was 62% I'm pretty satisfied. Now I just have to amuse myself tonight b/c I have NOTHING to do! I am so bored. I miss my free cable.

You all remember Madlibs don't you? I loved them as a kid. Well I looked up "erotic mad libs" tonight and here's my story. It is too funny!

Today I am feeling so anti-social. I definantly do not want to go to work and am thinking that I might just call off and go back to sleep. I do not feel like drinking. I need a break from drinking. And last night, I went to dinner with two of the people that I work with and the one guy apparently knows my ex and that's all he wanted to talk about. "So you're Stuey's stripper girlfriend." Apparently, that's how I was known. I understand that people want to talk about things that they have in common, but ex's usually aren't a subject that I care to dwell on, even though I'm usually the one that breaks things off. Anyway, I talked to David after I got home last night, a lil after 1 am. He was still out with friends himself. I want to fly there next month but I don't know if I will or not. I should really wait until November but this long distance is getting to me. It just sucks that I could only go there for a weekend if I do go next month. Plus, I'd have to miss a couple of classes, which means that I'd have like 1 more absence before it started to affect my grades. I really hate school sometimes, but I need to get it done and get my degree. I hate politics as well at the moment. And yes that is my minor. But why does it have to be so f'n hard for him to get a visa?!? So, to wrap it up, life is sucking hard at the moment. And I think that I am going to call off work.

How to make a lady_gessell

Ingredients:
3 parts competetiveness
3 parts courage
1 part beauty

Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of fitness and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

9/23/05

(like 5am) So this was a crazy ass night at work. A well known pimp is trying to get me to be his next "baby's mama" even though he knows that I'm with someone I love, and i'm not into him. On top of that, he used to live by me where i was growing up. I saw his id and the address is one house over from where mine was. That is f'd up! I didn't make nearly as much money tonight as I should have, but I made more than most people, so I'm happy. And I love my boyfriend and miss him so much! I'm really happy. This is like a first in a long time for me to be this happy!!

9/19/05

I don't know if anyone even reads this thing, but it keeps some memories in order for me I suppose. I've been feeling kinda down lately. Part of it is missing David and the other part is just wishing that I had more control over things in life. It is crazy how hard David is working to get things together so that he can get his visa, but I'm pissed at his country for making him run through hoops to get the damn thing. And then, there's really no guarantee that he'll get it, but I must have faith. I guess that I'm spoiled being an American. We have so much more freedom than people from some countries.

Jayna and I hung out on Friday night. We were out til like 4 in the morning. I had a lot of fun hanging out with her. We visited our old job, and I don't regret leaving that place. It was kinda depressing being back there. Found out that Juliana is preggies and living with some male dancer. Hopefully she's happy. She lost touch with all of us so I really have no way of knowing. Part of me is jealous that she's settled down. I know that I'm still young and have plenty of time, as everyone tells me, I've been on my own for so long. It would be nice to settle down.

Anyway, it's late and I have a big test in the morning. Wish me luck!!

9/13/05

Today has been a very good day so far. My friend Matt and I went out to some bars and played video games. I got a lot of high scores! At school today, there was a bilingual theatre group and I watched the play "Cuentame Coyote". It was very depressing. The play itself used humor but the subject was one of real life that's no laughing matter. There are tons of people from Mexico that die trying to cross the border. I did like that the play was in Spanish and English.

Also, I got my schedule for school for next spring. It's going to be rough. But, that's what happens when you're close to graduating. Oh, and hopefully I'm going to get some friends to come with me to Ecuador this Christmas! That would be awesome!!!

9/10/05

Work is giong ok so far. The only thing that sucks is my free time b/c I get so lonely. It sucks that David is like 3000 miles away. But I've been a good girl, which is new for me. And now that I'm in a relationship where I'm happy, guys don't want to be friends b/c they have no chance of getting any. Oh well, that's life.

