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Atkin's Diet

If you live in this country and you haven't been taken hostage by Panamanian rebels, then chances are you've heard of the Atkins Diet. I hate the atkin's diet and i hate it for 3 reasons. OK so on to me whining about the diet.... The first reason i hate it is because both my parents have taken to the idea of eating as much food as they want without exercising. normally i wouldn't mind a diet like this, but unfortunately atkins has this way of ruining everyone in my family's eating habits. the only food we've got at my house is meat. i like meat, but i dont like only meat. i like bread and the last time i checked, carbohydrates were an important part of nutrition. not only is there no bread at my house, but my brothers and i aren't even allowed to have it because it is "too much of a temptation" to my parents. the second reason i hate the diet is that i didn't think of it. I could be making so much money it's ridiculous. there are commercials for atkins approved menus at TGI Fridays, subway has atkins wraps and salads, i saw low carb pizza advertisements at sbarros, and pretty much every other food you can imagine has a low carb counterpart. On to reason number 3. i hate that it requires no exercise at all and i hate that it is so damn easy. people should have to do more to lose weight. eating meat and cheese doesn't cut it as a diet. it is just an excuse for Americans to by lazy. i don't care how many medical studies there are and i don't care how many people say that the atkins diet is safe, it is impossible that eating foods high in fat to be good for you. it goes against every fundamental aspect of nutrition. my mom had high choletserol so she went on atkins and only ate foods that were high in cholesterol and somehow she lowered her cholesterol. that is what the doctor said, but i refuse to believe it. if you ask me, it is completely impossible. in 20 years everyone that was on the atkins diet is going to be dying of cancer and i'm gonna be there yelling "i told ya so!" i'm gonna do a research study to prove it too. i'm going to find a cancer ward and talk to every grieving family there and find out who of the cancer patients had ever been on a low carb diet. then i'm gonna go talk to each one of those patients and say "have you ever been on a low carb diet?" and they'll say yes and then i'll say "thank you for completing my low carb survey". then i'll publish my results and it will be that every low carb dieter i surveyed now has cancer. i'll be on CNN and they'll be like "we have Patrick from Patrick's Research Group on next...." and then i'll give my results. when i'm asked how many people participated in my survey i'd be like "I interviewed 100% of the people surveyed and 100% of the low carb dieters now have cancer", that way i can dodge the question. i hate the atkins diet. this whole decade of 2000-2010 will be defined by the terrorist attacks of september 11, the war in iraq, Geico car insurance commercials, people saying "I'm Rick James" bitch, and the Atkins diet.