Tonight I broke down and cried, though i thought i had finally gotten over you. I was sitting around with several friends, all happily ensconced in secure, long term relationships (can we spell disaster?), and for some reason, everyone started to talk about getting up in the morning...the things their husbands/boyfriend would do to wake them up, the ways they drug the boys out of bed in the morning, how nice it was to sleep with someone, entwined until you couldn't tell where one body began and the other ended (and why would you want to?). All I could think about was you. The way I could always sleep when you were in the bed, something that is a bit of an oddity for me, so that even when you were gone, your smell on the sheets was enough to lull me into rest. Waking in the morning with your legs thrown over mine, your head inches from my pillow, your hair falling into your eyes.
I cannot sleep now. I have to utterly wear myself out, read until there's no way i can possibly keep my eyes open for another second, or iI look at the clock, and it's 6 am, and all I can think about is the fact that you're not laying next to me. That I'm going to have to get up in the morning without you. That i can't touch you any more...see your eyes change from sleepy to aroused, the way they deepen and cloud.
I realised tonight that i am now utterly and completely alone. Cut off from the star that held my world in orbit. I am drifting, and have no idea where i will land. And i cannot help but hope that I will wake up some new morning, and the first thing I'll see is the eyes that haunt my dreams looking at me with the love I miss so much.