8/5/05

Ok it's been a really long time since I've written this time, but I have an excuse, I was in Ecuador. A lot has changed but I won't go into details, I'll just sum stuff up. I met a great guy in Ecuador named David and I really hope that we can make this long distance thing work. I'm a lot more calm and peaceful, which is totally good. I need to quit partying so much. It was bad for my health and not a good thing to do while driving. I met really cool people in Ecuador. Ginger is awesome and I'm so glad that I got to know her. Jesse is cool even though he's a weird New Yorker. The girls at the house were awesome especially Gabi, who is coming to the US in January and I hope it's close to STL. Enrique is cool but I don't trust his driving at all when he's drunk. I put up that page of pics but it's not my best html work and the only editing that I did to the pictures was to resize them. Well, now I'm back home and everything's about to be very hectic very soon. I've already had bad family news (like I could ever escape that) and bad vibes with Stuey (suprise, not). I'm taking 5 classes this semester and it's going to be a Biatch. Jamie moved back to LA, which sucks because I miss her! Ok, I'm going to wrap this up now. More later.

6/13/05

It has been a while since I have written. I am in the grand old country of Ecuador right now, where I will be until the 23rd of July. It is pretty cool so far, although the keyboards are so weird. As for since I have written last, Ryan and I are trying to work things out I think, but I have to find out who the fuck Brit is. My apartment was robbed, so I have not had a computer in awhile. I will go buy another one as soon as I get back in the states, as well as start to fix up my car. Ok back to Ecuador, things are different here. It keeps raining which is ticking me off. Things are so cheap! It is like $3 for a full meal, seriously. I need to take some pictures soon. The only downfall to this place is the danger of getting robbed or whatnot. I was walking with Ginger today and she had a backpack on and an old lady with a baby on her back started to open her backpack but she felt it and scared the woman off. I am just carrying my books and I keep my money in my bra. It is not safe to walk alone here at night and I can not get my calling card to work at the house I am staying at, so I have to use the payphones. I am doing a lot of walking, especially to school and to get to a phone. I will write back before I leave here I am sure.

5/4/05

I'm having a nervous breakdown, I know it. I put in my two weeks notice at work and Stuey says, why don't i just quit now. This is like my grandmother all over again. I have to quit trying so hard to please people. I hung out with a friend tonight and he was too druk so I hung out instead with the one guy i've had a date with, Jeff. He turned out to be a real prick. I just don't understand what is so wrong with me that all this stuff has to happen. I'm not perfect, nowhere near, but I'm not this bad. Stuey's standing at my steps now, I don't know why for. I met one of his friends tonight. Even when we were arguing Stuey called me hi sex. And when I said that I love him, he couldn't say it back. So that settles it. My life is just so lost right now. I've never been this alone. I don't know what to do. I need to get through finals and then what? What's out there for me but school? Hopefully someone!

5/03/05

Why do we give others the power to hurt us? They don't hurt us because we allow ourselves to be hurt by them. And out of so many people in the world, why is it so hard to find one that's right for us. that's not really a question. It may be because there are so many of us out there, and we know we have options and no pressure to settle down or ever be faithful when we do. Maybe I get too wrapped up in my book. My ideas of romance are probably warped, although even in my books it's filled with problems and it usually takes mortal danger for the people to realize that they can't really live without each other. I'm not ready to go for that, just for the can't live without each other part. I'm sure that I'm rambling. Blame it on the alcohol or the stress of studying all day. I'm just near tears and trying to blow some steam. I am not one for casual encounters. I need something more heartfelt. It seems like the guys my age aren't looking for that, and the ones that are are older or divorced or way out of shape. Ugh. I sometimes wonder what harm my ex-friends bestowed upon me with their evil eyes when we parted ways. I know that hardly anyone is truly happy, and that I always make it through things. But damn does it have to be so f'n difficult and does it have to feel like most of the time I'm taking the burden alone. I'm sure that I'll be more optimistic in a day or two, but who knows. These things come and go. I keep hoping that Stuey is going to come around, even though my friends tell me that I can do much better. Tonight is another example that I'm dead wrong. I could list off the names of my other "suitors" but they have even worst problems. It's after 3am and I should be asleep b/c I have to wake up early for finals but I'm so tormented. Atleast I'm not in the thinking of suicide mode. Okay, I'll just chalk this up to a bad day, period.

4/28/05

Work is pissing me off. It has been so dead! I think I'm going to try to stick it through til I leave for Ecuador. What else am I going to do on such short notice? Plus I've had to spend way too much with this trip and getting my car fixed etc. I signed up for full coverage insurance today. That's fn expensive. As for other things, I dunno. School's almost over. Stuey and I have hung out a couple of times and he's being really sweet. He even finally bought me a teddy bear. I bugged him about that for months. I don't know what to do but I think I'm going to try to work things out. I need to go to a psychic!

