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This page is for our Movie reviews! Updated bi weekly. When we aren't seeing movies at the cheap theater, we're posting what we know right here. We aim to see only the cream of the crop, but sometimes even we get suckered into to seeing crap. See us first, for the real scoop on new movies.

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Well what can you expect the ending to a boring pile of shit series to be but a boring pile of shit. Good lord, can we get some more dramatic music for all of the talking and staring that is going on in this movie?! This could have easily been an hour and a half but they had to throw in and stretch out every scene where every character has a look of anger, sadness, or determination on their face. Now to be fair, the CGI effects during the fight scenes are unbelievable and deserves every award there is for something like that. It is flawless in that regard but plot, storyline, and excitement leave more the be desired than the length of the three films put together with all cut scenes included. Maybe those who can�t get laid and aren�t allowed to see action movies like this movie, we don�t know, and frankly, we don�t want to know.

Hellboy It�s just raining comic book movies in Hollywood baby. This movie starts the lead henchmen from Blade 2 who shows that he can carry a movie as the lead. The movie is also directed by the man who directed Blade 2, so far so good. The first twenty minutes of the movie are amazing and show how great the rest of the movie could have been . However, afterwards the movie drifts into a crappy love story and sewer dog hunting along with ripping off Blade 2 and Aliens plot wise. The movie has grossed enough to warrant a sequel to tie up some loose ends but otherwise, rent the DVD and don�t watch anything the � mark.

The Punisher Wow, what a letdown of epic proportions. Makes Dolph Lundgren look like Orson Fucking Wells! You know the story of The Punisher, well take that story and take all of the guns and killing away accept for a few exceptions and the last action sequence. It is all about Castle staying compassionate and turning him into a stereotype hero rather than the vigilante that he is supposed to be. Luckliy the movie got 4 Stars and there will be a sequel. Why is this fortunate if the movie sucked ass?! Well much like Spiderman the movie ends really well and points itself in the right direction with Castle accepting he�s a vigilante so the sequel will be what the first movie should be, much like Spiderman 2 and Blade 2.

Dawn of the Dead With the success of TCM, it looks like most old slasher horror movies are being remade, although this one isn�t really a slasher. It is however a remake of a classic horror movie that sees it stylized and updated since they actually invest money in movies nowadays. But just like TCM this movie drops the ball by delivering a weak plot that is straight out of Resident Evil and an horrible illogical ending. However it wasn�t all bad as the images all looked top notch and they did their best to explain every aspect of what was going on from the zombie uprising, to the main characters being able to stay in the mall, to well actually that is about it. The plot is that a virus turns people to zombies and rapidly outnumber the human race. Several people in Wisconsin barricade themselves in a mall and live their for a month and then inevitably try to escape. The only really good seen sees the dude from 8 Miles wife turn into a zombie and then give birth to a zombie baby, followed by the dude from Pulp Fiction executing every mother fucking last one of them. Rent it maybe but save your $8 for the Resident Evil sequel.

Club Dread Those crazy mother fuckers that brought the instant classic Super Troopers are at it again. This time making a mock teen titty slasher movie. This one sees a group people get stranded on a paradise island run by a Jimmy Buffet mock played by Bill Paxton with some psycho murderer on the loose. All the main characters from Super Troopers are in this one accept Brian Cox but he is replaced by a chick whose body was build for sex. Farva plays the lead role as he and the rest of the Broken Lizard club try and find out who is killing all of the employees of the island resort before there are none of them left. And of course this is plenty of nudity, drug use, and dirt jokes from opening minute till the last scene. Not as good as expected but you just gotta see it if you liked Super Troopers.

Eurotrip What a gem of a movie this is. All of the drinking, drug use, dirty jokes, and titties you could possibly want. And I�m not talking low quality titty, I�m talking C Cup minimum. This movie is about a guy who is dumped by his girlfriend on the day of his high school graduation and confides in his online pen pal who he believes to be a nerdy German guy. When he is slightly hit on he tells him to fuck off but later finds out that he is actually an incredibly hot big breasted blonde chick. So he and his best friend head to Europe, meet up with two of their friends who are touring the country before heading off to college, and oh the mayhem that insues. Both Bullet Tooth Tony and Borris the Blade from Snatch are in this movie and to give you a taste of the comedy, the main character somehow becomes the new Pope. . .then fucks his dream girl in a confessional. This movie is worth seeing and not to be seen sober.

