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Start: 5/1/03 End: 10/1/03

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Johnny's Kick Ass Poll

As of 10/1/03 --------- Will end on 11/1/03

Polls will be updated every month.
Poll #6: Massive Shiza...
You're at your girlfriend's/boyfriend's house, and you two are in the middle of makin' out. It’s getting pretty hot, when suddenly out of nowhere, you have to take an enormous dump (A.K.A shiza, shit, number 2, pinch a loaf, pop a squat, negotiate the release of some brown hostages, etc…). Never again will you eat 3 bran muffins, 2 bowls of chili, 5 bean enchiladas, and a glass of prune juice in the same meal. This is no ordinary poop… it feels as if you are gonna give birth to a black midget. In other words, just “holding it in…” isn’t an option. What now?

Don’t say a word. Simply bolt to the bathroom, and try to unleash the fury fast enough to make it seem like you were just takin’ a leak.
Make up an excuse. Something along the lines of… “I just remembered my grandmother is sick… she came down with a terrible case of pop-a-squatosis…” Then run to your car in the hopes that you’ll make it home in time.
Keep on making out. When the inevitable occurs you scream, “Ahhhhh Maaaan… somebody put shit in my pants!” If your partner believes you, that probably means they’re mildly retarded… continue making out…
Be clever. Blindfold your partner, explaining that you simply want to make the moment more erotic. Quickly take the massive shiza on the floor in the hopes that they have a large pet of some sort in the house. Immediately blame it on the pet. However, if they don’t have a pet… this could get tricky… blame a senile member of their family if necessary (great uncle Chester for instance).
You don’t see the conflict in the situation. Simply say, “Sorry baby… I got a turtle head pokin’ out…” Proceed to the bathroom and engage in the unbridled bowel battle. From listening to the event, if your partner doesn’t immediately break up with you… dump that bitch… you have a freak on your hands (they may have liked it)…

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