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Respect to all my Brothers and Sisters in need and in deed for their search of Knowledge,Wisdom and Understanding.I completed the first two chapters in a day.Not that I was a slow reader but I kept going back to read the same sentences over for added clarity and to get that jolt or shock I got from the first reading.I remember this feeling (as someone else put it,but my sentiments exactly) of falling into this seemingly bottomless,fathomless pool of Knowledge and discovery.It was as though I was going to save the world with my new found information from the two chapters now under my belt.One of the most equally shocking words for my eyes to behold (besides:"the Black man is God")where: "the whiteman is the devil".Whoa! In 1930 the Brother was saying this? - wheeew. I remember Minister Farrakhan saying that the Messenger must have had some power with to have been able to speak the way He did and live in a time when so many Black males where lynched just for thinking as He was bold enough to speak.
I started to really study the Life-Giving Teachings of T.H.E.M and was,for the first time in my life,able to start putting the pieces together.It's when what's written in the Bible where Allah(God) says the he would "...make the rough places plain (smooth) and the crooked things straight..." started to happen. All of my life I always wondered why We seemed to be the worst off while white people where livin' it up. I marveled at slavery and how those seemingly endless and unanswered prayers Our People sent the invisible white god (jesus), went unanswered. I hated white people after I finished reading "the making of the devil" chapter of the book. Then, as I grew and gained a bit of Wisdom I realized that I didn't have to hate them because now I finally understood them.
It was on now! Equiped with Knowledge of Self,God and the devil, I was about to graduate from job corps and go out to the world and do three things: live up to the "Each one Teach One" slogan, "kill" some devils (i'll elaborate later) and "bomb" some christians (needs elaboration also).I grew up a Jehovah's Witness so when I came home I couldn't wait to "bomb" my own mother! - and boy did I give it to her. By now it was 1992 and I gained more Knowledge,utilized my Wisdom better and had an Understanding like never before. My head was full and I felt as though my "cup runneth over". I became so well versed in the Teachings that I started going online into the chat rooms under various names to wreck havoc on the discusion boards and was seen as some kind of a 'great-Black-hope' for the Bros. & Sis. who were less knowledgeable and more timid in there. I would challenge anyone on the topic of religion as long as I thought I could win.Boy was I stupid! This one christian got ahold of me and shredded my whole defense. For every argument I gave him, he gave me back my argument with more detail in it!
Just when I thought I knew everything. I realized that I had a hell of a lot more studying to do - not just from the The Messnger's Teachings - but from the referances that He gave. I had to get myself A Qur'an,a Bible(several versions) and Hebrew lexicon, material on Zen Buddahism and so on. Long story short- I saw that guy again and we went back and forth (this time I was smart enough to stick to one topic) on the subject of Allah (God) being singular or plural. I won. He cursed. Lesson learned and well taken: go into battle prepared!...Years later I would run into this Brother named Bro.Greg.In Raleigh, N.C.I used to bug the Bro. all the time about the Teachings...I mean for the eight hrs. of the day that he worked, I was next to him with a hoard of questions. He, at the time, was a Bro. that was classified as not being "in good standing" with the Mosque (for a couple of yrs.).So I had some difficulty with certain things he would say. Anyway, it was in 95' - right after the Million Man March - that I got my last crucial question answered for me. That, coupled with the fact that I wanted to see if Minister Farrakhan could pull off such a demonstration, were the dertermining factors that let me know that Minister Farrakhan was Allah's man on the scene. When the Brothers came back from D.C. I said, "sign me up Bros. and tell the Min. help is on the way!" I got down with the Nation of Islam and my whole life changed. [Let me stop and say this: I told you my religious back ground right? So picture me thinking and wanting to believe that after I die I can live forever up in the sky with God. I read in Message to the Blackman in America by: T.H.E.M. and the Bro.Greg told me things concerning that but it didn't really stick.I went to that first meeting and for some strange reason it was the subject for that night. Ouch. Front row seat with hands gripping the side of the chair, I remember the Bro. repeating what I didn't want to believe - that once physical death sets in, that's the end of it!I almost fainted and my heart almost failed me because I knew he had to be telling the truth.]