4/19/05

I broke down and called Stuey fri night. I had a horrible date, and then hooked up with friends and didn't have a good time. Maybe I can blame it on the alcohol. But it makes it better knowing that he said he was planning on calling me the next day and was really glad that I'd called. We met up that night. Tonight I was lonely and bored and called him, but just to talk. I knew he'd be up this late. Tomorrow will be better b/c I'll be busy all day. Why can't men just admit they're retarded and send you flowers and woo you back into their good graces damnit. I'm going to try to sleep now but it's going to be hard.

4/14/05

Work was so dead last night. Ugh! And then Megan goes and calls me at like 10 this morning seeing if I wanted to go have lunch. I did not, lol. I need lots of sleepy time. I'm going up to her work tomorrow to hang out. It's some bar in the boondocks. And sunday I should be hanging out with an old friend. Monday I'm doing my Monday night ritual (bar hopping) and Tue I have a date. I think it's a date. We'll see how it goes. I'm trying to keep myself busying b/c I keep getting all down when I think if Stuey. Grr. But I'm having a party at my place soon, so that should cheer me up. And school's almost done. Yea!

4/12/05

So I'm offically single. Really. And it sucks. I hate sitting around here by myself, when normally I know company is on the way. Other than that, things are pretty good. Nothing I can complain about really. School's almost out. I can't wait for that. And not too long after that I'll be leaving for Ecuador. I think that I'm going to try to go to a cardinal's game before I leave. Think I'm going to head offline soon, drink a few beers, and try to go to sleep. But that never happens this early.

4/07/05

I had such a horrible night last night. Anything that could go wrong did. I'm nervous about going to work tonight after all the shit that happened. I have a huge bruise on my shoulder, I think Tyra bit me or something. Ugh. And then after work, geeze couldn't I have been able to drive home without some fuckwad giving me shit. It is good to know the cops in that town though. That helped my ass out a lot. Did I mention I'm not talking to Danny anymore? But then Dave decides to call me, after he blew me off months ago. What is going on with the planets because something has got to be out of whack up there to make it so hectic down here. I guess the only good thing is that I'm getting closer and closer to being out of school!

4/04/05

I had so much fun friday night. It's good to drown your sorrows and mingle with out of town hotties!!! Saturday was good for the most part. Work was really busy, which isn't always a good thing, but I did really well. My bosses were being uptight pricks, suprise suprise. Ran into Danny and got the story straight of what happened, I suppose. Not completely happy though. Still think that it's hard to make friends at school, but atleast I'm usually too busy to worry about that. Also, not sure of the whole Stuey situation yet. That should all play out soon I'm sure.

4/01/05

People suck. I've come to this conclusion. Well, this isn't the first time I have. And it's mostly that Danny sucks, and Stuey sucks b/c he's never happy b/c I'm not happy but I don't know what to do to make him happy. I avoided everyone today once I got home from school. Just turned my phone off, pigged out, and watched tv. I think I'll finally venture out to get cigs since I haven't had one all day. No drinking for me tomorrow. I do too many stupid things when I drink, like talk. It's always comes back to times like these doesn't it.

3/28/05

It's been awhile since I've written, yet again. School, work, and trying to sleep are leaving me with little time on my hands. But, I can't complain too much. Ran into an old acquatance (sp) Rick, today at school. It was nice to hear how he's doing. Not talking to Danny much lately, don't know if I mentioned him. And don't ask me how things are with Stuey, b/c they're never good or bad for very long. Got my info for my trip to Ecuador. That's going to be a pain to get everything arranged. Megan and I went out to a bar Fri night. (She finally got a fake.) Wasn't as fun as I'd hoped b/c the whole time I'm stuck watching her purse as she moves around to socialize (flirt) and then I have to baby sit her as she's puking. Not exactly the night I had in mind.

3/16/05

I've been busy! Ugh! So, went and saw "Be Cool" mon night. I thought it was a good movie. It was cheesy, very cheesy, but funny. Other than that, just trying to get through all my school work and hopefully get my car fixed soon. Yep, that's about it.