Bad Santa Utterly Hilarious! This movie has everything you�d ever want out of a comedy. It is as dirty as you could ask out of a movie. Billy Bob swears, drinks, passes out, hits on women while wearing his Santa suit in front of children! What more could you ask for? How about banging a woman in a hot tub ten feet from a senile old woman and fat little kid who he doesn�t know but is staying in their big ass house while the dad is in prison. John Ritter died a happy man after making this movie and Bernie Mac continues to show the masses what us fans of Def Comedy have known for years, that he is one of the funniest men on the planet. He plays a constipated, corrupt mall security guard trying to spoil the plot of Billy Bob and his midget sidekick who every year get a job as Santa and an elf in a mall and then on Christmas Eve, rob blind. And behind all of the dirty jokes and dirty bits, this movie has great acting from everyone involved which is why it is nominated for several awards and is expected to win. This is a definite must see and a must buy when it comes out, why? Because you just don�t get many Hard R rated movies anymore that are made this well.

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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Well, not nearly as gory as the original. But looks twice as good. The documentary angle worked really well and Jessica Biel in a wet t-shirt didn�t hurt either. Leatherface looked better than ever but you never see him carve up anyone with the chainsaw. They cut away right as he�s about to make contact, but still plenty of death and destruction to go around. The pothead is the smartest one out of all of the characters but sadly ends up dying. The quality of the movie depended on whether or not the police footage was real. It wasn't and therefore this move is subpar at best.

Kill Bill Yet another Quentin Tarantino masterpiece. Scott says that the movie lacked realism. He believed that so much was lacking, that the movie was too unbelievable. Sam went nuts. He loved the excessive violence, the soundtrack, and the story.

Underworld Off the bat, Kate Beckinsale is so hot. So, so very hot. But the intro was lacking, as did the ending. The first hour was very very confusing, a lot of names and myth are thrown at you, but that second hour...bliss. The entire 30 minute end sequence was the highlight. The end is so well done, that a sequel is welcomed, not forced on you (unlike Super Mario Bros). But we'll complain about that pile another day. Try all he could, John Lequizamo was no Luigi. And Scott adds, "Blade 2 was so much better. Underworld held promise, but did not deliver, plain and simple."

Matrix: Revolutions AHHHHH!!!!!!! SEE: Our Drunken Debate, or wait awhile for us to agree on something to write...

Once Upon a Time in Mexico This wasn't too bad, but it depends who you talk to. Those that have not seen Desperado have liked it a lot. But if you compare the two, Desperado was probably the better of the two, like most sequels. If you want the full affect, watch the other two movies first.

The Rundown - The Rock stars in his second movie. Billed as an Action/Comedy but was really all action minus the hillarious speeches by Chris Walken. Walken really saved the movie and made it enjoyable, but extremely great action scenes from the Rock. Script was lacking in interactions between Rock and Sean William Scott added in with extremely fake hits no human could live through by the Rock and the movie seemed horrible. Overall Walken makes the movie at least a must rent if not seeing it in thearters.

Bowling for Columbine - This movie should make every American take a long hard look in the mirror. Makes you ashamed to support George Dubbaya and/or to own a gun. Almost makes you feel bad to be American, but in a good way cause it exposes some problems in this country that we desperately need to fix. Paranoia, Gun Control, Political Corruption, economic biasis, and scapegoating.

The Good Thief - Nick Nolte is back. The story was fresh, the acting was dead on, and come on, it's Nick Nolte. He's practically playing his own self in this movie. It's great. This movie is near the top of Anthony's list.

The Hulk Ang Lee really tried but could he do it? The answer is not really. Hulk scenes were good, maybe great, but those Bruce Banner scenes were very half-done. The focus should have been more on Bruce Banner's inner struggle with the power, not on how dangerous the Hulk is, that's telling the viewers that it's only an action movie. All in all, we DID like it, though the masses will disagree.

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen We were fortunate enough to see this movie with Zach and Alan. What a night that was. This was a Sean Connery flick, so of course we were entertained. The plot was clever, not many twists, but good. It was not the best comic adaptation, but it was better than most. *cough* *cough* Spiderman sucked *cough* *cough*

Pirates of the Caribbean Now that was a great movie. This was a "Zach experience" that Sam really missed out on. Depp is definately at his best. Laughs, action, a fine woman, laughs, and action again. What more could one want? We highly suggest this one.

SWAT Another Colin Farrell gem. Thankfully, LL Cool J didn't ham this one up either. Granted, the script was pretty weak, (ok, really bad) but the actors were top notch in this one. And that pure anarchy, once the villian made his TV statement, priceless. That was a sad social comment on greed here in America. SWAT was good, and the actors really saved the story.

Terminator 3:Rise of the Machines Yeah, not so good. The action was good, but what the hell is the deal with the story? Just end the series for pete's sake. It wasn't bad as a trilogy, but stand alone, that's upsetting. Unfortunately, this movie has also lead Sam to some ridiculous theory about the Terminator trilogy and the Matrix trilogy.