The recovery begins
Our daughter?s started on Easter Weekend. She sat down and told us her using friends names. So we would know and keep her away from them. She made a choice of going to a different school. We had two High Schools in our district. She at first wanted to go a school that was an alternative school. More self -teaching when we (my husband, myself and her sister) went to check it out. It was very bare bones which was O.K. But her sister knew some of kids that were there and they were active user. When we called her on this she said she knew that and she was hoping we would not figure it out. So be weary of any choices they may want to make and do not be afraid of calling them on it. She seemed to appreciate us always being mindful of all angles. The first thing we did was put a monitoring device on our computer. We did this because in the past she would look up directions on-line from our house to where she purchased drugs. We also did it to see what her interests were becoming. The software I choose was not perfect. I admit I did not quite grasp what she was doing when she committed the credit card theft as at the time I had it set for snapshots every 60 seconds. I found that 35 seconds allows you to understand what?s going on better. I also choose to keep it hidden so no one had any knowledge of the software. It became part of my routine to view it every other morning. I then emptied it from the computer, as it made it run slow if too space was taken up. I used it as a tool to talk to her about subjects she searched for. I made it look like casual conversation. I did not want her feel spied on. I would ask if she felt uneasy and was something bothering her. I also found being blunt with her worked I would just ask are you feeling triggered from there we talked.

Never be afraid of one on one counseling. We went probably too late. We should started right after rehab. If your insurance covers it go. You pay premiums now is not the time to be thinking of not overburdening the insurance company use what benefits you have be it from your private insurance or the company you work for if they offer resources and insurance benefits use them.
NO ROMANCES. I cannot stress this enough. We broke this rule she had rekindled an old romance from freshman year with a very nice boy. He fully understood her addiction problems if she needed to go to a meeting she went. But she jerked this boy around constantly maintaining an on again off again relationship with him. They lasted 15 months. He was like family to us. He treated her very well but he finally could no longer take such a tumultuous relationship and stayed away from her. I wish him the very best in life such a kind hearted person deserves the best. Addicts are very strange people in that anniversaries are significant to them. When she reached her first year of sobriety she celebrated it by committing credit card theft. It was only for $75.00 and she did return the merchandise to the firm (she bought a shirt online) in its original packaging. The company did not press charges but did charge her an extra 25.00 for phone calls. We took the money out of her savings account. They also blocked our server from accessing them ever again. We chose to delete her screen name and she is online only for school with us sitting by her for six months. She celebrated her 18 month anniversary by humiliating her boyfriend by choosing to brake up with him for an illegal alien who had already left the country. I found this to be the most alarming as a lot of her old addictive mannerism resurfaced. So I was doubly scared. She never relapsed but doing foolish acts around the time of an anniversary rather than relapse is common behavior. She has in some ways moved forward but in some ways moved back. She is making a few new friends yet her romantic relationships have taken steps backwards. Instead of having a boyfriend who would do things for her, understand her and they would go on dates. She has chosen guys who do not drive yet (one failed his drivers ed class) and another is in a halfway house and only calls her when he is at work. I decided to keep my mouth shut about these dead end situations. Let her figure it out herself.
If you have medical benefits use them. Our daughter went to a psychiatrist for an anxiety disorder she it recommended that she sees a therapist. At first she did not say anything and when she did I did let my pride get in the way and blew her off. I at first felt she was being melodramatic and I was afraid of the dependence she may develop on the therapist. You know like in The Bob Newhart show where people were afraid to make a simple decision without first talking to their therapist. I got over it. She is going and to be honest I go also. It is the best thing. Because when she broke up with her boyfriend the whole family was traumatized (We loved this guy) and two weeks later she hooks up with some guy who is not all that great. We put a lot of pressure on her to forget about this guy after all his first impression went something like this I?m weird and dumb, I like to hit things and half the time I don?t know what I?m doing and I failed Drivers Ed. And by the way I have gotten demoted in my job for calling my boss an asshole. We?re thinking ?Oh you go girl this one is a keeper.? We were very outspoken about our disapproval of him. It brought another hidden issue of hers to surface and as always her guardian angel is watching over her. She was seeing a therapist and her mother still was snooping in her room. At age seven all her friends were boys. Unfortunately sexually curiosity got the best of them and six of them gang raped her. I know this now because just before she was to graduated from rehab they asked that she stay two extra weeks because they were just starting a sexual molestation seminar and this came to the surface. They felt she should stay and finish the program out. They would not give us details to protect her privacy and our daughter never told us the details either. We agreed to let her stay. It was not enough for her. I only discovered this when I found some poems she had written. I took copies and gave them to her therapist to help her. Never be afraid to snoop. I would go in to look for signs of drug use. I also knew she loved to write it was her therapy. I would find out what was on her mind. I?d wait for an appropriate time to strike up a conversation about it. I did keep her love life private once I found out her boyfriend (the good one) wrote her love letters I learned to identify them and never read them.
This is the ongoing story of my daughter?s recovery. I?ll try to update this from time to time so we all have examples of how to fight this battle. I sometimes blame our generation and the generation before us for the drug problem today. Our parents always put us first. Unfortunately we missed the point we do not put our kids first as they did. We seem to think we should still be first, but enough of our generations problems. This is about the fight against drugs and how we can fight it one kid at a time when it touches your lives. She has been rather successful. As a parent we learned to put her first in our thoughts. Your other children need your care as well if your addicted child is having a hard time all your can do is try your best and never feel guilty about your choices. There were times I purposely choose my other children because Addicts are selfish they need to know that there are others to consider. Never be ashamed of their addiction. When she needed surgery I told the surgeon about her addiction so He could chose what anesthesia and painkiller would be best for her. It?s as he said she has only been sober a short time and you do not what her to feel altered. I wrote this so other parents would not feel alone. So maybe you could learn from our story. Take what tips you can to help you out. Let your child read this I cannot stress the importance of giving up their using friends and becoming very selective about who their new friends are in their new life. They should always look to the future to build their new sober life. Look back and have pride in their accomplishment of choosing their family over friends.