3/06/05

So guess who was over at my apt when I got home from work this morning? I was very suprised. Ofcourse we got into a fight about him wanting me to quit my job, which I said isn't going to happen. Ugh. It was such a nice day out atleat. I went and bought a stack of books from Borders. I just finished this one called "be honest you're not that into him either". It was very well written. It made me think a lot about why I do the things I do and I've pretty much decided that I need a break from men period. I'll go out with Stuey tonight but I need a couple of weeks to evaluate what is going on in my life and am I willing to live with this stuff or do I need a change.

3/05/05

So, had fun friday night. Took my niece and nephews out to the city museum. That place is awesome! Some of my new friends went too, which was really great.

Got in touch with Stuey today after calling him last night. I'm so sick of this. I'm going to go my seperate way as of tomorrow. He pretty much admitted that he saw that I called/texted and just blew me off. So, I think it's time to shop around again. Kinda sucks but I don't want to be with someone that thinks so little of me.

Other than that, not much to say. Probably going out in a lil bit before work.

And btw, if Matt ever sees this, please get in touch with me. I really want to talk to you.

3/1/05

So, my life. It's a mess. I suppose I'm doing well but I'm not the happiest. Not nearly as happy as I should be.

2/25/05

Haven't talked to Stuey in two days. I think he's pissed at me b/c I started dancing again. Work has gone well so far, besides some girl with her nose in the air that doesn't like me. That's to be expected though. I'm happy to be resting tonight. I'm just really confused about my relationship right now. Hopefully he'll call me tonight after he gets off of work. It always sucks to end a relationship b/c I feel like all that time was spent in vain. GRR!!!

2/19/05

Took my niece and nephews out last night. We went skating. I had a pretty good time. Being around teenagers gets on your nerves very quickly though. They spent the night and today I showed them the trail by my apt. All in all it was a pretty good time. Yesterday I did 4 miles on an incline at the gym so I am so sore. Desperately in need of a rubdown!!!

2/16/05

I hate stupid people. And most people seem to be stupid people. Lucky me!

2/15/05

I got a B on my finance test! This may not seem much to some people but I am so f'n happy b/c that's almost 1/3 of my grade for that class! Other than that not much going on. Read a really good book. (For some reason Stuey was suprised that I could read 500 pages in two days.) My sister's kids have called me a couple of times this week. She's up and disappeared. Don't know what to think about that one. I'm probably taking the kids out this friday. I haven't been skating in years. Should be interesting.

2/13/05

So Stuey called me yesterday and in his own way, without saying the words, he apologized. So, short story, we're good again. Last night I drank way too much. It's funny how easy it is for two 19 yr olds to get served if the person paying is of age.

2/12/05

Last night was pretty fun. I hit some of the clubs and got to get numbers back from some of my friends. I applied for my old job back so we'll see what happens. I hope that I can go back cause I need the money but if not I'm not going to sweat over it. Stuey and I are still fighting, although he was drunk on the phone and so was I so I don't know how serious to take it. I've got a few options for plans tonight but we'll see what happens.

2/9/05

Iggy on Stuey right now. I am seriously thinking about taking a break but I need regular booty. Grr! Have to get the car tire fixed tomorrow. Hopefully the car will run fine for awhile. Took Jewel out to dinner tonight. It was nice to be out of the house and out of the chatrooms. Hopefully my test goes well tomorrow. I need it to. And I need less stress!And money, always need money.

2/8/05

Mardi Gras in New Orleans was awesome! I can't wait to get the pics developed. The only part that sux is being back home. Then, on the way to school today I got a flat tire. Atleast my friend Jewel was able to fix it. (But now I owe him dinner.) Not muc to say, other than I had a great time and now I'm back to the real world.

2/3/05

Leaving for New Orleans tonight. Hopefully I'll get a scanner soon so I can put up lots more pics. I'm feeling better today. My friend called me and said she didn't get into the sorority she wanted to. I can't say I feel too bad b/c I think they're all a bunch of stuck up bitches anyway. Doing well so far school wise. We'll see how my finance test goes next week.

2/2/05

So hopefully I'll have more happy entries in here than not so happy ones. I don't know why but I'm in such a down mood today. I hate being this day! There's nothing I can think of that set me off, although I've gone through enough shit the past two weeks. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow when I leave for New Orleans to go to Mardi Gras! (We'll see)