Ok fast forward...I'm going to meetings, and the Brothers are saying how good I'm looking and "Aw Bro. you look like one of those 1,000 paper sellers!" People in the street took notice and I really felt good about myself for the first time in a long time. The whole thing blew my mind. Twenty-one yrs.old and I knew I was God (the way it's supposed to mean) and I would feel as though Allah Himself was right next to me, backing me up. Chest sticking out, head held high, I was pumping iron, my skin was glowing and I was feeling energetic from following the Islamic dietary laws,I was like - "10% look out and 85ers hold on I'm comin'!" This went on for some while. Until I was tested (I assume) by Allah and everthing I was building, crumbled. I was going to St.Augustine in Raleigh full-time and working at Bojangles on New Bern Ave. down the street, full-time.I was just about to get my living situation under control, when this feeling of abandonment by Allah came down on me.I had read and was told that anything I go through I should just look at it as a trial or test and then I'll get through it. But I lost my job and got put out from my place of residence then my grades started to drop, until finally I gave up and quit altogether. The only time I would go to school was for the food and to work out in the gym. I had hit rock bottom! I prayed the way we were taught to pray, I didn't curse in public or around anyone who would notice.I didn't allow myself the pleasure of admiring a Sister's beauty for fear that someone would see me and the NOI would get a bad rep.I even stopped saying bitch and nigger! I fasted & kept up prayer and then I was in the street.
I eventually dropped out of the Nation of Islam (I was a Processing Bro.) after missing meetings here and there. The Bro. who enlightened me, Brother Greg, would never get back into "good standing" with the local N.O.I so we could save the nation of our people together - he would always put it on hold. I was so inspired by him for what he taught me, that I decided to wait until he himself got back in. He never did and later while he was incarcerated, he died. I was crushed and that distanced me from Allah and the Brother's even more. Five or more years went by and I landed myself in prison for exactly 365 days. My first day in jail - before I even made it to prison - I knew I would submit to Allah. I finally made it to the big house and right away I start praying the way I was taught (which by this time the Minister was saying that we were to pray the way it was intended...the way the Messenger prescribed for us at a specifc time - I think i read this somewhere) and immediately I got results. Happy for that? Yes, but disturbed at the same time. Now, the Brothers in prison didn't care for Islam the way the Messenger Taught it. As a matter of fact, a lot of them refered to it as "farrakhanism" and didn't really take me in. I had some idea that this would take place but not to the the extent that it did. To fast forward...this Brother named Salaam (a very fitting name for him) started teaching me Islam as taught by the Prophet Muhammed(PBUH) and I would tell him how I thought it was, from my study. Back and forth, back and forth with this guy and my defense was rapidly dropping and my Knowledge started to fail me (I hadn't studied the Teachings in over five yrs.). Before I knew It was practicing Islam the way Salaam said Allah intended and the way the Messenger said We would eventually make Our way to( if I'm not mistaken Minister Farrakhan said that this was Our eventual coarse from the words of the Messenger). So now, I go through a whole year without one problem from anyone - C.O. or inmate - and any possibility of a problem went away without a trace, I firmly believe, because of my reenforced faith in Allah and because I was following the Prophet Muhammad and the Sunna. There were times when I would feel guilty for recieving such blessings and for feeling so much security, but not in the manner I thought I always would - in the Nation of Islam. And even in that year, with all those blessing I received I still could not (cannot to this day) dismiss certain elements of the Teachings and Actual Facts or hardcore Truth,which T.H.E.M Taught. I just can't do it. For instance: the prophecy in the Qur'an and Bible where it reads that: "...to every people we sent a prophet...someone who is raised from among them..." and another speaking on Abraham's descendants: "...they will be in a strange land among strange people and they will serve that people for 400 yrs...." - Things like that just don't go away! I refuse to dismiss it just because I was on lofty ground with Allah while incarcerated.
I'm going to set up a forum for questions,and comments:Please sign my gueatbook and or leave me your coments via email. PEACE!!!
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